The Edge of Reason
by MidwestJen
Summary: Stephanie couldn't have imagined that one decision would change her life so drastically - a journey of life, love, and growing up. Tart story (Ram) with a strong Steph. Babe friendly'ish. Mature rating is earned. Spoilers possible in reviews.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: I've kept Steph fairly close to early canon (book canon since I refuse to watch the movie and destroy my mental image of the characters) in the beginning of the story before I start trying to grow her. This is mostly Babe friendly. I'm actually a Babe shipper and had a hard time writing Ranger scenes because I wanted him to be all … Rangery. It's also kind of Helen Plum friendly, but only because I don't make her any more of a bitch than she is in canon. Cupcake fans won't be super pleased, but Joe isn't a raging psycho, I promise.

**Trigger warnings:** Rape and violence against women are both referenced in this story. Neither is discussed in detail.

I blame this story on financebabe - she seems to have written stories about most of the Merry Men in addition to her Babe stories (which are also great). Reading them made me want to read more and there just weren't many complete ones out there. Now there's one more.

_Edited A/N:_ I have gone back through and removed all old A/N's that do not deal directly with the plot or characters in order to make this more readable for 'new' readers. With that said, I hope you enjoy the story and that if you do (or have a question) you will drop me a line and let me know. I always respond to reviews.

I hope to see you at the finish line. -MidwestJen

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**Chapter 1**

Stephanie Plum covertly glanced to her left again, trying not to be obvious that she was watching him. She probably wasn't successful, the men in black always knew, but she couldn't help it. She knew she was caught when he shifted slightly in the driver's seat of the SUV.

"What?" Ram barked softly.

Biting her lip, she knew better than to ask what she really wanted to. 'What is wrong with you? What happened?' A few months ago Ram had returned from a mission with a new personality, something that no one else seemed to either notice or think was a problem. It bothered her. A lot. He had never been a cheerful or talkative man, not that many of the Merry Men were other than Lester, but he had a new vibe that kicked her senses off whenever she was around him. There was _something_ wrong.

Trying not to show her immense relief when her phone vibrated, Stephanie sighed when she saw who was calling. Tapping her finger on the screen in indecision, she finally made a face and answered it.

"I can't really talk right now Mom," she said, hoping without any optimism at all that she could put this off.

"You most certainly will talk to me right now Stephanie. Why are you avoiding your family?"

Groaning softly and dropping her head back on the headrest, Stephanie wondered if she could possibly make it worse if she hung up. Probably.

"Mom, I'm not avoiding you. Why would I avoid you? I've just been busy."

Tuning out the lamentations and various refrains her mother had for situations like this, she made appropriate noises to indicate she was still there and turned her head to look out the window. She loved her family, really she did, but she was just so tired of the same conversation.

Coming to attention when she heard marriage and Joe in the same sentence, she hissed softly. Her mother, unsurprisingly, kept going.

"Mom, I am not marrying Joe. I am not dating Joe. I am not _friends_ with Joe. Joe is …" she stopped suddenly. Glancing quickly at Ram, she revised her words. Just because he didn't look like he was listening didn't mean he wasn't. They were always aware. And just because he was acting different, didn't mean he wouldn't react just like all of the guys would if she finished that sentence.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she wished she knew some of that meditation and new age stuff. It'd probably come in handy when dealing with her family.

"Joe is a Morelli, Mother. A _true_ Morelli. I know you think he's ... it's just not going to happen." She knew that it wouldn't be enough. Helen Plum was convinced that the sun shined from Joe's ass and no matter what she said he did; she'd be pushing forgiveness and marriage. Apparently being married was more important than fidelity and respect. Her mother had made that clear when Stephanie divorced Dickie.

"Joe is a nice man Stephanie, a good man, look what he's put up with for you! He's very upset about this. Why can't you see that I just want you to be taken care of?"

Hurt flashed in her blue eyes before she closed them.

"I can take care of myself. I certainly don't need _Joe Morelli_ to take care of me. I've got to go Mom, I'm working."

Dropping her phone back in her purse, she refused to look over at Ram. What was it about her that everyone seemed to think she was incompetent? Sure she had some problems with her skips sometimes and probably the number of cars that had been destroyed had something to do with it, but that stuff just happened. It wasn't really _her_ fault.

When Ranger had gone in the wind this last time, he had told her that his apartment on seven was always open to her, that if something happened to him that she'd be taken care of. She had questioned him, well as much as you can question Ranger, but he wouldn't tell her why. She had a feeling that this mission was more dangerous than the last few, but she couldn't even get that much out of him. _Really, is it that hard to just give me details sometimes? It wasn't like I was asking for state secrets. At least I don't think I was. I suppose it was possible that I was. You never know with Ranger._

Throwing her hands up mentally and heaving another sigh, she realized that something was happening in the darkness ahead. Hearing Ram shift and reach for the night vision binoculars, she narrowed her eyes trying in vain to see what it was. Really, couldn't people invest in some decent nighttime lighting?

"Yo, we've got movement," he said into his phone. "Michaels is getting company, looks like escorts."

Closing his phone after listening to the instructions on the other end, she heard him take a deep shuddering breath. "Make a note in the log."

Realizing that was all she was going to get out of him, her eyes flashed incredulously. "We're not stopping them from going in?"

Michaels was a rapist, a skip with a violent streak and a huge thing for the subjugation of women, especially hookers. There was no way they should be letting any woman go near him, especially women who have no idea what kind of monster is going to open that door. What the hell?

Ram's jaw clenched and his knuckles were white on the steering wheel when he answered. "Job hazard. Hal said we've had three alarms in the last two hours, there's no backup available right now."

She heard and saw the thread of real upset even though he was doing his best to make it sound matter of fact and offhand. That was the _only_ reason she attempted to temper her response.

"Okay, so there's no backup, that doesn't mean we sit here while there are two women who are probably going to be hurt in a few minutes! How can anyone expect us to do that? We'll just have to figure something out."

"Orders are not to engage unless we can get him alone and there's no risk. Otherwise we need backup and we don't have it. The women do this for a living Stephanie."

The dangerous vibe he usually sported these days had intensified when he had seen the women, like he was on the edge of something, but she tried not to let it bother her. Her spidey sense told her she wasn't in danger from him, but a shiver of fear still rolled up and down her spine before she was able to respond.

"I can't. I won't sit here and hope that they'll be ok." Slipping out of the SUV before he could stop her, she wondered what was going on with him. She admittedly didn't _know_ any of the Merry Men that well, even if she had known some of them for years, but none of them would ever allow a woman to be hurt like this if they could help it. They were too honorable for that. _I'm definitely going to figure out what the hell is going on here later. Hal is one of the gentlest guys on Haywood, something else is going on._

Putting together a slapdash plan that she was pretty sure wasn't a good idea; she pulled her hair out of her ponytail and whipped off her polo shirt, exposing the camisole tank underneath it. Plumping up her boobs in the hopes that she could keep his eyes there long enough for her plan to work, she took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she should be grateful that it had been too cool tonight to wear a skirt or pissed because it was going to make this harder. Gotta love a Jersey fall.

Hearing Ram swear behind her as he followed quickly, she was happy that the order to protect her apparently ranked higher than the order to sit and wait. Knowing he was behind her made it easier to knock on the door. Plus he was pretty integral to the plan.

Her mouth dried up when she realized she could hear a woman whimpering and begging softly. Swallowing hard, she tried to channel the woman she was during a distraction. Thinking quickly, hearing a slap and then footsteps, she hissed out, "Throw me the keys!"

Catching them just in time to hear the footsteps stop and a lock tumbling open, she put on her sexiest face and hoped for the best. _This is not a good idea. You haven't done a distraction in months Stephanie. For some very good reasons. Very very good reasons._

The door opened to show a heavyset tanned man about six inches taller than she was with narrowed dark brown eyes. Her own eyes locked on the blood that was lightly spattered on one of his shoulders before she managed to make it up to his eyes and smile coquettishly.

"Well hi there, handsome," she purred. It turned her stomach when she saw his face heat up with lust, but she pushed past it and dangled her keys in front of her chest, brushing the metal against her exposed skin, making sure she was still out of arms reach. She was so happy she had decided not to go with the 'extra escort' plan. Letting this guy touch her might be more than she could handle tonight.

"I'm sooooo sorry to bother you, but my car won't start and I have a shift at the Pink Palace tonight. Is there any way I can get you to look at it? I'd be really, really grateful." Hopefully he'd assume that her outfit was just to get to work because she was positive that strippers dressed better than this. Even off shift. Which made her wonder if she should be proud that she didn't dress like a stripper or embarrassed that she looked that bad tonight.

His eyes flicked around behind her, before he gave her another once over. "How grateful?" _Ew, seriously?_

Licking her lips, she was happy the gesture looked appealing even if she was only doing it because her mouth was so dry she wasn't sure she could talk. This guy was making every warning bell she had go off and she was acutely aware that she was here with only Ram as backup. She was pretty sure he would have notified the control room what was happening, but he may not have had time. If not, they would be on their own.

"Mmmm ... grateful enough that you'll sleep like a baby when I'm done with you."

Sending grateful thanks heavenward when his lust overruled his instincts, because she could tell he knew something about this was off, he stepped forward. Trying to play it like a distraction, she smiled and turned her back to him to lead him towards her 'car'. Swishing her hips, she hoped she could keep his eyes centered on her ass instead of the area around them.

The plan wasn't really that sophisticated, she distracted and he subdued. Since she hadn't had time to tell Ram what it was, she was hoping it was self evident. Getting a little nervous when she still hadn't heard Ram take him down, she almost shrieked when she heard a thump from behind her. Turning around quickly she drew in a sharp breath.

Ram had him in a headlock, both of them on their knees in the grass. Michaels face was already turning bright red as the blood started to build up. The thump must have been to put him out, because he wasn't struggling at all. Looking at Ram's face and seeing the utter blankness there, she went cold. The knowledge that he was going to kill this man flashed through her mind and she finally started to move again.

"Ram, we've got him. You can let go now," she pleaded softly. Trying to catch his eye did no good, he was clearly somewhere else. Still uttering reassurances and telling him to let go, she made herself move behind him and then slowly rested her hands on his shoulders.

The heat coming from his body was incredible and she absently filed away the spark that went through her as she touched him. Bending over, she kneaded his shoulders as she whispered soothingly in his ear.

"Please Ram, please don't do this. We've got him, he won't do this again." The tension under her hands made his body feel like a rock, but she didn't know what else to do. Racking her brain and remembering how he had acted in the SUV, she finally said, "Ram, we need to check on the women and get them help."

Feeling the tension suddenly run out of his body, she almost fell over in relief. Squeezing his shoulders once more, she straightened up a little.

"If you'll cuff him, I'll call this in and we can go check on them."

The silence was thick, but she refused to acknowledge that anything unusual had happened here. She knew she was going to have to get to the bottom of this, but right now she was pretty sure that the best thing she could do for either of them was to act normally.

Calling Hal, she bit her tongue when he told her that he'd woken up a couple guys when Ram said they were moving in and they were already on the way. So now they could spare someone but twenty minutes ago it wasn't worth it? She was going to have a few things to say about this tomorrow during the morning meeting. Feeling her temper start to crackle out of control, she looked up to see Ram standing in front of her with a blank look on his face. It wasn't the normal blank face, the one _designed_ to show nothing, this was real.

Still acting instinctually, she put a hand on his chest and waited until his eyes traced her arm up to her face. "It's ok. Do you want to go in now or wait until someone gets here to watch Michaels?"

Seeing his eyes flash with rage as he looked back down at the cuffed man, she stepped closer to him to draw his attention back to her. _For a man who didn't want to get involved, he sure seems to be taking this personally._

"Why don't you give me one of your spare guns and I'll stand a little ways off and watch him. You go check on the women in case they need help right now. It'd be safer than me going in, in case there is anyone else around." She tried to be clear that she wouldn't go near the skip and hoped that she could get him away from Michaels by focusing on the women inside. Making it sound like only _he_ could do that safely was just a bonus.

His face showed a brief flash of indecision before he nodded sharply. Bending down, he pulled a small Beretta from his left ankle holster and handed it to her. Seeing that he was watching her carefully, she took it and flipped the safety off. Backing up a few steps and putting her back to the house so that no one could get behind her, she gave him a reassuring smile.

Fighting the adrenaline crash that was trying to race through her body, she focused hard on listening ... a woman crying, another woman talking, but nothing else. Not that she really expected to hear Ram talk. Seeing Michaels twitch a few times, she fervently hoped he had the good sense to stay still and be quiet even if he was conscious. She was positive that if he tried to attack her he'd be signing his own death certificate. The soft purr of a motor broke the quiet night and she almost collapsed in relief, knowing that it was likely a Rangeman vehicle.

Keeping her eyes on Michaels and the gun trained on him, she refused to look up until she saw Bones lean down and verify that he was still cuffed securely. Using her other hand to safety Ram's gun, since her right hand had been gripping it so hard that it was cramping, she quickly explained that she had broken orders on her own and engaged the skip. Trying to keep the story as truthful as possible, she told them that Ram had knocked him out after she lured him out of the house, but neglected to mention that he almost killed him. Explaining that he was inside with the women, she asked if they could run Michaels in.

Of course they didn't want to leave. Channeling a bit of the rage and disappointment that she was bottling up over this situation, her hissed commands finally sunk in. They exchanged worried looks, but at least they left. Stephanie hurried towards the open door of the house after glaring them into submission.

Ram was standing against the wall, both women now sitting on the couch. One of them had a cut on her face and a bruise already blooming on her jaw. The other woman kept rubbing her wrists and licking her lips like they were dry. Looking a little closer, she could see the red marks that could only be from a gag.

Walking over to Ram and standing in front of him, she caught his eye. He looked resigned and empty and she had another brief flash of worry. She had the feeling she was running out of time to reach him. _Wait … where did that come from? Not important right now Steph, focus!_

Keeping eye contact and speaking softly, she said, "Bones and Tiny are outside. They're going to take Michaels in for us. Okay?"

He looked confused for a split second before his blank mask came down. She couldn't believe she was actually happy to see it, but it was so much better than the empty one he had been sporting just a few minutes ago. He nodded and then his eyes cut to the women still sitting on the couch.

Patting his chest softly, wondering when she reached out and touched him, she turned and tried to smile at the women. The adrenaline crash was happening without her permission and she could feel tremors starting deep inside, but she did her best to fight through it.

"Ladies, if you don't need medical attention, you're free to go." She forced a smile when they started to thank her for saving them, realizing that Ram had probably scared them unintentionally. Finally they left and she sank to the floor breathing harshly, unable to stand and hoping that the black spots swimming in her vision didn't mean she was going to pass out.

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Anthony "Ram" Ramsey stared at the woman on the floor for a few seconds. She had held up remarkably well over the last half hour or so, especially considering that she had brought him back from the edge, but apparently she had reached her limits. He wanted to stay uninvolved, he didn't want to comfort her, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from kneeling down next to her and gathering her into his arms.

Pressing her face against his chest, she crawled up his body until she had her head tucked firmly into his neck. He held her firmly, helping her through the release. Rocking her gently, he realized he was saying soothing things to her softly. Slowly her body relaxed, no longer fighting against him as she melted into his chest.

He wasn't sure why she hadn't asked one of the guys to take her back to Haywood instead of him. She had seen him almost kill someone with his bare hands, in a state that clearly showed he wasn't safe to be around. Yet here she was, tucked against him and holding him as tightly as she could.

Running a hand up and down her back, he clamped his lips shut and tried to step back mentally the best he could while still giving her human contact to focus on. He didn't want to care how she felt, but he couldn't seem to push her away. Dropping his head and breathing in her scent his throat tightened.

Stephanie had always seen the best in all of them. With all of their guns and dangerous edges, she came into Rangeman and smiled and talked and saw the best of them. There wasn't a man in the building that hadn't been charmed by her one way or another, even if she drove some of them crazy with the shit she got into.

When he had gotten back a few months ago from Columbia, he had done his best to keep away from her unless they were partnered up. Before he had gone they hadn't been friends really, but he always enjoyed it when they came into contact. Behind the blank face, he had always found her adventures a little amusing but out of respect for her tried not to show it. He could tell that while she could see the humor in them at times, most of the time she found it embarrassing and even humiliating.

Since he had been back though, it almost hurt to be in her presence. She was so good, so loyal and caring that he couldn't stop thinking about what he had done. He was supposed to be a sniper, and a good one, someone who was able to stand back and watch, able to separate action from emotion easily, a long distance assassin.

Missions had gone wrong before, but he had never had one that he couldn't leave behind him. His inability to do what he had always done before so easily was costing him his sanity, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't tell anyone what happened and if he went to a government shrink cleared for access; he would be saying farewell to ever going on another black op again. He couldn't make himself do that, it felt like giving up. And he _believed_ in what he did, he knew that what he did was important.

Recognizing that Stephanie was limp and heading quickly towards sleep, he slowly slid an arm under her legs and picked her up. Her arms tightened momentarily, like she thought he was going to let her go, but as he stood up with her in his arms, she snuggled deeper into his body. Ignoring the warmth in his chest at the unconscious show of trust, he carried her out to the SUV and buckled her in. Debating with himself, he finally walked back to the front door of the house and locked it.

Leaning his head against the cold wooden door, he took a second to wonder if he was going to lose his job now too. He wouldn't ask her not to say anything and he should probably _encourage_ her to go straight to Tank and tell him exactly what happened, but he wasn't sure he could. Right now, his job was the only thing holding him together, the only reason to get up in the morning. If he lost it...

Walking back to the SUV, he was unaware that a small smile graced his face as he saw her curled up on the seat waiting for him. He wished things were different. He wished that he had a woman that was really waiting for him, ready to go home after a long day. All of the reasons that was never going to happen raced quickly through his mind so that by the time he had climbed into the driver's seat he had his blank face firmly on.

Driving carefully on the mostly deserted streets, he made his way to her apartment building. Having spent the drive trying to come to terms with the fact that he was probably going to be out of a job tomorrow, he sighed softly before lifting his hand and caressing her cheek softly. Stroking gently, he was rewarded with sleepy blue eyes that immediately focused on his face.

"We're at your apartment. Can you walk up or do you want me to carry you?" He silenced the voice asking why he hadn't just taken advantage of her sleeping state to hold her close one last time.

She blinked a few times before her eyes slid over the SUV and the night started coming back to her. Her eyes filled with concern and worry as she looked at him, but she didn't say anything. He started in surprise when her hand came up and rested on his chest, right over the warm spot that he seemed to associate with her lately.

Stephanie seemed to come to a resolution to whatever she had been thinking, but only patted his chest a few times before she smiled at him.

"I'll walk up, but can you come and clear it for me?"

His surprise must not have shown on his face since she didn't react, so he just nodded at her before opening his door and walking around to the passenger side to help her out. She leaned on him as they walked up the stairs and quietly waited while he did a quick check to make sure no one was in her place. He wasn't sure why she refused to get better security, but there was a standing order that if you took Stephanie home that you swept her place before you left just in case. It was just that she always complained that it was unnecessary. _Asking_ one of them to do it was highly unusual.

Happy that he was able to do this one last thing for her, he ushered her inside before turning to go.

"Ram?"

Her voice was soft and inquisitive and he wanted to pretend that he didn't hear her, but he stopped anyway before turning to look at her. Her brown curls were a little wild and she had slipped her polo back on, but it was untucked and messy. Her eyes were still rimmed red from earlier, but there was a sharp look in her blue gaze that made him uncomfortable, like she was seeing more than he wanted her to.

Raising an eyebrow in response, he waited for her to start asking her questions. He knew she had them, could see them dancing around her. He wasn't going to answer them or encourage her to ask, but he owed it to her to at least listen.

He was shocked when she walked closer and raised up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek, resting her hand on his chest again. He wanted to hug her as he realized she was saying goodbye, but he held back and watched her step away.

"Drive safely."

His chest burned as he drove back to Haywood. It had only taken him a minute to decide that he was too tired to drive to his house tonight. Besides, if he couldn't sleep or woke up from another nightmare, he could just start packing. No reason to put it off.

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**Next up – Steph does something that surprises everyone**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

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**Chapter 2**

Jolted by the blaring alarm, Stephanie tugged a pillow over her face and groaned. It was entirely too early to be awake, maybe she could call in sick and stay in bed today. She hadn't gotten to sleep for almost an hour after Ram left...

Ram. Michaels.

The sleep fog sliding away, she flipped over and stared at her ceiling as she wondered if her decision to handle this by herself was wise. Ok, not wise, because Stephanie wasn't really synonymous with wise. But … She knew that he was really volatile right now and that something had happened on the last mission to make him that way, but she was pretty sure she was physically safe, so that would be ok. What she was really worried about was failing him.

What if she made it worse? What if …

Really wishing she had more information to base this decision on, Stephanie turned her head to squint out the window. She knew she was impulsive and typically led with her instincts and emotions, but it didn't mean she couldn't think a decision through. You know, if she had to. Unfortunately she ended up in this state more often than not when dealing with a Merry Man, but at least she was getting used to it. Closed mouthed bastards.

So, if he was going to get help to deal with whatever was going on, she was pretty sure he'd already have done so. In the last month, she had discreetly asked a few of the guys if they noticed any difference in him, but to her surprise and consternation no one had seemed to know what she was talking about. At first she just thought that she was asking the wrong guy, but even _Bobby_ was clueless.

How he was fooling them was a mystery to her since she saw it every time she looked at him. She could admit that he wasn't acting _that_ different, maybe a little quieter, but for a man who was quiet to begin with… She could see how that probably could be missed. Kind of. Maybe. Still, there _was_ a difference and it was worrisome that no one else saw it. At first it had made her angry that his brothers weren't looking out for him, but now she was just sad and a little scared.

If she could just figure out why only she seemed able to see it and why it mattered so much to her, she'd be good. For the first few weeks she had told herself that of course it mattered to her, she would worry about any of the boys. And she would, so she tried not to think about it. Her life in Egypt was good. Great even.

Last night she realized that it wasn't a general thing, because she was pretty sure that if one of the other guys freaked out like that and tried to kill the skip that she'd immediately go to Ranger (or Tank or Lester or Bobby if he was out of town) and let him know quietly. Not to get him in trouble, but because it wasn't safe for anyone to have a man that highly trained on the streets if he could snap at any time.

Groaning and slamming the pillow back over her face, she screamed into it for a few seconds before tossing it aside and crawling out of bed and heading to the shower. Today wasn't the day for figuring out why Ram was different or why he was always on her mind. Today was the day she started digging into why that order was given last night. Because that? That was _not_ ok. That mystery couldn't wait.

She had some things to say and looking good might help give her a bit more of an edge. It couldn't hurt anyway.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Looking around his apartment, trying not to be maudlin, Ram swallowed heavily. He had been waiting for the call to Tank's office since he pulled in last night, but it never came. Hoping that it didn't mean that Stephanie was going to tell everyone in the morning briefing what happened, he rubbed his face with his hands. It didn't seem like something she'd do, Stephanie wasn't cruel, but maybe it was Tank that was waiting?

Sighing and locking his door, he nodded once at a few of the guys who were heading upstairs for the meeting. Blank face firmly on as he entered the room, he almost stuttered a step when he saw an irritated Stephanie sitting at the table already, a mutinous look on her face. Leaning against the wall, he crossed his arms and waited for the meeting to start.

Watching her out of the corner of his eye he could see that she was getting more and more upset as the meeting progressed. A little confused, he wondered absently why the guys near her weren't picking up on it. Stephanie's temper was a thing of beauty, wild and untamed, something that burnt bright and clear. It usually didn't take long for her to work up a head of steam and as far as he knew it was unprecedented that she wasn't already yelling.

Barely listening as Tank finished going over the alarms from last night and moving on to their skip, he was fascinated as Stephanie's body seemed to vibrate before she finally snapped when he asked if anyone had any questions.

Standing at her seat and pressing her fingers into the table, he could see her fingertips going white with the force she was using to keep her hands from swinging in the air to emphasize her words. Her Italian heritage was usually on full display at times like this. He wasn't sure why she was repressing it now.

"I have a **few** questions actually." Her tone was biting and hard and angry and anyone who wasn't already looking at her snapped to attention.

"I need someone to explain to me how last night happened." His heart stopped and he froze as he realized that she _was_ going to do this now, in front of everyone. Looking down at the floor and barely hiding a flinch, he closed his eyes for a split second before focusing on a spot on the opposite wall and shoving everything down.

"I need someone to explain to me the orders that Ram and I received last night," she elaborated. Her tone was firm and demanding, but his gaze snapped to hers only to find that she was looking at him. Stephanie's blue eyes were soft and reassuring as they met his before she started scanning the table with a hard look. That had not been what he was expecting her to say.

"What are you confused about, Little Girl?" Tank rubbed his eyes like he was tired. Ram wondered if he had already had this out with her in private. It was obvious that if they had that Stephanie had refused to back down. _Good girl._

"I'm confused, no flabbergasted and shocked, about the fact that we were told to stand down and not interfere when two women entered Michaels' home ... a skip charged with a violent rape that almost killed his last victim. A victim that happened to be an escort." Stephanie's voice was cold and angry and her eyes were spitting fire as she looked at Tank.

Tank sighed and looked around at the table before folding his hands together again. "Steph, we didn't have the manpower to interfere last night. We've already been through this."

"Well, we're going to go through it again and again until I understand how you could expect Ram and I to sit outside a house and basically allow that man the freedom to rape and beat those women," she shot back. "And we sure had the manpower once Ram and I moved in anyway. It didn't take Bones and Tiny long to get there at all."

"Beautiful, it's not that we don't care about the women, we do. But we also have to be realistic and it wasn't safe for you to do anything. There was no evidence when you called it in that anything was going to happen, just a guess. The fact that you managed to handle it without either of you being injured is a miracle. But _you_ have to be our first priority," Lester explained, neatly skipping over addressing how quickly Bones and Tiny arrived. _Now that I think about it, they __**did**__ get there pretty fast. How? On the way back from an alarm?_

Ram felt his chest get tight as she looked at Lester with disgust written all over her face. When some of the guys started murmuring, mostly in agreement with Lester, her eyes skipped around the room until they landed on his. Her bright blue eyes searched his face until she saw whatever she had been looking for.

"No, that's not acceptable," she scoffed. "Are you saying that if it had been two of the guys that you wouldn't have had them getting involved even without backup?"

The silence that swept the room seemed to make her curl into herself.

"So it was _my_ fault. Because I'm not a man, not really a partner, not someone you can count on to have your back. If I hadn't interrupted then those two women would have been on me, on my conscience," she said quietly. Ram was almost straining to hear her by the end of it.

He could see that she wasn't listening as most of the room tried to tell her that it wasn't true, that it would never be her fault and of course they wanted her as a partner. She was staring at the wall near him, lost in what looked like painful thoughts. Guessing what she was reliving and unable to take that stare anymore, seeing that she was about to lose it, he shifted a little until her eyes snapped to his.

It felt like they stared at each other for a long time, but he knew less than a minute had passed. He could feel his heart pounding and tried to slide partially into his zone to calm himself down. Her eyes narrowed a little and then she nodded faintly to herself before gathering the papers in front of her in a pile.

"I'm not sure what to say to you all. I can appreciate that you want me to be safe. I want all of you to be safe as well. What I can't accept is that you'd allow someone else to suffer in order for me to not take a risk." She picked up the papers and tapped them into a neat stack of squared edges before looking at Tank. "I want Ram as my partner from now on in the field or I quit. I'm so disappointed in the rest of you that I don't even know what to say."

He was vaguely aware that she turned around and stalked out of the room, but his brain had locked up when she said that she wanted him to be her partner. _What the hell is she thinking? I could have seriously hurt her last night and now she's saying she won't partner with anyone else?_

Feeling the gazes of at least fifteen men boring into him, he wiped his thoughts clean and stared at Tank.

"What the fuck is going on Ram?" The murmuring around the room made it clear that everyone was more than a little interested in the answer.

He shook his head. He had no clue what was going on either, but his mouth opened anyway. "She won't put her safety above someone else's like that, you should know better."

Tank's glare was blistering. "Mats as soon as we break here. Then you can explain why the fuck she refuses to go into the field with anyone but you. What happened last night that she doesn't trust the rest of us?"

Deciding that a trip to the ring was probably the least of what he deserved after last night, he didn't say anything. He knew the first order of Rangeman was that you kept Stephanie safe, no matter what. He could have grabbed her before she knocked on that door and he didn't, because he didn't think he could handle knowing what was going on in that house while there was a chance of stopping it.

Not again.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Letting the hot water sluice over his sore and bruised body, Ram leaned his head against the wall of the shower. He had spent the last three hours either in the ring with Tank or being interrogated by various guys.

Rotating his shoulder, feeling the burn that indicated it had been dislocated, he snarled. Bobby had been quick to say that he'd need to heal before he could do fieldwork, making him fairly sure that it had been a strategically planned blow. He wasn't sure if they were benching him or Stephanie, but thanks to her ultimatum it ended up being the same thing.

The 'chats' had almost been enough to make him start swinging at random guys. He had been doing some leg curls, trying to get out some of the aggression that had flared when Bobby had laid down his restrictions, and he had been interrupted four different times.

He lost track of how many times he was told that it wasn't smart to get too close to Ranger's woman, that he wasn't good enough, and that he'd pay in blood if he was moving in on her. Her breakup with the cop was fairly well known by now, but it was assumed by the entire office that when Ranger got back that shit would be changing with them. If Ranger got back. The warning looks and threats were amusing at first, considering that nothing romantic was happening, but by the end he was fighting the urge to do some damage.

Finally giving up on getting an actual workout done, he had taken the stairs to five to see if Stephanie was there. He needed some answers; she was confusing the shit out of him. Seeing the note on her desk that said she wouldn't be in until next Monday morning, he had turned around and gone straight to his apartment.

Going over what he had to accomplish today made him snarl in frustrated rage as he leaned against the shower wall. He was going to have to go through his skips and give the ones he couldn't pick up to someone else, and that meant his check was going to be a lot lighter than he had expected. To top it off, he'd be on monitor duty the rest of the week since he was 'grounded'. He fucking hated monitor duty.

Pushing the irritation away as he climbed out of the shower, he reminded himself that he could have been out of a job instead. If this was his penance for what he almost did last night, then he'd take it gracefully. He was still worried about going back into the field with Stephanie. He knew that if he hurt her accidentally that he'd never be able to live with himself, but he'd have to talk to her about that before he came to any decisions.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Electing not to go home after leaving Haywood, Stephanie turned her car towards Mary Lou's house after hitting the Tasty Pastry. She needed to talk to someone who lived in the real world. Lula and Connie were great, but she didn't think they wouldn't be able to understand what had her so upset. Connie grew up with overbearing men and she couldn't decide if Lula would be pissed off or talk about how wonderful the guys were to put her first. It really depended on her mood and blood sugar level.

Thinking back to her Merry Men and how they had given her blank faces and how they had refused to see what she was trying to say made her throat tight. She knew they were saying that she was the most important thing to them, but as sweet as the thought was, she wasn't sure she could live with it. Not if what happened last night could be a consequence.

Biting her lip as she remembered Ram's shocked face when she said he had to be her partner from now on, a sad snort escaped. She had made a gut call after the way he had supported her both last night after the takedown and today during the meeting. She was pretty sure that if he had really wanted to stop her from knocking on Michaels' door that he could have. Even as he stood there like he was expecting her to announce to the entire office that he lost it last night he had still tried to reassure and support her.

If she hadn't already decided to help him, that support would have definitely clinched it.

Knocking softly on Mary Lou's door in case the boys were napping, she smiled at her best friend as the door opened. Holding up the box and wiggling it, she took a breath.

"Got some time for a friend?"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Dropping a grape into Rex's cage, she watched him run back into his soup can and sighed. Her talk with Mary Lou had been good and after all the gossip had been exchanged, it was nice to be told that she did the right thing the other night, but now she wondered how she was going to handle Ram. Mary Lou had caught on that she wasn't sharing everything, but she finally let it go.

It was tempting to think that since he wouldn't answer her questions that she wouldn't have to answer his, but her experience with the guys told her that wasn't going to happen. If she was going to get any answers from him, she'd have to slip it by him somehow and she was coming up with a complete blank on how to do that. _Why can't they just talk like normal people?_

Maybe it was his sniper background, but he was one of the most patient men she'd ever met. He'd just outwait her, and since her patience level was so low it had its own legend, it wouldn't take him long at all. She was also pretty sure that trying to get answers out of him during casual conversation would flame out spectacularly.

Assuming her thinking position in the middle of her bed, she felt the late night and early morning catching up with her. Drifting into sleep, her last thought was of the almost tortured look she had glimpsed last night before he had slammed his blank face down.

_What happened to you?_

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Later that week, leaning against the counter waiting for Pete to bring her a meatball sub, Stephanie let her gaze drift over the dinner crowd. Smiling and nodding at a few people, she looked away when she realized there was a group of guys wearing all black at a table near the back. Turning away, she sighed. It was hard to be mad at them. Not that they didn't deserve it, but it took a lot of energy to hold a grudge.

Still, they deserved it for awhile longer. Besides, every time she was tempted to forgive and forget, she remembered the distraction job that almost went really wrong. The skip had managed to get her separated from the guys and the crowd was so thick that they had issues locating her on the dance floor. In the meantime the skip had managed to pin her against the wall, whispering filthy things in her ear while jamming his hand under her panties.

Shuddering, she could almost feel his hands on her again. That had been bad enough, but the feeling of helplessness and terror were things that she would never forget. She had struggled for months to let it go, to not flinch when Joe or Ranger touched her. Joe had been apoplectic and his lack of understanding for how it affected her had been the start of the end of their relationship. Ranger had avoided her in private since then; the only kisses between them were now on her forehead. The idea that she would agree to allow someone else to experience that just so she wasn't in danger made her want to vomit.

Collecting her dinner with a smile, she slipped out the door, hoping she managed to get out unseen. Grumbling when her car coughed at her as it started, she pointed it towards her apartment. Now that she thought about it, she was pretty sure that _both_ Joe and Ranger had made it harder for her to get over that experience. Not only was she fighting her own memories of it, but they added on guilt and made her doubt herself just by treating her differently.

Stumbling into her hallway after tripping on Mrs. Peterson's cat, trying to not drop her sub, she was startled to see Ram sitting on the floor outside her door.

There were so many things wrong with that picture that she froze. One, he didn't just let himself in. All the Merry Men just let themselves in and waited for her if she wasn't home. Two, other than dropping her off the other night, she was fairly sure he'd never been to her place before. Three, he didn't seem to realize she was in the hallway with him. His green eyes were still fixed on her door and he looked deep in thought.

Tilting her head slightly, she looked at him while she had the chance. His brown hair was tousled, like he had been running his hands through it. He looked tired. Narrowing her eyes, she saw the remnants of a bruise on his jaw almost hidden by his tanned skin. Hoping that wasn't from what she thought it was from, she sighed in defeat. _You know it is. You know he paid for not following orders on the mats. You also know you can't do anything about it._

That sigh was enough to make him look up. Continuing down the hall as he stood up, she stopped at the door and turned to face him.

"Want to come in?"

He nodded and she could feel his gaze on the back of her neck as she bent her head to fiddle with the lock. Growling in frustration when it refused to turn, she grudgingly moved aside when he reached out and took her keys from her. Of course the stupid key worked fine for him.

Dropping down on the couch and immediately digging into the bag, she heard him locking the door. Remembering her manners before she acted like a wild beast, she lowered the sub and looked at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm starving. I haven't eaten since this morning," she said as apologetically as she could manage with food this close.

He gave her a half smile that made her almost forget about the aroma of marinara wafting up. Had she ever seen him smile? She was sure she hadn't, because she was pretty sure she'd remember the ruined panties.

Her eyes went wide when he actually laughed and the lightest tint of pink hit his cheekbones. Holy shit. All of the Merry Men were hot, but to see one like this was always a rare treat. Then she realized why he was laughing.

"Damnit, I said that out loud, didn't I?" She could feel her cheeks getting pink so she lowered her head and took a bite, big enough that she definitely wasn't going to be saying anything for a minute. _I can't believe I said that out loud. And hell a half smile ruins panties, that laugh was shower inducing. More please._

His eyes ran over her quickly before he leaned back and waited. Stupid patient men.

Swallowing and licking her lips, she took a quick sip of her Coke before wiping her mouth. Giving the rest of her sub a sad regretful look, she turned to look at Ram.

"What's up?"

He shook his head and glanced at her sub. Was that ESP for go back to eating? She waited, but he didn't seem like he had anything else to say. Well not that he said anything in the first place. Stomping on her irritation, she tossed him the remote.

"Pick something to watch then."

Leaning back against the couch, she snuck peeks at him while she ate the rest of the sub. His eyes flicked her way a few times, but she was fairly sure that was because of her vocal appreciation for Pino's excellent balance between meat, sauce, and bread. She couldn't tell if he was really watching the football game or if he just had it on so that he had something else to stare at. Since that was why she had tossed him the remote in the first place she didn't worry too much about it.

Balling up the wrapper and pushing it back into the bag; she finally sat back and crossed her legs underneath her. Turning slightly so she was almost facing him where he sat in the chair next to the couch, she wasn't surprised when he turned the television off and looked at her.

She surprised herself when she just looked at him for a few minutes without saying anything. As someone known for impatience and had an intolerance for long silences, it was fairly impressive. Of course she wasn't going to win any kinds of contests, let alone this one, so she finally gave up.

"Since you've never dropped by before, I'm going to assume you came over for a reason."

He seemed to brace himself before he opened his mouth. She noted in a far off corner of her mind that so far this visit he hadn't said a word. She wondered if that was a skill you were born with or if you could learn it. Then she realized _what_ he said and her heart stopped.

"I needed to tell you in person that I'm going to be resigning from Rangeman on Monday, so I won't be able to be your partner."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Ram's week and Stephanie's reaction to his plan**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: Someone made mention of needing to see where Ram's head was at in terms of him resigning. Without going into it too deeply, because you're still getting bits and pieces for awhile yet, the best I can give you is a metaphor. Think of it as metal fatigue … the more stressors that are placed on metal and the longer it happens, the more brittle it becomes. Ram has had a few months of some pretty heavy stress and all the stuff that is happening now (losing control on the job, the way he's being treated at work) feels amplified to him. He's looking for a break before he snaps, probably overreacting a bit, but he's not thinking entirely clearly either.

I think it's believable, but I can see how more explanation this early in the story could be appropriate. I tried to think of how else to order events to make it clearer, but couldn't come up with anything that wouldn't mess up the rest of the story. I'm going to just ask you to trust me for now and hope that it all clears up down the road.

There is some Spanish in this story. Not a lot. I used Google translate for most of it, only editing it when I knew a verb needed conjugating or to make it less formal. It's not perfect though; high school Spanish class was over 20 years ago.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 3**

Ram had come here tonight to tell her that he wasn't going to play this game. Whatever it was. That he was going to go his own way, even if he privately had no idea where the hell that was, and she was going to have to deal with the guys on Haywood by herself. _I didn't sign up for this, I refuse to feel guilty._

The last few days had been hell. He wasn't sure that even Ranger school had been as painful as what he had been put through. It wasn't the physical stuff, although he was definitely tired of sparring and reinjuring his damn shoulder, it was the fact that men he had considered friends and brothers seemed to be turning on him. Any sense of camaraderie he had been able to hold onto since he returned had disappeared.

Looking at the reason why, he sighed irritably as he saw the color drain out of her face. He had worked himself into the mindset that she was responsible for what was going on and it was jarring to realize that he was losing his objectivity. He _knew_ it wasn't really her fault. Half the office was in love with her and the jealousy was thick right now. The other half of the office seemed to feel betrayed that someone would move in on Ranger's woman while he was on a mission.

And fuck, he got it, he did. If he hadn't been the one in this situation and he didn't have the information about what was going on, he'd probably be pissed off for one reason or another too. Didn't mean he wasn't still furious about it though, they should know him better than that.

"What? Why?" she stammered, looking at him with huge blue eyes already shining a little.

Shaking his head, he already knew he wasn't going to tell her what was going on. She'd feel guilty and it wouldn't do anything except make it worse. All he could do was step away from her and hope that the shit stopped when they realized they were wrong about what was going on. Right now they were angry and feeling guilty that she yelled at them, but because they didn't want to blame her, they blamed him. Having her go off on them again would be like squirting lighter fluid on the fire.

Looking away from her a little he wished that she wasn't so hard to ignore. He'd like to have just given her the message and walked away, but he knew that it wouldn't be that easy. Hell he'd have preferred just leaving her a note or a voice mail, but his parents raised him better than that.

"I'm not safe Stephanie. I almost killed Michaels earlier this week. I can't take that chance." He clamped his lips closed before he gave her the rest of the sentence, that he couldn't take that chance _with her_. He knew her well enough to realize that if he said that she'd fight him. He was hoping that by making it sound as if he were worried about the skips that she'd let it go.

Her eyes narrowed as she looked searchingly at him and he returned her look calmly. He knew he looked sincere because he _was_ sincere even if he was manipulating the reason a little.

Finally she sank back against the cushions and furrowed her brow with a defeated sigh. When she raised her eyes to look at him again he was alarmed to see them swimming with tears.

"Is it me? Did I set you off?"

Rubbing a hand over his face roughly, he growled internally. If he said no, she'd want to know what did. If he said yes, she'd let him go but she'd blame herself. Fuck.

"No, it wasn't you Stephanie, I promise."

His heart clenched when the tears spilled over. Fisting his hands so they didn't touch her, he leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees.

"I've just got some things to deal with. It has nothing to do with you." Her face was still radiating confusion and hurt and she turned away from him, her breathing choppy.

Kicking himself in the ass even as he did it, he stood up and crouched in front of her. Framing her face gently, he smoothed his thumbs across her wet cheeks, his heart stuttering a little when she leaned into his hands. He had touched her more this week than he had the entire time he had known her combined.

"Listen to me. I don't talk much, but this is important. You haven't done anything wrong. You saved those women this week." He dropped one of his thumbs to cover her lips when she started to interrupt. "No, _you_ saved them, because I would have followed orders. I would have hated myself and it wouldn't have ended well, but I would have followed orders. I am so proud of you for sticking up for what you believed in, even at great risk to yourself. I know you've struggled since the Higgins distraction and the fact that you didn't let it control you the other night is something I'm envious of."

Smiling in exasperation as her tears started up again, he went on. "I would have been proud to be your partner. You may not have the same skill set as the rest of us, but you have something even more important. You think on your feet and you care about everyone involved. The physical stuff can be learned. That can't."

Standing up, he dropped a kiss on her head, his chest tight as he whispered his goodbye. He had never thought of acting on it and he never would now that he was so broken, but he wasn't stupid enough not to recognize that she was someone he could easily have fallen for. Remembering what he had come here to say and do, he wasn't surprised that it had morphed into something decidedly less harsh. Things had a way of working out that way around Stephanie.

As he relocked her door after closing it gently behind him, his name still echoing in his ears, he wondered how Ranger managed to walk away from her so often. He must be made of steel.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie wasn't sure how long she sat on the couch staring at her door, but it was long enough for her legs to fall asleep. She was swimming in emotions; emotions that she didn't _do_ but apparently weren't listening to her. Guilt over failing him, sadness, fear, confusion, and grief were all mixing together and making her feel disconnected from reality.

Trying to piece together what just happened, she knew that the Michaels thing somehow triggered something bad, really bad, from his last mission. Remembering that he had seen her issues since Higgins was disconcerting; she thought she had hidden that from most of the guys. Her heart hurt at the look in his eyes, the hopelessness and sadness.

Frowning, she wondered what he was going to do now. As far as she knew he lived on the fourth floor too, so where was he going to go? God this sucked. What she wouldn't do to have Ranger back now. Even if he was avoiding her and she was pissed at him she could have gone to him with this. He was fanatical about her safety sure, but she was pretty sure he didn't mean that they should wrap her in cotton wool. What was the point of even working there otherwise?

Tank seemed to be more on edge since Ranger left this last time. He was quicker to anger and harder to talk to. She had considered him a great friend, but she couldn't remember the last time they talked and it wasn't about work. Lester had been going out almost every night, making her worry about him and blowing her off whenever she talked about getting together. She wasn't sure what he was running from, but it had already been the subject of more than one argument between them.

Maybe Bobby? Throwing her head back against the couch, she realized that whatever was going on, Bobby should already have known about it. Hell she had even mentioned it to him, obliquely sure, but she _had_ mentioned it. Thinking about the three guys that she'd normally go to again, she was struck by the fact that they had all drawn away from her in the last few months. She wanted to think about that more, wondering if it was something she had done, but decided that the situation with Ram was more urgent.

_Someday soon I'd like to have problems I'm not constantly juggling based on which is more likely to erupt first._

Who did that leave that could actually influence things or help? Running through her internal rolodex, the names and faces slipping across her mind, she started getting frustrated when she couldn't pin down a name. _There has to be someone._ Trying not to force it, she tried a trick that Ram had told her about during a really long surveillance shift a couple of weeks ago when she got him to talk about sniper techniques. Closing her eyes and focusing on the blackness she imagined that she was inhaling one color and breathing out another.

_Okay so Ram didn't say I should blend them together, but I really think this shade of lavender is pretty. I should look for a dress in this color, I'm pretty sure I have a pair of shoes already that would match. Not that I shouldn't make sure that Macy's hasn't gotten anything new in. That would be irresponsible._

Not even realizing that her breathing was evening out, her heart rate was coming down, and her mind was clearing, her eyes snapped open when the name came to her. Jumping up and grabbing her keys, she dashed out of the apartment and headed to Haywood.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Chewing her lip as she walked into the building, she decided to take the stairs to the second floor. It hadn't occurred to her until she parked that she was fairly certain that Hector didn't speak English. Since she didn't speak Spanish, she was pretty sure this was going to be a problem. Still, she was here, so she may as well give it her best shot.

She'd never told anyone, but one of her favorite places in the building was this floor. It didn't have the awesome sheets and mouth watering body wash smells of seven, but it had a charm all on its own. There were times when she needed to escape the sometimes overwhelming attention of being the only female in a building full of very masculine men and this was her retreat. She had never been bothered here.

The second floor was dedicated to all things electronic. The Rangeman computer system, all of the electronic devices they used daily and the feeds from all of the security systems they monitored all filtered through Hector's domain. She wondered why he seemed to prefer watching life happen from a distance.

Tapping quietly on the door, she bit her lip when she remembered that it was evening and Hector might not be here. Since Ram said he was resigning Monday, she really didn't want to wait until then to start working on this. Trying to change an alpha male's mind was not an easy task. It would be best to have as much time as possible. Groaning and banging her palm softly against the door, she tried to think of what she should do next.

She finally decided that she would go upstairs and use her desk phone to call Hector. A bit embarrassed that she didn't have his number anywhere else, she glared at her cell phone reproachfully. Maybe he could maybe meet her somewhere. _Not that I know what I'm going to say when I __**do**__ see him. _As she started to turn away from the door she squeaked a little when it opened abruptly.

Not seeing anyone, she decided he must have buzzed her in somehow which meant he was around. She was positive that nothing went unnoticed down here, so he would know she came here sometimes to hide. Actually that thought made her feel a bit better about coming here now. No one had ever found her here, which meant that he kept her secret and still gave her privacy.

"Um hello? Hector, are you here?"

She waited a minute or so, feeling like someone was watching her. Could the control room have opened the door for her and maybe he wasn't around after all?

Not willing to give up quite yet, she tried again. "Hector, I need to talk to you if you're here," she trailed off slowly not sure how to explain what she needed and unwilling to say it at all if it were possible that the eyes she felt belonged to someone in the control room.

The sense that time was running out quickened her breath and made her voice crack a little.

"Please, if you're here. I don't know who else to talk to about this. I need help."

She was about to give up and try the phone upstairs after all when a door that she had never noticed before popped open. Hector stood there watching her with dark impassive eyes.

Closing her own in relief, she groaned when she realized that they would still have the language barrier and what if he didn't know what to do either? _God, why does this have to be so hard?_ Opening her eyes she saw him motion her forward before gently shutting the door behind her.

Looking around she wasn't completely shocked to realize that this was almost like another control room. The second floor was definitely his world, complete with his own set of monitors. A flash of silver on a workbench nearby caught her eye and she almost snorted when she realized it was an exact match for her favorite necklace. She was pretty sure that he was working some kind of electronic into it, either a microphone or a tracker. It explained so much.

He was patiently standing there watching her look around, his version of a blank face firmly in place. Embarrassed that she was kind of snooping when he had been kind enough to interrupt his evening to talk to her, she blushed and started talking.

"First, I'm sorry for bothering you. I know you're off work now." His small nod to her made her wonder if he understood more English than she had expected. Deciding to assume he did until he indicated differently, she went on.

"I'm not sure where to start, so I'm just going to jump in," she rambled. "You know about the surveillance that Ram and I did early this week?"

Another nod, but this time his eyes sharpened on her almost imperceptibly. Maybe that meant he wanted to hear what she has to say?

"So if you know that, then you probably know about the meeting the next day. I'm not sure if you were there or not, but I told the guys that I was really upset about the decision that had been made and that I didn't want to partner with anyone but Ram in the field anymore."

When he nodded again, she squelched her frustration at the noncommittal action. She hadn't asked him for anything yet after all, what did she expect him to do? Maybe he didn't have the ESP?

"I didn't really think about it too hard, I just knew that I trusted him to take my wishes into account. The other guys seem to think that my safety is more important than anything else and that's just not true. I'm also planning on having a few words with Ranger about these ridiculous new rules he seems to have in place. I really hope that they're overreacting to whatever he said and that he didn't mean for it to go this far because otherwise …"

His hands came up to rest lightly on her shoulders as her voice started to rise in volume. The fingers flexed once, anchoring her and bringing her attention back to the problem at hand.

Fisting her hands and taking a deep breath she forced herself to stop babbling and met the patient eyes before blurting out, "I think something is wrong with Ram and I think that whatever happened after I said that and walked out has made it worse. I think that he _needs_ a friend even if he doesn't _want_ one."

Hector pursed his lips and seemed to be thinking about something while she did her best to be patient.

"Qué?" Okay, even she knew that meant.

"Why? I've been watching him; something has changed since he got back." She shrugged and adopted a resigned look, trying not to blush. "And I've got … a feeling." Deciding to tell him the rest, she went on. "And he came by my apartment a little while ago and told me that he was quitting Rangeman on Monday."

Not sure if she should be alarmed by the narrowing of Hector's eyes and the tightness of his lips, she looked away from him. Seeing the gym on one of the monitors and catching sight of Tank and Lester talking she glared fiercely at their tiny images for a second. If they weren't being such asses, she could have been talking to them.

Jumping a little when a hand touched her arm, her eyes shot up to meet Hector's. A piece of paper was pressed into her hand and then he laid his fingers across his lips in a shushing motion. Finally he reached out and picked up what she recognized as a panic button and tracker.

In heavily accented English he explained. "Go there," he tapped the paper. "Only this. To me," he motioned to the small device he was holding and then back at himself.

"You want me to drive to this address, but you don't want me to have any tracking devices on me except for the one you give me that is programmed to only alert you?" She felt stupid repeating it, but she wanted to be sure that she understood. _For the five hundredth time, I need to learn Spanish._

"Si."

Not even having to think about it, she started nodding and began to empty her purse of trackers, placing them into a bag he produced out of thin air. Remembering something, she frowned and said, "My car has trackers built into it and I have no idea how to turn them off."

Like a heavily muscled Latin Santa Clause, he produced another present, this time a key ring with a single key on it.

Raising her eyebrows she hoped that her ESP was working. Her earlier fears that he didn't have it were apparently mistaken. Maybe ESP was bilingual? It seemed to be going ok so far. Well as long as she ended up talking to Ram and not in the basement of someone's home being told to put the lotion in the basket.

He pointed to the small attached disc where the number 2412 was written on it. "Turner."

Trying to remember what was on Turner she closed her eyes as she mentally traveled the street. When it came to her she hopped a little, her excitement over working it all out getting the best of her. "The parking garage on Turner and the car is in this space?"

"Si."

Happier now that there seemed to be some kind of plan to at least get her to a place where she wouldn't be tracked, she went back to removing trackers and panic buttons. He reached out and took her cell phone and then opened her wallet. Stephanie watched curiously to see what he was doing now.

Hector had a mischievous smile on his face when he removed a small tracker that was _velcroed inside her change purse_. Like she ever made change? Jesus.

"You guys have a serious problem with control. Maybe there's a 12 step program?"

His smile brightened his face and she couldn't help but lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek just underneath the tattooed tears. "Thank you for helping Hector."

"De nada mi Amiga."

Walking to the door, she had a sudden thought and paused before looking back at him. "This isn't the key to an expensive car right? Because I have a history of blowing those up and I really don't think my nerves can handle another one tonight."

She assumed his laughter meant it wasn't going to be a problem.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Feeling a bit like a female James Bond, she hummed a little of the theme music as she drove around Trenton doing errands like it was any other evening. Although she was impatient to get moving, still feeling that ball of dread in her stomach, she didn't want to attract any attention.

Since her visiting Hector on a Friday night for what looked like no reason at all was highly unusual, she had taken the elevator up to the fifth floor and made sure to spend time running a couple of searches. With any luck if someone was watching they'd just think she had remembered something and wanted to look it up while she was thinking about it.

Okay that was pretty unlikely, but it could happen. The eyeballs she had felt watching her every move told her it didn't work, so she made sure to stop in and say hi to Junior and Deke in the control room. They didn't press for answers, but the curiosity was thick.

Driving down Turner, she made a snap decision to leave her car in the huge apartment complex on Vine, which would put her about a block away from the parking garage Hector had told her to go to. Originally she had been planning on parking at the 24 hour grocery, but it would be kind of suspicious if her car sat there for long. An apartment complex was a much better cover since they would assume she was just visiting someone.

Thanking her paranoid nature as she caught sight of a black SUV in her rearview mirror, she smiled smugly as it slowed down and parked across the street from the complex entrance. Smugness fading as the reality of it hit her, she swore under her breath. She had thought that all the precautions she had been told to take were just a little over the top. Obviously not. What the hell? _Another mystery to juggle. Wonderful._

Making a note to have a conversation with both Ranger _**and**_ Tank about privacy and boundaries, she parked her car in one of the overflow areas before locking it and walking deeper into the complex, angling towards Turner.

Not seeing any tell tale black vehicles complete with matching hunky accessories, she scooted into the parking garage and made her way to the second level. Taking a few seconds to familiarize herself with the numbering system, she drifted left and started walking towards 412. The beat up pale blue Ford Escort sitting in the space made her sigh a little. Well at least it wasn't a Porsche.

Locking herself in the car, she dug the small piece of paper out of her purse and squinted at it. Hector definitely had male handwriting. Maybe he should have been a doctor. Was this even in English?

She reached for her phone to look up the address before remembering that she had left it in her bottom desk drawer in the bag with all of her other trackers. She hadn't wanted to get Hector in trouble if someone traced her and discovered that she was 'naked'. This way it just looked like she took them all off. Again.

That probably explained why they were getting more devious.

Digging around in the glove box, she grinned in triumph as she found an old folded map. Fifteen minutes later, about to rip the map apart in frustration, she finally located the street. It surprised her since it was on the edge of a really expensive area, but she let it go in favor of wondering just what was at this address.

Did Ram have another place to live? Shit, she should have asked Hector. He had managed to communicate everything else she needed to know, why the hell hadn't she asked about this? Maybe it was his parents place? Did he have parents? Well of course he had parents; he hadn't sprung out fully grown from some Army designated pod or something. Not for the first time she grumbled at knowing so very little about her Merry Men.

Deciding that it really didn't matter whose house it was since Hector had given her the address for a reason, she started the car and noted jealously that it still ran better than hers. _And_ the heat worked.

Enjoying the sensation of toasty toes, she made her way across town before parking in the driveway of a large home. The neighborhood must have more than a few kids in it based on the amount of decorations already up for Halloween. There was a renovation dumpster off to one side of the driveway, making her wonder if Ram was fixing the place up.

Well that's what she hoped he was doing, because otherwise she had no idea who lived here and why Hector would tell her to come. It was as good an explanation as any and seemed reasonable. Ok, reasonable enough to calm her heart rate down to something close to what a ten minute jog would do to her. She'd take it.

Standing at the front door, nerves tightened her stomach and the meatball sub she had eaten earlier was starting to feel like a brick. Pressing one hand against it and rubbing lightly, she took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. _You can do this._

After waiting a few minutes with no sign of anyone, she knocked loudly. It _felt_ like someone was home, she could hear the faint sound of music, the bass notes traveling well in the crisp fall air. Plus there were lights on in the back of the house too. That meant something, right? A timer could be set up for rooms that faced the street, but it would be weird to do it anywhere else.

Grumbling when knocking didn't get a response either, she stared at the handle. _It is not a good idea to break into a Merry Man's home Stephanie. In fact it seems like an excellent way to get shot. Let's try and remember that Ram isn't exactly stable right now __**and**__ he's a sniper. Going inside without an invitation is idiotic._

Nibbling her bottom lip, she watched her hand in disbelief as it grasped the curved handle of the door and squeezed the little lever. She tried to calm her racing heart by pointing out to her highly incredulous brain that it was very unlikely that Ram would leave his door unlocked, so really she was just being thorough and there was no cause for alarm. Really.

Of course the door popped open, because that's what happens when her common sense takes a vacation and goes to BoraBora without her. Feeling like the idiot in every scary movie who keeps going even while you're screaming at the screen telling them to stop being an imbecile, she was surprised that it didn't creak in warning as she pushed it open. She made sure to stay outside the doorway when she called his name a few times. No need to push her luck. _Because that will make everything ok. Sure._

With the door open, she could hear the music more clearly. Was that classic Metallica? A clink that made her think of bottles touching cleared up the lingering question of anyone being home.

Okay, big girl panties. Metaphorically yanking them up, she slowly stepped into the foyer and called his name loudly.

"Hey Ram! It's Stephanie, are you home? Ram?"

As she finished speaking someone turned down the music, making her voice way too loud for the area. Wincing, she stepped backwards quickly so that she was outside again. She was torn between respecting his boundaries, which she recognized she had already trampled all over just by being here, and forcing her way in to talk some sense into him. Standing outside the door seemed like a good compromise. And you know … safer.

Hearing a noise, she bit her lip, eyes fastened on the dark doorway. A _very_ attractive male suddenly appeared, lounging lazily against the doorframe. Wearing only a pair of unbuttoned jeans, his chiseled chest and feet bare, he raised a beer to his lips and took a deep drink, staring at her the entire time. A wave of lust washed through her as she watched the way his throat worked as he swallowed. _Oh, to be a beer …_

Wrestling her hormones into submission and swallowing the drool that had been pooling, she opened her mouth to speak and then snapped it shut. She suddenly couldn't think of a thing to say.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Steph finds her words**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 4**

Ram walked out of Stephanie's apartment building and wanted to punch something. He had come here tonight with the firm intention of telling her to get out of his life and stop interfering. There was even a vague thought of telling her that she had to start thinking before opening her mouth, or at least making sure her meaning was clear if she couldn't do that.

He had been planning on tracking her down at home after that staff meeting wanting to know why in God's name she had picked him to be her _only _partner, but between one thing and another it hadn't happened. Of course part of it was that he couldn't use his personal truck for a couple of days. There was nothing like having a newly relocated shoulder to make shifting almost impossible.

By the time Friday rolled around, he was fairly sure it wouldn't matter what she said. Fuck she could have said she was madly in love with him and it still wouldn't have … well scratch that. He could get behind hearing her say that kind of shit regardless of what kind of torture Rangeman put him through.

Feeling like a pussy, more now than ever, he walked to his pickup and climbed in. What the fuck was the matter with him that after only a few days of shit he was turning his back on the best job he'd ever had? He had never been the sensitive touchy feely type. He still didn't feel like he was, but the nerve that had been exposed on that last mission was still red hot and he didn't seem able to push shit off right now.

There had been almost a full week of constant pressure and yeah he probably made it worse by refusing to answer any questions or hide out in his apartment when he wasn't working, but fuck. They were men that he'd trust to have his back no matter the situation. He figured if he just acted like it didn't bother him and did his normal thing that shit would go back to normal.

His decision to resign hadn't been after some huge blowout with anyone. He hadn't even hit a snapping point. It would have been nice to blame that, but he had to be honest and say he was just tired. He was spending so much time and energy forcing himself to go through another day, to not focus on what his memory wanted to supply him each time he closed his eyes that this additional pressure was just too much. Of course he had added what happened at Michaels' to his rotation of horrors and nightmares.

It had been surprisingly easy to pack up his apartment. There was always a waiting list for them, so he figured even if he managed to get his shit together over the weekend and stick around, not that he thought he would, it would still be a decision he could live with.

Running into the store and grabbing a couple cases of beer and some shit for breakfast, he packed them into the bed of the truck with the rest of his boxes before heading towards his house. It wasn't going to be the most comfortable place he'd ever lived, but it wouldn't be the worst either. This would give him a lot more time to work on getting the interior remodel finished too.

That was for tomorrow though … tonight he was going to get shit faced and try to forget everything that happened in the last six months, especially the way Stephanie's face had looked when he walked out her door.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

_That was an excellent question. What __**am**__ I doing here?_

Stephanie bit her lip as she mentally smacked herself for not realizing that would be the first question he had. Lost in thought, she stared absently at his lickable abs until he snapped his fingers in front of her face.

Jerking her head up, she met amused green eyes and scowled. "I was … concerned. I think we should talk about what's been going on." She silently patted herself on the back for leaving it so open ended. He could think she was here to talk about him resigning or what the last mission had done to him.

His face closed up and he straightened from his slouch against the door.

"No. Go home."

Finding her courage somewhere around her toes, she yanked at it until she had enough to step forward and put her hand on his very warm and toned chest, pushing him inside the house. Watching him stumble a little, she hid a smile. He clearly hadn't expected that. Refusing to let her hand pet him, even when it begged, she stepped back after closing the door.

"Sorry, I was cold," she said calmly, only partially lying her ass off. "And yeah, we're going to talk about what's been eating you up, because we're friends and that's what friends do. I can't sit back and watch it happen without doing something Ram; I'm not made that way. I know you guys don't like to talk about personal shit and there's probably classified things you can't tell me, but we're going to work around all of that somehow."

Wanting to shift under his flat stare, she did her best to keep her gaze level and calm … which was a bit of a stretch for her considering she was rarely level or calm. Still, it seemed important tonight. Her instincts were telling her that if she let him push her out the door now that she wouldn't get another chance.

"How'd you find this place?" He looked confused for a second, which she absolutely _did not_ think was adorable. He really needed to put a shirt on, it was obviously messing her up.

Shit. She hadn't asked Hector if it was ok to tell him. Deciding to be honest and take the heat with Hector if she had to, she raised her chin before speaking.

"I went to Hector for help. He gave me your address, helped me remove all of my trackers except for the one he gave me, and let me borrow a safe car."

Ram was caught off guard for a second. He hadn't been sure what she was going to say, but he figured it would have something to do with running a search on him. He was happy that she couldn't be traced here since he didn't want to share it just yet, but … Hector?

"I didn't know you spoke Spanish," he said with a lifted brow. He knew she hated it that she couldn't do that. She had apparently spent almost a full four hour surveillance shift a couple of weeks ago with Cal attempting to learn how. Cal had been almost in tears trying not to laugh at the faces she had made after she left the building.

Her face flushed dark enough that he could see it even in the shadows.

"I don't, but we managed to communicate anyway. Well … enough to get me here obviously."

Nodding in reply, he absently wondered what she had said to get Hector to agree. He wasn't going to ask because it really didn't matter now, but he wouldn't have thought Hector would have helped Stephanie find him without a good reason.

When he had first gotten back from Colombia, he had trouble sleeping ... hell he still had trouble, but it was a little better now that he was self medicating. Instead of laying there and staring at the ceiling, he would wander the building, work out, or spell someone to take a break on monitor duty. About half the time, he would run into Hector and they always seemed to take a few minutes to talk.

No whatever she had told Hector, a man who could see past bullshit pretty damn fast, she had been sincere. And that meant that he might be worse off than he thought he was.

Fuck it.

"I'm not talking, I'm drinking. If you want to join me you can."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Never have I ever … told my mother to go screw herself, even if I feel like it all the time."

Stephanie snickered when Ram choked on the beer he had just swallowed. She had agreed not to try and make him talk, but she also figured that there was nothing saying she couldn't do it obliquely. With that in mind, she used her turns to say things she wouldn't normally share. Not that he was really playing.

Ram was much further along the road to drunkenness than she was. She was slowly nursing her third beer at this point, knowing it didn't take much. She was having enough trouble keeping her eyes off of him without all of her inhibitions falling. There was something very sexy about a man in just a pair of jeans riding low on his hips, that dark trail of hair begging to be followed. With her tongue.

"Is that right?" He drawled.

Feeling her face go fire engine red, she bit her cheek hard. She didn't just say that out loud right?

Soft laughter filled the air. "You didn't say it out loud, whatever it was that you were thinking. Although now I'm really curious what that was. I was talking about why you don't tell your mother to butt out."

A curious mix of relief and disappointment rushed through her before she focused on the last part.

"It sounds stupid, but I guess it's because she's my mother. Even if she makes me want to stab myself in the eye most of the time she means well. She's just never understood that what I want and what she wants are very different things."

"Huh. You'd think she'd get being different than her mother. I mean your grandmother and mom are nothing alike from what I've heard."

Staring at him in disbelief, she wondered why that had never occurred to her for a defense. "I might have to bring that up the next time. Thanks Ram."

"Anthony or Tony," he countered, taking another drink. When he looked back at her and saw the confusion he explained a little more. "At work I'm Ram because that's who I was in the Rangers. I bought this place as a way to escape sometimes, so here I'd rather be Anthony or Tony."

"Which do you prefer? And is Ram part of your last name or a real nickname?"

Her enthusiasm for details made him smile a little. "My family calls me Anthony, but most of my friends call me Tony. And my last name is Ramsey."

Playing with the label on the bottle she grinned to herself. "Thanks Tony." Before she could stop her runaway mouth, it went on. "I love that you told me that, I hate never knowing anything about you guys. I mean, I don't even know most of your actual names, how sad is that?"

He tilted his head and considered her before shrugging. "It's not sad to hate that, it's normal I think. The problem is that you work with a bunch of men who aren't necessarily normal." He held up a hand when she automatically tried to argue. "Not that your defense of us isn't something every single one of us appreciates, but the truth of the matter is that we aren't normal Stephanie. I'm not saying that's good or bad, just that it is what it is."

Conceding that point, not altogether gracefully, she sighed.

"But if you had asked me about my past, at least things that didn't fall into classified areas, I probably would have told you," he admitted.

Her eyes shot up, the disbelief clear on her face.

"Not everyone treats personal information like it's classified. I know you well enough to trust that you wouldn't talk about me behind my back," he explained, before growing alarmed when a tear slipped down her face.

"What? What's wrong?" _Why is she crying? There's no crying!_

Wiping her hand across her face quickly, she considered the man in front of her. Maybe they could trade personal stuff.

"It's just that you're the only one who seems to. Lester tells me things sometimes, but usually it's about his latest conquest, nothing of real importance. Ranger, who should know that I'd _never_ talk about the things he says to me, is locked up tighter than Fort Knox. It's frustrating and leaves me feeling like I'm always on the outside looking in," she said, a little maudlin now that the alcohol was seeping in.

"You always will be Stephanie," he said gently. Her hurt face made his chest ache a little. "It's not personal, and it's not even because you're a woman. It's because you haven't lived the life we have, the missions and the killing. That's what most of the guys like best about you though, the fact that you're untouched by some of the shit we've seen and done."

He watched her use her fingernail to peel part of the label away on the bottle. "I think that more of the guys would talk to you than you'd think. Maybe not about their feelings," he smirked at her, "but they'd tell you about how they grew up and stuff."

"I met Tank and Lester not long after Ranger and I guess I stopped asking that stuff because they wouldn't really answer it. I didn't want to make the guys uncomfortable."

Ram shrugged. "If they're uncomfortable then stop. But don't assume because some guys won't talk to you means that none of us will."

She spent the next hour asking questions. Nothing too deep, but she learned that he grew up in a nice suburb of Chicago. His dad was a pharmacist and his mom was a teacher. He had two brothers, one older and one younger. He had a full academic scholarship to the University of Chicago, but didn't want to sit behind a desk all day, so he chose to go into the Army instead. His parents hated it, but tried to be supportive. His older brother Jonathon was a general surgeon and his younger brother Nathan had problems holding down a job longer than a year or two. She found out that he had a serious girlfriend in high school but she hated that he joined the Army and they broke up before he left. There was another girl a few years ago, but she got tired of his hours and couldn't deal with the fact that he still left occasionally on missions, so they broke it off as well.

His answers had been getting slower and softer as the evening progressed. Smiling fondly when it looked like he was passing out, she gently removed the mostly empty bottle from his hand. Tugging him around, she managed to get him more or less flat on the couch with a small throw pillow tucked under his head. Idly wondering if the couch had been special ordered so that it was longer than normal, she was about to turn away when his hand shot out and caught hers.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Bending down, she kissed him on his forehead. "You're welcome Tony. Go to sleep now."

Ram's hand tightened on hers before he managed to say, "You've been drinking, don't drive. Take the bed upstairs." Her face must have shown her indecisiveness because he added, "Please, Stephanie."

What was it about one of these guys saying please that always made her spineless?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Keeping her eyes closed, because she definitely shouldn't have had that last beer, Stephanie slowly stretched her full length. She had decided last night, when crawling into one of the most comfortable beds she'd ever slept in, that comfy beds must be something these guys used to offset the shitty conditions they were used to in the field. Either that or they were all closet hedonists.

Sniffing, she realized that Ram was already awake and seemed to be cooking bacon. Another sniff and she was pretty sure that there were going to be hash browns too. Tempted to roll back over and put the pillow over her face, her stomach let out a roar that seemed to promise annihilation if she ignored it.

Refusing to even glance in the mirror, she stepped in the shower as soon as it was warm, emerging smelling like his body wash and feeling much more human. Thankful that she'd learned to carry the tools to make herself presentable in her purse, and more thankful that they hadn't been bugged because that would have pissed her off, she tamed the wild beast on her head.

Staring at her clothes in distaste, able to smell the stale beer from a few feet away, she wondered if Ram would mind if she borrowed at least a shirt of his. She jumped a little when a soft knock on the door startled her.

"Stephanie, I doubt you have clean clothes, so I put out a shirt you can wear and the smallest pair of sweats I have, just in case."

"I love you so much right now," she said through the door. The chuckle she got in return made her smile.

"Come out when you're done and breakfast should be about finished."

Her mouth opened before she could stop it. "Marry me," she exclaimed. Her face flushed red, but the loud bark of laughter that trailed out of the bedroom seemed so much lighter than it had been and made the embarrassment worth it.

Standing at the full length mirror five minutes later, she chuckled out loud. The shirt wasn't that bad; although it swam on her, but the pants were … well they were big. She'd rolled up the legs and tied the drawstring as tight as it could go, but she looked ridiculous. Shrugging mentally, she folded up her other clothes and stuck them in the plastic bag he had laid out for her.

Her stomach announced her presence before she was able to. Both of them stared at it for a few seconds before he smiled at her, his green eyes sparkling in mirth as he looked her up and down. Narrowing her eyes at him she gave him a warning look and got a 'hands off' gesture in reply. Sliding onto the barstool, she hungrily eyed the pan of eggs that looked almost done.

Her eyes met his in gratitude when he slid a glass of orange juice over to her, along with a couple painkillers. It wasn't The Cure, but it would work. The next few minutes were a happy blur of coffee being poured and food being dished out.

"Oh my god, so good," she moaned. "Where did you learn to cook?"

"My mom taught me. She knew I loved to eat and that when I grew up and moved out that I'd need to know how, so she made me learn. Now it's relaxing."

Licking her lips to catch the jam that was trying to escape, she watched him. He seemed a little better today, more relaxed and open. She wondered if it was because he was here in his own home or if he was actually letting her in a little.

"Both," he answered.

Refusing to blush, especially because she really had wanted to know, she just thanked him softly and took another scoop of fluffy eggs.

So full but still eyeing the last piece of bacon, she was caught off guard when his hand reached out and snapped it in half, handing a piece to her before popping the other half in his mouth.

"Come on, dishes now," he ordered.

Whining that she was a guest and she barely did her own dishes seemed to carry no weight. Handing her a towel and giving her a pointed look, he made a face. Fifteen minutes later she realized she had been enjoying herself. Ram had flipped on the radio before they started and they had danced and sang along with the oldies that were playing. A small water fight erupted during 'Splish Splash You Were Taking A Bath' .

Two hours later, Stephanie glanced at the clock on the wall and grimaced a little. She had lost track of time and it was almost 2pm. Still, the tour and plans he had for the house were worth it.

"Time to go?" he asked quietly.

Hugging him around the middle, she pushed the memory of his naked chest away as she pressed her face against him and breathed in deeply.

"Yeah, I don't know how long Hector would want me to use the car. Plus they were following me last night and I'm sure they've figured out by now that I dumped my trackers." Groaning in advance for the inquisition she was going to face she felt his arms tighten around her.

"They just worry," he said softly.

Frustrated she stepped back. "I know they worry, but I'm a grown woman. I try to deal with it when they do this when there is an actual threat, but I shouldn't have to lose my bodyguards just to visit friends! Ever since Ranger left this last time, it's been absolutely ridiculous! I'm going to tear him a new asshole if I find out he ordered this shit."

Looking at him she asked flat out. "What are the orders concerning me? Not the ones that have always been there, but whatever changed this last time. What is so different that I feel like I'm always a prisoner and have someone watching me?"

"Shit." He rubbed his face a couple times before leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. "Ranger said in the big meeting before he left that his mission was going to be more dangerous than normal and that the most important thing in the world to him was that you were protected and taken care of. There has always been an order to watch out for you and help you when you needed it, but this seemed … more. I think most of us felt that if we couldn't help him in any other way, we could make sure that you were safe and sound for when he got back."

"Lovely, he'll get back and I'll be insane, but hey, physically fine. This sucks. Now I can't even be mad at the guys, because he made it sound like they were doing him a favor by doing this and of course they'd want to help and god damnit," she yelled before turning away and looking out the window.

Almost shaking with anger, because there wasn't anywhere to focus it, she started talking in a low pissed off voice. "And what gives him the right to say that shit? He told me the same thing, that if he didn't come back I'd be taken care of. What does that even mean? That whatever he gave me would somehow negate the fact that I've lost his support and friendship? I am so fucking tired of men deciding what is best for me."

Watching her shoulders shake with repressed emotion was hard. She seemed so lost. He knew he shouldn't indulge the desire he had to touch her in some way, but he couldn't help it.

Pulling her back to his chest and wrapping his arms around her, he sighed. "I know you are Stephanie, but the only way that's going to stop is if you put your foot down. The thing is that until you can protect yourself, at least partially, the guys are always going to feel like they have to be around to do it for you. It hurts all of us when you get injured, but when Ranger told us that … it was like him saying that if he didn't come back that it was his last request. That adds a lot of weight to it."

"I don't know whether to kill him or hug him," she said. They were silent for a moment before she seemed to think of something he had said. "What did you mean about protecting myself?"

Closing his eyes and dropping his forehead down on the top of her head, he cursed internally. Her refusal to learn formal self defense was a thing of legend on Haywood. He didn't want to start a fight.

"I mean that if you would learn self defense and start carrying your gun, your _loaded_ gun, that they would respect your skills a lot more and that it would probably allow them to relax a bit."

"Them?"

"Huh?" He blamed the slight hangover he had for his lack of eloquence.

"You said it would probably allow 'them' to relax a bit. What about you?"

"It would help me relax too, but…"

"But what?"

He was fairly certain she knew what he was going to say because her body had stiffened against him and she was making little tiny fists with her hands. It was impressive that she managed to keep her voice calm and level, but she was going to need to work on her physical responses if she wanted to hide shit like that. He made a mental note to tell her not to put her thumbs on the outside of her fist when she clenched.

"But I won't be there, because I'm leaving Rangeman."

Stephanie was silent for a few minutes, but he could practically hear the gears grinding in her head. He almost laughed out loud when she finally spoke; having been able to almost follow along with her thoughts just by the way she was sighing and shifting around.

"Please don't leave Tony. I know something is wrong with you, that your last mission hurt you somehow and that working there isn't helping, but … I need you there. You're the only one that I can really talk to anymore and I refuse to go out in the field with men who don't respect me."

Resting his chin on the top of her head, he started to disagree with her, because he knew the guys respected the hell out of her, but she shook her head and held up one of her hands.

"No, they don't. They like me and they want me around, I'm not saying they don't. But they don't respect me. They don't respect how I do things or my privacy. They certainly don't respect my wishes. About the only thing they do respect is my spidey sense and even that is only because I've proven you all wrong so many times. The words, 'it's for your own good' implies that I can't make that decision for myself. That's not respect." Her voice was starting to thicken with tears that she refused to shed.

He didn't say anything, just tightened his arms around her shoulders. He hated it, but she was right. He just hadn't really thought of it from her perspective before.

"I know I'm being selfish that I want you to stay. I hate that about myself, but I'm not sure I could handle being there much longer without some support. Maybe what you need is support too. I know you don't want to talk about what happened on your mission and maybe you can't, but I think it won't matter where you are and what you're doing, it's still going to eat at you. And for the record, before you say it, I don't think you'd ever hurt me in the field. I don't know what set you off, but you said it wasn't me. Unless you were lying to me, then I don't think I'm in danger."

They stood there silently for a few minutes while he considered what she said. He knew she was right in a lot of ways, but he still wasn't sure he could handle the additional pressure. Pressure she wasn't even aware of.

"I'll think about it, that's the best I can give you," he finally said. Hiding a smile when he felt the quiver of suppressed emotion run through her body, he wasn't surprised when she played it off with a quick but sincere thank you.

"Tony, if you do decide stay, can you teach me some self defense stuff? And maybe help me figure out a way to be more comfortable with my gun?"

Shaking his head in exasperation at her blatant manipulation and smiling at her reflection in the window, he squeezed once more before letting go and stepping back. He had expected this to be an easy decision, a confirmation that he was doing the right thing, but if she was finally willing to let someone train her...

Well shit.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Monday comes and with it, decisions and new problems**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: It may seem like I'm coming down heavy on the guys at Rangeman. I promise there's more to the story than meets the eye. Chapter 6 will start giving you some hints.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 5**

Stephanie hadn't lingered after Ram told her he'd think about it. She was pretty sure she had convinced him with the whole self defense thing, which sucked because she was going to have to go through with it now, but maybe it would be good. Okay, maybe it wouldn't be _good_, but maybe it wouldn't be horrible.

Thinking harder about it as she drove back to the Turner garage she wondered if it maybe _was_ time to learn to do things a different way. Yeah sure her way usually worked, but she was tired of getting laughed at and dealing with some of the more humiliating situations that only seemed to happen to her. She didn't want to become a mute woman in black, but maybe she could find a middle ground.

Besides she knew he didn't really want to stay. She wasn't sure why, but she knew he didn't. This way they'd both be doing something they didn't really want to do but supporting each other on it anyway. It was a fair compromise. _I feel so adult. It's kind of creepy._

Reversing her path back to her car and ignoring the looks she was getting from people as she did her best impression of a hobo doing the walk of shame, she hoped she was doing the right thing by asking him to stay. Her gut instinct was screaming at her, telling her that if he ran now that he'd always be running, but getting this wrong could be disastrous. Then again, if she knew how to do anything, it was how to run away.

Seeing the black SUV parked next to her car made her suck in a breath as she tried to hold onto her temper. _Not now, this isn't the time of place for it._ She tried to remember what Ram had told her about the guys, but it only blunted the very edge of her anger.

Ignoring Benny and Junior, she didn't respond to their loud and demanding questions and refused to look at them other than to shoot them a betrayed look. Sliding into her car and tossing her clothes into the passenger seat she prayed her car started immediately because her exit would be ruined if she had to ask for help.

Driving herself home she made a few decisions. When she was called into Tank's office, and she knew she would be, she was going to keep her temper. She was going to explain that while she was on the job she had no problem carrying trackers but that she was going to leave them here at the end of her shifts. There was no reason they needed to smother her unless there was an active threat.

Thinking about the trackers made her remember the one on her car and she bit her lip trying to figure out how to deal with it. Finally an idea came to her and she hoped she could convince Hector to go along with it. Another conversation to have on Monday.

Swinging home to change clothes and feed Rex, she made her way back to Haywood to grab her cell phone and shoot Hector an email about the car key, still ignoring Benny and Junior who had faithfully followed her into the building. She was going to murder Ranger when he got back.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Email sent she glared at the bag of trackers on her desk. She didn't really want to take any of them with her, but she wasn't sure if that meant she'd end up with a full guard detail until she talked to Tank on Monday. Then again she didn't know if talking to Tank on Monday was going to help anyway. She had a feeling it wasn't going to.

Hearing the ding of a new email arriving she smiled at the screen. Either Hector wrote English well or he had an awesome translation program. Putting in a reminder on her phone to meet him on Monday she turned off her computer and tossed the bag of trackers back into her drawer, closing it with a childish yet satisfying slam. _Screw it. I'm not helping them invade my privacy._

Still refusing to speak to a single Merry Man, her eyes shot daggers at the few who were in today. She wasn't naïve enough to think that they weren't all well aware of her 'escape' and subsequent 'recapture'. For the first time in a long time she felt uncomfortable in this building and she hated it. She couldn't even point and say, 'there, that's where it went wrong'. It was just _wrong_.

Getting back in her car to go home she paused and dug through her purse to find the small piece of paper with a cell phone number on it. Typing it in and putting it under Tony instead of Ram she sent him a quick text letting him know that she was heading home to vegetate if he got bored. She also mentioned that she was being punished for running away with a very dedicated set of guards.

Walking up to her apartment she heard the little whistle that told her she had a new text and snickered at his response.

_Poor little princess, all locked up in her tower. I'm working on the house today. Yes I'm still thinking about it. I'll let you know Monday morning. Don't be too hard on the guards and try to remember this is how they show they care._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Exchanging a few texts over the weekend, always about silly stuff, helped pass the time and kept Stephanie from going insane. She had been right, the guard detail was constant, with new guys being rotated on every four hours or so. Other than picking Grandma Mazur up on Sunday and driving her to the mall, she mostly stayed home and seethed. Of course, Grandma thought having two hunky guys whose sole job it was to watch you sounded wonderful. Stephanie was tempted to let her loose on them. If this kept up, she was keeping that plan on reserve.

Mary Lou was as irritated about it as she was, but didn't really have any suggestions for her. She also didn't sound real confident that the conversation on Monday with Tank was going to help at all. Stephanie was in tears by the end of the conversation and Mary Lou was ready to come over and shoot her guards for making her feel so worthless. All in all, she hung up feeling worse than she did before she called.

Not for the first time she wished that Ranger would get his ass back home or at least call her and check in. He rarely did that, but maybe he'd sense a disturbance in the force and figure it out? It felt like someone had punched her in the stomach when she thought that he could have meant for this to happen. She tried to focus on the fact that while he had always been overprotective when she was in danger he rarely tried to control her otherwise. He'd just shake his head and call her Babe and when he was being an ass, mention that it was another line item for the Entertainment budget.

The idea that this could be her new normal made her hyperventilate and required a series of reassuring texts from Ram. It didn't really help ease her mind, but at least she could breathe normally when they finished.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Pulling on his Rangeman uniform on Monday morning Ram stared in the mirror for a few seconds. He still wasn't sure this was a good idea, but if it got too bad he could always change his mind again. It pissed him off that he seemed to have lost his nerve and self assurance, but just wanting it back and faking it wasn't working yet. Before Colombia he had rarely second guessed himself, something more than one CO had mentioned as an asset. Now all he felt like he did was question his decisions.

Turning away from the mirror and grabbing his duffel, he picked up his utility belt from the gun safe and buckled it on. Grabbing his duffel and walking out the front door, he listened for the click as he walked away. Finding out Friday night that he hadn't locked his front door had made him blush and change the lock out for something that electronically locked when it shut. Not that he regretted Stephanie's visit, but there wasn't any reason to be careless.

Pulling into the garage, he took a deep breath and pulled his blank face up, something he hadn't done most of the weekend. He hated that he had to force things that he used to do automatically. Feeling it slide on with only a little effort he was curious if just getting away from the building had helped with some of the stress or if it was something else.

Something that was around 5'8" with curly brown hair and bright blue eyes.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Fingering the note that Ram left on her computer screen Stephanie tucked it into her pocket for strength. Today was running strong for the lead in the most uncomfortable day ever. She had walked off the elevator to total silence and a lot of looks. Refusing to acknowledge them had made the vibe in the room sharpen somehow and hurt her feelings.

Was she only their friend when she did what they wanted her to do? She was pretty sure that she was old enough to make her own decisions, but with everyone in her life telling her in one way or another she couldn't, she had to admit it was starting to wear her down. Hopefully this would pass and until then she would just concentrate on Ram.

Trying to decide if she should start on searches or go to Tank's office became moot when his voice suddenly called her name. The noise level that had slowly risen after she sat down went quiet again as all of the Merry Men not in the gym watched her walk to the office. She wanted to turn around and stick her tongue out at them, but held herself back with an effort.

Sitting down, Stephanie took a page out of Ram's book and just stared at Tank and waited. She wasn't going to make this easier on him. Trying to remember her strategy she had a feeling it wasn't going to go to plan, since it had called for her to remain calm and level headed. Why had she thought that was going to work? This was a ridiculous plan!

"You want to explain to me what the hell Friday night was about, Little Girl?"

Suppressing her delight and relief that he had cracked first she just looked at him and shook her head.

"I think a better question to ask is what gives you the right to have me followed when there isn't an active threat against me." Proud of herself for managing to say it without screaming she celebrated internally. She thought that was the most important point of her entire argument so it was good that it came out so well.

Tank looked surprised that she had called him on it, but quickly turned it back around. "You know we keep an eye on you. Usually when you get in trouble it's when there isn't a known threat. This is how we keep you safe. I thought we were past you ditching your trackers and running away."

Gritting her teeth at the implied insult that she was childish for wanting some privacy she tried to refrain from killing him with her eyes. Considering what to say next, she studied him, noticing he looked tired and worried about something. She kind of wished she hadn't looked because now she felt bad that she was being so stubborn.

"I appreciate the effort that everyone goes to when I'm in danger, I do. I have no problem keeping my trackers on and active when I'm working or if there is someone after me, but I feel like a prisoner Tank. I don't like it and I don't want to live this way." Grumbling internally for not flat out saying she wasn't going to put up with it, she hoped that he didn't take that as weakness. The men in black were merciless when they smelled weakness.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Steph, I really am. I'll do my best to make sure the guys know that they need to be invisible," he said. His tone was soothing, but it felt like wool on a sunburn to her agitated ears.

"I think you misunderstand me Tank. Unless I'm on the job or I've been notified of an active threat, no one here has the right to track me. If someone wants to know what I'm doing they can call me or text. You are my employer, not my keeper. You're supposed to be my friend." Unable to keep the accusation out of her voice she did her best to keep her expression blank.

"I am your friend! Look, we'll see what we can work out, ok? Now I need to talk to you about this partner thing. There a reason you insist on it being Ram? I don't really think that's the best option for you. Actually just about anyone else would be a better choice. Let's pick someone together, I have a list here …"

She was trying to decide if she was more pissed off that he was avoiding making an agreement about the tracking or how he was talking about Ram. Either way, the patronizing tone of voice he was using wasn't helping her calm down at all. Tilting her head and narrowing her eyes she wondered if her friend was even in there anymore. Ducking her head to hide the flash of pain that thought brought, she realized she needed to end this conversation soon if she wanted to stay in control. _And I really don't want to know. Not today._

"One of the things Ranger promised me when I agreed to work here full time was that I had control over my partners. My contract spells it out pretty clearly in fact. I trust Ram as my partner and that's who I'm choosing. Neither of us had a permanent partner, so according to what I read, that means there's no conflict."

That contract had been a nightmare and she hadn't enjoyed rereading it this weekend. It brought back all of the fights she and Ranger had when they were working on it. That section she had remembered fairly clearly but had needed to go over the details again. Sure he had _meant_ that she could **veto** a partner in case something about them made her uncomfortable, but he didn't actually limit it in writing. It was almost amusing that he had been the one to insist on that clause while she insisted it was silly and that she knew he'd never try to put her with anyone that made her uncomfortable or uneasy. _Karma?_

Watching Tank's face tighten made her unhappy even as she knew it meant her victory. She hated being at odds with the guys, but she wanted her life back more.

His voice was sharp and disappointed when he spoke next. "You're quoting your contract? I just …," he paused. "Fine Steph, do it your own way, like you always do. I'll adjust the schedule so you and Ram are partnered."

Her eyes burned as she stood up, but she refused to apologize. It bothered her that she still hadn't gotten an agreement about the tracking, but she let it go for now. There was a limit to how much you could push at once and Tank seemed to be teetering on the edge.

She lost control of her blank face when he called out to her right before she got to his closed door. The words were mostly neutral but the insinuation and spite in his voice lit a fire on all of the emotions she had repressed this weekend. "There is also a clause in the Rangeman employment manual that states that partners can't be romantically involved. Something to keep in mind since you seem so _interested_ in all that legal stuff."

Luckily, the rage that swept through her caused her to be speechless. Taking a single deep breath, she continued on her way and the only sign of her temper was when she slammed his door closed. The sound of cracking wood eased the most dangerous edges, but she barely noticed that everyone got well out of her way as she made her way down to the second floor.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Hector had taken one look at her and called Ram. Apparently calming down women who are crying, even if it's because they're furious wasn't in his job description. She thought maybe later she'd laugh at the big tough guy fluttering around and patting her shoulder while barely hiding the panic on his face.

Half an hour later, the meeting recounted and some time spent calming Ram down, she thought she had herself under control … at least enough to attend the Monday briefing and find out what their assignments were this week. Oddly enough it had helped when Ram almost lost his temper since she had to focus enough to talk him back down. It was nice that he was mostly pissed that Tank was trying to use her emotions against her instead of how he had been talked about. Then again she was pissed enough about that for both of them.

Taking advantage of the fact that Hector was still worried she was going to cry on him, she talked to him about the GPS tracking on her car and finally got an agreement that he would rework a chip so that instead of a general alarm it would only go to him and Ram, as long as she agreed. Okay so she told things to Hector and then Ram translated his responses. She also insisted that the tracking information not be able to be pulled up by the control room.

Ram had almost argued with her on that, but seemed to realize that she needed to make this decision on her own. He had warned her that if there was trouble it was going to make it much harder to get her help if the control room couldn't coordinate. When it was clear that she understood the dangers he had nodded at Hector that he agreed, something that made her stomach flutter a little.

When she brought up the worry that someone else would stick a tracker on her car without her permission or knowledge, Hector told her that he'd take care of it. Since all the bug signals came through his area for processing he would let her know so she could find it and pull it off. At least that's what she thought he was saying.

Working herself up again at all of the measures she was taking just so she could have as much privacy as everyone else got as a matter of course, she took a few deep breaths, appreciating Ram's hand squeezing her shoulder in support. Giving Hector a kiss for all of his help, she and Ram headed to the conference room.

"I'm sorry in advance," she said softly as they climbed the stairs, aware that there were always ears around.

He looked confused, the poor man. "For what?"

She took a quick glance around without moving her head and then trained her eyes on the floor. "This meeting is probably going to suck, and I know without a doubt that Tank is going to get his revenge by sticking us with the worst jobs. So I'm sorry for pulling you into this."

"It's ok, not everything in life can be easy. You're my friend and now my partner Stephanie, and that means we're in it together even if it's hard. I know you have my back, let me have yours now."

His eyes communicated all of the details that she knew they couldn't talk about and eased her conscience. Nodding in response she let her blank face slip down. She had spent some time this weekend working on it and thought it had definitely improved, but she had a ways to go before it was able to really hide much. It was ridiculously easy to see past it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram had expected Monday to be horrible and he wasn't disappointed. When he had arrived and changed into workout clothes, he had been cornered by Tank asking yet again why Stephanie insisted that only he could partner her. He used his now standard response and told him to ask her.

He wasn't going to lie to himself; he missed the easy camaraderie that was a hallmark of working with a group of men who understood each other as well as this group did. The tension was still hard on him, rubbing on that raw spot, but he kept remembering how Stephanie had looked when she told him they didn't respect her. Maybe if he could teach her the skills she needed it would help erase that memory. In order to do that, he had to push through.

Keeping his goal firmly in the front of his mind, he was able to brush off the stuff he 'overheard' as Lester and Bones talked a little too loudly. It wasn't anything he didn't expect, but he hoped they wouldn't say that shit around Stephanie. He had managed to avoid telling her that they were punishing him because of her, but if she learned of it in another way she was going to be pissed at him too.

Coming out of the shower, he overheard Junior say that Stephanie had slammed Tank's door so hard she cracked it and his brows shot up. That wasn't a sign that things went well. Then his phone started beeping at him. Tilting it up to read it, he hadn't been completely shocked to see it was Hector telling him to get down there immediately.

She was right, the meeting sucked and Tank did schedule them for some shitty stuff. His lips tightened as he realized that none of it would allow them to actually be alone with any privacy. He was disappointed that Tank thought that little of both of them but let it go. Stephanie hadn't noticed the subtext so far.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Losing count after the third time she caught herself on the edge of another apology, he tried to keep her mind off of how unhappy he was. Staring at the monitors, they quietly came up with a schedule for the self defense training. His insistence that she had to start running almost made her veto the whole thing, but Lester came in and tried flirting with her about then.

Watching the guys drift in and try to talk to her as the day passed was interesting. She was polite and would respond to most of the things they'd ask, but she didn't relax and enjoy their company and it was obvious. He wondered idly if she was doing it on purpose or if that's just how she was when she was mad at you.

Suppressing a yawn he glanced at the clock and almost groaned in relief. His muscles were tight from sitting here all day. Normally a monitor shift ran about four hours, the same as a surveillance shift, but due to some unscheduled overtime this weekend they were 'covering' to help make up for it. Stephanie hadn't missed _that_ subtext and had quietly ranted under her breath later that it wasn't fair that they had to make up for the fact that Tank had them following her without her permission.

Catching the edge of a sleeve out of the corner of his eye, he saw that one of their reliefs was leaning outside the door just out of sight. Taking a chance, he cleared his throat and spoke just a little louder than they had been exchanging comments in. It was childish and petty, but he needed a little fun.

"You going to Shorty's tonight with the guys?" He knew they'd have to force her there in restraints to get her to go, but he thought it was an excellent opener.

Her growl was impressive. "No, and until they start listening and at least pretending that I can run my own life without their interference, I won't be. I couldn't even get Tank to agree this morning not to track me when I'm not working. It's insulting and makes me wonder if I ever knew these guys at all."

His mouth opened and she cut him off before he could get the first syllable out. "And if you tell me again that they're only doing this because they care, I'm going to hurt you. I know they care, but I'm not 10 and they're not my parents. I bet they don't track their wives and girlfriends like this. I know for a fact that Tank didn't do this shit to Lula when they were together. I feel like a skip for god's sake."

It was probably wrong of him to be amused at how she just kept going without much input from him. He jerked back to attention when he heard her voice change slightly. "Maybe after you teach me how to use my gun I can practice shooting at them until they listen to me?"

Barely holding in a chuckle when he saw the sleeve jerk as she said that, he glanced at her and saw a wicked amusement dancing in her eyes. Winking at her, they sat in silence to wait out the last ten minutes of their shift.

As they reached the edge of the cubicles where she went left and he went right, he turned to look at her seriously. "Don't forget, you promised. Fifteen minutes at minimum, more if you can stand it, but don't push too hard."

Eyes flashing with distaste she finally nodded in agreement. "I keep my promises, but I just want to say upfront that this is against my religion."

Unable to help himself he leaned down a little and whispered. "Work up to 30 minutes by the end of the week and I'll reward you on Sunday."

Her laughter followed him down the row even as he was mentally smacking himself upside the head. That kind of shit was not going to get the rumor mill to stop. At least he didn't specify that he'd probably be making her breakfast.

That _really_ wouldn't have helped.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – A confrontation with Joe and the Core Team has a meeting**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 6**

Stretched out in her tub, surrounded by heat and some flowery scent the annoying lady at Bed, Bath, and Beyond insisted was calming, Stephanie tried to relax. She couldn't believe the week was finally over. She and Ram had only managed to work together a couple days, the rest of the week taken up by things like searches and meetings. At least he had been called out on one op … _that_ she knew he had been pleased with. It was something.

She hated the fact that because of her that his time in the field seemed to be almost nonexistent. It was only the first week and they were both already dragging from spending too much time in the office. He had lost his temper and snapped at her earlier today when she had tried to apologize again. After twenty minutes of frosty silence, he calmed down and explained that he had known this was going to happen for awhile and that he didn't want to have to keep reassuring her. He pointed out that if he had to keep saying the same things it was like she didn't trust him to be honest with her.

At first she had been upset that he was kind of insinuating that she was acting like a child who needed her hand held, but trying to be the new grown up Stephanie, she stopped and looked at it from his perspective. She was actually glad he had been so honest with her after thinking about it. He hadn't tried to hide the fact that he wasn't exactly happy with what they were doing, but he hadn't blamed her either. He had simply accepted it as part of being partners.

That kind of honesty about things was rare in her little bubble. Her family had avoidance down to an art and her relationships with men as she got older seemed to be a product of that. Ram didn't let her take on more responsibility for things than he shouldered, but he did insist that they both shoulder it together no matter what. He didn't hide how he was feeling like Ranger, but he didn't hold it over her head and use it to emotionally bludgeon her like Joe.

It was nice. It was _really_ nice actually. For once, she kind of felt like she was part of a real team.

Hearing the alarm on her phone beep to remind her to get ready, she groaned. After considering ditching she decided to just deal with it. Using her toe to let the water out of the tub she spared a thought that Ram was infecting her with his grown up responsible attitude. Imagining Bobby's reaction if she were to ask him if there were vaccines for _that_, almost made her slip as she stood up, but she managed some very graceful flailing to recover.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Pulling up at her parents' house she debated driving back home when she saw Joe's car. _Why the fuck is Joe here? _Slamming her car door, she leaned down and pressed her hot face against the cold door. A few deep breaths and she forcibly relaxed, pushing the tension away for now.

It'd be back. After all, Joe was here. Yay.

Smiling at her grandma's enthusiasm as she bounced at the door waiting for her, already talking a mile a minute about her new beau that she was calling TrickyD, something Stephanie was **not** going to ask about, she decided that she was going to stop caring what her mother thought. _Yeah, because you don't make that resolution every time you come here. _There had to be a way for her to live her life the way she wanted to and not turn every meeting with her mom into a fight, but other than refusing to engage, she wasn't sure what it could be.

When she had come over on Tuesday to pick up Grandma and take her to the Clip n Curl, she had gotten yet another lecture about her job and how her friend's daughters don't do … something. Stephanie had stopped paying attention to the exact charge, it didn't matter anyway. Remembering what Ram had said, she tried pointing out that her mom and grandma weren't anything alike and grandma didn't try to change _her_. She had been overly optimistic about how well that would go over. She had _definitely_ forgotten to figure in how good her mother was at avoidance. Helen Plum had simply looked at her for a fraction of a second and then completely ignored everything she said. Logic and the 'Burg just didn't go together.

Feeling the nausea rise in her throat as she saw Joe for the first time in months, she concentrated on keeping her blank face in place and not remembering how he had looked when …

"Stephanie you're five minutes late, I don't know where I went wrong with you. It's good for you that Joe is so accepting of your faults." The patronizing pat on her hand made her want to slap someone. Joe would be a great candidate. _Deep breaths … in and out, in and out. Huh … I never realized how much breathing was like sex._

Refusing to respond with what really happened between her and Joe and dare her mom to count up the many faults **he** had, not that her mother would believe her anyway, she concentrated on avoiding the jackass and going to greet her father.

"Hey Daddy," she murmured as she kissed his cheek. Seeing his concerned look, she forced a smile for him. "It's ok, I'll survive. She just does it because she cares, right?"_ And that's a polite way of saying that she's an overbearing control freak who worries more about what her friends and neighbors think than making sure her own family knows she loves them. _

Rubbing his hand against his daughter's cheek, Frank Plum sighed. She had always been a handful, but lately he was getting worried that Helen was finally going to crush her spirit. His little girl just hadn't seemed as resilient lately. Looking at her closer though, he was encouraged to see a spark in her eye that had been missing for a long time.

"Love you, Pumpkin."

"Love you too." Stephanie flashed her dad a smile filled with more than a little bit of mischief. "Mind if I watch the game with you until dinner is ready?"

She wasn't sure why she hadn't done this before; watching her mother get frustrated that she couldn't pick on her like normal was _fun_. No one interrupted her father and the game, not even her mother. And Joe was well aware that Frank Plum didn't care for him and avoided the living room as well. It was a win win.

The relaxed mood lasted until they sat down at the table. Of course she was seated next to Joe. Her mother was nothing if not predictable.

Her entire body stiffened as Joe casually leaned over and brushed against her as he was reaching for the peas. Trying to set him on fire with her eyes, she made it obvious that she was leaning away so he couldn't touch her.

"So Helen, Cupcake and I are going to the Policeman's Ball next week, do you think you can help her find an appropriate dress?"

Snapping her head towards Joe with an incredulous look on her face, she checked to see if he was joking. Because that had to be a joke. _Maybe he's on a new medication that makes him insane?_

"OH! Of course I will Joe! I think we'll go out tomorrow Stephanie. You want to make sure you get something classy since so many of Joe's co-workers will be there. You don't want to embarrass him. Have you gained a few pounds? You look like you've gained weight."

Now staring at her mother blankly, she could feel her brain rebooting slowly. Very slowly.

"Actually I don't need a dress," she said flatly, her eyes cutting back to Joe and promising new and exciting ways to die. Her job had given her a lot of fodder for this hobby.

Her mother looked worried. "I'm sure Joe would prefer a new dress Stephanie. After all, your normal dresses aren't really … appropriate for anything outside of a bar. Why you dress like that around those thugs I'll never know. It's like asking to be assaulted." Stephanie rolled her eyes when her mother whispered the last word in a scandalized tone.

"Mother, I wear some of that stuff because it's my job," she paused to take a deep breath. "And you know those men would never hurt me. I meant that I don't need a dress because I'm not going to the Policeman's Ball with Joe." _Wait, what weight gain? I haven't gained weight have I? I didn't have any trouble with my pants earlier … _

Looking straight at Joe she said as clearly as she could, "In fact, I'm never going anywhere with Joe again. Ever."

Going back to her meatloaf and moaning happily at the tangy sauce contrasting with the tender meat, Stephanie didn't even bother to look up when her mother went off on yet another tangent. Peeking at her grandma she wasn't surprised to see her wink in support.

Telling herself again that no matter how much she protested that her mother would never see the guys at Rangeman any differently, she resolved to keep her mouth shut. She had a sneaking suspicion that her mother used her automatic defense of them to bait her into conversations she didn't want to have. Besides, her grandma and daddy knew better and Joe and her mother's opinions didn't mean anything.

Watching the devilish smile slide across Grandma's face, Stephanie wanted to slide under the table.

"I wouldn't mind if they assaulted me. I think maybe I could teach them a few things." Grandma clacked her teeth in anticipation.

"Jesus Christ," Frank moaned quietly.

Letting her mom dominate the dinner conversation, with frequent interjections by Joe, Stephanie concentrated on her food and not listening to them. There was a brief struggle with her inner rhino when they both started talking about the men she worked with, but she managed it for the most part. In fact, her only reaction was the cuts in her palms from her nails and tight lips, making her want to celebrate with dessert. _I did it! A whole dinner without screaming at her!_

Unfortunately dessert was in the kitchen and she'd have to go in there with her mother to get it. Plus standing up meant that Joe would have an easier time getting near her and she hadn't started those self defense lessons yet.

Looking down, the sight of her knee made her reconsider. She didn't need much self defense for that. And that apple pie smelled very good. Really not having a piece would be criminal. Swallowing her drool she took a deep breath and stood up, glaring at Joe when he acted like he was going to help her.

"Don't touch me," she hissed. Seeing her father narrow his eyes at the interaction she scurried away into the kitchen. She wanted Joe to leave her alone, but she'd rather not have her father in jail for shooting a police officer.

Slicing herself an extra large piece, because she had burnt a lot of energy being so good tonight, she moaned appreciatively at the first bite. Licking her fork clean she looked up to see her mother slide out of the kitchen, leaving her alone with Joe.

Traitor.

Her eyes burning with anger, she realized she was alone with him for the first time since That Day. "Why are you here? Are you insane? You're on a new medication or something? Something that makes you forgetful or stupid?" she spat.

"I miss you, Cupcake. Bob misses you too." She noticed that he didn't say a word about the boys, so obviously they still remembered her last discussion with them.

"I don't care. We are over Joe. Completely and forever. I don't even want to be your friend anymore. I could quite happily go the rest of my life without ever seeing you again."

His hurt look made her want to punch him. Barely listening to his pleas, she tried to figure out what was bothering her most about this. It was almost like he felt like he had to get her back for some reason. Which was ridiculous, right? Surely he wasn't stupid enough to think she'd be ok not only with him cheating on her but slapping her?

Stephanie Plum may forgive a lot of things, but even _he_ had to know that she'd never forgive _either_ of those things. She didn't give a shit if he was drunk when it happened or not. The fact that she had been more pissed off about the whole thing than brokenhearted didn't even need to be considered in her decision.

"I told you I was sorry, it was an accident."

She scoffed. "Your dick accidentally fell into her? Your hand accidentally slapped me? I'm not sure exactly what you were thinking was going to happen here Joe, but I'm serious. We are done. I don't want to see you here again unless it's on official business. Leave me alone. Leave my parents alone. Go find yourself a woman who will put up with your shit. There has to be one out there, the poor thing. But it won't be me."

_And now he'll insult me, because that's the formula for this conversation._

"That job is turning you into such a bitch. How many of them are you sleeping with now? I know Manoso is out of town. Obviously you must be useful to someone there since we both know it's not for your bounty hunting skills," he sneered.

Eyes snapping fire, she managed to keep her voice level and shrugged. "I brought you in, didn't I?"

Enjoying the way his face turned red and watching the vein in his temple pulse, Stephanie smiled frostily and took another bite of pie.

"And Joe? It doesn't matter if I'm sleeping with the entire office or I'm celibate. It still wouldn't change anything between you and me. We. Are. Over. For good."

Probably it wasn't necessary to yawn loudly in his face when he started insulting her again, but she was tired. It had been a long week.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Saturday afternoon she dialed the number Hector had set up for her. He had gone above and beyond what she requested; making it easier to escape the relentless shadowing Rangeman was putting her through. Now she just needed to dial a number and enter a code and the trackers on her car were essentially disabled. The call did something that told Hector's computers not to send the tracking on to the main control room. Ram had a new app on his personal cell phone that allowed him to pull up her signal in an emergency.

It wasn't perfect, she had to remember to enter the code every time she turned the engine back on, and if someone tried to pull up her route when they could see her they'd figure out that she had turned it off, so Stephanie concentrated on losing the shadow she was fairly certain was there. She wasn't sure if they were following her now because she was so opposed to it and kept losing them or if they truly thought she was in danger. She was betting on the former since she had made it pretty clear she'd be happy to try and cooperate when there was a clear threat.

It's not like she wanted to die, but she refused to stop living because of a maybe.

Frankly, she was confused. Ram kept saying that they did it because they worried about her, but if they really cared for her wouldn't they care that they're driving her batty? It was like when Joe insisted that if she just quit her job and married him that she'd be happy. Didn't anyone know her? Didn't her wishes ever come into it? And this seemed kind of extreme anyway.

Speaking of, Joe had left two messages since dinner ended last night, which hadn't helped her mood any. She didn't think he was dangerous, at least nothing she couldn't handle, but at the same time his insistence that they were getting back together made her skin crawl. She was going to have to talk to the girls and get some suggestions for deterrence.

Pulling into Ram's driveway, make that Tony's driveway, cause she got to use the special name, she smiled at the house. It really was a nice looking place. Whoever picked the brickwork and shutters that they used as accents did a great job.

Realizing in a sort of horrified way that she was thinking about _decorating_, she shuddered and got out of the car.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Moving to the front door in response to the knock, Tank wanted to slam his fist against the door when he saw who it was. Not that he really expected it to be anyone different. Swinging the door open and stepping away so he could come in, he headed back to the living room.

"Man, you can keep fucking arguing, but this is what we agreed on and what Ranger asked us to do," Tank said tiredly as he walked away, not bothering to let him get started.

Lester Santos took the beer his friend was handing him and sank onto the couch. "I know we did and we did agree it was the best plan, but fuck Tank. I don't know how much longer I can do this to her. Or watch what it's doing to the rest of us. We're tearing the company apart man. Do we really believe he's going to hurt her?"

Scrubbing a hand across his face, Tank leaned back and stared at the ceiling. What Lester was saying wasn't new and it wasn't something he was much enjoying either, but it had to be done. Hearing another knock he sighed heavily.

"Go let Bobby in, I'll get more beer."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Only a Merry Man would have made sure that one of the first rooms finished in their new house was the gym area," she snickered.

Ram stopped and turned to look at her. "A what?"

Stephanie colored a little and waved a hand to indicate it wasn't really important. At his raised eyebrow and insistent look she caved. "I was talking to Ranger about something he was doing a few years ago and compared him to Robin Hood. Somehow my brain latched onto it and now all the Rangeman guys are my Merry Men."

He looked down at his legs and smirked a little. "You want us to dance in tights?"

"Only if my grandma can be there to watch."

His tanned face paled dramatically. "Uh …"

Breaking out into laughter, something she wasn't doing nearly enough of these days, she waved towards the shiny silver machines and weight bench before sitting down heavily. "You're not going to make me do any of that stuff, right? I ran, but we didn't make any agreements about actually working out."

Leaning against the wall, he crossed his arms and looked at her seriously, green eyes holding blue.

"Stephanie, what happens if we're out in the field and I'm injured?"

"I … what do you mean?"

"When you've gone out with some of the guys and they've gotten hurt or there's a situation, you've always been able to pull something out of your hat to make sure everyone survives, right?"

"So far," she agreed hesitantly, not sure where he was going with this.

"I want to give you more to pull out of your hat. Something that's not based on luck," he said simply.

"Ok, I get that, that's the self defense. I asked you to teach me, remember? I won't go so far as to say I _want_ to learn, but I know I should," she said defensively.

"And what happens if we're chasing someone and you can't keep up? Or if when we catch them you're out of breath and can't respond if something happens?"

Stephanie didn't respond other than to glare.

Tipping his head back against the wall and staring at the ceiling, Ram exhaled softly. He really wanted her to do this but he didn't want to blackmail her into it. She'd work harder if she thought it would help keep someone safe … someone other than her at least.

"I'm not trying to make you into a female version of us. I just want you to have the training necessary to be able to be an equal partner. That's what you wanted, right?"

He looked back at her to see her face fall. He knew she was thinking that the guys didn't think she was pulling her weight, but he had promised to be honest with her.

"We've talked about how the guys don't respect your skills and I told you at your apartment that I think you bring things to the table other than physical stuff. That's important, and I'm not making light of it. I think without those things that some of us would have been seriously hurt and I'm grateful you were there to help. I told you some of that stuff can't be learned and I was being honest, but I also said that the physical stuff _can be_. Even if no one else knows, this will make you better Stephanie."

"I guess I don't understand the insistence on it, everyone is always pushing it at me. Hell Ranger has been known to wake me up and force me out my door to run!"

Crouching down in front of her, he made her look at him. "And all that did was piss you off I'm sure. I won't force you into anything, but I'd like it if you would give it a try. The running is obvious, you need the endurance. The actual self defense training is more than just showing you a couple of holds and telling you how to get out of them. Your muscles need to know exactly how to move and in order to learn that you need to practice. To practice, you need the muscle and endurance that comes from having a body that's in shape."

Seeing her obvious indignation that he would say she was out of shape, he fought a smile. "You're not fat and you know it, so stop that. That doesn't mean you're in shape either."

Watching her think about it, he saw she was about to agree, but she still didn't look enthusiastic or determined. He knew she'd do it and he didn't hold out any hope that she'd enjoy it at first, but he didn't want her miserable either.

"I tell you what. We'll chart your progress. For each step that you attain I'll make you something special or we can do something fun. Your choice," he offered.

Her eyes narrowed. "My choice?"

He nodded.

"Even if it's bad for me?"

"Maybe be more specific."

"Dessert and junk food?" She had other things in mind too, but she thought she'd start with the most important.

Ram looked confused. "You can have that now Stephanie. I meant something special. Like I said I'd make you breakfast tomorrow, you just have to tell me what you want."

Her eyes got big. "Wait, you're not saying I have to eat healthy too?"

He wanted to laugh at how closely she was watching him for a response. "No, you can eat just like you always do. In fact, you'll probably be hungrier because your physical activity will increase. I'm not saying it wouldn't benefit you to eat differently, but no, it's not my business if you don't. Like I said before, you're not overweight."

"So if I told you I wanted Belgian waffles tomorrow with whipped cream and lots of butter and maybe some strawberry stuff, you'd make it and eat some too?"

"If I have the ingredients, sure. And I like waffles."

Her blue eyes looked thoughtful. "So why did everyone else make it sound like it was an all or nothing thing?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, I'm not them. However, I'm fairly certain you wouldn't go for that kind of wholesale change and I really think the other stuff is more important." A wicked smile appeared. "And to be honest I enjoy listening to you eat far too much to change your diet."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Forty-five minutes later, Stephanie collapsed on the floor and whined pitifully. "No more, please."

"You agreed to an hour," Ram said, not budging an inch.

"I hate you."

"That's ok, wait until I show you what you've earned if you keep your word. You'll stop hating me pretty fast," he teased.

An eye cracked open and an interested look passed over her face. "I get something? What do I get?"

"Right now you get fifteen more minutes of a workout. Afterwards, you get a surprise."

Climbing on the hated Stairmaster, Stephanie glared at Ram. "Fine, but I still get to hate you for another fifteen minutes."

Cheerfully programming the machine to do a very light set, more to keep her moving so she could make her goal and become accustomed to the machine than anything else, he just smiled at her.

Hopping up on the treadmill next to her, he decided to take her mind off of the hated exercise. "What do you want me to make you for dinner?"

"Is that my surprise?"

"No, I just thought you might want to eat later. I have no desire to be killed by the beast that lives in your stomach."

"Hmph. Can you make fettuccine alfredo? And garlic bread. And something really fattening for dessert."

"I'll even make it sausage fettuccine alfredo. I don't really have anything Italian around for dessert, so hopefully brownies and ice cream is acceptable."

He coughed to cover a laugh when she wiped her mouth. He was pretty sure that she didn't realize she had checked for drool.

Stephanie's attempt at nonchalance was ruined by the thread of greed in her voice. "Well if that's all you have, that will be fine."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"I love you," she said seriously.

Ram snickered as he activated the controls on the hot tub. "I told you so."

"Um, I didn't exactly bring anything…" she trailed off uncomfortably.

"I'm going to go make dinner, so take your time. I promise not to peek," he said, winking at her.

Blushing, she slapped his arm. "I didn't think you would."

"Let me grab you a couple of towels and a bottle of water and I'll let you relax for awhile."

Stopping in the doorway, he turned back to look at her before saying, "You did good Steph, you should be proud of yourself."

For some reason, his words gave her the same hot achy feeling in her chest that Ranger's 'I'm proud of you, Babe' always did. _But it's not like he said he was proud of you, he said you should be proud of yourself. Ranger says he's proud of me. Does that mean Ram isn't? Do I want him to be proud of me? Or is it because I like that he wants me to be proud of myself and not rely on how anyone else feels? Oh god, what the hell am I doing?_

Shutting that line of thinking down quickly, Stephanie gave him a big smile. "Thanks Tony, I am."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – An overnight visit brings more than one problem to light**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 7**

Turning over restlessly, Stephanie huffed out a breath and grumpily fluffed her pillow. She hadn't been planning on staying over tonight, but Ram had told her he was fine on the couch. Since she had been promised breakfast, she let him talk her into it so that she didn't have to go through the hassle of losing her guards again tomorrow morning.

She was pretty sure he took her words at face value, but that's not actually why she stayed. After dinner he had excused himself to use the shower and she had explored the house to take her mind off of the fact that he was naked nearby, with soapy skin and…

Stupid hormones.

The cartons of beer and the amount of empty bottles that she found in the garage had concerned her. Thinking back over the night, she realized that even Joe would be showing some signs of being drunk by the time dinner was over, which meant that Ram had built up a hell of a tolerance. She knew that Ranger wouldn't find this acceptable in any of his guys, so when did this start? And why? It just didn't seem to fit what she knew of Ram.

She needed to find out what happened in his life before this got worse.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_The heat and humidity of the Colombian jungle surrounded him. He was tired, having been in place for almost 12 hours now. He couldn't move until the rest of the team was in position and they had carried out their orders. It had taken him almost two days to work his way to his spot inside the compound, if he was discovered now it would all be a waste._

_Eyes burning and muscles twitching from stress, he slowly ate part of an energy bar and drank some water hoping to put off the crash he could feel slowly approaching. Short cat naps weren't going to be enough soon. Hearing the voices in his earwig, he forced himself to focus on what was happening._

_"Sir, the recorders are picking up some activity inside the house." The voice of the young technical analyst came through clearly._

_"Not on this frequency." The CO, Pickens, was a man that Ram was certain was on his last job. He was completely burned out. Johns should have known better than to use the main channel though, that was unusual._

_"Sir, it sounds like there are women in the house ..."_

_"Not our problem. Get off this channel, now." The command was crisply given, a hint of menace in the tone._

_A throat was cleared._

_Butch, another sniper still working on getting past a group of sentries, spoke up. "Sir?"_

_"Keep your heads in the game soldiers. The mission is clear."_

_"Yes sir."_

_Ram knew that Pickens was saying that the women would probably be collateral damage, but something was niggling at him. Why would Johns make sure the snipers knew about it? Considering the house and his position, he finally decided to move to his secondary perch. It would give him a better view into the house and still allow him excellent coverage of the courtyard where the meeting would take place in about 6 hours._

_Almost an hour later, easing into his new area, he slowly took out the rangefinder to get an idea of what was bothering Johns so much._

_He wished he could have gone on in ignorance._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Ram! Tony! Please wake up, please Tony."

Stephanie had finally been asleep when she heard a noise that reminded her of a wounded animal. Eyes wide, she listened closely with her heart in her throat until she realized it was Ram. Leaping out of bed and yanking on sweatpants over her panties she ran downstairs where he had slept last time she was here.

Standing over him now, she didn't know what to do. She had tried calling his name and even touched his leg, making sure to stay angled in a way that he couldn't accidentally kick her, but nothing was working.

Taking a deep breath and sending up a short prayer that he wouldn't hurt her, not because she was worried about herself, but because she had a feeling he would probably self destruct under the guilt, she slowly approached the couch and kneeled beside his head.

Lifting her hand, she placed it on his chest and pressed softly while softly talking to him.

"Ram … Tony, you're having a dream. I need you to wake up for me, please. Shhhh, it's ok. I have dreams too, sometimes I dream of Ramirez and Scrog, did you know that? Please wake up for me, please."

Rubbing her hand across his chest, she refused to recognize how warm and soft his skin was or how his muscles rippled with tension underneath it. _This is so not the time Stephanie. Jesus._ Continuing to utter a soothing stream of words, she waited with unshed tears in her eyes.

When his breath hitched and his eyes flew open, her wrist was suddenly caught in an unbreakable grip, a steel band pressing tight. Recognizing the wild eyes that come from a dream that is entirely too real, she stilled and continued talking to him until his eyes finally seemed to come into focus.

Swallowing dryly when he finally looked at her, she gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Hi."

"Stephanie?" he rasped.

Ok, so he wasn't completely with it yet. His hand had softened around her wrist at least and his thumb was stroking it soothingly, which she was taking as a good sign.

"You were having a bad dream." She didn't want to make it sound like it was 'just' a bad dream, because she was pretty sure he wouldn't have made that noise if it was a dream about huge mutant spiders, but she didn't want to make him self-conscious either.

"Fuck," he groaned. Then he looked at her sharply. "Did I hurt you or say anything?"

"No, you didn't say anything important and of course you didn't hurt me," she said indignantly.

Sitting up, he let go of her hand and she fell back on her heels to give him some space. "You shouldn't get that close to me when I'm having a nightmare Steph, it's not safe."

She frowned at him. She wasn't stupid enough to think it was completely safe, the guys were all dangerous and in a dream they wouldn't know it was her, but she didn't like the implication.

"So what, I should just watch you relive whatever it is that's torturing you?"

"If it means that you have to get close enough to me that I could grab you, then yes, you should," he said solemnly.

Looking at him closely, she saw the signs of exhaustion that she hadn't seen earlier, or had she seen it and dismissed it as something else, something innocuous? Is this why he was drinking so much? So that he could sleep at all? For someone that was normally so controlled it seemed out of character that he'd have a drinking problem. Chewing her lip, she decided that yes, it was probably a little manipulative to push at his walls right now, but her intentions were pure. Pure enough anyway.

Not responding to his last comment, because she'd just argue with him, she pushed at his shoulder to move him a little and sat down where he'd had his head. Leaning back, she tugged at him until he slowly moved so that he was leaning against her, snugged tight against the vee in her legs.

Draping her arms around his shoulders, her eyes burned a little when she felt the hitch in his breathing. Ignoring both responses, she held him tighter and told him to go back to sleep.

"No, I should get up. It's not safe, Steph. I appreciate the thought, I do." The words sounded like they were torn out of him and she wondered if it was because he was embarrassed that she had seen him like this or if it was because he really wanted to accept and thought he shouldn't. _He's male, probably both._

Locking her arms and legs around him and holding him down when he went to lift up, she growled at him. Since she knew she couldn't hold him there if he really wanted to leave, she was pleasantly surprised when he relaxed again. She really _was_ tired and chasing him around would have sucked.

"You can't hurt me from this position, not without me waking up first. You weren't flailing anyway, just … upset. Please, relax and go back to sleep. I promise that if I feel like it's dangerous at any point that I'll get away from you. _I_ _promise_." She put as much emphasis on that as she could, knowing that it was the only chance she had for this to happen.

"We're partners Ram, let me do this. You help me in all sorts of ways, let me do this for you," she pleaded softly.

He sighed and the rapidity of his acceptance told her that he was more exhausted than she had realized. Raising her hand to run her nails through his thick hair, she smiled a little when she felt his body quiver.

Deciding to lighten the atmosphere a little she teased, "You know, I don't normally need to beg men to sleep with me. Are you _sure_ I'm not getting fat?"

His soft laughter and the soothing slide of her fingers through his hair were the last things she remembered.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Waking up alone on the couch, tucked under a soft fleece blanket and her head propped up on a pillow didn't surprise her. She had felt him get up and rearrange her a few hours after they had lain back down, but she was pretty sure he had stayed until almost dawn. The soft kiss on her forehead had kept her awake long enough to verify that he had gone into the gym to work out before she fell back to sleep.

Sitting up and drawing her knees into her chest, she tried to decide how to handle this. At some point during the night she had become convinced that the drinking and the nightmares were linked. She really wanted him to stop using alcohol to cope, but men didn't always react well to that kind of conversation. God knows Joe didn't. Chewing her lip absently, she failed to notice him appear in the doorway.

"Thinking hard?" His voice was brisk, but there was a hint of embarrassment in it that touched her.

"Kind of?"

"Hmm … anything I can help with?" He asked as he ambled into the room.

She moved over a little when he sat down, tossing the blanket over his legs and curling up against him. "I'm not sure," she said softly.

Letting him wrap an arm around her, she felt more than heard him sigh. Rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, she tossed the dice and hoped she wasn't about to make a terrible mistake.

"I have this friend you see," she started slowly. "And I'm worried about them. But I don't know if they'll let me help."

His hand tightened on her shoulder before he relaxed again. "Maybe it's nothing you can help with."

"Maybe. But I think I can, at least a little. I just don't know if I try that it won't ruin our friendship."

She felt his head nod against hers. "I can see that. I think that anyone should be thankful when their friends care about them, even if they don't agree with what's being said or can't follow their advice."

Licking her lips, she swallowed hard. _Please don't let me fuck this up._ "I do care and I'm not going to ask my friend to tell me things they can't, but I'm worried that they're using alcohol in order to cope with something horrible."

Ram's entire body went rigid against hers and she felt her body tighten in response before she managed to relax. Long minutes passed, minutes that she spent castigating herself for being so pushy.

"What if that's the only way they've found that works?" he said softly, a thread of steel in his voice warning her to step carefully.

"I'd say that sucks, but that there has to be another way. My friend is very conscious of safety and their health you see, and drinking heavily isn't something I see working for him long term. I totally get short term coping mechanisms; I mean I almost lived inside the Tasty Pastry after a couple of my stalkers. But eventually I had to find other ways."

It was an interesting sensation to feel him force himself to relax against her. She could practically feel him order each individual muscle group at a time. There was a long silence before she realized she was stroking his chest. _What is up with that? Every time I turn around my hand is doing that. He's not a pet Steph, geez._

"Maybe you should give your friend a little space to deal with things on their own," he suggested in a wary and defensive tone. "Sometimes people just do the best they can."

She made a noncommittal sound. "It's not fair you know," she said suddenly.

"What's not fair?"

Taking another chance, not that the first one had gone so well, she blurted out, "My friend is a good man, an honorable man. And, I _know_ that whatever is bothering him is something that he was given no choice about and there's nothing I can do to really help other than offer to listen and give him a hug when I think he needs it. There should be more that I can do."

There was a long period where the sound of their breathing and the ticking of the clock on the wall seemed to fill the room. "You help more than you know," she heard him say softly before he pressed a kiss against her hair.

Tilting her head back, she looked at Ram for the first time since he had sat down. "I do?"

He gave her that beautiful half smile, green eyes soft and almost apologetic. "Yeah, you do. Now come on, go get in the shower so you can tell me how wonderful my homemade waffles are."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram waved as Stephanie pulled out of his driveway, hiding a smile when she cut the wheel too sharply and bumped over the curb. He could feel her glaring at him from 30 feet away.

Staring after her car, he blew out a harsh breath. He hadn't been prepared for her to bring up his drinking this morning. He wasn't even sure how she had figured it out. Unable to decide if he was more embarrassed at himself or ashamed, he was doing his best not to be angry at her. Even if he was furious. She hadn't done anything wrong, not really. He just didn't want to face it. Between what was going on in his head and at work... He didn't think he had become an alcoholic, not yet, but even he could see that it was coming if something didn't change.

Ignoring the housework that he should be starting, Ram went to his bedroom and flopped face down on his bed, inhaling deeply.

"Oh fuuuuck," he growled loudly.

He hadn't noticed it last week since he had changed the sheets the next day, but his bed was saturated in Stephanie. He could make out her shampoo and conditioner mixed with a body wash and her own unique scent. Trying to control his errant thoughts did no good when he suddenly realized that last week she would have been covered in _his_ body wash.

Feeling his body react to that thought, unable to stop imagining how soft and warm she had been last night and how her hands had run through his hair, he closed his eyes tightly and started reciting prime numbers.

She was a beautiful woman, he'd always known that. The more time they spent together though, the worse this was becoming. Not spending time with her was no longer an option, but he had to figure out a way to control his body. She wasn't his and while he had a suspicion that she wasn't Ranger's either, they had never talked about it. That 'warning' from Tank also made it pretty clear that if they did start something they would both lose the only partner they could count on right now.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Sunday night he was sketching out some changes for the master bedroom when his phone rang. Recognizing Jon's ringtone, he tossed the pencil down and reached for his cell.

"Hey big brother," he said brightly, trying to remove the melancholy from his voice. Ram knew it wasn't going to work, his older brother was one of the few people in the world who could always read him. He'd been particularly attentive since he had returned from Colombia. Jon knew he couldn't talk about it, but he was doing his best to support him anyway.

"How's it going, Anthony?"

"Another week come and gone, Jon. You? Cut anyone open lately?"

"Hell yes, I love my fuckin job. I keep expecting surgery to stop giving me that thrill, you know? Then I get in the OR and my zone comes over me and I just … shit. You shoot anyone this week?" He snickered gleefully. It was a running joke between them that Ram shot them and Jon sewed them up.

"Not this week," he sighed. Not anytime soon probably. Fucking Tank.

"Hmmm, what's that mean?"

"Nothing man, it's nothing."

A long silence coated the edges of the conversation with ice before Ram broke.

"Just having a few problems at work, it's nothing big."

Jon pressed, "What kind of problems?"

Damnit. Remembering his concern that shit was starting to build up and that feeling he had gotten in his chest when Stephanie had brought up his drinking, he tightened his lips and blew out a harsh breath. The anger and shame she had left him with on Saturday had festered, thoughts chasing themselves in circles.

One thing he _had_ realized was that if he didn't work on the drinking and what he was pretty sure were symptoms of PTSD, he was going to end up getting someone hurt. With Stephanie as his partner now, that wasn't acceptable. That meant he was going to need another outlet for some of this, a different coping mechanism or something. If he couldn't do anything about what happened in Colombia, he could at least share some of the stuff going on in his life now. Compared to that feeling in his chest, his dislike for this kind of conversation was ridiculous.

"If you can't talk about it," Jon trailed off.

"No, I can, I just don't _want_ to. But fuck, I guess I should." He could practically hear Jon's eyebrows shoot up towards his hairline and the silence over the phone was charged with something he couldn't quite read. Expectation?

Dropping his head back against the couch and watching the trees in the backyard shiver and shake as the wind whipped around them, he started at the beginning, explaining how he'd had problems since his last mission and then about Stephanie. His family knew about Stephanie of course. They kept an eye on the news here in Trenton, so when she had started getting press he had admitted that they occasionally worked together. As time went on and he had gotten to know her better, he had shared some of the more public things about her. Stephanie valued her privacy a lot though, so he was careful about what he said, even if she'd never know.

Realizing that the Core Team _knew_ that about her and they were _still_ pressing her this hard, he made a note to think about that part of the puzzle later. Was there more to it than Ranger's words in that last meeting? Was something else going on? If she was actually in danger, he needed to know that to protect her. He certainly wouldn't be advocating her turning off her trackers even if one still transmitted to him and Hector … not if someone was out there aiming for her.

After catching his brother up on the history, he took another deep breath and explained about the Michaels surveillance. His brother sucked in a sharp breath when he admitted that he almost let that scumbag hurt those women. Even now he couldn't admit how bad it would have gotten for them. A faint approving noise filtered through when he explained that Stephanie had called him on it and pushed ahead anyway, but when he got to the part that scared him, he stopped.

"Tony, what happened? I know there's more," Jon asked quietly.

Hearing his brother call him Tony was enough to jolt him out of his silence. Jon was reminding him that not only was he family but that he was his friend.

"I almost killed him after I subdued him," he replied, shame coloring his words.

"But you didn't?"

Ram gave the trees a half smile. "No, I didn't. If I had been with anyone else I probably would have, but Stephanie managed to talk me down."

"I'm assuming from your tone that you didn't know she could do that?"

"No I didn't and to be honest it scares the fuck out of me. And what if she can't the next time or if I go after her?"

"Wait, how are you still working? You know I love you little brother, but if you're going to snap, I'd rather have you off the streets so I'm not visiting you in prison some day."

Making his way into the kitchen and pressing his forehead against his fridge, he fought the desire to get a beer. He told Jon about Stephanie's outburst and how she had demanded to be his permanent partner. Then about how the guys reacted, the week she'd been off and this last week.

"So you guys have officially been partnered for a week? Does she know the guys are acting like that? Since I assume that has more to do with her than with you."

"No she doesn't know. And if you call working a desk or monitors partnering, then yes," he snarled a little. He was trying to hide how furious he was in front of Steph over their new assignments because he knew she felt bad, but he was more than a little pissed off about it.

Silence, and then, "Huh. Gotta say, I didn't expect this when I asked how you were."

"No, I bet you didn't," Ram huffed out a short bitter laugh. Stepping out of the kitchen holding a bottle of water, fingers tight enough to dent the plastic a little, he went on to tell Jon about Steph's shadows before finishing with the lengths she was going to just to go somewhere without being tracked or followed.

"Holy shit, that's kind of fucked up. She doesn't know why?"

"No. Not that I think it would matter at this point, at least not much. Steph has this thing about her privacy and respecting her wishes and the guys have really trampled all over that. I don't know if it's part of her personality or because she works with a bunch of alpha males, but nothing makes her rebel faster than the shit they're pulling."

There was a thoughtful silence as Ram took a drink, almost surprised that he tasted water and not beer. He felt a little lighter too.

"Why?"

_Huh?_ "Why what?"

"You and I have maybe had heart to hearts a half dozen times in over 30 years. Why now?"

Rubbing his face and trying to decide if he should tell Jon about the rest of it, he couldn't get Stephanie's soft voice out of his head. _'My friend is a good man, an honorable man. I __**know**__ that whatever is bothering him is something that he was given no choice about…'_ Knowing she felt that way seemed to blunt the edge of shame he felt, not much, but enough to tell his closest brother.

"I've been having nightmares almost every night, can't sleep. The last month or so I've been drinking until I pass out more and more often."

"Oh Anthony," Jon breathed softly.

"Steph stayed over the other night since it was late when we got done with her training and heard me having a nightmare on the couch. She called me on the drinking the next morning. I know she's right, it's not good for me, but fuck Jon. I don't know if I can take trying to stop on top of all this other shit. I guess 'why now' is because I don't know what else to do. I'm running out of options."

Hearing the hum that he recognized as his brother trying to remember something that was just out of reach, Ram waited patiently. The wind whipping around the trees and throwing leaves everywhere could almost make him believe he was back in Chicago. Smiling a little, picturing his parents curled up on the couch reading, with a fire going in the fireplace, he let his eyes drift to his own fireplace.

"There's not much I can do for a lot of it, and I know you know that. I think maybe just talking about it a little will ease the pressure Anthony, but the nightmares I can help with. I think. There's a drug that's been in trials for PTSD nightmares. I read about it in a journal a few months ago and I'm pretty sure that I remember hearing Dr. Taylor talking about having prescribed it for awhile for off label use since it's actually for high blood pressure," Jon said.

A little amused that Jon was rambling and clearly trying to pull up details that he was fuzzy on, Ram quietly huffed in laughter. Jon was normally very put together and rarely spoke before he knew what he wanted to say, very desirable traits in your general surgeon but less appropriate when you just want a casual conversation with your brother. To hear him flustered like this reminded him of when they were kids.

"I need to confirm with him, I won't give him any details, but I want to see what kind of experiences he's had with the drug. Too many of the articles today are influenced by pharma, even if the journals try to eradicate the bias. If it's something that might work for you I'll email you some information on it. I don't know the side effects either, so …"

Embarrassed that he hadn't thought of something like this in the first place, Ram rushed to reassure his brother. "Send me whatever you can, Jon. I'm sorry that I didn't ask you before this, I just assumed the only thing they could do was talk therapy shit and I … fuck."

"You can't talk about it," Jon said quietly.

"No. I can't."

"Even to an Army doc?"

"If I do, I'm done. The shit in my head, the … no, I'd be done."

Jon sounded like he wanted to say something, but swallowed it. Ram knew he wanted to ask why he wasn't willing to give it up and appreciated that Jon stayed silent. He didn't know why, not really. The Army had been with him for so many years that he wasn't sure he could function without it in the background somewhere. He felt like a failure for even thinking about quitting, especially because of something like this.

"Ok Anthony. Let me talk to Dr. Taylor tomorrow and then I'll email you some options. If we find something you want to try, I'll prescribe it so that you don't have to go to a local doctor, but you have to promise me that you'll notify the medic that you work with so he can watch for problems."

Chewing his lip, something he'd be horrified he had picked from Stephanie if he realized he was doing it, Ram considered that from several angles before deciding that if he didn't trust Bobby to handle his medical information then he may as well quit his job anyway, he agreed quietly.

Neither sure where to go with the conversation now, the heavy things they had discussed weighing them both down, Jon finally broke the silence and started talking about the gorgeous fifth year OB/GYN resident that he had his eye on.

Relaxing into the more casual discussion, they spent another ten minutes on the phone before Jon hung up after promising again to email him tomorrow with more information. Tossing his phone on the coffee table, Ram pillowed his head on his hands as stretched out on the couch. For the first time in months, hope curled around his heart.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – A time jump and a date**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: There is a time jump of almost two months in the middle of this chapter that is not 'marked', only referred to in the text (we go from end of October to nearing Christmas). I just wanted to make sure I pointed it out in case anyone missed the cues and got confused.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 8**

Shaking his head at Stephanie's attempt at distracting him from today's 'lesson', he waited until she had finished babbling before completely ignoring everything she had said.

"Get your gun," he ordered quietly.

She was pretty sure she used to be good at getting out of this stuff. Probably she should figure out why Ram seemed immune. Or was she losing her touch?

Grouchily turning her back on him, she dug through her purse and desk drawers until she had everything. Turning around she stopped short when she looked at him. He was leaning against the wall behind her cubicle with his arms crossed. His expression was a mix of tired, resigned, and irritated and she suddenly felt a stab of guilt.

She had asked him for this and it wasn't his fault that now that she had her gun in hand she didn't want to do it.

Eyes downcast, she forced the words out of her throat where they seemed to want to stay. "I'm sorry. I know I asked you to train me, I just…"

"You hate your gun," he said.

She nodded before risking a look up at him. His expression had softened a little, but he still seemed tired. She searched for bloodshot eyes, but didn't find any signs that he'd been drinking last night. Then again she hadn't seen those signs before. It had taken actually counting bottles for her to realize what was going on. Still, he seemed to be level in a way that he hadn't been for awhile.

Feeling him touch her back as he guided her along, she frowned in confusion when they went to the roof. The wind had pushed warmer temperatures to them, so it was unseasonably warm for the end of October, but she thought they were going to the range.

"Have a seat," he motioned to the picnic table and she sat down, tracing her fingers across the top of it. "Tell me why you don't like your gun, Stephanie."

Groaning, she twisted her mouth in a grimace of irritation. "I don't _know_ why I don't like my gun, I just don't. I carry it because you all insist on it, but I never reach for it first when I need help and I just think it'd be better to concentrate on other ways to defend myself."

His eyes felt like they were piercing her soul and she shivered a little under his gaze, not sure if she wanted to give up any of her secrets.

"I've seen you shoot when you had to. You're not a bad shot. Your aim is adequate and you don't hesitate if you're backed against the wall, so it's not that you can't use it. You don't want to use it for some reason," he reasoned logically. The unemotional tone made her snappish.

She shrugged a little. No, she didn't want to use it, but she wasn't sure how to tell a sniper that she didn't want to kill people.

"Ok, so you don't want to kill people," he said softly. _Shit did I say that out loud? Of course I did. Maybe I can shoot myself now? _

She took a long moment before she spoke, trying to order her thoughts. "No, I don't. But when I have my gun in my hand, that's pretty much all I know to do. It's like … like I don't have any options, you know?"

He tilted his head at her and she resolutely refused to notice how adorable he was. "You feel that because you've escalated the situation to lethal weapons that you have no choice but to follow through if necessary?"

"Yeah, I guess. I've never really thought it out this much. I just know that whenever I have my gun in my hand that I usually end up shooting someone with it and a lot of time I end up killing them. Don't get me wrong, a lot of them completely deserved it and there are a few I wish I could resurrect so I could shoot them again, but…"

"But maybe not everyone and you don't want to be judge and jury," he nodded, a knowing look on his face that made her own heat up. She guessed he probably knew how that felt.

Her expression must have been enough to tell him what he wanted to know because he changed the direction of the conversation.

"So why not shoot to disable?" he asked curiously.

She rolled her eyes. _How was this not self evident?_

"Because if I miss, I'm dead," she said plainly. "I doubt I'd have time to get another shot off before they took me out. Plus that just pisses them off, so even if they're down, they're rarely out. And now they're mad too. I still have to subdue them somehow before I can cuff them. Ranger always told me I should aim for the chest since it's the biggest target." Stephanie shrugged a little, fingers picking at the wood of the table.

"Well it is the biggest target, but what if they're wearing a vest?"

"I hope they're not pointing a gun at me?" she replied with a fake and cheerful smile.

Barking a laugh, he rubbed his face a little before he turned back to her.

"Stephanie, I can teach you to shoot. I can probably teach you to shoot really well based on the fact that you already have pretty good aim for someone who never really practices. What I can't teach you is to be comfortable with the idea that sometimes shooting someone is safer than stunning them. I can give you examples and reasons why _I_ think that's true, but you need to consider it for yourself."

His eyes got serious and he dropped down to sit across from her. "The thing is, if you're going to do this job, you need to consider that this may not only keep you safe but also keep your partner safe. I'm not saying I won't partner with you if you don't work on this, but I want to be clear that it makes it harder to trust that you'll have my back if there are guns in play. Not because I don't think you won't shoot them, but because you wouldn't have been prepared and you'll have to scramble to react." His voice dipped in apology.

Stephanie had rocketed through various emotions during that speech, finally landing on indignant determination. She may not want to admit it, but he was right. The times that someone else had escalated things to lethal weapons, not counting Lula or Grandma Mazur getting gun happy, which happened far more often than she was comfortable with, she had always come through by the skin of her teeth. There were a couple Merry Men who bore scars from those encounters.

Biting her lip hard, she fought not to visibly react when she considered that Ram could be hurt because of something she did or rather, didn't do. Because she had chosen to be stubborn and not even try.

"What do I do?" she finally asked, once she was positive her voice wasn't going to crack.

"First, we're going to start at the beginning. I'm not sure that your gun is right for your hand," he said, narrowing his eyes at her hand.

"But … it's pretty," she said sadly. The only thing she did like about her gun was the pretty etching that was on it. She tightened her grip around it, ignoring the stretch her fingers were making in order to hold it correctly. "See, it's ok, it fits just fine."

He obviously didn't feel that was worth a reply since he went on without even glancing at her hand again. Huffing a little, she glared a little at him before setting the gun back down.

"Once we find a gun that works for you, we're going to test holsters until we find some that are comfortable. Then we're going to the range every day this week until I'm satisfied that you can practice on your own for half an hour a day. After that we'll move to meeting there twice a week and start using variable targets so you don't get used to just the one type. The goal is for you to improve your aim enough that if you have to shoot, you _do_ still have options."

She flashed him a brilliant smile. It didn't sound like a day at the mall, but it wasn't as bad as she was expecting.

"You're also going to have to start wearing your gun all the time." Her smile dropped.

"Look, you have to get comfortable with it so that it's just another tool. The only way to do that is for you to wear it. Some of the drills we'll eventually do will have you pulling it from your holster to aim so that muscle memory takes over, just like the self defense." When her expression didn't change, he tried another tack. "Also, a woman wearing a gun that she knows how to use is pretty fucking hot," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Blushing lightly and watching him from under her lashes, she was surprised when she saw his eyes glaze over for a fraction of a second. _What is he imagining? Remembering some other woman or thinking about me?_ Telling her now interested body that it didn't matter, he was her _partner_; she looked back down at the gun lying in front of her and sighed.

"Fine, but if after a month, if I still don't want to wear it, can I stop?"

"Stephanie, if you don't want to wear it _now_ you don't have to. I told you it's not a requirement to be my partner," he said flatly, looking a little offended. "You asked for help getting comfortable with it."

Her face twisted a little in apology. "I know I did. And I will try, it's just now that it's real … it's not like learning how to get out of holds or where I should hit someone to disable them, it's life and death, you know?"

His hand fisted before he uncurled his fingers and reached out for her hand to help her up. "Yeah, I know."

Letting him guide her to the door, stuck between amused and irritated that none of the Merry Men seemed to think she knew how to walk, she stopped at the door and turned to him.

"Did you sleep ok last night?"

He didn't meet her eyes for a second and her heart seized up a little. Did she push too hard? She didn't want him to start lying to her.

Then his eyes met hers and he tugged a curl gently. "No, not really. But I'm trying something that may help. If it works out, I'll let you know."

Squeezing his hand and pressing it against her cheek she smiled at him. "I'm sorry, I just…"

"Worry," he finished for her.

"Yeah."

Opening the door, he effectively changed the subject. "Come on, we're going shopping."

Probably she shouldn't have gotten so excited. Gun shopping was not nearly as much fun as shoe shopping.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Are you going home for Christmas?"

Ram shook his head without taking his eyes off of the building they were surveilling. "No, not this year. I offered to cover a few shifts so that some of the guys can take time off."

Stephanie frowned a little in thought. They had been partnered for a couple of months at this point and now that things were finally settling down she had noticed that there was some kind of problem between Ram and the guys. He had done that same thing for Thanksgiving. And Ram, unlike so many of the Merry Men, had a good family, a family that was still close.

She had finally let go of her grudge against _most_ of the office, letting Ram convince her that they only did those things because they cared about her and that the decisions probably weren't easy ones to come to, but she still wasn't as relaxed with them as she had been. It didn't help that Tank was still having her followed and refused to discuss it with her or Ram, no matter how many times they asked. Even though she knew it wasn't the guys' fault and they were just following orders, she couldn't help letting some of her resentment bleed through.

Her relationships with Tank, Lester, and Bobby had continued to be strained as well. Only Lester had been someone that she would call just to talk to, but it was like there was a wall between them that she couldn't see but she could certainly feel. Bobby looked at her with what looked like sympathy at times, but she refused to ask them again what she did. They hadn't answered her the first dozen times she asked, what made her think they were going to now?

With an almost audible click, Stephanie realized that she had spent the time she'd normally have spent with various Merry Men with Ram over the last six weeks. She followed that thought further and frowned. If he was spending all of this extra time with her, what changed in his life that he now could? What had he done before?

Which led her back to the tension she had noticed between Ram and the guys. Sinking further into the soft seat, Stephanie started to dig at the problem, determined to figure it out and fix it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram glanced over at Stephanie, wondering what she was thinking so hard about. Deciding that she'd tell him when she was ready to talk about it, he moved his gaze back to the building.

Tank had finally put them back in the field last week after punishing them for well over a month doing monitor duty and backed up searches. His bullshit excuse was that he needed certain people in the field trailing a big skip and needed them to cover those teams on monitors. Stephanie had glared and then demanded to know why the guys couldn't at least do their own searches. Tank had taken his life into his own hands by telling her that she was better at it and her skills were better utilized there than picking up her own skips.

It had taken her almost three days before she could stop snarling every time she thought about that. He swore her hand twitched towards her gun a few times, but he didn't bring it up. When working out wasn't enough to release the aggression, Ram had concentrated on feeding her comfort food and ice cream until the worst of it was passed.

They were spending a lot of time together now. She stayed at his place at least once a week, often more depending on what they were doing. The self defense lessons were going well and he was confident that she could get out of most situations now if she needed to. She was a natural at defense but she let the size of her opponents intimidate her on offense. Something he was pretty sure had started when that distraction went wrong. Her firearms training had been rough on them both, but after a month she wore her new gun without complaining, even if he was fairly certain that she'd never be someone who used lethal force as the first option in a confrontation.

Of course all of this time together hadn't been unnoticed by the guys. He'd had more than one lecture from Tank; he refused to call it a conversation, since he declined to participate. Lester had backed off on confronting him, but he watched them constantly when they were in the office. The majority of the guys had laid off as the new normal settled in, but the edges of it were still present, keeping him from relaxing completely. Tiny, Junior and Deke were among those still riding his ass.

The medication that Jon had prescribed did help with the nightmares, allowing him to get enough sleep that he could start slowly dealing with the _reason_ for the nightmares. Using his house as a type of therapy, he spent hours doing detailed work and thinking about what he had been a party to. It made him physically ill a few times when he forced himself to remember everything, but he kept pushing. He wasn't better, but he was getting there. He had been pleasantly surprised that after a couple of weeks he no longer had to talk himself out of drinking every night.

Part of the driving force was that Steph was doing so well with her own demons that he didn't want to disappoint her. The other was simply that he refused to give in. He was stronger than something he could no longer change. He could allow it to ruin him and destroy his life, or he could use it to make him stronger.

He could use a little strength when it came to Steph. There had been more than one close call in the last month, times when one of them would stop and drift closer, eyes dark with temptation, before suddenly remembering that they were partners and friends and that a physical relationship was a bad idea. The last week had been hell on him, because he swore she was almost deliberately rubbing her ass against him when they sparred.

And his body was more than happy to be rubbed against. There were times he wasn't sure he'd make it to the shower before he was groaning out her name and coming all over the tile. The nightmares had stopped, but he still dreamed; only now his dreams were filled with Stephanie and all of the ways he wanted to play her body until she shattered underneath him.

Ram wasn't ashamed to admit he was worried about the direction they seemed to be heading. He could tell that neither of them were doing it deliberately, but the more time they spent together the more comfortable they were with each other. Not just physically, although the sparring had broken that barrier, but just talking, as friends. He had never been someone who talked that much, but she had a way of bringing out something in him he hadn't realized was hidden.

Complex was one word you could use to describe her, but he'd need years before he'd begin to feel comfortable and think that he really understood her. When he'd seem to have one aspect of her personality down, she'd suddenly show him something else that typically fascinated and intrigued him and often contradicted what he'd just figured out.

Neither of them seemed willing to discuss their romantic relationships, with each other or other people. Not that he had dated since he got back from Colombia, but …

Making a decision to call Nancy or Julie when he got home that night, he sighed. He wasn't really interested in either of them, but they didn't seem to want anything serious either, so it wouldn't hurt anyone. Ram refused to call them fuck buddies, but they were … casual friends who enjoyed sleeping together.

Glancing at Stephanie's profile out of the corner of his eye, he felt his heart twist a little at her finding out. It was ridiculous that he felt like he was getting ready to cheat on her. They weren't together and if they wanted to keep what they did have, they _couldn't_ be together. She wasn't ready to partner with anyone else and he couldn't quite ignore the trickle of concern he had that he wouldn't be there if she got in trouble.

Maybe going out with someone else would help him keep things professional.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Keeping a tight lid on his temper, Ram tried to ignore the flirting between Steph and Lester before he snapped at one of them. He knew that Steph found Lester attractive but he also knew that she didn't want to date him and that they were just friends. Fighting the new surge of irritation that swept through his body when he realized that he and Stephanie were in that same situation, he slowly exhaled.

He would readily admit to being confused as well as a little hurt. Last week she had been firm that while she forgave the guys for their overbearing attitudes and had gotten over her disappointment with their decisions she still wasn't going to forget and go back to how things were before.

The guys seemed to accept that she was going to hold them at arm's length for awhile, so they weren't retaliating against him, but the faction that thought he had moved in on Ranger's territory was still coldly watching. Hector and Two continued to be a refuge for them both, covering her tracks when she wanted to disappear and giving him someone to unload on that wasn't Stephanie.

Earlier this week, she had suddenly started acting like her old self with everyone and pulling away from him, not a lot, but enough that it was clearly noticeable. Not that he didn't think it wasn't a good idea, but … fuck. He hated it.

Forcing a smile as they went their separate ways, he spent the majority of his drive home telling himself all of the reasons why it was good that she was getting back to normal. He wasn't jealous necessarily, he knew that she was a social person and it was hard on her to treat the guys like that, but he had gotten used to them counting on each other. Telling himself firmly that this was healthier for her, better for them both, he managed not to snarl when the phone rang.

"Hey Jon," he said as he answered. He had let Steph change his brother's ringtone to Dr. Feelgood last week and even his current mood couldn't stop a bitter snicker.

"Little brother! Just thought I'd give you a call and see how things were going?"

Jon had been making an effort to call him a couple times a week to check in. Ram didn't always take advantage of the friendly ear, but he appreciated the gesture. The medication Jon had prescribed had made a hell of a difference, even if it made him feel fuzzy once in a while. The mental gains that came from getting real sleep definitely made up for it.

Ram made a noise that was closer to a grunt than anything else. He wasn't in the mood to talk. All he wanted to do was relax for awhile, take a shower, and then go and pick up Nancy for their date.

"That good huh?"

"Not tonight Jon, leave it be," he growled out.

Unfortunately his brother believed in baiting the bear, probably feeling safe because he was in Chicago and Ram was in Trenton.

"Sounds like something to do with Stephanie," Jon guessed.

Ram refused to answer; he wasn't going to have this conversation. He was aware that he was being childish and irrational and he didn't care.

"She have a date with someone else?"

Sucking in a breath at the thought of someone else touching her, he told himself to get over it. They weren't together and she wasn't going to be a nun. Fuck, he had witnessed more than one kiss between her and Ranger and knew damn well she wasn't a nun.

"Actually, I have a date tonight Jon, so I need to go," he said. Ram was pleased that he had managed to wipe all of the emotion out of his voice. Of course that just made his brother suspicious.

"You have a date … with someone other than Stephanie I assume?" Jon sounded disappointed and a little irritated, but Ram didn't remark on it. Because they weren't going to have that conversation.

"Yeah, Nancy. I think I've mentioned her, she's a physical therapist."

The silence getting to him, Ram fought it before blurting out, "I can't date her Jon, we're partners. Not only that, but she has something going on with her and our boss, I think, maybe. And _again_, we're partners and friends. We need to go out with other people." Pissed at himself for rambling and breaking first, he dropped down on his couch and leaned back, staring at the ceiling.

Jon made a humming noise before speaking again. "So you guys talked about it then?"

"No," he admitted.

He could practically hear Jon shaking his head in resignation. "I think you're making a mistake Anthony, but you're old enough to make your own mistakes."

"It'll be fine. Nancy isn't looking for anything serious either, so this won't hurt anyone. I just … I need this Jon."

Jon's voice was sympathetic in a way that made Ram want to punch something. "Yeah … good luck little brother."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Pressing the doorbell, Ram didn't have to force a smile when Nancy opened the door. Her cheerful and friendly nature was one of the things that he appreciated the most about her. Legs that seemed to never stop and a face of an angel made the thought of spending an evening with her very enjoyable. Her refusal to settle down made her an enjoyable date, someone you didn't have to worry about getting too close.

Pushing all thoughts of Stephanie out of his head, ignoring the cold empty feeling in his chest that made him wonder if Jon was right and he was making a mistake, he waited until Nancy locked the door behind her before leaning down and brushing a kiss on her cheek.

"It's good to see you Nancy," he said. "I'm sorry I haven't called in so long."

Allowing Nancy to take control of the conversation, Ram walked her to his car and helped her in. Closing the door carefully once she was settled, he locked all of his reservations away and reminded himself that it wasn't fair to _anyone_ if he spent tonight thinking about someone else.

With that, he relaxed and slid into the car.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Yeah, this isn't going to go over well**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 9**

She and Ram didn't usually work the weekend, but Binkie had been hurt on Saturday and Tank needed extra surveillance coverage on Homer Tate, so they were spending part of their Sunday on Stark Street. Joy. With the cold weather and nearness to Christmas, even the 'ladies' who usually worked this section of the street were at home.

Shivering a little, because of course they couldn't have the heat on since it would blow their position, Stephanie cut her eyes at Ram. He had been off today, different than he was last week. She had been acting oddly herself last week, so she hadn't been surprised that he reacted to that. But … they'd be back to normal in a day or so. It was nothing, right?

After spending most of that surveillance shift last week thinking about what was wrong between the guys and Ram, the only thing she could trace it down to was either how he had been since he had returned from his mission … or her. The problem was that she hadn't noticed it before they were partners, but that didn't mean it wasn't there.

So she decided to dig a bit. Needing to get the guys to open up to her, she had acted like all was forgiven and had been a little ashamed at being so manipulative when they had eagerly lapped up the attention. Before then she had been more than happy to use them a little to get answers, but now she kind of felt bad about it. The problem was that in order to spend time with them, she had to spend less time with Ram.

And yeah, she missed him. Which was stupid and ridiculous since she saw him all the time, but there was like this wall of things they weren't talking about between them now. She was aware that he didn't understand what changed with her, but she didn't want to tell him why she was doing this, not until she had a plan to deal with it. She didn't think he'd approve, at all.

It had been surprising that he had allowed her to live in Denial Land about whatever was going on between them. Or maybe that wasn't completely surprising since he didn't seem to be eager to discuss it either. Or act on it. Or allow her to act on it. Ok fine, she had pulled away a few times too.

Never someone who had great impulse control, she was about ready to tie him down and have her way with him. Her water bill for the month was going to rival the one from last year when Ranger and Joe were both stealing kisses and leaving her high and dry constantly. She knew he wanted her, and she was more than willing to admit that she'd really like to explore all of that tanned skin. What was the problem?

Ok, probably it wasn't the best idea to get involved with your partner and so maybe sometimes she was grateful to him that he was able to keep his head when all she wanted to do was strip him and use her tongue to trace all of those delightfully ridged muscles, but what really worried her was that she _wasn't_ freaking out about it.

She should be running like hell. She always ran when it was real, always. It's her thing! It's one of the reasons that she bounced between Joe and Ranger for so long. Of course now, looking back, she was glad she had never really chosen one of them … even if it looked like she did. The end of those relationships had hurt, but they hadn't been as bad as it could have been.

Of course Joe still didn't seem like he had his head wrapped around that idea. He had shown up at Pino's last night when she was there with Mary Lou on a rare kid free night. Mary Lou had tried to run interference for her, but Stephanie had ended up trapped in the booth, forced to listen unless she wanted to make a scene, again, to all of the reasons that Joe thought that they were perfect together.

Telling him, _again_, that they would never be together hadn't gone over well and his temper had ignited. Luckily, when Eddie had wandered over from his table to say hello, Joe had left. Shaken by his refusal to see the truth, she had barely managed to convince Eddie that nothing was going on before catching Mary Lou's eye and getting their subs to go.

Putting him out of her mind, having made an early New Year's resolution not to let Joe bother her anymore, Stephanie glanced at Ram out of the corner of her eye. He seemed uncomfortable maybe? Which sounded stupid even to her, because Ram wasn't the kind of guy that did uncomfortable. He was one of those rare breeds that would speak up and address it. At least with her.

Except that he was avoiding the conversation about 'them' almost as hard as she was. She didn't consider that running, avoiding was different than running. Running meant that she never wanted to discuss it. This was just … waiting … to discuss it.

Rolling her eyes at herself, she went back to the fact that he was avoiding it as well. Why was he avoiding it? She knew he was attracted to her. They had spent enough time together to know that they got along really well. Chewing her lip and working this new mystery, one that seemed a little more fun and exciting than why the guys were being weird, she wondered if that was why he was acting so uncomfortable today. Maybe he wanted to talk about it?

Losing track of time as she pondered the enigma that is the American alpha male, she jumped when Ram suddenly started the SUV. His chuckle and smirk earned a sniff of indignation from her in response.

Walking up the stairs to Five, Stephanie suddenly realized that she was _walking up the stairs_. To the fifth floor. She had known that she was getting fitter, that the running and working out had been helping with her endurance, but since she and Ram had been basically grounded she hadn't really seen it in everyday action.

Stopping and swinging Ram around by the arm as they exited the stairwell, she threw her arms around his neck, ignoring the hesitancy she felt in his body as he returned her hug, too exuberant to care.

"I just walked the stairs to the fifth floor Ram! I did it without bribing myself, or complaining, or running out of breath. I didn't even think about any of that, I just did it," she explained happily. "I did it!"

His arms tightened around her and his head dropped down next to hers long enough for him to whisper in her ear. "You've worked so hard Stephanie, and I'm so proud to be your partner."

Bright blue eyes blinked rapidly as she swallowed hard. Glad she was facing the wall, she pulled back and smiled at Ram, knowing that without his encouragement that she wouldn't have gotten this far.

"We should grab something to eat to celebrate!" Just because she didn't bribe herself to do it didn't mean that she couldn't reward herself, right? Nothing went better with a celebration than cake.

They were still laughing when they came around the corner and started moving towards their cubicles, needing to write up the surveillance report before they could go home.

"That was some hot dancing last night Ram; sorry I misunderstood the situation earlier. I didn't know you were still dating Nancy." As Junior passed them, he clapped Ram on the shoulder and Stephanie could feel her face twisting up in confusion.

Hearing Ram snarl something under his breath, Stephanie stopped moving forward and let the pieces click into place. If she had turned around, she would have seen both Junior and Lester carefully watching from the doorway to the monitor room.

Ram stopped and faced her, eyes flicking behind her, but returning to hers as he sighed. "This isn't really the place to talk about this Stephanie," he said softly, the note of apology in his voice telling her everything she didn't want to know. _Guess now I know why he was avoiding …_

Swallowing hard, unbelievably hurt, she dropped her gaze to the floor. "Yeah, except we don't talk about this, do we," she whispered. Glancing up at him, she saw the remorse cross his face before he covered it.

Still reacting, not thinking, she let all of the betrayal she was feeling right now show in her face. Barely able to comprehend the whiplash of emotions she had felt in the last five minutes, she finally gathered herself enough to speak. She wanted to scream, to rant and rave and tell him off, but when she opened her mouth she couldn't do it.

"You're right, this isn't the time. And really, there won't be a time. You don't owe me anything Ram, not even an explanation, we're partners, that's all. I'm not sure what I was thinking," she managed, proud that her voice was steady and calm.

Forcing a smile when it looked like he wasn't going to reply, even though he opened his mouth a few times, she pointed towards her cubicle and said she was going to start working on the report so she could head home. She was almost positive that her 'enjoy the rest of your weekend' wasn't sarcastic.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Slamming his fists into the heavy bag over and over, Ram wished he knew how to fix this. It had been five days since Stephanie had found out about his date and things were shit. Both of them were closed off and the easygoing conversations that were the staple of their relationship had completely stopped. His date with another woman hovered between them as they both tried to ignore it.

Kicking the bag, he wondered if that's what he needed … a kick in the head. Jon had managed not to say 'I told you so', but Ram knew it was there. Fuck, he had _known_ better. He remembered that cold feeling in his chest before he pushed it away. No, he and Stephanie weren't in a relationship, but they had been working on _something_ and he shouldn't have disrespected that by not even talking to her about it first.

Out of breath, but still full of unfocused anger, he inhaled deeply a few times before going back at the bag, ignoring the pain in his hands. Anyone who approached him backed away as soon as they got a look at his face. The fact that he and Stephanie had a self defense training session tonight meant that he had to get this aggression out now if he didn't want to risk hurting her.

Caught in a never ending circle of painful thoughts, all centering on the fact that he was an asshole who fucked something incredibly important up, he didn't hear the voices calling his name. He didn't realize that he had been lost in thought for the last half hour and that Bobby was on his way with a sedative because he didn't seem to hear anyone talking to him.

He _did_ feel a small hand gently touch his back, immediately freezing him in place. Gasping for breath and dropping his head against the bag, he managed to ground out, "You know better than to touch me when I'm not aware, Stephanie."

"We've established that you'd never hurt me Tony," she said, ignoring the Merry Men standing around, nervous with her so near an out of control Ram. Even if Cal _had_ called her to let her know something was wrong.

His laugh grated on her ears and made her heart twist in her chest. "Can't say that anymore, can we Steph?" he replied without thinking.

"Stop it," she growled at him, catching his arm and sliding between his body and the bag when he lifted it to punch the bag again.

He glared down at her, still angry at the situation, and at both of them for not dealing with it, sweat running down his face and plastering his hair to his forehead. Now denied the ability to zone out, he slowly realized they had a very interested audience and cursed under his breath. Taking a deep breath and licking his lips, he looked at the ceiling and closed his eyes while he took a single step back so that she wasn't so close to him.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie stared up at Ram and wanted to cry. Ok she was still mad, mostly at herself for getting her hopes up, but she hadn't meant to cause _this_. She knew how close to the edge he was and she had basically abandoned him because she got her feelings hurt. _Real mature Steph._

Leaning back against the bag, she waited until she could tell he had pulled himself together. Noticing the signs that told her he wasn't sleeping again, she sighed and took charge.

"You're going to let Bobby look at your hands and then I'm driving you home," she said firmly. "We're not going to talk about this tonight. We're going to have dinner and get some sleep, something that I think both of us need."

It was a mark of how exhausted and upset he was, even under the mask he was wearing right now, that he just nodded at her before he turned away to go see Bobby. Cal, Junior, and Miguel were staring at her in disbelief and she realized that they had been close enough to hear her instructions. Bobby was leading Ram over to his office, but he had shot her a long look over his shoulder too.

Running her words through her head again, she realized that it made them sound a lot more … involved, than they actually were. Or maybe that was how things really were and they had been fooling themselves. She wasn't going to worry about it right now; there was plenty of time for that tomorrow. They had an early shift watching a slippery FTA and it would give them plenty of time to at least start talking about this.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Slowly waking up, Stephanie took stock quickly. They had gone to sleep quite early last night, after an almost silent dinner. She had made him share the bed with her, knowing that neither of them had been sleeping very well and wanting to keep him close. And honestly, she was fairly sure that the only way she was going to get any sleep anyway.

Keeping her body relaxed and quiet, she forced down the hum of satisfaction that was threatening to ruin this quiet moment. Somehow through the night, they had both turned on their sides and his big body was now curled around hers. Normally she felt smothered when a man spooned her, but for some reason Ram didn't push that button. She wondered if it was because he never treated her like a china doll, he trusted her to back him up, knowing that he didn't have to protect her from everything. That felt right.

Surrounded by his body heat and scent, her hormones woke up and got excited before something else seemed to push them down. Almost unable to keep from tensing when she remembered his date and how he had looked yesterday; Stephanie felt a single tear track down her face before she shut her eyes tightly.

She must have tensed anyway, or made some kind of noise, because Ram's arm tightened a little around her ribs, his hand curling to pull her closer even though they were as close as they could possibly be while still clothed. Fighting her feelings back was considerably easier before he buried his nose in her neck and hair as he woke up.

Her breath hitched a little when she felt his body start to react to being pressed so tightly against hers. Sexual tension arced between them, so thick it could almost be seen as they both fought not to move and start something they both knew couldn't happen right now. Her body throbbed in protest as she felt him begin to roll away from her.

Grabbing his hand and not letting him get far, she wondered wildly what the hell she was doing. He froze before attempting to clear his throat, his gaze almost a physical weight against the back of her head.

"Steph?"

Shivering in reaction to the low growl, she swallowed hard. _What am I supposed to say? I can't stand this anymore? That if I don't release this tension soon I'm going to go crazy? That even sugar isn't helping me control my hormones anymore? Which is impressive because that has __**never**__ happened before._

"Christ Stephanie," he groaned as he rolled back against her, his arm pulling her tight against his body. She felt a gush of warmth between her legs as he nudged her hair away from her neck and leaned down to whisper in her ear, the light rasp of his unshaven skin against hers making her gasp.

"You have no idea how much I want you. No idea. This," he pressed his erection hard against her and she moaned lowly, "is hard for you as soon as I even think of you."

His lips moving down to her neck before moving back to her ear and nipping lightly made the skin shiver across her body in reaction. She fought to keep breathing, even if it sounded more like a soft pant right now.

"But we have to talk. We need to be clear about what we're doing, sweetheart," he whispered as he lifted his head away from her.

She wanted to sob. The grownup part of her knew they had to talk, but everything south of her brain was in firm agreement that having a Doomsday Orgasm or three would definitely help her concentrate. Whining softly as she rubbed her body against his lightly, she felt better when she felt his body jolt in reaction and his fingers tighten on her hard enough to bruise.

Feeling him swallow tightly behind her, she could almost feel the decision swaying back and forth between what they should do and what they both really, really wanted to do.

"Tony, please," she whispered roughly.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

This was hell. The eighth circle of hell, created just for him. Her warm body was trembling against his, providing a tiny bit of friction that was making his brain short circuit. Staring down at her profile, watching the pulse on her neck dance in time with the throbbing in his dick, he struggled to do the right thing.

He knew they had to talk; he had to explain what happened with Nancy and why he had gone on the date in the first place. They needed to discuss what was going on between them and he needed to get the story on her deal with both Joe and Ranger. They had to decide if what they had was worth possibly getting reassigned for. Avoiding the talk had gotten them into trouble, so that obviously wasn't going to work anymore.

Continuously running the reasons why they had to talk first through his head, his brain whited out when she whispered his name, her words and tone pleading with him. Maybe there was a better man out there, someone who could resist what she was offering, but he knew it wasn't him.

Forcing himself to set limits, he decided he would be as self-sacrificing as he could manage. He didn't want to take advantage of her and if she felt anything like he did right now, then she wasn't thinking clearly at all.

"Shhhh sweetheart," he soothed her gently. "Let me take care of you, okay?"

Lowering his head to kiss and lick her neck, moaning at the taste of her skin, he let his hands start to drift over her body, mapping out her sensitive areas and committing them to memory. Closing his eyes tightly and groaning when she pressed her ass against him and swirled her hips, he tightened his arms around her until she was still.

Listening to the timber of her moans change as he continued touching her, he smoothed his left hand down her side and leg before gently lifting it and resting it on top of his, opening her up. Her hips started to jerk slightly in anticipation and he found himself pressing against her in the same rhythm, the thin sleep pants doing absolutely nothing to really dissuade their bodies from lining up.

Realizing that he was already pushing his own boundaries, he started to tease her nipples through her thin shirt and held her hips steady, forcing himself to stay still. Letting his fingers just drift over the tips of her breasts, lightly catching, he watched spellbound as a flush started to darken her upper chest. Reducing her to begging and pleading, he leaned down and bit gently on her neck until she stilled a little.

Stephanie was pretty sure he was trying to kill her. She could feel him, thick and hard, pressed against her and she just knew this wasn't going to end the way she wanted. Sparing a thought that really, she should be more pleased that he was a gentleman, she felt his fingertips suddenly squeeze a nipple and twist slightly.

"Please Tony, please," she begged loudly and without shame. She could be ashamed later; right now she wanted to come.

"Tell me what you want," was whispered against her skin, his body now rocking against hers in time with the pulls on her nipple, his left hand holding her leg up and hard against him.

Struggling to speak, she finally reached down and moved his hand so that it cupped her mound. When he squeezed lightly, fingers sliding against her clit, even through two layers of clothing, she would have come up off the bed if he hadn't had such a good grip on her.

Her stomach was a ball of tension, almost painful, as he pushed her higher and higher up the peak without even touching her bare skin. She was so wet that she had soaked through her panties and there was a wet spot on her pants. She could feel him struggling behind her, trying to do this for her and not take anything for himself, but she would have told him not to bother if she had been able to speak. She was going to make sure they both enjoyed this, whether he liked it or not. At least that was her plan.

Having had enough of the teasing, Stephanie canted her shoulders a little so she could see his face. Seeing his eyes dark with lust, the green barely present and his gaze trained on her lips, she did what anyone would do when confronted with something like that. She licked her lips.

She had imagined a lot of first kisses with Ram. There was the sweet one where he barely touched her lips, tasting and testing before pressing more firmly. There was the playful one where he would nibble on her lips a few times before they both tired of the game and kissed in earnest. There was the hot one where they both ate at each other, almost desperately.

Stephanie hadn't imagined this kiss. It was hot, that was a given under the circumstances, but it was possessive and strong and it conveyed feelings that almost scared her, even as she relaxed underneath his mouth and returned the kiss just as strongly. Feeling his tongue slide against her lips made her arch her back and rub her ass against his dick. Her body was twisted all to hell, but she knew if she tried to take him any further that he might remember he wanted to talk first and she wasn't willing to risk it.

Breathing into each other's mouth, eyes locked on each other, she could feel his fingers lightly trace her abdomen, almost trembling as he searched her eyes for any reason to stop.

"Please," she whispered as she licked and bit at his mouth. His growl and right arm banding tight around her ribs was her first clue that she pushed him as far as she could for the moment.

Feeling his fingers move confidently down her abdomen and into her panties, she almost cried in relief as he slid his fingers gently through her soaked folds. Watching his face, she heard his breath hitch and his eyes close briefly before he bent down and gently kissed her.

As he gentled her body, bringing her down from the frantic desperate high she had been seeking, she realized he was trying to show her that this was about more than an orgasm, at least to him. His fingers rubbed and slid against her clit over and over again as he sucked on her bottom lip and lightly pulled on a nipple with his trapped hand.

Almost disbelieving how easily he was guiding her body where he wanted it, she was completely shocked when she realized she was trembling on the cusp of orgasm. He paused and looked at her, fingers barely touching her and his body held rock steady against her back before pressing a simple chaste kiss on her mouth.

Pulling back just enough to speak, staring into her eyes, he whispered, "I want to watch you," as he slid his fingers once, twice, three times across her engorged clit.

Her orgasm felt like it started in her toes and sped up her legs, her breath catching in her chest, choking her when even her diaphragm seized in pleasure. Waves of sparkling heat spread out from where his fingers still softly drummed across her, his eyes hot and greedy, but somehow soft as he watched her take what he was offering.

Ram was pretty sure that Stephanie in orgasm was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her blue eyes had been completely blown with arousal and a dark pink flush had covered her chest until it passed underneath her tank top. Maybe a naked Stephanie would have been more beautiful, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stop if he had her naked and willing in his arms. He had been lucky as it was not to spill in his sweats as he pressed against her incredibly soft heat.

Sliding his hand slowly out of her pants, careful not to drag against anything sensitive, he moved her limp body around until they were back in the position they had started in this morning. Raising his eyes to the alarm clock next to the bed, he was pleased to see that the alarm would go off in 10 minutes. Long enough for her to recover a little, but not long enough for them to get into any more trouble.

Resolutely ignoring the throbbing pain in his dick, he concentrated on her body as it came down from her orgasm. The noises she had made while he was touching her had guaranteed that the next time they ate together that he'd have an instant hard on, not that it ever took much around her.

Thinking about the conversation they had to have later, he sent up a quick prayer that he wouldn't fuck it up. Just to be safe, he sent another prayer up that she wouldn't fuck it up either.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – You're not going to want to miss Chapter 10. Trust me.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 10**

Stephanie hadn't come out of her orgasm haze until the alarm had buzzed insistently. Glaring at it, she wasn't surprised when she heard Ram chuckle behind her, the scruff on his face tickling her neck where he had been pressing occasional kisses.

"I don't think you can murder an inanimate object with your eyes," he told her. "But if anyone could, it'd be you."

"Hrmph."

Getting an affectionate kiss on her shoulder and a pat on her hip, she allowed him to push her towards the edge of the bed, even as she grumbled and groaned and in general acted like a sleep deprived toddler.

It hadn't been until she had been standing underneath the showerhead, head tilted in relief as the hot water worked on the kink she had developed from twisting her neck around, that she really took a chance to think about what happened.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Her brain shied away when she touched on the times when his feelings had overwhelmed his control and bled through his touches and kisses, but the rest of it started on this continuous loop that had her almost in the same shape as she was earlier. Unwilling to take care of it herself after finding out just how much better it was when he did it, she sighed and hoped that things wouldn't be weird today.

Probably they should have talked first, because now her body was firmly willing to agree to almost anything he wanted if he promised to touch it more.

Glaring at her reflection, she noticed that she had that damn 'glow' she got after sex. And since they didn't really have a full round of sex, that was an accomplishment that Ram should be proud of. She kind of was. Still, she'd prefer not to walk into Haywood glowing knowing that the guys were well aware that she had gone home with Ram last night.

Maybe they wouldn't notice.

What? A girl could dream.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Completely taking no notice whatsoever to the narrowed eyes and winks that followed her down to the gym, at least outwardly, Stephanie felt her knees go weak for a second when she met Ram's concerned eyes in the mirror as he ran on the treadmill.

Feeling more confident now that she had seen him, she decided that the rowing machine would be a better idea today than the Stairmaster. Her legs had mostly recovered, but she didn't think it would take much for them to remember that they had spent most of the morning clenched tightly in anticipation of one thing or another.

Getting into a rhythm, she didn't notice when Lester came in and glared balefully at Ram or when Tank came in and narrowed his eyes at them both. She did meet Bobby's eyes in the mirror as he stood behind her for a few minutes, watching her form, but he simply smiled before he walked away. The gym became a very popular place as word of what happened last night at the heavy bag was shared.

Looking up and seeing Ram standing behind her machine with his arms crossed as he watched her, she gave him a brilliant smile. She saw his lips twitch before he gave in and smiled back at her, which made her grin in triumph. He raised one of his eyebrows and relaxed when she nodded. Seeing him tap his watch, she nodded and raised her eyebrows. He flashed her 10 fingers and she nodded again before smiling again as he turned away.

This silent but communicative exchange was watched by almost a quarter of the office and would be referenced more than once today as a partial explanation for the meltdown that would be occurring in a few short hours.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Fighting a yawn as Ram blasted the heat so it would stay warmer longer inside the SUV; Stephanie glanced at his hands and grimaced a little in sympathy. She hadn't thought of it this morning, but they were still swollen and bruised from working the bag yesterday, the skin split on a couple of his knuckles. Then her brain, which seemed to be operating on teenage boy lately, took a detour and wondered how much better it would have been if his hands were 100%.

Feeling like an insatiable hussy, she attempted to focus on something other than what it felt like when his fingers slid over her skin. Flipping through the file on Tom Klein, the FTA they were here to watch, she wondered again how someone lived their life so far off the grid. It certainly made it more difficult to find him, but after spending hours cussing at her computer when it refused to give her any more information, she had finally agreed that they'd have to sit on him for awhile to see if there was a good spot to grab him.

Stephanie was not fond of surveillance duty, no matter who it was with. Mr. Klein was their first tricky FTA since they had partnered up and she was anxious to actually get in the field, not just sit in it. Hell she even missed distractions, even though they rarely used her anymore. Her face was just too well known in Trenton, something they had discovered during the Higgins disaster. At least that was the excuse that Ranger had used when he told her the decision. She had her suspicions.

Shuddering a little as she fought off the feeling of _his_ hands touching her again, she forced a smile when Ram called her name.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a bad memory. Nothing to worry about though," she said. He nodded and she smiled a little more genuinely, happy that he dropped it. It was refreshing that she was finally with a man who… Brain grinding to an abrupt halt, she peeked at Ram out of the corner of her eye. Did she want to call him hers?

On the surface of it, that seemed like a stupid question. Her body was still humming lightly, quite happy with the new and exciting wakeup call it had experienced today. Explaining to her body that she'd take that under advisement, she attempted to focus on something else.

She liked him. He was a good man, someone who was trustworthy, someone she could trust with her secrets. She liked the fact that he leaned on her as much as she leaned on him. Joe would prefer it if she always leaned on him, never stood up for herself and Ranger … well Batman doesn't lean on anyone.

Tipping her head back, she tried not to compare the three men because it wasn't fair to Ram. Her history with both Joe and Ranger was complicated and her heart had become tangled and twisted as they all seemed to twist around each other. She was well aware that it was partly her fault, but she couldn't change that now.

Could she see herself trusting him with her heart over time? Silently snickering as her brain automatically started trying to skitter away from the question, she yanked it back. It was time to grow up a little and deal with this shit instead of floating along and hoping things turned out the way she wanted them to.

Sometimes when Joe was in a loving mood or Ranger let some of his emotions peek out from behind his mask, her stomach would tighten up and she'd flush in discomfort. It was uncomfortable because she had no idea what she was supposed to do with that. With Joe, she just never felt the same way for him, not really. Ranger, well she wanted to feel that way with Ranger, but she could never trust those flashes. He was the epitome of here today gone tomorrow when it came to emotions.

Thinking hard, she tried to separate the reaction she had this morning when she realized what he was trying to convey and how her body had been responding because of how he was touching her. Finding it unexpectedly difficult, she frowned a little. Did that mean she hadn't felt one way or another about it - or did that mean that it was too tied up in everything else?

Turning it over a few times, she finally gave up and decided that if he kissed her that way right now, without touching her anywhere else, she'd probably melt all over the seat and smile like a dope at him. Maybe that didn't mean she knew how she felt about him, but apparently she didn't mind that he felt that way about her.

Of course it isn't really fair to stop there; she should have some idea of how she feels about him before they start talking. Sure the silence between them was comfortable for now, both of them watching the apartment building in front of them and exchanging quick looks and smiles with each other, but at some point he was going to want to talk.

Surprising herself a little, she realized that she kind of wanted to talk too. Well once she had figured more of this out. Sinking deeper into her seat, she slid into her version of the guys' zone.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram watched Stephanie from the corner of his eye as her expressions changed. He knew she was working on what she was going to say later, probably forcing herself to figure it out on the fly. Having been to her parents' home a few weeks ago for dinner, he had an idea that she had somehow twisted her father's quiet and her mother's overbearing pushiness into some kind of phobia about love and relationships. Not that the men she had gotten involved with had helped dispel that.

He had surprisingly enjoyed the visit, although he had expected to spend most of it being chased by her grandmother and avoiding the barbs of her mother and they didn't disappoint. Her father was different than he expected though. He wondered if she knew that Frank had been an Army Ranger and not a regular infantryman.

Helen Plum had almost made him regret the fact that he didn't hit women. From the backhanded compliments that managed to put Stephanie down to outright statements that told her she wasn't good enough, she had made it more than clear that she was disappointed in her daughter. For what, Ram couldn't understand, but from the way the entire family seemed to ignore her comments it was something that happened on a regular basis.

Grandma Mazur scared the hell out of him; he was willing to admit it to anyone who asked. He had become quite adept at using Stephanie as a shield, something she seemed to have considerable practice at. He had become suspicious near the end when it seemed that her most outrageous comments or touches happened right after Helen made one of her more inane and hurtful comments. She had caught him watching her thoughtfully and just winked at him, but he hadn't been able to tell if she was telling him he caught on or if she was really winking at him.

Shuddering a little in memory, Ram wondered what his family would think of Stephanie. He knew Jon would love her and he was fairly sure that his father would be a quiet fan, but his mother wasn't always the most welcoming woman. She'd eventually come around, but it might take awhile. He would definitely have to do some groundwork. Nathan could go either way depending on his mood and how hard the rest of the family had been ragging on him lately.

Blanching when he saw how far ahead he was getting, he firmly reigned himself in. Yes, he could fall for this woman and maybe he already had a little, but she had some major baggage they were going to need to discuss and work through. Between her first marriage, Joe, and Ranger, she had some serious commitment issues. He wasn't sure she had ever been in a stable relationship. Joe was probably her closest and that was punctuated with bouts of fighting that they could have sold tickets for.

Not that he was a huge prize either. He was still damaged from Colombia and he would probably be dealing with the fallout for years. Then there was the fact that he was still under contract with the government and would probably be going out again within the next six months. His contract was up for renewal in a year, but he wasn't going to be able to tell her for sure what he planned to do. He had seen how Ranger's absences affected her.

Then there was their job. They both worked in a high risk occupation and Stephanie attracted more than her fair share of mental cases. If they started a relationship and it was discovered, Tank had already more or less threatened to reassign them to different partners. Would Stephanie really quit if Tank tried to force her into partnering with anyone else? If she did, would that mean she was going to go back to solo bounty hunting?

Suppressing the chill that ran down his spine at that thought, he took a bracing breath. Could he handle it if she went out in the field with just Lula for backup like she used to? Remembering the few times when he'd responded to one of her emergencies and how beat up she'd been, he wasn't sure he'd be able to be as calm about it if she was his.

Deciding that it wasn't going to get easier if they waited, he cleared his throat and looked at her. Half expecting panic on her face, he was pleased to see something resembling peace. Refusing to speculate on what that could mean, he jumped in feet first, watching her from the corner of his eye so that he could still watch the entrance to the apartment building.

"You and Joe are done?"

"Yes, completely." She chewed her lip a little before expanding on her answer, realizing from his expectant silence that he wanted a little more than that. She couldn't really blame him considering how many times they'd gone back and forth.

"Joe cheated on me and I walked in on it. During the fight that followed, we let our tempers get the best of us. I said some things and he slapped me." She held up a hand when his head snapped in her direction, the anger clear. "I'm not excusing him, _at all_, and I've been very clear with him that we're completely over. I just don't want him dead for a split second decision that I do think he regrets, even if I haven't forgiven him for it."

Ram swallowed the first three responses he wanted to make. Joe was going to be shown exactly what happens when he puts his hand on a woman the next time he saw him. "If he ever hits you again…" he trailed off, letting her fill in the blank and was pleased when she nodded in agreement.

"I will admit that he seems to be having difficulties with the fact that we are really and truly over this time. He's ambushed me at my parents' house and Pino's a few times, but hasn't caused any bigger of a scene than normal. He'll start dating soon and he'll forget about me."

Deciding not to argue with her, even though he didn't really believe that she believed that, he peeked at her again before taking a bracing breath.

"And Ranger?"

Her head fell back as she licked her lips, more in thought than remembrance of something that tasted good. At least he hoped so. Her eyes were far away when she finally started to speak.

"Ranger is one of my best friends. When I first started at Vinnie's, he was the one who trained me. He never told me outright to quit or that I wasn't good enough and I needed that. The support felt like it was without price, and that was even something he used to tell me. 'There's no price, Babe.' Of course, there _was_ a price, because nothing is really for free, but I didn't see it until it was much too late."

Her eyes caught his for a second before she went on. "I'm not going to lie and say that we've never had anything, but I can tell you that it was never a relationship. I have no idea how Ranger really feels about me, but I'd venture a guess that his feelings are more romantic than friendly. If he had come to me six months ago and asked me to be in a relationship with him, I would have dropped Joe in a hot minute."

Ram felt his chest tightening up. Was she saying that she still loved Ranger and that if he came back…

"No," she interrupted gently, "whatever you're thinking that's making you look like that, its no. I said if he had come to me six months ago. Six months ago was before Higgins and before he left with barely a goodbye, again, and before I grew up a little. It was before I got to know a man who leans on me as much as he expects me to lean on him." She shrugged a little before facing the windshield again.

"I loved him, as much as I could, but even if we had tried I'm pretty sure we would have driven each other insane. I need more than he can give me and he wants more than he can give. I hope he finds someone, but it won't be me. And yes, he knows that even if we've never spelled it out. He hasn't kissed me since Higgins."

"You think it has something to do with Higgins?" He wasn't sure whether he wanted to punch Ranger for making her think that or thank him for finally realizing that he couldn't just touch her and tease her without giving her something to hold onto.

He saw her shrug again in his peripheral vision. "I don't know for sure, but yeah, I think part of it is. Not that he thought I was dirty or anything, but guilt that it happened on his watch? Yeah, that's part of it."

"So no Joe and no Ranger, you're free and clear," he stated.

"Yep," she replied, popping the p playfully. "My turn for a question." She waited for him to nod before she went on. "Why'd you go on a date last week?" She looked out the side window avoiding his eyes, not willing to let him see how hurt she still was.

Ram groaned internally before sucking it up. She had every right to ask, even if the answer was going to make him look like an asshole. "Because I was trying to forget you," he answered truthfully.

Her response was unreadable noises, so he sighed and went on. "I should have pushed to talk about this before it blew up on us, but it was so much easier to just ignore it. I was struggling with wanting something I wasn't sure I should want or if it was even available and I got frustrated. Nancy is an old friend and we've dated casually when we're … unattached."

Needing the connection, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it, waiting until he saw her look at him before he turned his head to look in her bright blue eyes. "I didn't sleep with her Stephanie. I kissed her, but it didn't go any farther. I forced myself to go through with the date even though I had the feeling it was a bad idea. Even though we weren't together, I kept feeling like I was cheating on you. I'm sorry I hurt you," he finished softly before looking back through the windshield.

Concentrating on the feel of his thumb running over her knuckles, Stephanie pushed her hurt and anger away as much as she could. He had been a free agent, something she had repeated to herself quite a bit the last few days. It hadn't been helping very much because she still felt like he had betrayed something between them, but knowing he hadn't done anything more than kiss her had soothed most of what was left.

"It was my fault too. I wasn't willing to talk about it either and then I shut you out when I found out about your date instead of talking to you about it like a normal person." She was pretty sure this was the most mature and adult discussion she'd ever had about something like this. It kind of freaked her out a little. Something was sure to happen to reset her karmic balance.

They were both quiet for awhile before he said softly, "We have a lot of things working against us if we decide to take our relationship further."

Her voice was tight when she answered. "Yeah, I know. And I'm not really good at this stuff either, so that's not going to help."

He raised the hand he was still holding and kissed her knuckles softly before glancing at her again. "If we make that decision, we'll make it together and we'll deal with the other shit together too. It's just like being a partner Stephanie, and you're a wonderful partner."

She was going to reply, but then she realized that Tom Klein was standing in front of the building smoking a cigarette. Sitting up straight and training her eyes on him, she wondered if there was something they could do to draw him towards them.

Her eye landed on his almost brand new Lexus parked nearby and she grinned before turning to Ram to explain her plan.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram crouched next to the black Infinity and tried to think of any flaws in the plan he hadn't already covered with Stephanie. Not finding any that weren't always present in their job, he focused on his partner, standing next to the Lexus.

Getting the nod from Ram, Stephanie lifted the door handle of the luxury car next to her. When that didn't set off the alarm, she risked a glance in the skip's direction before she used the nifty tool that Ram had in the SUV's toolbox. Tapping it once on the window, she was gratified to see the glass suddenly shatter inside the protective safety layers.

Wincing a little as the alarm went off, reacting to the pressure change inside the car, she tucked the little hammer thing in her back pocket before she slowly walked away from the car.

"Hey!" The voice was loud and demanding with a strong Jersey accent. "You bitch! Did you do this to my car?"

Spinning around, but still moving deeper into the parking lot towards Ram, she shrugged at the red faced man.

"Sorry man, it was an accident. My purse buckle hit it and poof. I think it was probably broke before because I didn't hit it that hard. You should turn that alarm off though, it's really loud." This was one of her favorite characters to play, young and stupid and completely nonchalant no matter what was going on. It never failed to make the guy lose all sense.

Waving a distracted hand in his direction, Stephanie turned back around and slowed her steps as she passed the vehicle Ram was behind. Come on Klein, this is where you blow up at me. Don't disappoint me now.

Squeaking when her arm was grabbed roughly and she was dragged, it took a second for her training to kick in. Twisting her upper body to loosen the hold, she stomped hard on his foot before completing the twist to spin away from him.

Grimacing when she realized he pulled her way out of position, she opened her mouth to start yelling and turned back to Klein. Freezing, the words dying in her throat, she stared down the barrel of the gun he was pointing at her face. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as her spidey sense suddenly went haywire. _Seriously? I think I'm already aware that I'm in trouble. Little late now._

Fingers twitching to pull her own gun, she wanted to stomp and pout like a three year old. This had been a good plan damnit. They'd turn him in and have more time to talk. And then maybe tonight they'd be able to have that round of real sex and now he had ruined all of that. What the hell was he doing with a gun? He was supposed to be non-violent, a business type who was up for embezzlement for God's sake.

Seeing Ram ease into the situation from the left side, she could almost hear his soothing voice as he told the skip to calm down. Oh wait, that's because he was talking.

"Hey man, we can pay for your window no problem, there's no need to pull a gun. Killing someone seems like a pretty harsh penalty for such a small mistake, doesn't it?"

Keeping her mouth firmly shut, not only because all of her spit was gone, but so that she wouldn't antagonize the man who had a shaking gun pointed at her nose. _I'd be so much happier if his arm wasn't shaking like that. He's not twitchy though, right? Just shaky? Shaky is better than twitchy. Can you shake a trigger?_

Maybe his arm would get tired?

Barely listening to the conversation between Ram and Klein, she remembered the thought she'd had right before she'd seen Klein standing outside. _'Something was sure to happen to reset her karmic balance.'_ Hoping that this would count, she internally cheered as Klein stepped away from her, even if he didn't really lower the gun much.

What happened next would remain a blur for her.

Ram sucked in a deep breath and paled as he moved in front of her, forcing her body against the SUV she was standing next to. One of his arms pressed her head enough that she ducked a little, even as she was sputtering to find the words to ask him what the hell he was doing.

Just as he turned to put his back to her, so he could talk to the skip she assumed, she heard the shot that would haunt her for the rest of her life. The sound was off, both high pitched and a booming thunder and she felt the jerk as Ram was hit somewhere and crumpled to the ground in front of her.

Fear ran through her body like ice before molten rage took over.

Rising from the crouch she had been in and smoothly pulling her gun on Klein, she ignored what he was saying and shot him in the right shoulder. Nodding when he fell on the ground shrieking in pain and she didn't see any arterial bleed, she kicked the gun his numb fingers had dropped under a car and yanked him around until she could zip tie his hands behind him.

Finally finished with the things she knew she had to do in order to keep Ram safe, she turned around and looked at him.

It was good that she had already secured Klein, because if she had realized how badly Ram was wounded when she shot him, she probably would have aimed quite differently. Dropping to her knees beside him, she tried to focus on what to do next. _Focus, focus, focus …_

What she felt like doing was screaming and begging God to take it back, because the blood coming from the hole was flowing much too quickly. Yanking off her coat and flinging it aside, she stripped the long sleeve shirt off her body and pressed it against the wound. Barely noting the odd placement of the hole, only an inch from the junction of his neck and the start of his shoulder, she leaned most of her weight on his wound as she scrabbled for her phone.

Breath coming in short sobs as she realized her phone had been knocked off her belt at some point, she remembered that she was still wearing Hector's tracker. Digging in her cleavage for the pendant, she used her teeth to turn the panic button on.

Hearing a vibrating noise, Stephanie looked down to see Ram's phone lit up on his belt. Grabbing it and unlocking the screen one handed, still pressing him hard into the dirty pavement, she realized the program he had to track her was running automatically. Unable to remember what speed dial numbers were for Haywood, she called 911 directly.

Giving 911 the address and approximately where they were located in the parking lot, Stephanie heard the beep indicating an incoming call. Pulling it away from her face, she told the lady on the phone, who was way too fucking calm, to please hurry before switching to Hector and putting it on speakerphone. Clipping it to her belt so she had her hands free, she leaned both hands down against her now sodden shirt, ignoring the squelching noise that made her stomach turn.

"Hector, oh my God Hector, please send someone, please. Ram was shot and he's bleeding so badly and I'm scared. It's bad. Please hurry, I turned my tracker on, you got that right? I called the ambulance but I don't know if he's going to make it and I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't make it …" Stuttering to a stop when her chest heaved as she fought against hysteria, she heard him muttering to someone.

"Shhhh, help coming amiga. Ram be ok, que te ama, he loves you. You breathe."

Stephanie spent the next ten minutes slowly losing her mind as Hector struggled to hold her together on the other end of the phone. It was like she was connected to Ram and as he lost more blood she started losing more of her sanity.

Completely unaware that she was babbling promises both to Ram and God out loud, by the time the ambulance finally arrived Stephanie had stopped listening to Hector. She was kneeling in a pool of Ram's blood for fuck's sake. He wasn't going to be 'ok'.

The most dangerous moment came just after she had been pushed away from Ram's body, breath shuddering in her chest as she tried to answer questions. Once the EMT's were focused on Ram, her eyes fell on Tom Klein who was still laying on the ground blubbering about his shoulder.

Rage lit her veins.

Hearing both Hector's and Lester's voices, she suddenly frowned and blinked before looking around. She was standing over Tom Klein with her gun trained on his forehead while he sobbed in terror. Her hand was rock steady, but the rest of her body was trembling. With anticipation or fear?

"Estefania!"

Backing away from Klein in a daze, she cleared her throat a few times before snapping at Hector on the phone. "What?"

"Beautiful, the EMT's can't move Ram until you safe that weapon," Lester said soothingly.

Whirling around in horror, Stephanie's eyes froze on Ram. Without looking, she completely emptied the gun, broke it down into pieces, and dropped them on the ground before raising pleading eyes to the men looking at her.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Phone calls, threats, worry, and guilt**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 11**

Standing a few yards from the men who were working to save someone she wasn't sure she was going to be able to live without, Stephanie was vaguely aware of a mass of Merry Men arriving around the same time as the cops. Unable to look at what the paramedics were doing any longer, she focused on the machine that was tracking Ram's heartbeat willing it to stay steady.

She would find cuts in her palms later from digging her nails in, but right now she was falling to her knees as the machine suddenly started squealing in alarm and the EMT's sprang into action. Rocking on her knees, she was chanting under her breath, completely unaware of anything happening around her. Her entire being had narrowed to Ram and that machine.

"Please please please please please," she begged. "Please fight, please don't leave me. Not before we've even had a chance. Please Tony, please."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Pulling into the lot with Hector in the passenger seat, Lester looked frantically for Stephanie. His heart had almost stopped when the EMT's had explained what was happening and he and Hector hadn't been able to get her to respond.

The sea of black seemed concentrated to the left of the ambulance, so he and Hector headed that way, only to stop short as Stephanie came into view.

Dressed in jeans and her black Kevlar vest, she was on her knees, panting in distress as she watched the EMT's and Bobby try to restart Ram's heart. Blood was streaked all over her pale skin. No wonder the EMT's had been freaked out. Put a gun in her hand and point her at someone and she'd be a horror movie come to life.

Knowing that she wouldn't welcome him right now, as much as that hurt, he stood next to Tank and let Hector go to Stephanie.

"Is this our fault?" he asked quietly, unable to stop the question from forming.

Tank's big head swung in his direction before he swallowed and looked back at Stephanie. "I don't know. The information we had though…" he rumbled.

Remembering the coded messages that Ranger had passed them, Lester frowned. He had ordered them to back away from Stephanie, that she was being targeted because of how important she was to the company, to Ranger. He knew Ranger had been hoping that the distance would help lessen the danger, especially when it was discovered that there was a traitor inside Rangeman.

"We need to know everything we can about this FTA. Were they targeted or was this just bad luck?" Tank said lowly and Lester nodded. He was pretty sure that Hector would make time to help them hack into anything that would help. Guilt and pity squeezed his chest as he watched the scene.

His heart ached as he watched Stephanie's tears slowly wash away the blood she must have accidentally smeared on her face. Jesus, he hadn't realized they were that close. Ok, he knew they were close, but he didn't know that it was real. Not like this.

If Ram ended up being the traitor, he was going to disembowel him. Slowly.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Somehow she managed to let them take him away. Pressing a kiss against his cool lips, she ducked her head to his ear. "Please fight for me Tony, please. I love you."

A sob caught in her throat as she realized that the first time she ever offered those words freely and without someone expecting her to say it … was to a man that may die before he heard them. Using all of her strength, grateful that Bobby would be going with him, she made herself back away from the stretcher.

Holding Bobby's eyes, she gave him a fierce look. "You stay with him as much as you can. I need him to be …"

"I know Bomber, I know. I'll be there until you can be, ok?" Bobby's voice was gentle and his eyes soft, but all she cared about was that he said he'd be there and help Ram.

A jerky nod and they took him away, her head automatically turning to keep him in view as long as possible. Fighting her body's visceral reaction to the doors slamming on the ambulance and the whine of the siren starting back up, she took a few deep breaths.

Turning around, she met a sea of black and blue. Crime scenes are typically loud, chaotic places. For once, everyone seemed still as they looked at her. Her eyes fell on Klein as another set of EMT's finished bandaging his shoulder and getting him ready for transport.

Fisting her hands so they wouldn't reach out and kill the son of a bitch, she spoke in a quiet but carrying voice. "Please get him out of my sight before I kill him." Very few of the men watching her doubted that she would try to do just that, it was written in every line of her body as she fought to master herself.

"Stephanie," she heard from her left.

Not taking her eyes off of Klein, she tilted her head to the side to indicate that she was listening.

Eddie tried again. "Stephanie."

"What Eddie?" she snapped.

"I need to get a statement from you about what happened. I know you want to be somewhere else, so let's go over it so that I can release you," he said softly, trying to force her to focus on what he was saying.

Sniffling, the cold air and tears suddenly catching up with her sinuses, she raised a hand to rub her nose before she froze in horror.

"Jesus Christ," she choked out. Holding out her hands and looking at how much of Ram's blood decorated her body; she could feel her breath starting to hitch in panic. Hector's face suddenly appeared in front of her as he frowned.

"Enough!" he snapped at her.

Eyes wide, Stephanie tried to calm down. She knew that she had lost it earlier and that right now she needed to be stronger than this, but she couldn't seem to get ahead of it. Hector's eyes narrowed on hers as he helped her breathe, warm hands cupping her frozen cheeks, the bright blue teardrops on his face almost winking at her.

Apparently understanding that any semblance of affection or sympathy right now would undo any progress she had made, he nodded sharply at her and backed away. Stephanie focused on breathing slowly and keeping calm as he stepped away for a second. Feeling her coat come around her shoulders, she slid her hands down the sleeves and left them inside, not willing to face the blood on them again.

Drained, she looked around for what she was supposed to do next. Her brain suddenly felt like it was floating in a sea of valium. Shock, a small voice whispered.

She was giving her statement to Eddie, about ready to tell him about the camera inside of the SUV that should have caught everything that happened, when Joe arrived. She vaguely heard shouting behind her, but still floating on that cushion of numbness, she didn't even bother to turn around.

A hard hand clamped down on her shoulder and she reacted without thinking, exactly as Ram had trained her. Her hands shot out of the sleeves of her coat as her right hand came across her body to grab the person's wrist. Twisting even as she spun her own body around, she slammed her knee into their diaphragm and raised the arm she was holding until they were on their knees screaming in pain.

Eyes slowly clearing, realizing who she had on the ground, Stephanie dropped his wrist and took two steps away from him. "Don't touch me again," she warned lowly.

Almost giddy inside that she had taken Joe down and that even as he screamed insults and commands at her she didn't give a shit, she kept cold eyes trained on him as she finished giving her statement to Eddie. She was fairly sure that her ability to completely ignore him had more to do with the numbness than any new talent on her part, but she was thankful for it anyway.

_Please be ok._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Racing down the halls of the hospital, heading unerringly for the surgical waiting rooms, Stephanie reached her destination and then stopped, unsure of what to do now. From the time of the shot, she had been moving from one task to another, letting other people lead her through the steps so that she could get here.

But now what did she do?

Ram's green eyes, dark with lust and swirling with emotions they hadn't yet voiced or acknowledged, suddenly swam in front of her. How could that have just been this morning?

Raising a hand to her lips, feeling that first kiss again, strong and possessive and everything she hadn't even known she wanted, she was unaware that tears were sliding down her face or that Bobby had come up to her and was leading her to a chair.

Feeling someone touch her face, she finally focused again, having been lost in memories. She was flanked by Bobby and Lester with Hector and Tank sitting across from her. A fairly large contingent of Merry Men were there too, some sitting and others standing guard.

Bobby was wiping her face down with a warm wet cloth and she sat quietly as he moved from her face to her hands. Letting him place her hands in the basin and gently wash them, she stared at the clock. Her temper ignited and almost boiled over as she saw that they should have been getting off shift about now. They should be heading towards his house or her apartment, to finish their talk, to make plans together.

Taking a shuddering breath, she forced her anger down, not wanting to take it out on these men.

"How bad is it?" she finally asked, not really wanting the answer, but needing to hear it out loud.

Bobby's grip changed from the gentle hold he was using as he made soothing swipes with the washcloth to bracing, something that made nausea swirl in her stomach.

"It's not good Bomber. They think the bullet nicked an artery and it broke his collarbone." Her brow furrowed in confusion. Ok, that was bad, but as long as he got more blood he'd be fine, right?

Bobby sighed, bringing her attention back to him. "The problem is that when his collarbone shattered, fragments of bone became lodged near his spine. They have to remove them because it's too dangerous to leave them there, but they can't tell until they get inside if his spinal cord has been damaged. If it is, he may be paralyzed."

It was good that she was surrounded by Merry Men, because at least she didn't give herself a concussion when the blackness slid over her vision and she finally passed out.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Pacing, dressed in pink hospital scrubs and wet hair up in a messy bun, Stephanie glared at Binkie, the latest Merry Man to try and get her to sit down. Ram had been in surgery for over three hours at this point. She had finally allowed herself to be pushed towards the shower an hour ago. Twenty minutes and a good cry later, she had returned and started pacing again. Which was apparently driving everyone else nuts.

Not that she really cared. She couldn't sit down. Sitting down meant that everything she was pointedly _not_ thinking about was suddenly all she _could_ think about. Eyeing the phone lying innocently on top of her coat where it was bundled up in one of the chairs she refused to sit in, she chewed her bottom lip and paced back and forth in front of it.

Jesus, what was it about this man that was always forcing her to do shit that she didn't want to do? Searching for the courage to make this call, she stopped directly in front of the chair and closed her eyes. Letting the memory of him telling her about his family wash over her, she remembered the love and affection his voice held, the hint of pain when he explained that they didn't understand his life even though they tried to support him.

Opening her eyes with fresh resolve, she picked up the phone she had been avoiding for the last 45 minutes. Unlocking it with his code, she searched his contacts and ignored the tacky feeling on the back of the phone where her bloodied hands had desperately gripped it just a few hours ago.

"Hey little brother!" The cheerful voice made tears swim in her eyes and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood as she sunk into a chair, her legs numb. "You finally talk to your girl or are you going to keep being an ass?"

A sob escaped her before she could clamp her mouth shut and she tried to get her voice under control as Jon's voice quickly went from cheerful chiding to alarmed concern.

"This is Stephanie actually," she managed. "Ram, oh God… Tony was shot today. He's in surgery right now." Struggling to breathe again, her heart twisted in her chest when she heard Jon's exclamation of pained surprise.

"Oh God. How bad is it? He's going to be ok?" The grim voice didn't really match the hopeful words, but she wondered if that was because he was a doctor and a surgeon, someone who was well aware of how quickly even the easiest surgery could go wrong.

"Stephanie?" Jon's voice was soft but insistent and she wondered how long he'd been calling her name. Bobby was at her side looking at her with concerned eyes and his hand was gently taking her pulse on the wrist not holding the phone.

"Sorry, sorry. Um they don't know yet, they haven't told us anything since he went in. There are bone fragments near his spine," she said, looking at Bobby to make sure she got it right. She was relieved when he nodded at her.

"Oh God. I'm booking a flight now. I'll tell my parents and Nathan what's going on and we'll be there soon, alright?"

She nodded before she realized he couldn't see that. "Yes. If you call back with your flight details we'll have someone meet you and bring you here. Tony's house isn't very far away from the hospital and I know he'd want you to stay there." Her voice dropped, barely a whisper as she said, "I'm so sorry Jon."

"Not your fault Stephanie. I'll call you back with the flight information. Can you see if you can get an update on his condition before I call back?"

Glancing at the station where the hospital had someone sitting for just that purpose, not that they had been useful so far, her eyes hardened. "Oh yes, someone is going to talk to me very soon, I promise," she said, her voice deadly.

"Bomber," Bobby said warningly, having already had this discussion with her.

Transferring her gaze to Bobby, she glared at him until he looked away, lips tight. "Bobby, you guys have already made sure I'm completely unarmed. You may as well take that victory and enjoy it, because I only allowed it so I wouldn't end up in jail. I'm aware that I'm not quite stable right now, so back the fuck off unless you're planning on sedating me. I may not be as dangerous as you guys, but I promise I will put up a hell of a fight if you try. I will use everything that Ram has taught me about fighting over the last few months. And Bobby," she warned lowly, her tone steely, "_I_ won't be worrying about hurting you while I do it. Someone is going to give me fucking answers, even if it's only a guess about how long this surgery is going to last. So back off."

Remembering that Jon was still listening on his end of the phone, she flushed a little, but didn't bother apologizing. She wasn't sorry for anything she'd just said.

"Jon, I'll be waiting for your call. If there's a reason I can't carry it with me somewhere, I'll make sure someone else will answer."

Jon had listened to the woman his brother loved, even if he refused to admit it yet, threaten her friend and approved. Anthony needed someone strong, someone who wouldn't let him hide inside his walls. He hoped she was strong enough for what was coming.

"Stephanie?"

"Yeah?" She sounded like she was fighting tears now. He wondered if maybe the best thing they _could_ do was sedate her for awhile. She sounded like she was exhausted and he was willing to bet she'd been swinging between emotions for hours.

"Believe in him. He has a lot to fight for and he knows it," he wanted to say more, but he wasn't willing to break his brother's confidence. The last time he had spoken with his brother he had been beating himself up for going out on that date and telling Jon about Stephanie's reaction.

A loud sniffle. "I do believe in him," she said quietly. He was about to tell her goodbye when her voice came again, small and broken. "We were finally talking about … about us, when this interrupted us." Shit, no wonder she was all over the place.

He could hear the tears, but her voice was clear when she told him goodbye.

Setting the handset back in place, he stared at the computer screen in front of him for a long minute before he was able to shake off his fears for his little brother. Picking the phone back up, he dialed his parents' home to give them the phone call they had been dreading for years.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The four of them walked quickly through the airport, heading to the baggage area where they would meet their ride. Jon hadn't gotten Stephanie when he called back; someone named Lester had promised that someone would be there to pick them up.

Lester had apologized for it not being Stephanie, but explained that she was currently using the Burg information network to find someone who would force the hospital to talk to her. When Jon pointed out that it was against the law for them to give her any more information than she'd already gotten, that he had just been hoping that she'd have more when he called back, not expecting it, Lester had given him a grim laugh.

"If anyone is able to do it, Stephanie will. When she has a goal, it's best to just stand back and take care of the fallout. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up running the world some day."

"She's not going to get in trouble is she?" Jon had replied, with more than a touch of concern. He didn't think it would be good for either Anthony or Stephanie if she was banned from the hospital.

Lester's voice had held a smile when he answered. "No, we've got her back. This isn't the first time she's pushed the boundaries for one of us. I'll let her know you're on the way."

Now in Trenton and coming down the escalator, he caught sight of what had to be the men that were sent to pick them up. Dressed all in black, they were as big as his brother and exuded that same edge that warned people to stay away. He wasn't even that surprised that they managed to pick them out of the crowd, he doubted many of the other passengers had obvious worry and grief lines on their faces.

Glancing worriedly at his mother, he hoped that his father could keep her under control. His family hadn't taken the news very well and he had felt that he needed to warn them that Anthony and Stephanie were involved as well as partners. He had hoped that Judy Ramsey would take it better from him than if she had been slapped with the evidence with no time to prepare.

Now he wondered if he had made a mistake by giving her more time to prepare. Once they had been on the airplane, she had shot question after question at him about Anthony's relationship with Stephanie. Jon could tell she had been offended that Anthony hadn't told her anything and he tried to explain that they were still figuring everything out, that it wasn't because he was trying to hide it.

"Ramseys?" The large man with a tattoo on his forehead stepped forward with the question. When they nodded he started gathering the bags onto a cart.

The other man stepped forward and smiled grimly. "Hi, I'm Bones and that's Cal. Is this everything?" When they nodded again he ushered them towards the door with Cal following pushing the baggage cart. Jon caught Nathan's eye and realized that underneath all of the worry he was wondering what kind of company his big brother actually worked for. The kid looked fascinated. Wonderful.

His father remembered his manners and finally introduced the family. "We appreciate the ride. I'm Henry, this is my wife Judy, and our sons Jonathon and Nathan. Do you have any more information?"

Bones shared a look with Cal, before answering his father. "Let's get headed towards the hospital and then we'll give you as much information as we have." Feeling his stomach tighten, he reminded himself that if Anthony had died they wouldn't be taking them to the hospital.

Everyone finally arranged in the huge SUV, with Bones driving, they gave a dry recitation of what had happened earlier today. Apparently during a routine pick up of a FTA, his brother and Stephanie had been caught off guard when their guy pulled a gun from nowhere and pointed it right at her head. Bones went on to explain that Stephanie wasn't able to give many details, but she did tell them that the camera in their SUV had been set up to capture everything, so they had used that to reconstruct what happened.

They had talked the guy down a little when his brother had suddenly moved in front of Stephanie, pushing her down. Bones made a point to say that by pushing her head down he was covering her head with his Kevlar vest, so he was obviously protecting her. There wasn't any sound on the recording, but Stephanie couldn't remember him saying anything before he had started turning only to be shot. The camera had been placed behind them and he'd been blocking it but the gun the FTA was holding had definitely been fired.

His father cleared his throat unevenly, holding his mother's hand tightly as they both fought tears. "What happened to the man who shot my son?"

Cal's face broke out into a grin, something that was more than a little frightening with that tattoo. "Angel happened. She stood up, shot the asshole and cuffed him before running back to Ram. When the EMT's got there and she had to step back, she almost killed the guy. They had to talk her out of pulling the trigger," he said admiringly.

"Who is Angel?" Jon was fairly certain his mother already knew the answer to this, but he didn't say anything, just looked out the window as the grey streets passed them by.

"Stephanie. She has a lot of different nicknames."

"And what does my son call her?"

He could feel Nathan tensing beside him as his breath caught. Bones eyes flashed to where his mother was sitting and Cal turned around to look at her as they both processed the tone she had asked that in. She quailed a little, but waited for the answer.

"His." Bones snapped. Well that was clear enough.

They all jumped when the phone rang a minute later. Cal looked down and made a face, before answering. Bones slapped him on the arm and made a hand motion before Cal pressed a button and put it on speaker.

"What's up Bobby? We're on our way back. You're on speaker," he warned.

Bobby, that was the man that Stephanie was talking to earlier. He had to be the medic, she had mentioned sedation. He vaguely remembered Anthony mentioning him as well.

"Cal, can you swing by Bomber's place? It's on the way and I don't want to send someone else out, we're already pulled thin right now, we've had two alarms go off."

"She ok?" His scary face was suddenly worried, something that was fascinating to see. Jon noticed that Nathan actually had his head tilted a little as he watched. Jabbing an elbow in his ribs, Nathan just shrugged in response.

Bobby sighed. "She's fine, but I finally had to sedate her and now she needs clothes."

"What the hell Bobby?" Cal barked as he and Bones shared an angry look.

"Look, Steph's been on the edge since the shooting, which was hours ago man. She had crashed through the adrenaline more than once and she was still fighting. You saw her; she lost it at the scene. When Joe showed up here to start in on her again, she snapped. The only people who could have talked her down when I finally sedated her were Ranger and Ram." Bobby's voice was tired and rambling. "Trust me Cal she made me work for it, just like she promised."

Bones face was composed, but his voice betrayed his agitation. "Fucking Morelli, the hell did he want now? I thought when she almost broke his arm at the scene that he would have realized she wasn't in the mood to listen to his shit."

"You'd think so, wouldn't you? Same shit as always, 'Cupcake, we should get back together'. Dumbass. Shit, I need to get some sleep soon. I was up most of the night with Tiny. Anyway, can you stop by Bomber's and grab her something?"

"Yeah man, it will only add a couple of minutes. Any news to give the Ramseys?" Bones asked as he made a quick right.

"Steph managed to force the nurses to call the OR for an update, don't ask me how. He's stable and they had removed most of the bone shards. They went for the most dangerous first and they don't think his spinal cord was affected. The surgery will be at least another couple hours before they have him closed up and headed to recovery. Of course we're going to have to wait until he wakes up and the swelling goes down to be able to tell how badly he was actually injured. I suspect they'll have to keep him in a medically induced coma for awhile so that he doesn't move his spine and injure it further."

"Thanks Bobby," Cal said, words echoed by Jon's entire family. It still wasn't good, there were a lot of things that could go wrong, but it was still heading towards best case scenario.

Pulling into the lot of an older apartment building and parking in the spot that seemed to be waiting for them, Cal hopped out of the passenger seat and headed towards the door.

His mother's voice was much softer this time, which he suspected was the only reason Bones answered. "You all have keys to her apartment?"

"No, but her locks are really bad and it takes less time to pick them than to use a key. One second."

"Hey Cal," Bones said into the phone. "Feed Rex and I'll call the control room and ask them to send someone to pick him up when they've got someone nearby."

Cal had just come out of the door, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder when an undercover cop car pulled into the lot. Before anyone could ask what was going on, Bones and Cal were shoulder to shoulder between the car and the apartment building.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – The Ramseys meet Stephanie**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 12**

Jon wondered if it was always this exciting in Trenton or if it was the circumstances. Or maybe it was just because it involved Stephanie?

Bones had left the SUV running when he leapt out and no one said a word as Nathan pressed the button to lower the window so they could hear what was going on. Midwest manners only go so far.

"Go home Morelli, she's not here and even if she was, she doesn't want to see you." Jon eyed the man, remembering the name from conversations with his brother.

"Screw you! I want to know who that shot was aimed at. That asshole should have been protecting her if she's being targeted again, isn't that what you guys are paid for? Or is it something you guys did that put her in danger again?" The cop sputtered, fingers poking emphatically at the two men blocking him. Was that the beginning of a black eye?

The air inside the SUV grew tense as the family absorbed the way this asshole was talking about their son or brother.

"Morelli, we will share all relevant information with the cops, just like we always do. That's not why you're here. You're here to see if you can take advantage of Steph while she's vulnerable. Leave her the fuck alone before we let her finish the job it looks like she started on you." Cal paused and then continued in a wickedly amused voice. "I hope you were dumb enough to call Ram that to her face, you walking funny too?"

Nathan snickered as he saw the cop flinch a little.

"You have no right to keep me away from her, now get the fuck out of my way before I arrest you for detaining a police officer." Bones grabbed Cal by the shoulder and pulled him back a little when it looked like Cal was going to press even closer.

"Free country. Of course if you go into her apartment and snoop, that's breaking and entering and I'm pretty sure Bomber will be all over pressing charges. You don't get it do you? She's done with you man. She took on the entirety of Rangeman not that long ago and won. She's not the girl you knew. You don't have a chance."

Suddenly Cal and Bones separated and from between them a couple of elderly women appeared, glaring at the cop. The entire family started laughing when all of a sudden both of the women started beating him with their purses. And apparently in Jersey, it didn't matter how old you were, you carried a big purse. Even from here they could hear the heavy whump of each hit.

"You! Go away now! I'm going to call your Grandma Bella if you don't leave right this instant," one of them threatened loudly.

The other one was swinging wildly, connecting about half the time. "I know what you did Joseph Morelli! Stephanie still had your handprint on her face when she came home the night she caught you with your whore. You leave her alone or I'll stun you and Edna and I will teach you some manners."

"You leave her and that nice boy alone!" With that, the two women forced the guy into his car and stood there glaring at him until he finally drove away. After they stopped laughing, Cal and Bones kissed both of the women on the cheek and helped them back inside before getting back in the SUV.

The Ramseys were quiet as the drive continued. Jon was hoping that something would soften his mother before she was confronted with the reality of Stephanie. He was pretty sure that Stephanie wasn't going to back down for anyone, including their mother. Of course a confrontation would simply set Judy Ramsey in her opinions. Firmly. It would really be best if they were on the same side before they met.

Pulled out of his musings by the sound of one of the guys in the front seat, he looked up. Of course Nathan had already been watching them with narrowed eyes. The two men were talking so low that he had to strain to hear it. He could hear his parents arguing almost as softly behind him.

"She tell you?"

"Not that he hit her. I knew she caught him cheating."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"Think Ram knows?"

"If he does, he hasn't known very long or she managed to make him promise not to retaliate."

"I've never seen her like this," Cal admitted softly, his eyes far away. "Not even with Ranger and we _all_ knew how that was."

Bones made a noise that Jon couldn't interpret. "Did we? We know what it looked like, but I don't think that's the whole story."

"Think he'll call her?"

"If he finds out what happened, I don't know that anything could keep him from making sure she's ok."

"Wish I could be a fly on the wall for that conversation. She's going to tear him a new asshole for all the shit we've been ordered to do. Ram has been talking her down from going off on us, which we all need to thank him for now that we know what that actually looks like. Jesus."

"Bomber is fierce, especially with people she loves. We need to pass the word; everyone needs to back off giving him a hard time about her. We're fuckin lucky she never caught on to that. I can't even remember why it started, but it has to stop."

Cal nodded and sighed as they pulled into the hospital driveway. "Well let's hope she doesn't have time to think about it because I'm pretty sure that's what she was trying to figure out last week. Angel hasn't forgiven us for what happened with Michaels. I'm pretty sure she was playing us and trying to figure out what's going on. We were all so happy that she was treating us like she used to that we didn't even question it."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

After signing in, they were escorted to the fourth floor, seeing men that obviously worked with his brother stationed at various places on the way up. Security? Did they know more about the guy that did this?

There were more men wearing all black in the surgical waiting room and he was halfway amused to realize that they were arranged so that they created a wall between the curly haired brunette asleep on a cot and the rest of the room. A huge black man walked towards them after sending the woman a quick worried look. That had to be Stephanie, right?

"Hello folks. My name is Tank and I'm in charge here. If you have any questions or need anything, please let me know. I'm told that you have as much information as we do," he nodded at a smaller man standing next to him.

"I'm Bobby, I'm the Rangeman medic. I wish I had more information for you, but we haven't learned anything new," he said apologetically. Jon's eyes were drawn to the fresh scratches all over his arms and the brace immobilizing his wrist and he winced a little.

Unwilling to take their word for it, Jon seated his family and then went in search of a medical professional. Bobby may be a medic, but he was a surgeon and he needed to know that everything was being done that could be.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie groaned and scrunched her eyes hard, trying to deal with the jackhammer in her skull. Feeling a cool hand on her forehead, she relaxed into the touch with relief before everything came rushing back to her.

Sitting up abruptly, eyes wild, she looked for Bobby and saw him leaning against the wall at the back of the waiting room. "You drugged me? Are you _kidding me_? What the _hell_ Bobby?"

He held up a wrapped wrist and glared back at her. "You were out of control Bomber, but thanks for this."

"I warned you," she snarled unrepentantly.

He nodded his head, acknowledging that. "Yeah, you did, but I guess I didn't realize Ram had trained you so well."

Tears immediately started flowing as the thing she had been trying to avoid was back in front of her. Looking over as Lester squeezed her hand, she tried to smile at him.

"He's out of surgery and in recovery, Beautiful." He grabbed her arm and pushed her back on the cot as her legs suddenly stopped working.

Bobby knelt in front of her as her breath hitched in relief. "He'll be in a medically induced coma until the swelling goes down a little, Bomber. They won't really know anything with any certainty until he wakes up and they can perform some tests. But it doesn't look that bad, ok?"

She nodded frantically. She could live with that for now. Wiping her hands across her face, she wished she could stop crying. Looking at the clock she bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly. It had only been 12 hours ago that they had been dancing around their relationship, easing through the more sensitive topics.

Ok, she had to stop this. The time for falling apart had come and gone. It was time to step up. Rubbing her face, she attempted to organize her thoughts a little.

"Hey Beautiful, we have some of your stuff here if you want to change," Lester said softly.

Irritated that he was acting like she was glass, she tried to temper her response. After all, she probably looked pretty shattered earlier, so could she blame him? "Thanks Les."

Picking up the bag he pointed out and tossing it over her shoulder, she tugged on the pink top and tried to make it cover her a bit more modestly. Apparently she and Bobby had played pretty rough. She made it less than five feet out of the waiting room before she turned around.

"Who broke in this time?"

Cal's hand was raised sheepishly and she smiled before walking over and pressing a kiss to his tattoo. "Thanks Cal," she whispered.

He nodded. "I fed Rex too and Bones called to have someone pick him up."

Her eyes glistened as she swallowed hard and nodded. "Thanks."

Looking around she was surprised at who wasn't there. "Where's Hector?" she asked suspiciously. Noticing the shifty looks, she pinned Tank down with demanding blue eyes. "Tank?"

"He's looking into your FTA. That guy didn't have a violent history, not even a sniff of it. He was all white collar shit. We want to know if there's more to him than we thought." She nodded a little, more than aware that Hector was the best hacker in the company.

"Plus he might be hiding from you a little," Bobby admitted.

"From me? Why?" Stephanie tried to hide the hurt, but she was pretty sure her walls were for shit at this point. She'd build them up later.

More than one chuckle burst forth and she glared around the waiting room, her eyes landing on the family sitting in the back of the room watching the show. They kind of looked like Ram, but it was hard to tell. There were two men that she thought could pass for an older and younger brother. It wasn't hard to decide to ignore them for now; she wasn't really dressed for greeting her … boyfriend? partner? … whatever Tony was to her, she wasn't really dressed to meet his family.

Lester coughed lightly and said in a carefully controlled voice, "Bobby couldn't hold you still and stick you so Hector came at you from behind. You made some pretty painstakingly detailed threats while he was holding you down. He didn't seem to have any problems understanding what you were promising."

"Speaking of Hector, Little Girl, you and me are going to have a chat about that panic button he said he gave you," Tank warned.

Eyes flashing and so completely fed up with this shit, Stephanie turned to face him, walking closer until she was in his face. "No actually _Pierre_, we aren't. We've had more than one 'chat' about your inability to understand that whatever you think Ranger said, I know damn well he didn't tell you to treat me like this. I never went anywhere without at least one tracker and panic button and there was always someone who could pull up the GPS on my car. I chose to give Hector and Ram access when I was off shift. I _never_ promised to use the control room to monitor my movements. You're lucky you got that much of a concession. If it hadn't been for Ram telling me that you were only acting like an asshole because you cared, I'd have quit and gone back to Vinnie."

Those blue eyes narrowed dangerously as things suddenly fell into place. "I'm not an idiot and I know you guys are keeping something from me. I will warn you now, if whatever you're keeping secret had something to do with Ram getting shot, I will take Rangeman apart brick by brick."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Jon watched Stephanie stalk off with the bag Cal had brought from her apartment and considered the varying dynamics. She was a handful that was for sure. He wondered how she related to his brother. She was obviously protective of him and it wasn't hard to see that if she could have taken the bullet for him, she would have.

Glancing over at his mother he groaned internally. Judy Ramsey's eyes were trained on the hallway that Stephanie had disappeared down. Jon wished he knew if she had mellowed or not. He looked at his father for a clue, but he was lost in thought, distress still etching his face. Nathan had moved over a couple of seats and was now talking in low tones to one of the men sitting near them.

Resting his elbows on his knees and scrubbing his hands over his face, he hoped Anthony was moved out of recovery soon. They were exhausted, the strain and worry were wearing them all down. Hopefully when Stephanie returned she could take them to Anthony's home.

Twenty minutes later, a much more refreshed and attractive woman walked back towards them. Her curly hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but her blue eyes were clear and bright. She was wearing a simple outfit of jeans and a v-neck sweater, but with high heeled boots that seemed to give her a lot more confidence. The men around him seemed to relax again as they saw her and he saw Tank, Bobby, and who he thought was Lester break away from each other and face her. There was some low murmuring that he didn't catch but looked important from her reaction.

She stopped in front of them, eyes narrowed and searching their faces before her eyes closed with an anguished look on her face. Straining to hear, he realized the entire waiting room was silent.

"I can't believe this. Are you fucking kidding me? Please tell me this is some kind of sick joke." She threw the bag on the floor and put her hands over her eyes before turning to one of the men, pleading apparent in her tone. "Lester, you didn't know, right?" He was silent, but the guilt was clear on his face. "I don't even know what to say. Did he know? Did you at least warn him?" Her hands fisted when Tank shook his head no.

She was shaking she was so mad. "I want every resource you have looking for whoever did this, if we find out it wasn't Klein behind it. You owe me that. You owe _him_ so much more than that." Jon watched the three large men nod obediently. "How _could_ you? I just … I ASKED and you _**lied**_ to me. I don't know what to do with that."

She started to step away, coming towards his family when she froze and her eyes filled with tears. Licking her lips, he saw her swallow a few times before she managed to speak. "If I'm around him, will it put him in more danger?"

Tank's voice rumbled through the silence, addressing the back of her head since she hadn't turned around. "We don't think so Bomber."

Stephanie managed a jerky nod before she said brokenly, "Yeah, but you didn't think we needed to know there was a threat in the first place, so maybe you don't know a damn thing."

"Steph, the damage is already done," Lester said, regret painted on his face when he saw her body jerk in reaction to the word damage.

Jon narrowed his eyes at her. He could see the guilt building, hurting her all over again, but he didn't know what to say to make it better. He was pretty sure that Anthony wasn't going to blame her no matter who the shot was aimed at.

When Stephanie got within a few feet of them, Judy Ramsey stood up and stared at the woman who, as far as she was concerned, was responsible for all of this.

"I want you to stay away from him, away from all of us. I heard what that man said," she hissed, "and my Anthony is in a coma now, he almost _died_. He may never wake up or walk again! How could you place him in danger? You're going to get him killed!"

"Judy she didn't know," Henry Ramsey protested softly, sending Stephanie a quick but apologetic look. "You know what Jon said Anthony has told him, stop blaming her."

"Mom, you're not being fair," Nathan murmured. "Don't say something you'll regret, ok?"

Judy and Stephanie were locked in a silent staring contest. Judy looked righteous while Stephanie seemed to be searching for something. Jon could see that his mother was starting to waver a little, but she held firm. The things Tank had said had shocked her and she had reacted without really thinking, but Stephanie's reaction to the confrontation shocked him.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Taking a single step back from the Ramseys, a symbolic retreat, Stephanie nodded at Ram's mother. The woman might be upset, but she wasn't wrong. And this was her son.

Looking down at the cell phone that was suddenly in her hand, she blinked away the tears. It's not like she expected a different reception. Listening to the ring, she sniffed once, commanding herself to get it together.

"Ella?" she whispered, before clearing her throat so she could speak at a normal volume. "He's … better. He's in recovery right now. Can you do me a favor? Can you have one of the guys take you to Ram's and get it ready for his family? Maybe leave them something to eat?"

"Of course dear, I have a couple of casseroles in the freezer that should work. I'll put together a continental breakfast for tomorrow morning. I can change the sheets on the beds as well. Will they need any cots?"

Looking into Judy's confused eyes, she veiled her thoughts while Ella made plans. "The couches are comfortable, but just in case maybe 2? I appreciate it, and I'm sure they will too. Is it ok if I send Lester to drive you around? He can come back for the Ramseys after he drops you off."

"That will be a lot of driving for Lester, I could get someone else to help and he could simply drop the Ramseys off when they are ready. That would probably be easier for him," Ella said warmly.

Her eyes hardened and she made an effort to soften her voice before she replied, swinging her eyes to meet Lester's miserable ones. "Actually Ella, Lester volunteered, so let's just let him do it his way. He's on his way to you now. If the Ramseys decide to go back to Ram's before he's back I'll make sure someone is available just in case. Thanks Ella."

"Of course sweetheart. Will you be staying here or at your apartment?"

Stephanie bit her lip indecisively. Being surrounded by Ranger sounded like heaven right now, because if there was one thing she associated with Batman, it was safety and comfort. Shaking her head, she realized that it would probably send the wrong message to just about everyone if she did that. She didn't need more problems.

"Unless there's a reason for me to be in lockdown," her eyes narrowed on Lester, "then I'll be at my place if I'm not here. Cal told me that someone took Rex to Haywood. I'm going to leave him there for awhile since I don't know how much I'll be home. Lester is on his way, thanks Ella."

Closing the phone, she stared at expectantly at Lester.

"I'm so sorry Beautiful, so …"

She shook her head wearily. "Shut up Lester, I don't want to hear it. You … you were someone I trusted. I love all of you, but you were special to me and you know it. I've been putting some things together and I don't like what it's telling me, but I don't have the energy to deal with it now. Right now all I know is that you betrayed me by keeping me in the dark and you betrayed Ram by leaving him hanging in the wind."

Her voice dropped to a furious hiss. "Do you honestly think that Ram would have been so careless with my safety if he had known there was an active threat? He may have been willing to hear my arguments out, but he's as much of a fucking alpha male as the rest of you. The very _least_ he would have done was make sure we took precautions."

Throwing her hand up when he opened his mouth to respond, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before digging in her purse for a piece of paper and a pen. "Just go Lester. Go away. Drive Ella around. Do your best to help Ram in the only way you can now. I don't want you anywhere near me." She thrust the paper with Ram's address and alarm code towards him. He could pick the lock for now.

"Cal?"

"Yeah, Angel?"

"Can you sit with the Ramseys in case they need something? If they want to leave before Lester gets back …"

"Of course," he said soothingly. "Maybe you should get some more sleep Steph."

She shook her head, face tight against the emotions starting to swamp her, the guilt that this was her fault, the pain of hearing Ram's mother tell her to stay away from them, and the betrayal and rage that men she had counted on to have her back had let her down and Ram was paying the price.

How could things change so horribly in less than a day?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Nathan Ramsey watched Stephanie Plum in a sort of fascinated wonder. He had read the stories in the paper, just like the rest of his family, but his admiration then was based more on how exciting her life seemed to be. He knew his family thought he was kind of shiftless and unmotivated, but he just got bored so easily. Reading about her adventures had always made him a little jealous actually.

He knew that Anthony had been partnered with her recently, but he never caught a hint that it was more than that. Granted, Anthony didn't call him much either. Apparently he called Jon instead.

Pushing the sibling rivalry away, something that had stopped being cool when they were squabbling over action figures, he hoped that his mom would lighten up before she made a mistake she couldn't take back. He didn't know who this woman was to his brother, but she obviously felt strongly about him. The last thing they needed was a fight or for Anthony to be stuck in the middle.

Moving next to Jon, he nudged him and motioned towards Stephanie with his chin. "Anthony and her?"

"They were heading that way. He's completely gone for her. I didn't realize until we got here that it was so obviously mutual or I would have kicked his ass for being stupid. I think, from something she said, that they were in the process of actually acknowledging it when this happened today," Jon told him quietly.

"Fuck," he breathed. "That sucks." He looked at his mom thoughtfully and then back at Jon. "Mom's gonna have to chill then, it's not right what she said."

"I'm hoping she'll calm down and see that on her own," Jon admitted.

Nathan snorted. "Pussy."

They sat there for a few minutes, both tired and fading fast, but wanting to see with their own eyes that their brother was alive. A man dressed more like a gangbanger than anything else suddenly slipped into the waiting room. Seeing that no one else reacted, Nathan mentally shrugged and closed his eyes.

"Estefania," a heavily accented voice called. Cracking an eye back open, he saw the man crouching in front of Stephanie's chair and bumped his brother to get his attention.

Suddenly the man stood up and unleashed a stream of Spanish that he couldn't keep up with. He managed enough to figure out that the man was yelling at the other men for not watching her. The medic dude was moving over to them.

Nathan was pretty sure the guy was scared that she'd come out of it with him near her. She'd been pretty pissed off earlier. He still hadn't figured out what they had been talking about, not really. But Anthony was probably going to be pissed if she didn't let go of some of that guilt.

Some of the men were talking back to the new guy, but everyone seemed very respectful. Maybe this was that Ranger dude?

A nurse that had been by a few times to update the room was walking towards them and the waiting room all straightened up. She frowned at Stephanie, who was still staring at the floor in some kind of weird trance.

"Mr. Brown, is Stephanie ok?"

The guy forced a smile and then admitted that it'd been a long day for her, she just needed to recharge a little. Nathan was thinking that was a bit of a fuckin understatement.

Pretty blonde nurse looked concerned, but then sent a smile towards the Ramseys. "He's been moved into the ICU. Family can go in two at a time for 10 minutes a visit. Then I'd suggest you all go home and get some rest."

"Take Dad with you," he muttered to Jon quickly. Jon was quick on the uptake, he'd give him that. He'd hustled Dad away and towards the ICU before Mom even realized what was happening.

"Come on Mom, let's head that direction." Nodding at the guy who said he'd give them a ride to his brother's house when they got back, he put his arm around his mother and led her away from the crowd.

"You think I was wrong," she said as they slowly walked down the hallway. His mom might be quick to judge, but she would usually think about it later. He was hoping enough time had passed. It's not like they had much else to do, just watch the show and think. Show was pretty damn interesting though.

He snorted. "Yeah Mom, you were wrong. You _are_ wrong. I get that you're scared, but don't put Anthony in the middle."

"What if he gets hurt again? You heard her! She asked if she was around him if he could get hurt again!" Judy Ramsey's voice was climbing and her youngest son patted her arm a few times.

"Mom, do you really think that Anthony doesn't already know almost everything about her? I don't know if they're just partners or there's something more, but … I get it, I do, but don't do this." He stopped and turned to face her, his eyes searching hers. "If she's something he'll fight to keep going for, what's it going to do to him if you push her away?"

Hugging her when she started crying, he sighed into her hair. Seeing his dad and Jon walking back down the hallway, he eased back and smiled at her.

"Come on, let's go give Anthony hell for scaring us."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Stephanie finally gets to see Ram**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 13**

As soon as Ram's family had walked around the corner, Stephanie went over to her coat and dug through it. Swallowing hard, she took Ram's house key off of her key ring and handed it to Cal, along with another piece of paper with the alarm code and address on it.

"His um, his car is still at Haywood, but maybe Tank or someone will let you guys leave an SUV for them to use?"

"Sure Angel, I'll make sure they have something with GPS so they can get back and forth, ok?"

She nodded, looking away. Moving away, she ignored his question about how she was doing. How did she look like she was doing?

Finding a quiet hallway near the ICU, she slowly slid to the floor, barely noticing Hector quietly following her. Drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her head on them, she closed her eyes wanting a little peace. Not a lot, she wasn't asking for a lot, just a little peace.

She shouldn't have been surprised when Hector's warm arm came around her, pulling her into his body, but she was. Their relationship had always been different, but it rarely involved physical affection. Her rare kisses on his cheek or tattoos were pretty much it.

Leaning there, finally in a quiet and still place, the tears came. Not the hysteria that had dominated her day, or the frantic fear that made her want to rip her own heart out and hand it to someone just in case it would help him, but quiet cleansing tears that rolled in rivers down her cheeks.

Hearing footsteps, she pressed her face harder into Hector's soft plaid shirt, hoping that whoever it was would just go away. All she wanted to do now was see Ram, maybe touch his hand. She couldn't take another fight or betrayal or argument tonight.

"Stephanie?"

Raising her head a little, swiping a hand over her face, she looked at Judy Ramsey without saying anything.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that earlier," she said in a voice thick with regret. "Anthony is in ICU room 8 if you'd like to visit."

Choosing not to mention that she would have visited him anyway, Stephanie gave her a half smile in thanks. Feeling a nudge against her side, she glared at Hector. Hector glared back.

Forcing a smile and letting Hector help her to her feet, she motioned between the two groups. "Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey, Jonathon, Nathan, this is Hector, a good friend to both Tony and I." Waiting until they had exchanged greetings, she motioned towards the waiting room.

"Cal is working on getting you a vehicle to use while you're here, he should be able to let you know more by now. He also has the key and alarm code in case you're ready to go before Lester gets back. I made Lester pick the lock earlier, so if he is here, don't forget the key Cal has." She scrunched up her face in thought. "In the furthest drawer from the left of the stove, on the end, there is a ring of keys. There's at least one duplicate house key on it and there should be an extra garage remote in there as well, in case you need it. Tony's car is still at the office, so …"

Swallowing hard as she cut her ramble off before the sob escaped, she turned and started walking towards the ICU. It may have been rude, but she was going to crack if she didn't see him soon, to make sure they hadn't been lying to her and he was really alive and warm and breathing. Turning around when she heard her name again, she met Judy's eyes.

"Thank you, for everything."

A nod was all she could manage.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Sinking into a chair she had found hiding behind a curtain, Stephanie curled up and lightly stroked Ram's hand, avoiding the medical paraphernalia. _Keep it light and fun. There is no reason to freak out; especially if there is any chance at all he can hear you._

"Hey, it's Stephanie. You probably can't hear me, and that's ok. Well it's ok if you can too, but you know what I'm saying. I mean, we both know how bad I am at this emotional stuff, so maybe it's good that I get to practice first? I suppose I should warn you, I'm pretty sure I've outed us to pretty much everyone."

Picturing some of the faces throughout the day almost made her smile. "There's a piece of me that wants to say something like _'Well_ _I've outed myself, not that you probably feel the same way'_, but I know better. We just haven't said it out loud yet or defined anything. That's ok, we'll get there eventually."

Running her finger up and down his arm, she kept her voice as light as she could manage.

"I am going to have to insist though that when you do wake up that we have this fabled conversation. No wonder I've always run from this kind of stuff if it's always this hard to resolve things!"

Propping her head up on one hand, she watched his face, even though she knew he wasn't going to respond to her. The rhythmic pumping of the ventilator was almost soothing. As long as she didn't consider what it meant.

"Today has been horrible. I'm sure you'd be saying that your day has sucked even worse, but I gotta say, for today I think you had it easy. Sure you got shot, but you've slept through most of it. Now in a week or so I'll let you win, promise. Today though … today I win. About the only thing that could have made it worse was my Mother showing up and announcing to everyone that no one else's daughter was almost shot today. No offense, but we both know she wouldn't have even noticed that you had been shot as long as I was around for her to poke at."

Snorting into her knees, she kept stroking his arm softly.

"I don't know what's going on or what happened today with our FTA. I keep trying to piece shit together and my brain refuses to work on it. All it wants to do is focus on you. Of course I attempted to reason with it, pointing out that you are a part of the puzzle, but alas, you're simply too sexy for me to multitask."

Fighting a yawn and the ever-present tears, she rested her head on the back of the chair. The room was quiet for a long time.

"You know, when I woke up this morning, _before_ you showed me how very good you are with your hands, I never in a million years expected to be sitting by your bedside in the ICU that night. If I had thought about it at all, I suppose I thought I'd be coming back to the house tonight and we could get to work on some of that sexual tension that we've been living with the last couple of months. I mean seriously Ram, my water bill is going to be outrageous."

Sitting up when one of the nurses walked in, Stephanie looked at her with pleading eyes. She knew she had exceeded the time limit, but …

Taking notes on what the machines were telling her, Jackie Dawson finally nodded at her. "My grandmother is friends with your grandmother. They liked to do Stiva's together in the day. She asked me to do what I can. As long as he's stable and things are calm and quiet in here, I'll talk to the dayshift nurses too. My cousin Brian should be on tomorrow."

Stephanie wasn't able to stop the tears, but for once it wasn't because she was sad. "Thank you Jackie, and tell your grandmother I appreciate her help as well."

Leaning back again when Jackie had finally left, Stephanie smiled at Ram. "So that was nice of her, right? Go Grandma Mazur! I uh … shit. I might have used the Burg gossip network for my own ends today. I figured that as much time as they talk about me when I don't want them to, that I may as well get something out of it this time. So I pretty much spread the story myself until I found people who would help me get more information about how you were doing. Did you know that my parents have a neighbor who has a brother-in-law who has an aunt who works here in the administration office? That aunt is married to one of the surgical orderlies, and he is friends with the surgical nurses. One of the nurses agreed to contact the OR for me today and so when your family got off of the plane, we could tell them how you were."

"Yes well, I know you're quite impressed with my accomplishment, even if you're playing it cool now. That's ok, for that much effort, I'm going to insist on at least homemade waffles when you're up and around," she teased, remembering how he had motivated her to start working out.

"You know, I shouldn't really be this tired. Bobby sedated me today, so surely I got some sleep in, even if it doesn't feel like it now. You'd be so proud of me though. Not for getting sedated, I'm pretty sure you'd be pissed off at me for that, but Joe would seriously not take a hint and I was already teetering. Anyway, no, the awesome thing was when Bobby went to hold me down so he could jab that needle in me and I managed to go all kung fu Ram style on his ass. Hector ruined it though, so I'm going to have to figure out a way to repay him."

Feeling her eyes start to close involuntarily and her speech slur, she fought to stand up so she could tell him goodnight. Leaning down, bracing herself so she didn't accidentally fall and hurt him, she whispered in his ear.

"I'm gonna practice saying I love you now. I figure by the time you wake up, I'll be used to saying it and my mouth won't get dry and my heart won't try and explode. I love you Tony. Rest well and I'll see you in the morning." Stephanie pressed her lips against his warm cheek and spent a second breathing him in, trying to catch his scent over the hospital smells that were everywhere.

Sitting back down in her chair/recliner combo thing, she pushed the legs out and scooted herself far enough away from his bed that she wouldn't bump him accidentally. She had no idea if she could hurt him worse doing that, but she wasn't going to test it and hope she guessed right either.

Less than 60 seconds later, she was asleep.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie slowly rose to consciousness the next morning, fighting it the entire way. Cracking an eye open, she fixed it on Ram's little brother, who was sitting on another chair across the bed and grinning at her.

Sitting up and rubbing her eyes like a little kid, she yawned deeply. Smelling coffee, her head popped up.

"I love you Hector, I hope you know that." She said seriously as she took the heavily doctored cup from his hand. "I don't suppose you're holding a bag with Boston Crèmes in it anywhere, are you?"

"Si amiga, te amo," he replied, patting her on the head and handing her the white bakery bag. Feeling her hair bounce under his hand, she blushed and used one hand to tug at the riot of curls that she just knew were everywhere. When Hector pointed at Ram, she smiled at him.

"He's doing exactly what they told him to do, lay there and heal. I just hope he's this good of a patient when he wakes up." Looking over at Nathan, she decided that she couldn't hide from his family, even if she really wanted to. "Any hints on how bad that will be?"

Nathan chuckled at her. "I haven't seen him sick or injured since he was a kid, but he was a brat about it then."

"Lovely." Stephanie looked back up at Hector. "So you get custody of him when he wakes up, right?"

Ignoring the soft laughter, she set her coffee down on a table away from the bed and dug into the bag. "I don't suppose anyone broke into my place last night and brought me something to wear did they?" Taking a huge bite and moaning in appreciation, she opened her eyes and blushed at the look Ram's brother was giving her.

"Sorry, it's my thing I guess. You'll get used to it."

Hector rolled his eyes at her and pointed to the bag on the ground.

"I'd say something here about how you spoil me, but I'm kinda irritated still that you helped Bobby drug me yesterday," she shot him a look and snorted when he glared back at her. "Which you are not sorry for in the slightest I see."

Swallowing the last of the donut, tongue snaking out and making sure she had every speck, she wondered if someone would go get her more if she begged. _I bet that's why I was so out of control yesterday, no one fed me sugar to help me stabilize. You'd think they'd know better by now. Too bad no one called Lula; she would have been all over that._

Nathan's admiring voice broke into her silent rant, shocking her with how much he had picked up in 12 hours. "I heard you were teaching your ex a few lessons. Some little old lady beat him up yesterday at your place with her purse too, saying she was gonna call his Grandma on him."

"Oh don't think that was an idle threat, Grandma Bella is scary. She has the eye. I wish she'd use it on Joe, but probably that's never going to happen. He's the only Morelli man to actually have a chance at breaking the alcoholic wife beater mold."

He frowned. "I thought one of the little old ladies at your place yesterday said something about him hi …"

Eyes wide and flashing a warning, she managed to get Nathan to shut up before he finished the word, but when she faced Hector, the fury in his eyes made her realize he had figured it out anyway. Moving quickly to block the door, she used one arm to stop his forward movement. When that didn't work, she threw her arms around him and held on tight.

"Stop!" Of course he barely acknowledged her. "Damnit Hector, you will stop right now or we're going to have a serious problem. I know you like to laugh at my threats, but I mean it. This is not your problem. It's not anyone's problem but mine. Hell even Ram agreed with me. Now I'm pretty sure he's still going to hit Joe a few times, hopefully without getting caught, but he's not going to kill him."

Hector growled at her.

"No! I'm not excusing Joe, at all, but he doesn't deserve to die for that and I need you too much for you to be in prison right now." She held his dark eyes, hoping that he'd see reason soon. She really needed to use the restroom.

He finally took a single step back and glanced between her and Ram. "Ram?"

Rolling her eyes, she wondered how it was possible that her threats could be completely written off, but apparently Ram, in a medically induced coma, still induced enough caution from the other men so that they wouldn't step into his territory.

"Yes, he'll deal with it," she said grudgingly, muttering to herself as she grabbed her bag and started digging through it.

Stephanie found the ponytail holder and brush that had migrated to the bottom of the bag and went over to kiss Ram good morning on her way to the restroom.

"You know, I prefer how we woke up yesterday. I mean seriously, we're together … kinda … for one day and you're already sleeping through my greetings," she teased quietly.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Life settled into a sort of routine over the next few days. The girls showed up that first full day, Lula bringing some sustenance in the form of several buckets of chicken and waving her finger in Tank's face. Stephanie had stood back and enjoyed the show. They may not be dating anymore, but Lula was still a force of nature that Tank had learned to respect.

There was a rotation of guys outside of Ram's door, just like when she was in the hospital. The Core Team had made time the next day and discussed the shooting, but they hadn't gotten anywhere. They did have more questions though.

_"Klein confessed to having a concealed weapon, but says he didn't shoot Ram. Or at least he doesn't remember it if he does," Lester announced, rolling his eyes at the memory defense._

_Stephanie nodded. "Why did he have a gun at all? His history didn't indicate that he would be aggressive, let alone armed." Her spidey sense was tingling, but none of the answers she was getting were helping._

_Tank cleared his throat. "Last week there was that shooting on his block, you remember the one with Pickett? One of his 'clients' offered him the gun for protection after he mentioned it. He won't give up his client's name, so we've got Hector digging into it."_

_"So we think it was just bad luck? Wrong place at the wrong time?" Stephanie frowned. That didn't feel right either, but she couldn't figure out what was bothering her._

_They were leaning against the wall in the ICU, Stephanie unwilling to be very far from Ram if she could help it. Turning to look through the glass wall where Judy was sitting with her son, she suddenly stood up straight, realizing what was bothering her._

_"Why did he run in front of me? Why did he push me down when he could have just stood in front of me? Klein wasn't taller than Ram, so I should already have been protected just by standing behind him. And Ram and I had spent a lot of time working on my skills; he wasn't the kind of guy to stand in front of me for a random skip." Her eyes flashed a little as she glared at the men standing with her. "__**He**__ respects me."_

_Lester started to respond to that last statement, but another glare from Stephanie changed what he said. "I don't know why he did that, you're right. You would have been as well protected as you could have been just by standing behind him."_

_They threw out suggestions, trying to work out what could have triggered his action, but started going around in circles fairly quickly. They would have to wait until he woke up and ask him._

_"The threat against me, do we need to talk about it?" She asked idly. She wasn't really expecting them to give her anything, especially in an unsecured area._

_Tank shook his head, the gleam from the lights muted as they reflected on his bald head. "No, we don't even know for sure there is a threat. It was suggested there might be something, but we haven't found anything yet."_

_She nodded noncommittally. They were insane if they thought she was going to accept that and let it go, but it would keep until Ram was awake._

_"Stephanie you know that there is a very real possibility that he won't wake up, don't you? He lost a lot of blood and his brain may be affected." Bobby's voice was gentle but firm. _

_"I know that it's your job to warn us of things like that. I know it's my job to ignore it."_

_"I'm not asking you to give up on him. I just want you to be prepared."_

_Her blue eyes were like cold flames as they raked over him. "Really? How would you suggest I prepare for that? Would you guys be saying that if that was me? I can't prepare for that Bobby, because I can't believe that it's possible. He is going to wake up and we're going to have to deal with the fallout, but he __**is**__ going to wake up."_

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

After a day or so, she managed to map out when the Ramseys were visiting their son and made sure she was as absent as possible during Judy's visits. During the morning visit, Stephanie would run home and shower and change, taking at least one Merry Man with her at Tank's insistence. In the late afternoon, she would go visit Lula and Connie or Mary Lou, usually with a different guard.

It wasn't that she was hiding per se, but Nurse Jackie had told her to keep things calm in his room. Judy didn't seem to like her much, so it was probably better that they just not run into each other. His dad was a sweetheart, but really quiet, just like his son.

It was nice to get to know his brother's though. She could see why Ram and Jon got along so well, they were both alike in some dominant male kind of way. Plus they both were able to take a lot of information in and make snap judgments based mostly on instinct, a skill she had as well. Well, skill or fault, it really depended on who was talking.

But Nathan was more her speed. Snarky and observant, he walked in where angels feared to tread and stomped all over everyone's expectations and still managed to make friends. He told her about some of his jobs and she had the feeling he had the same problem she did with boredom. Stephanie told him about her career at E.E. Martin and rolled with laughter at the abrupt change in expression from lascivious to horrified.

Probably she should have let him imagine stuff like Vicky's sold and not the granny panties for old people she actually bought. Grandma Mazur shaking her ass and saying that she would never wear anything larger than a thong may have had something to do with it too.

Her mother didn't disappoint her, she showed up at the hospital the day after the shooting. Luckily she had Grandma Mazur with her and when Grandma had realized where they were going she called Frank for help.

_"I'm sorry, I tried to stop her. I did call your dad though, he's on the way," she whispered to Stephanie in a loud aside after the initial tirade had been delivered and the secondary was winding up._

_Helen sucked in an offended breath. "Mother! I'm just looking out for Stephanie. I don't know where I went wrong; her sister doesn't get into this kind of trouble. Stephanie, maybe it's time you looked into the button factory again. It's obvious you aren't good at this job, just look what happened yesterday."_

_Closing her eyes and praying for peace, Stephanie held onto her temper by the edge of her fingernails. Reminding herself that they were in a hospital waiting room, that part of Ram's family was in this room helped, but of course, her mother never even slowed down._

_"Joe is never going to marry you if you're always hanging around these thugs and getting hurt Stephanie. At least Valerie has Albert. Even though he's only a detective now, Joe is such a good catch. What are you going to do when you get older and you start showing your age more than you do now? This isn't a job, this is …"_

_Cackling, Grandma Mazur broke in. "Now Helen, come on, her job is wonderful! She gets to shoot guns and hang out with all of these hunky men with the wonderful packages." She leered at a few of the Merry Men who were in the waiting room, snickering when they shifted uneasily. "She'd die at the button factory; just like that other office job was killing her."_

_"But she'd be ALIVE!"_

_Stephanie had her head down in her hands as they argued, praying her father got here before she lost it._

_"She's happy Helen, leave her be. And for God's sake, stop pushing Joe Morelli on her. We both heard what she did to him yesterday. I think my favorite is still when she ran him over with the Buick though. Her grandfather would have been proud."_

_With that, Edna sauntered towards Binkie clacking her teeth, ignoring Helen's renewed diatribe at Stephanie asking her how she could have attacked Joe like that. When he saw her coming he paled and scrambled away, so she just redirected her trajectory to sit on Zero's lap. "I could be happy here I think. You want to make me happy Muscles?"_

_"Um Stephanie?" Zero squeaked._

_Lifting her head at the normally deep voice now in a register she didn't know he could reach, she stared; first a ghost of a smile on her face, then a full smile, before it eventually morphed into full out laughter. Edna was so pleased at making her granddaughter laugh that she leaned down and kissed Zero full on the mouth. With a little tongue._

_"Oh God Grandma, thank you, I needed that. Maybe you could get off of Zero though, you might break him. These guys aren't as tough as the ones you usually keep company with."_

_"Zero?" She wiggled her bony ass in his lap, ignoring the squeak it caused. "He doesn't feel like a zero to me!"_

_"Jesus Christ Edna."_

_"Frank! Here to take your wife home? She's being a bitch."_

_The exclamations ranged from her Mother's shocked and offended gasp to Stephanie's barely hidden amusement. Frank just sounded tired._

_Standing up and giving him a kiss on the cheek, Stephanie said, "I'm sorry Daddy."_

_"No reason to be sorry, Pumpkin. I'm sorry your partner was hurt. He's the one who was at dinner a couple of weeks ago?"_

_Stephanie started to answer when Helen found her voice again. "That thug probably deserved it. Out in a parking lot and getting shot? Do they have you selling drugs for them now Stephanie?"_

_Swinging around, eyes hot and unable to stomach any more insults, in a rage that she kept insulting Ram, Stephanie opened her mouth to put her mother in her place when she felt her father's calming hand on her arm._

_"Helen, the boy isn't a thug and your daughter isn't a drug dealer. No one at Rangeman is a drug dealer. You know I looked into the company when she started there; she's safer there than she was working at Vinnie's by herself. She has an entire building of men who would stand between her and a bullet. Now come on, we're going home. I think you've made enough of a spectacle of our family for one day, don't you?"_

_Opening and closing her mouth like a fish, Stephanie was trying to figure out where all those words came from but Edna got there first._

_"Oh Frank, I knew you had it in you! You tell her. You maybe need a little private time tonight so you can spank her?" Edna wiggled her eyebrows and the entire waiting room blanched._

_Frank ignored it, with the ease of long practice, his muttered exclamation of shock almost a habit now. Stephanie, still trying to figure out how to bleach her brain of the images she had now, just stared with wide eyes until her daddy leaned over and kissed her cheek._

_"You take care of your guy. I'll handle Helen until you're back on your feet."_

_She just nodded vacantly; not at all sure she could speak right now. Her quiet father, who didn't like waves, had just created hurricane that would follow him home and he did it on purpose._

_Then she remembered something she had forgotten and turned with wide eyes to Zero. "Grandma, get off of him please. He's on shift in a couple of minutes and he'll need some time to deal with the things that you've stirred up in him." There, that was both true and still managed to poke at him. _

_She hadn't forgotten that tension thing she had been investigating._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Why had he pushed her down?

That question was still circling through her brain as she sat next to Ram at the end of the week. It had been five days since the shooting and the doctors were hoping that the scans tomorrow would allow them to start bringing him out of the coma.

Watching his chest rise and fall, she allowed the whoosh and slight thumping sound of the ventilator to lull her into her zone. She started with Klein's file, reviewing everything they had learned about him, both before the shooting and after.

He was a white collar guy, a coward at heart. She could see how a shooting would scare him into getting a gun. That section of Trenton wasn't really known for violence. There was something there that niggled at her, but after a few minutes of thought she went on.

Bypassing the actual shooting, she focused on the memory of Klein's face after Ram went down. He had been shocked and completely white with fear. Why would he have been shocked? Because he actually pulled the trigger? Being confronted with the reality of shooting someone was pretty shocking, especially when the victim started bleeding that heavily.

So, the shooting itself. Why had he pushed her down? They had been getting control over the situation, talking Klein down. Ram knew better than to make sudden moves around someone who was armed, let alone someone who was already shaking and on edge. Sure he could have been scared, hell she had been scared, but he wouldn't forget all of his training like that. It had been stupid and reckless.

Which meant that there was a reason he pushed her … down.

Eyes narrowed, she realized he didn't actually push her all the way down, just enough that her head was level with his chest. He could have dropped her on the ground with a leg sweep in less time than it had taken him to move in front of her and press.

She was missing something important.

She was going to have to watch the video.

Crap.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Steph investigates and we get a peek inside Judy's head**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 14**

Stephanie stared at the laptop in front of her with more than a little dread. She didn't want to live that day again. She didn't want to watch Ram get shot, she didn't want to watch herself go crazy. She didn't know if she _could_ watch all of that.

If only she could convince herself to wait until Ram woke up. The niggling feeling was driving her insane though. She had a lot of questions, but she needed to know why he stepped in front of her first. If she didn't watch, would she always wonder?

"He respects my skills," she muttered to herself. "He **does**."

As much as she didn't want to let it, doubt had slowly been creeping in the last couple of days. First it had started with the fact that they hadn't really finished their conversation. In fact, one of the last things he had said was, _'We have a lot of things working against us if we decide to take our relationship further.'_

Yeah ok, so he had followed that with one of his 'partner' reassurances, but he always did that. She wanted to believe, but he hadn't been lying about the problems. If he came out of that coma paralyzed, she wasn't sure it'd be something they could overcome on top of everything else. The odds of a stable couple making it after that would be low, let alone a relationship that hadn't even really gotten off the ground.

Love didn't mean everything was going to work after all. Her only hope, if the worst happened with his recovery, was that he would somehow rise above that whole self sacrificing crap. Then she remembered he was of the alpha male tribe and snorted.

Shaking her head, blinking away the tears that had formed, she growled at herself. There was no point in this. Until he woke up and they had a better idea where things were at, then she was just going to have to hope and pray and live like things would work out.

Too bad all of her years vacationing in Denial Land weren't really helping this time. Maybe it was because she was slapped with reality every time she stepped into his room or saw the ever deepening lines on his parents' faces.

Chewing her lip absently, she focused on the laptop again. The worry that he had stepped in front of her in order to protect her from Klein was eating at her. If he had done that as some kind of protective thing, she didn't know what she was going to do. It would seriously undermine her confidence and trust.

Probably she was making too big of a deal about this, but she couldn't help it. Anyone else and she would have yelled at them and been secretly hurt. Ram though … he kept saying that he was proud to be her partner and telling her how well she had been doing. Growing up with her mother had taught her to pay more attention to what people did, not what they said.

_Just watch the video Stephanie and then maybe you'll know for sure one way or another. Staring at a blank screen isn't going to give you any answers. You know that you'll always wonder now, even if Ram wakes up and has an explanation._

No one had wanted her to watch the video alone. She was a little nervous about that now. When Nathan had overheard her talking about it with Cal earlier she had expected _his_ offer, but when every single Merry Man offered, **strongly**, to sit with her, nerves skittered up her spine. Nathan was just being nice – ok and a little nosy – but the guys knew her well enough to know that she liked to handle this kind of thing alone. She didn't even want to think about the fact that they had all probably seen this.

Sitting back down and wondering when the hell she had stood up and started pacing in front of the laptop like a lion at the zoo, she resolutely reached out and pushed the button to turn it on.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ok, that first and second time watching it was pretty pointless. The first time she had been reliving it, adding smells and sounds and tactile sensations to everything she saw. That was the only time she managed to watch it until video Steph left the parking lot. She didn't think she'd ever get the image of herself soaked and smeared with Ram's blood, standing over Klein and struggling not to shoot him, out of her mind. She looked insane.

Her second run through started out better. She had even given herself a pep talk. She had assumed that now that she had watched it once, she'd be able to focus on details. Yeah, not so much. On the other hand, she did make it through without feeling like she was going to pass out. So it was an improvement.

Finally she had fast forwarded it to the point where Klein stepped back from her and instead of watching everything; she kept her eyes on Ram. It made it easier, at least up until the point where she saw his face contort a little and he slid to the ground, revealing Klein's shocked face. She had to pause it occasionally, her breathing too fast and her head swimming a little, but repeated exposure helped. A little.

Half an hour later, she was running it for what felt like the five millionth time and saw it. Grabbing the phone, she dialed excitedly.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Sitting in Ram's room, three hours later, Stephanie flipped through his hospital chart and kind of wanted to throw it across the room. She had even braved staying during Judy's visit hoping that inspiration would strike.

He had seen something. His eyes had widened. He had stepped in front of her for a specific reason. She didn't care if the guys didn't believe her, she knew it was true. Maybe it was small of her, in the grand scheme of things, but the relief that he had simply seen something she hadn't settled a lot of the nervous twining in her stomach.

Now if she could just figure out what he saw.

Nibbling on her nail, she didn't notice Judy watching her with a sad expression. The anger and fear that had consumed her the first day had faded as her son stabilized. When they had reached Anthony's home that first night, she had been greeted by Ella, a small Hispanic woman with kind eyes.

Ella had fed them and worked with them to make sure everyone had somewhere to sleep. Cal, of the flaming skull tattoo that still made her shiver a little, had very kindly explained that the SUV they were in would be theirs to use for the duration of their stay and that he had programmed the GPS so they could get between the house and hospital easily.

Shame had filled her as she listened to these people help her family on orders of the woman she had attacked a few hours ago. Yes she had apologized, but she had seen Stephanie's eyes. The woman didn't believe her at all and probably assumed she was just saying it to keep the peace. And maybe she had been, a little.

Over and over in the past few days Stephanie had impressed her. She rarely left Anthony's side and Judy hadn't been oblivious to the fact that it was usually when she came to sit with him. Her sons enjoyed her company and her husband liked her. The men they worked with held them both in high esteem, but the way they spoke of Stephanie was startling at first. She had seen her stand up to one of the biggest men Judy had ever seen in the waiting room the first day, but she had thought that was an aberration.

Hal and Binkie, between them the shyest and sweetest of the guy's she'd met so far, tried to explain it but kept getting twisted up. As they were trying to explain, Cal had come to the door to give Hal his break and overheard. His answer was simple and to the point.

_'Stephanie accepts us for what we are and still believes in us. She makes us want to be better men.'_

Her mother was a piece of work. Judy hadn't been in the waiting room when Helen Plum had stormed down the hall, but Henry had been. His shock and horror at how her own mother treated her made Judy squirm in guilt as she remembered her own behavior.

All of those things convinced her that she had misjudged this young woman. The fact that she avoided Judy instead of forcing a confrontation, something Judy knew from watching that Stephanie didn't shy away from, showed that she cared more about Anthony than how his family might perceive her.

The few instances when she had managed to see Stephanie touching or talking to Anthony when she didn't think anyone else was around made her heart hurt. She had to find a way to mend this breach, because based on what her oldest son was telling her, Anthony felt the same way about her. She still didn't understand why he hadn't told her about it, but had decided that her hurt feelings weren't important right now, fixing this was.

Stephanie seemed agitated, flipping through Anthony's chart like she was looking for something. Judy hadn't said anything to her yet, not wanting it to sound as if Stephanie was overstepping, but she really wanted to know what she was looking for.

Looking up from her magazine when Stephanie blew out a breath, she smiled at her. Noticing the red eyes and drawn expression, a fist squeezed her heart and her smile dropped to be replaced with a look of concern and fear as her eyes went back to the chart.

"Is there something wrong? Something they wrote in the chart?"

Stephanie flushed and her eyes slid away from Judy's. "No, it's nothing like that at all. I'm trying to figure something out and I was hoping that inspiration would strike. It's just that I don't understand anything written in here, not that I can read most of it. I think if my handwriting was this bad I'd just give up and walk around with a keyboard."

Relief flooded her system and Judy's smile returned. "Well, maybe I can help? I'm a pretty good listener, not that I've shown you that side of myself yet." She wasn't surprised when Stephanie started to refuse, but then her mouth clamped shut and she glanced at Ram.

"They act like that because they care. Damnit Ram. I hate you sometimes you know, you're making it very hard for me to be childish and hold grudges. You better not tell me to forgive Tank and Lester and Bobby when you wake up or I'm going to withhold sex."

Judy choked on a laugh, realizing that Stephanie had been talking to herself. She had heard of her habit of accidentally talking out loud, but it was different to actually experience it. Watching a red flush stain Stephanie's face, she waved it off with a smile.

"I'm assuming he's the one who keeps repeating that people sometimes act in ways you don't like because they care," she said wistfully. At Stephanie's nod, Judy smiled faintly, her eyes far away. "That's something my father used to tell him."

Seeing that Stephanie was uncomfortable, Judy steered the conversation away from emotions. "So you're looking for inspiration?"

Biting her lip, Stephanie glanced back down at the chart. Judy had been pretty sensitive about the shooting, but if she rejected this offer of help would it undo the tiny steps they had been making? Emotions were crap.

"I'm trying to figure out why he pushed me down at the scene," she finally admitted.

"You don't think he was trying to protect you?" Judy asked, surprised.

Stephanie's head tilted back and forth like a metronome. "Yes and no. I think he saw something that I didn't. I just can't figure out what it was." Her voice got far away as she ran the scene through her mind again. "When you're in a situation like that, training is supposed to overcome emotion. Ram broke too many rules when he did that for me to think he wasn't responding to something else."

Judy was quiet, watching her work it through.

"I watched the video today. I _saw_ his eyes, he saw something. Not that the guys believe me, but …"

"So you think there was an additional threat that you couldn't see? What would he have stood in front of you for?"

Stephanie hummed and smiled at Judy. "Good question. Not a bomb or anything like that. I didn't see anyone else in the parking lot that day and I ran the video enough times to know that if someone else was there they were a ninja. So what … wait …"

Digging quickly through the chart, she flipped to the back, bypassing the EMT reports and patient history. There was a drawing here somewhere.

Sitting back in the chair and staring at the drawing representing his injuries, Stephanie focused on where he had been shot. What was she seeing?

Absently picking up her phone while she tried to figure out what was bothering her about this drawing, she dialed by touch.

"Hey Junior, can I talk to Bobby?"

"I don't know why I didn't call his cell phone; my fingers did it without asking me. Is he around or not Junior?" she asked, irritated.

Glaring at the phone, she growled and redialed, this time tapping out the number for Bobby's cell.

"Bobby, I think I have something, but I don't understand what I have," Stephanie said earnestly, completely serious and oblivious to Judy's snorts of laughter.

"I told you guys earlier that Ram saw something and then I was talking to Judy," she paused and her eyes flicked to Judy guiltily as she flushed. Judy didn't have to be a mind-reader to know why. "Shut up. So we were talking and she asked me what Ram would step in front of me for, which really, rules out a lot of stuff. But then I remembered something in his chart, there's a little drawing of a man, front and back and they use it to mark all the spots you're hurt, you know? Ok, so the answer is on this page. I just don't know what it is yet."

Rolling her eyes, Stephanie's voice was exasperated. "I just said I don't know what it is. I don't understand enough of what's written here to know what it is, but it had to have been something someone mentioned to me at some point. If I send you a picture of this can you translate it for me?"

Taking an extra picture of the text that looked like it kind of explained the picture, she emailed it to Bobby and waited for him to receive it. The silence was tense, Stephanie still annoyed with how her information about Ram seeing something had been received. They were convinced _she_ was seeing something. The subtext that she needed to give Ram an excuse for protecting her was pissing her off.

Eyes falling on Ram, she smiled softly as Bobby began translating his injuries. They'd find out tomorrow if he could start coming out of the coma. The hope was that he'd begin to rise out of it right away, even though they'd need to keep him intubated until they were sure his lungs were functioning correctly.

"Wait, what was that? What's that mean in regular people terms?"

She frowned, her forehead crinkling up as she stood up and acted it out a little. Holding her other hand in the air she tilted it until she had the degree mostly right and stared at it.

"That can't be right Bobby."

"Bomber, I'm just translating what's written here, _'in regular people terms'_. The bullet entered from the front, traveled at an approximately 150 degree angle from front to back, and it was farther from his shoulder when it exited, after first breaking his collarbone and pushing three shards of it towards his spine."

"I don't care that it's just what you're reading, that can't be right. Klein was a little shorter than Ram, there's no way the bullet track should be angled down at all. And he was standing directly in front of us, not off to the side. But …" her voice trailed off, seeing Ram push her down to chest level again.

"He saw someone else with a gun. That's why he didn't just dump me on my ass on the ground; he was trying to cover me as much as possible. Shit that means Klein didn't shoot him, someone else did."

Looking around like she'd see the shooter coming towards her now that she figured it out, Stephanie's eyes fell on Judy and she grimaced a little. How would she react now that Stephanie had just proven that her son hadn't been injured in a normal way? Ok, so being shot wasn't normal, but at least they could point to their job and say it _could_ happen. Judy's face was blank and watchful, so she couldn't even get a read on her.

"Bobby, you guys told me that there wasn't any specific threat. I think unless you can tell me that Ram has been hiding things from me that we're going to need to talk about that again. I want to know _exactly_ what Batman told you."

Stephanie was trying to let go of her anger, but his weak protestations pissed her off. "Oh stop sputtering. Just stop lying to me. Tank is told months ago, based on how long we've been fighting about my privacy, that there is some kind of threat against me. Months pass and you still have no idea who or what it is, but _I still have my detail_. You refuse to tell me anything when I ask and all three of you have been treating me differently, don't think I didn't connect those dots. There is only one person in the world who could order all of that and you guys would follow it without arguing. Ranger."

"Steph …"

"Don't. Don't say anything if you're going to lie to me. I know you're following orders, I do and I'm trying to avoid thinking about how much of this screwed up situation could have been avoided if you'd just …" She swallowed hard, her eyes tracing Ram's face. "Just be happy that I recognize that nothing would have been different if Ram and I knew. Maybe we would have been more alert, but we'd have done the same things we did on Monday."

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "None of us liked it, any of it."

"What I don't get is why Ranger would order that. He's never lied to me and telling you guys to lie to me amounts to the same thing." Stephanie was hurt and feeling more than a little betrayed. She had thought she could always count on Batman to tell it to her straight, even if she didn't like it. Well, when she could get him to use more than one word anyway.

"I'll talk to Tank and we'll set something up, explain everything, ok?"

"I want Ram there," she stated emphatically.

Bobby winced. "I don't know if that's a good idea Steph."

"I don't really care. Ram will be there if he is physically able to participate. Whatever you're holding back affects him and he deserves the chance to ask his own questions. You don't seriously think that I'm not going to tell him everything anyway do you?" she scoffed loudly.

"Alright Bomber, I'll tell Tank that too," he said quietly. That conversation wasn't going to go well, but maybe if Ram was there he could hold her back when she found out what else Ranger said. "Hey, Lester really misses you."

"I'm not ready to talk to Lester yet Bobby. I don't know when I will be. I need to go."

Hanging up the phone, Stephanie took a deep breath and faced Judy, prepared for her to start yelling again. Maybe she could maneuver her out of the room so they didn't fight in here?

"Oh Stephanie, I'm not going to blame you. I told you I was wrong before. I don't blame you for doubting me though. My son lives a dangerous life, this could have happened with or without you nearby. I will say though, that I think he'll live a _happier_ life if you _are_ nearby."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Tracing her fingers up Ram's muscular arm, Stephanie was talking to him softly about random things, more to break the silence than to share anything.

Chest suddenly tight, she dropped her forehead to the bed as her fingers curled around his arm. "Oh God Tony, I'm scared. What if tomorrow they tell us you're not ready? What if you're never ready?"

"I've been trying to be strong, like I know you'd want, but I'm so fucking scared," she admitted as tears ran down onto the bed, soaking the sheet.

"I don't know when I've ever felt so alone and I'm surrounded by people. I'm constantly switching between this insane optimism and being so angry that I can barely see. The anger, I get that. I know how to deal with anger. I wouldn't be surprised if the clerks at the Tasty Pastry or Pete at Pino's can tell exactly how angry I am based on how much food I'm going through."

Turning her head to one side so she could look towards his face, she sighed. "I don't even enjoy it most of the time. The guys are worried because apparently I'm not moaning. Which sounds really bad, but I know you know what they mean. Lula almost had a heart attack and insisted she taste my food to make sure that it wasn't tainted. I think she just wanted my breadsticks."

"This optimism though," she said, enjoying the feel of his warm skin under her fingertips, "I don't even know where to start with that. I'm _not_ optimistic Tony. Unless we're talking about getting skips or something, but even then I'm pretty sure most people would call that stubbornness. This is like _'I know everything is going to be ok'_. What the hell?"

"It's insidious, that optimism. I tell myself that I have to be realistic. That all sorts of things could still go wrong. Hell I even remind myself all the time that we have a very important unfinished conversation. And yet the next time I turn around, I'm back to feeling like everything will work out. I'm not sure I like it. I'm much more comfortable from the pessimistic side of this equation, that way things are happy surprises."

Whoosh, thump, whoosh.

"It will be different not to have that sound anymore. I thought it was creepy at first, but now it's soothing." Her breath hitched as she tried to calm down.

"You're going to be ok, right? They're going to do your scan tomorrow and say that the swelling is down and your spine looks fine and they're going to let you wake up. And you're going to wake up, you're not going to lie around and make me worry, right? Bobby keeps trying to tell me that when you lose a lot of blood that sometimes … but you're not going to do that, right? Because I know you don't want to worry your family. You're too good to do that.

"You have no idea how many times I've wished we could just go back to that morning. Instead of you being so noble, I'd have rolled you over and pinned you down and we'd have spent the entire day naked in your bed, conversation be damned. Who says we couldn't have had the conversation naked? Are there rules? I'm pretty sure I could have convinced you not to go to work if you hadn't almost made me black out.

"Now everything is going to be different. For one thing, we're going to be in a fishbowl at work. My inability to hide how I feel about you has made that clear. Which sucks, because as much as I love the guys, even if I am still pissed at them, I'd rather have a relationship that isn't part of the Burg's network or break room conversation.

"All of this waiting around is really trying my patience you know. We both know that patience is not one of my virtues."

Standing up she wiped her face and then dug around in her bag for a second. "I'll be right back; I need to go change into my jammies. And no, I'm not doing it in front of you. If you want to watch, you're just going to have to wake up and open your eyes."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The following morning was tense. Stephanie and the Ramsey family watched anxiously as he was wheeled away to get his new MRI and CT scans. Bobby had come early, bringing coffee and donuts, which Stephanie had made a considerable dent in.

Knee jerking up and down, she didn't look over when someone sat next to her in the waiting room. She really wasn't in the mood for conversation. Staring straight ahead, she did her best to empty her mind. When someone sat on the other side of her too, taking her hand in theirs, she growled a little and looked over.

Hector narrowed his eyes at her, hand firmly gripping hers. Turning to the other side, she saw Lester, still looking miserable, but determined. Watching him for a second, she realized that he wasn't here to apologize or talk, he just wanted to support her.

Eyes filling with tears, she leaned against his shoulder, trying to keep it together.

They spent the next three hours in silence, Lester's arm wrapped around her and hugging her close while Hector held her hand, tethering her to reality.

When they saw Ram's doctor walking towards the waiting room, they all sat up straight. He stopped in front of Henry and Judy and said something in a low voice before gesturing to a small room nearby.

Stephanie's heart stopped, her nails digging into Hector's hand and Lester's thigh.

"Breathe," Hector ordered softly.

Stephanie watched with her heart in her throat as the Ramseys started walking towards the little room. Judy suddenly stopped and looked back at her.

"Stephanie, you are coming aren't you?"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – The answer to the question, "Will he be ok?"**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 15**

It wasn't anywhere as smooth and painless as she had imagined, or that she had secretly hoped for. In her mind they turned off the juice and he was awake, perfectly fine. The doctor explained that Ram's condition had improved enough that they could begin to lighten up on the medication that was keeping him in a coma, but he was still going to be sedated until he could breathe on his own.

There was a concern that if he woke up agitated and thrashing, something most people do when confronted with a hospital room and a painful tube down their throat that he could hurt himself further. He also mentioned that if the swelling was still pressing hard enough against his spinal cord that he may not be able to move at all, which may send him into shock.

Basically, Stephanie thought, they were damned if they did and damned if they didn't.

Of course what she took away from all of that? They were going to bring him out of the coma.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Stephanie, you can't sit here until he wakes up. You know they've still got him sedated anyway." Jon said in a reasonable tone. Seeing his little brother in this situation had been horrific, but he had enjoyed getting to know Stephanie.

Chewing her top lip, she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Logically she knew he was right, but it didn't matter. He _could_ wake up now. If he could, then she had to be here. Just in case.

"You're going to sit here anyway, aren't you?"

She shrugged sheepishly, giving him a small smile.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

They were back in that little room, the little room that she was coming to both love and hate. The same doctor was there looking faintly pleased, but still noncommittal. Stephanie was so tired of noncommittal; would it kill someone to be committal?

"We're taking him off of the ventilator right now. We've been slowly decreasing the amount of 'help' the machine has been giving him and he's been breathing on his own for the last few hours. There is a danger that because he's been intubated for so long that his throat will be too swollen and we may not be able to re-intubate if he has any problems, but we aren't anticipating any at this time.

"I've ordered his sedation lightened again. I'm going to keep him in a twilight state for a little longer, so that we can get some baseline tests done. Assuming his breathing is stable and the tests don't indicate any further problems, he should be completely off of sedation by tomorrow.

"While he hasn't reached consciousness yet, he is moving closer. The odds that he won't wake up at all have decreased significantly. I would be very surprised if he didn't wake soon after the sedative is stopped."

Clapping his hands together, still looking faintly pleased, he looked around the room to see who had questions.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie wasn't sure when she had been home last at this point. She remembered grabbing clothes not long ago, but she was getting foggy on the days and details. The only thing she knew right now was that as long as everything continued to go well, Ram would wake up tomorrow.

And then they'd know if he was paralyzed.

His neurosurgeon told them that his spinal cord was intact and that the tests they had conducted when they stopped the paralytic had indicated that he still had sensation over the majority of his body, but until he was awake and tried to send actual commands, they couldn't be sure of anything. She was so tired of those phrases: 'Our best guess', 'We can't be sure', 'We'll have to see what the next few days bring'.

Holding his hand and humming a little under her breath, she was trying to let him sleep. Well, she assumed it was more like sleep now than it had been before. Either way, she could tell from the rhythm of the ICU that it was around mid-shift for the third shift crew. It was always more active at shift change and mid-shift.

Rubbing her thumb soothingly over his knuckles, she leaned back in the chair she had scooted around so that she was facing the glass wall instead of Ram. Watching the nursing staff was easier on her nerves than watching his face now that he could wake up. She had almost driven herself crazy over the last two days micro analyzing every imaginary twitch.

"I love you," she whispered.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Two hours later, she was still awake and watching the staff quietly prepare for the next shift to come on. Jackie had stopped by and had some words of encouragement for her, but the staff had learned to let her sit quietly when she was awake in the middle of the night.

During the day she kept a running patter going, hoping that if Ram could hear her that he'd know she was there, that she was waiting and had his back. At night, she tried to sleep, but she rarely slept more than a couple of hours at a stretch, something she was careful to conceal from Rangeman and the Ramseys.

She didn't even bother trying to sleep last night.

Lost in thought, her thumb still occasionally rubbing Ram's knuckles, she was startled into complete stillness when she felt a twitch in his hand.

Eyes locked on their hands, heart beating wildly, she licked her lips nervously and then slowly turned her head to look at his face. A faint smile and barely open gorgeous green eyes, still hazy with medication, made her suck in a breath and sit up straight.

"Hi," she finally breathed, almost afraid to break the silence.

His mouth opened and closed a few times before he cleared his throat with a wince and looked pitifully at her.

"I can't give you anything, but I can call the nurse. Actually I should have done that as soon as you twitched, but I … I guess I wanted you to myself for a minute before you're swarmed with doctors and nurses and family and men in black." She was staring and rambling, but … he was awake.

Ram's eyes were soft and she felt an infinitesimal tug on her hand.

Standing up, she cradled his scruffy face in her hands and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. Resting her forehead on his, eyes locked together, she tried to smile. "I've missed you and you still owe me a conversation, don't think this gets you out of it."

He smiled sleepily at her, completely unaware of how badly she was shaking inside. Another light kiss and she reached down, pressing the button for the nurse.

Hearing the footsteps come closer and pause, she didn't bother to turn away.

"He's awake."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram had been swimming in and out of consciousness for what felt like days, fighting the dopey feeling, when he realized that someone was touching him softly.

It felt like it had taken him hours to get his eyes opened. Stephanie's beautiful profile was worth it though. She looked sad and pensive and without even thinking about it, his brain told his hand to squeeze her fingers.

It was frustrating when his fingers barely moved; making him vaguely wonder why, but then Stephanie slowly turned her head to look at him. Her big blue eyes locked on his, tears running down her face. She absently wiped them away, almost a habit, which alarmed him. Stephanie didn't cry in front of other people unless she was physically injured.

Frustrated again when he couldn't seem to speak, he looked at her hoping she could help. Fighting to stay awake, he heard her talking, but he couldn't seem to really understand anything. Somehow he managed to convey what he wanted, doing an internal fist pump when her lips came down on his. He could figure everything else out later.

That was hours ago. He was pretty sure.

It could have been less. It could have been yesterday.

He was getting irritated with all of the people who kept waking him up and asking him to do things though, especially because no one was telling him what was going on. The blonde nurse had shooed Stephanie out of his room right after she confirmed that he was awake.

Staring at the doctor who was telling him to do some inane toe wiggle, even though he could have sworn the man just had him do that like an hour ago, or however long it had been, he cleared his throat and forced himself to speak.

"No." _Holy shit my voice is rough. I sound like I've been swallowing gravel. And fuck that hurts. Jesus._

Eyes hard, he forced one more word out, hoping that his throat wasn't really bleeding even if it felt like it should be. "Steph."

The doctor huffed, but the dark haired male nurse now with him was trying not to laugh. Ram didn't bother to listen to the doctor explaining something about tests before he could allow anyone back in the room. He didn't much care what the doctor thought right this second, he wanted some answers and Stephanie would answer everything he couldn't ask.

Raising his eyebrow, he set his face in hard lines and prepared to wait him out. If there was anything Ram had an abundance of, it was patience. The little doctor finally turned to the now chuckling nurse and nodded.

Stephanie couldn't have been far away, something he had already guessed, and she hurried in the room ahead of the nurse, flashing the doctor an irritated look.

Walking up on the side she had been sitting on when he woke up, she ran her hand up his arm before going back to his hand. Finding the energy to wiggle his eyebrows was worth it since her face opened up into a laugh and he got another kiss.

Which, of course, the doctor interrupted.

Asshole.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie could feel the irritation coming off of Ram in waves and tried to push down another laugh. This doctor wasn't earning himself _any_ points this morning. Spending so much time up here, she knew he was a newer resident and that he was probably just nervous about running these tests. There was no reason she couldn't have been in the room, he just didn't want an audience. Or he was an asshole. She glanced at Ram again and knew which one he'd pick.

Straightening up, she gave the doctor an amused look. "Ok, what's the problem Dr. Bedford?"

"I don't know. We were going through the various tests and he suddenly said no and then your name." He faced Ram and said in an irritatingly patronizing voice, "Mr. Ramsey, don't be nervous if you can't do something, the swelling may just need to subside a bit more. You shouldn't worry about these baseline tests."

Ram's eyes narrowed on the annoying little man and then flashed over to Stephanie, a hint of fear in them. She tilted her head in confusion until it came to her what was going on.

"You didn't tell him what happened? What the hell is wrong with you?" She turned to the nurse and forced a smile. "Brian, can you please call Dr. Adams and request that Dr. Bedford go through some kind of remedial bedside manner training?"

Ignoring the laughter and sputtering behind her, she turned back to Ram and worried her lip. His eyes locked onto it immediately. Noticing, she teased him by slowly sucking on it, bringing his eyes to hers.

"Yeah I'd rather do that too, but let's go over the basics, ok?"

His nod was a little nervous, but his eyes were giving her that steady trusting look that made her want to kiss him stupid.

She had a lot of time to consider how to do this and even though she'd never considered that the damn doctor wouldn't have already told him what his injuries were, she decided to just follow her plan. The idea was that if the first time he heard it he only got enough details to see the main picture he'd push his memory a little because they needed to know exactly what he'd seen. Getting it in order meant that he wasn't confused about what came first.

That was the hope anyway.

"We were talking in the SUV and saw Klein outside smoking," she paused a little for his nod as he forced his memory to cooperate.

"The plan was for you to wait and I'd get him to follow me so that we had him sandwiched, but he freaked out and pulled a gun." Another nod, slower this time. His brow was furrowed and she waited while he tried to remember something.

"Want me to go on? Okay, so Klein pulled a gun and we were standing there talking him down and you suddenly decided that you'd stand in front of me." His eyes narrowed before they widened in alarm and his mouth opened. The heart alarm started beeping too and she glared at him.

"Maybe next time you could mention _why_ as you're shoving me into your chest so no one shoots me? It took me days to figure out what you saw. I worked out that someone else had a gun on us, someone on a higher plane than we were." He smiled proudly at her and she playfully rolled her eyes at him.

"Try and keep those details clear if you have them, we may need them." Ram nodded.

Dr. Bedford and Brian were watching avidly, the conversation these two seemed to be able to hold through gestures and facial expressions was fascinating. The story was interesting too; they had only heard parts of it through the grapevine.

"Anyway, you got shot, that's the burning sensation near your shoulder. I took Klein down and we got you to the hospital." Ram's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"No, you're not getting those details right now. Everyone is still alive, that's good enough. The bullet fragmented your collarbone and drove shards of it towards your spinal cord. You had a long ass surgery where they painstakingly removed every single tiny piece and used some hardware to slap you back together. Seriously, you can't break a bone like a normal person?"

Ram tried to smile at her attempt to lighten things up, but things were starting to become clearer for him. He could barely move anything below his head and they were testing whether or not he was paralyzed. Jesus, he can't be …

Stephanie's warm hands cupped his cheeks lightly and interrupted the panic. "Hey, pay attention here, breathe for me. Seriously, you've been in a medically induced coma for a week, the least you can do is pay attention now that you're awake. I've already had serious words with your unconscious body about how annoying it is that this happened in the middle of an important conversation."

A rusty chuckle made him wince. She gave him an apologetic smile, stroking his cheekbones with her thumbs.

"So you've been out for around a week, maybe a little more, but the swelling is coming down and you **are** moving Tony. It may feel sluggish, but you can move, so don't panic. Dr. Bedford just wants to make sure that everything is at least a little responsive before they take you for some specialized tests. I know I treat you guys like you're superheros, but you're only human. Please give yourself a few days and see how you feel before you go all panic mode."

He rolled his eyes at her and looked at Dr. Bedford. Raising his eyebrow in annoyance when the man didn't do anything, he looked back at Stephanie who was snickering loudly.

"Dr. Bedford, Tony would like to continue with the tests now, so perhaps you could …"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Collapsing on the chair in the waiting room, Stephanie started to shake in a delayed reaction.

He was ok. He was going to be ok.

He'd have to go through physical therapy and he'd be in pain for awhile, especially with his collarbone as beat up as it was, but he was going to be fine.

No one official had said it yet, but she had watched him move everything Dr. Bedford asked him for and while it wasn't smooth or unconscious, everything still worked. He had immediately fallen back asleep, completely exhausted. Dr. Bedford had been writing up orders for further tests when she slipped out to wait for the Ramseys to arrive. She had called them when she got kicked out of the room the first time to tell them he was awake.

Pressing her face into her knees, leaning over, she tried to pull enough air into her heaving lungs so she wouldn't pass out. She fought the tears though. She was tired of crying … even if they _were_ happy tears.

Hearing the rumble of a group of people come closer, she lifted her head and tried to cover up her reaction. They'd think the worst and that wasn't fair.

Not sure who she should focus on, she finally landed on Judy.

"I think he's going to be ok."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

When Ram remembered waking next, he saw his brother Jon reading his chart. Muscles twitching as he unconsciously tried to shift in the bed, he closed his eyes and squeezed when his shoulder erupted furiously. When the worst of the pain passed, he cleared his throat, wincing again.

Jon's relieved hazel eyes landed on him as he tried to smile. "Bet your throat is burning like a bitch isn't it?"

"Yes," he croaked.

Walking closer and picking up a glass with a straw in it, he held it close enough for Ram to drink. "Sip this, very small slow sips."

It didn't really help, but it was nice to flush the nasty taste out of his mouth. Licking his lips, he was pleasantly surprised that they weren't chapped all to hell. Huh. He _hated_ chapped lips. Stephanie teased him that he was the only man working at Rangeman who always had chapstick with him.

"Yes, they're all smooth and supple," Jon snickered. His dislike was well known within his family. "You can thank your girl for that. The nurses said you didn't really need it yet and she just waited until they weren't looking and put it on you anyway."

His girl. Was she? Had they talked about that?

Brow furrowed as he tried to remember, knowing that it would **not** be a conversation he could afford to forget, he didn't even notice his parents and Nathan coming into the room until his mom was hugging his head as tightly as she could without hurting him.

He manfully suppressed the whimper and flinch of pain when she bumped him with her elbow as she was pulling back.

"Oh sweetheart we've been so worried!"

"Hey," he said softly, pleased. "You … came. You're all here."

His dad came over and squeezed his hand before leaning down to kiss his forehead. Ram felt like he was 10 again and he was in the hospital for his appendix.

"Of course we're here Anthony. We were here before you were out of surgery actually."

Absently greeting his brother, he didn't notice the entire family watching as his arm came up a couple of inches to fist bump Nathan. The arm immediately fell again, but the relief in the room was almost palpable.

Ram meanwhile was still wondering how they got there that fast. The standard protocol was to contact your next of kin when Bobby had a prognosis, assuming you weren't able to make that decision for yourself. They shouldn't have heard anything until he was at least out of surgery.

Judy had been watching her son closely and saw how confused he was. "What is it Anthony?"

"Who?"

Her smile sharpened a little. She had definitely gotten over her issues with Stephanie, but that didn't mean Anthony was off the hook for not telling her. "Stephanie called Jon while you were in surgery. We flew right out."

"Huh …" Ram didn't expect that answer at all, because Stephanie avoided emotional entanglements like most people avoid infectious diseases.

Jon, who had heard him mention it once and had seen how twitchy Stephanie was when she first met them, shook his head a little. "Not only did she call me, but she had someone pick us up and bring us to the hospital and then sent Ella, who I may ask to marry me so I can keep eating her cooking, to your house to get it ready for us. She also had Cal, that's the skull tattoo guy right, anyway she had him set us up with a Rangeman SUV so we had transportation."

"Ella mmmm," Ram managed.

Considering he couldn't recall all if she was his girl or not, he was probably a little too pleased that she had helped his family. Still, part of his mind was wondering why Stephanie had been doing all of this and not Bobby or Tank. Not that he minded, but again, it was protocol.

Listening to them talk, he tried to contribute to the conversation as much as he could. He was mostly limited to facial expressions and basic noises, but they didn't seem to mind. If they were still here a week after he was shot, Ram knew that the possibility of paralysis had been very real.

Slowly sliding into sleep, hovering on the edge, he suddenly saw the flash of light off of a rifle pointed at Stephanie. Fighting to stay conscious, he was trying to focus on the figure behind the gun, when he lost the battle.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Opening his eyes, Ram was relieved to see Stephanie back. He wasn't sure what time it was and searched the walls for a clock, irritated when he couldn't find one. Hopefully tomorrow he'd be in a regular room and not in the ICU.

Still incredibly attuned to Ram's every movement, Stephanie looked up from her book. She wasn't usually a big reader, but it was either read or go insane this week. There were only so many hours you could watch ICU Anatomy or stare at an unmoving man. No matter how gorgeous he is.

Pulling her chair around so he could see her easier, she lifted the plastic water glass and shook it a little.

Slurping happily, Ram leaned his head back as the cold water soothed his throat.

"Hey you," he said, a little surprised, but thankful, at how much better his throat felt.

"How are you feeling?"

"Oddly exhausted. Happy I can talk again," he admitted.

She smiled. "Jon convinced them to use a throat spray on you earlier; it helps to lower the swelling. He said you didn't even twitch when they did it."

"That's a little disturbing."

Shrugging, she looked away nervously. This was harder now that he wasn't unconscious. She had been so open with her feelings while he was under and in danger. Then he woke up and she had been so relieved that he was going to be ok that she hadn't even thought about it.

Now she'd had the entire afternoon to brood about it. An hour ago she'd remembered everything she had said when he was in the coma. What if he remembered that? No one had said if he remembered any of that yet. God, what if he didn't feel the same way?

Ram frowned, she was different. At least he thought she was. His mind was still a little hazy, probably from the narcotics he was on.

Not knowing what was wrong, he decided he'd let her come to him with it. It was rare that blindly pushing her to talk before she was ready did anything but piss her off and lock her up more.

"They get the shooter?"

She shook her head. "No, no sign of them. Like I said, I didn't figure out there was another shooter until a couple of days ago. It all happened so fast. The way you got in front of me and then pushed me down kept bugging me. I couldn't believe you'd do that for Klein, even if he had suddenly gone off his rocker."

"No, I wouldn't have done that. You know how to handle yourself, although I thought my heart was going to stop when I saw him point that gun at your head." Ram admitted quietly.

"Well I paid him back for that. When you went down I shot him in the shoulder …" she said, twisting her fingers together.

Ram frowned. "So you thought he shot me? What happens now that you know he didn't?"

"Well I'm not going to apologize if that's what you're asking," she huffed.

"Funny. No, I meant with the cops. Still self defense of a third party?" He was worried that she was going to be charged. Yeah Klein had been armed, but that's not a valid defense for shooting someone.

Taking a deep breath, she thought about it for a second before answering slowly. "I don't think they'll come after me for that. He _did_ shoot at you, he just missed. In fact I'm pretty sure both of them shot at the same time because the gunshot didn't sound right. Either that or the other guy had a silencer of some kind and Klein's gun has a cold. Tank and the guys worked out where the shooter probably was based on the angle of the gunshot in your shoulder. He said it was clean, too clean. There were even broom marks where they had swept up to make sure there wasn't anything left behind. Paranoid bastard."

Ram was quiet for a few minutes as he worked through that, making note of a few different things. He wondered if she dropped that much information on purpose to stop him from following up on that first sentence.

Hating the fact that he didn't have enough information to make good decisions, he watched her chew her lip out of the corner of his eye. Normally he could be a half step in front of her, able to push her a little and still know that he wasn't pushing too hard. Not knowing what happened over the last week meant he was several steps behind and almost completely in the dark.

"I am surprised that I haven't seen Bobby or Tank actually." And now that he thought about it, what the hell? Sure his brother was a doctor, but he wanted to know why all these breaches of protocol were happening. Bobby should be here explaining the medical shit to him, telling him what was next. Tank should be here telling him about the shooter and the plan to make sure Stephanie was safe until he was up and about. There should be a plan to catch the shooter.

Still furious over what they had done, Stephanie barely noticed the addition of the fear and panic when her body automatically reacted. With Ram awake, she could finally find out what had been going on. Now her condition that he had to attend the meeting felt a little silly. Running her behavior from the last week through her mind, she felt the panic multiply and grow teeth.

Her voice was distant as she locked her emotions down. "They're in the waiting room. I just wanted to say goodnight before I headed home."

Really she had been planning on staying again, but she knew she was on the verge of a pretty big freak out. Probably it wouldn't be a good idea to do that in front of him.

Not really listening to what he was saying, she gave him a faint smile and leaned over to kiss his forehead, fighting down the now automatic 'I love you'. She didn't notice his hand try and grab onto her as she turned away to put her book in her purse and pick up her duffel bag.

Left staring at the door, blinking at the speed of her exit, Ram's forehead was creased in confusion.

"What just happened?"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Ram and the core team … chat**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: Many of the reviews for Ch 15 seemed confused about what was wrong with Steph. It occurred to me that even those who didn't review may wonder too. Here is what I wrote to one reviewer who asked.

_Let me see if I can explain Steph a bit. For one, she's exhausted. She hasn't really been sleeping well and the last night or two she's been awake hoping he'd wake up. That screws up your thinking. Then she's got someone after her, which ok maybe she should be used to, but the guy almost killed Ram to get to her (that's the theory they're working off of right now). She's known that for almost a week, but a hospital is a very insular place and she hasn't really had the energy to focus on her problems, worried as she's been about Ram and dealing with his family. There's also the mess with the core team and Ranger. She's been upset about it, but hasn't really been in a place to deal with it._

So there's that, for exterior issues, but she's also got interior ones as well. She's still recovering from Joe's infidelity and Ranger's ... whatever. So she's feeling insecure and doubtful. Put that together with how open she's been the last week ... she's scared and embarrassed (now that she has had time to think about it). What if he rejects her? What if he wants too much too fast (like Joe) or nothing (like Ranger)? They never finished that conversation, remember?

In the end though, a lot of it is just her being overwhelmed. She's exhausted and worried and feeling betrayed and relieved and scared and it's just all too much. She needs a break, a breather, to rebuild some of her protective walls. Because let's face it, she's not great with emotion and commitment. This is a scary place for her!

I hope that helps. You know all of those things of course, but it's been spread out over various chapters, so I can see how it may have lost its impact. Just one of the downsides of reading a story that's still being posted vs straight through from start to finish. _(Leaving this A/N here just in case it's still an issue now that the story is completely posted. MJ)_

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 16**

Stopping and leaning against a wall before she got to the waiting room, Stephanie took a few deep breaths to calm down. She didn't want Bobby and Tank to see her like this.

You know, running.

Banging her head lightly, she was torn. She didn't _want_ to run, but she was about to overload and surely it'd be better to do that away from the recent coma patient? No she wasn't ready for that, not for him to see her like that. It was bad enough that someone might tell him about the day he was shot.

God please let people keep their mouth shut.

Well unless they tell him about how she almost broke Joe's arm. He'd probably enjoy that as much as she did.

Feeling a bit more in control, that image always cheering her up, she stood up straight and walked around the corner.

Tank, Bobby, Lester, and Cal were sitting in a small foursome area, talking lowly. She had left Binkie and Hal on the door. She was hoping they didn't think someone was staying at her place with her tonight.

Because that wasn't going to happen.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Sliding out of the SUV, Stephanie looked over at Lester. Cal was meeting him here with her car since it had been at Haywood for the last week. Not that she was allowed to go anywhere by herself yet, but she had almost thrown a full blown tantrum when they told her not to worry about needing it yet.

Lester had come to her rescue. After making her promise that she wouldn't go anywhere without letting someone know, he had ordered Cal to go and get her car, ignoring Tank and Bobby.

"Thank you," she said quietly, her sad blue eyes meeting his gaze, his hazel eyes still heavy with remorse.

He nodded, forcing a smile. Thinking it over, Stephanie realized that he was trying. Not to make up for what he had done, but to show her that he was sorry and he was willing to support her. To trust her. Remembering the way he had sat silently holding her the day they were deciding if they could wake Ram, she paused and turned back around.

The driver's window slid down as she got closer, his face confused and a little worried. Feeling her stomach knot, Stephanie took a deep breath and offered a tiny olive branch.

"Would you like to come up and clear my apartment?" she said hesitantly. "I'd like to be alone tonight, like I said, but …"

Trying to ignore the twist in her chest at how happy he was to get out of a warm SUV, walk up to her apartment and look around before coming back downstairs to sit in the SUV for hours, Stephanie waited for him to catch up to her.

Hugging her arms around her, she eyed the sky. It was going to snow. Jersey winters are a pain in the ass. It was the only time she was grateful she didn't live on the shore though. There was something so utterly sad and desolate about an ocean in the winter.

Relieved that Lester hadn't pressed her and left as soon as he had looked in each room, Stephanie locked the door behind him and leaned against it, dropping her head back tiredly. She almost jumped out of her skin when someone knocked less than a minute later.

Spinning around, she swung the door open and glared. Of course it was Lester. Jesus. Give them the tiniest foothold and they want a mile.

"What now, Lester?" she asked tiredly.

Lester dropped his head before squaring his jaw and looking back at her, fear swimming in his eyes. Worried now, she had to force herself not to back up and let him in. If there was danger, he'd have already taken over and forced his way in, no matter how pissed at him she was.

"I want to make things right with you, but …" He paused for a long moment.

Getting exasperated at him, she flung her hands up. "But what? I'm trying here Lester, it's going to take me some time, ok?"

"I have to tell you what else I did," he whispered, eyes dropped away from her now narrowed ones.

"What else you did? _What else_ _did you do,_ Lester?" she hissed in warning.

Raising his head and looking her in the eye, he took a deep breath. Her chest felt tight and her stomach was rolling, but she couldn't seem to make her hand slam the door shut in his face, not yet. She didn't think she wanted to know, not if it was making him look like that.

"I got the guys to give Ram a hard time when you guys partnered up. They've been making things pretty hard for him. A couple of rumors about how he was moving in on Ranger's woman, that he wasn't good enough for you, and jealousy did the rest. When things would calm down, I'd stir them back up."

Her eyes widened in horror, mouth open. Unable to form words, all she could do was stare at him. He did what? WHY?

Lester rubbed his face. "Mostly I did it because we agreed to keep you safe and there were some concerns. I can't say anything else about that until you sit down with Tank and Bobby." He looked away, a tint of shame on his cheeks before he admitted, "It wasn't all to keep you safe though. I was jealous. I always thought that if you and Ranger didn't work out that …"

Blinking quickly, unable to even process what he was saying, noting it all down for later consideration, she slowly took a step back and then swung the door shut in his face.

Hard.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"I am so fucking tired of all of this. No more crying," she whispered to the empty room.

Picking herself up off the floor where she had sat down earlier, she grabbed her duffel and took it into her bedroom. That done, she wandered back to the kitchen and stared around blankly. Her apartment felt so empty and hollow. When had that happened?

Well she'd just have to pick Rex up, that's all it was. She was used to his furry butt keeping her company. She had just never realized how big of a presence he was in the apartment. Digging in the freezer, her eyes lit on a small cardboard container and she squealed a little. Grabbing the Ben & Jerry's and a spoon, she danced herself to the bathroom. Ben & Jerry's makes any day brighter.

Eyeing the carton for a second, she danced from foot to foot before finally running it back to the freezer for a few minutes. Stripping and ducking into the shower, she made quick work of getting clean before roughly drying off and stepping out.

Starting a bath, dumping in some of that smelly stuff that someone gave her that was supposed to make her skin soft, she pulled her hair up and then dashed back out for her frozen goodness. Twenty minutes after she first spied the distinctive label, she finally slid a spoonful in her mouth and moaned lowly.

Toes playing with the lever that opened and closed the drain in the bottom of the tub, Stephanie ate her well deserved treat and tried to relax. She enjoyed and analyzed every bite, making sure she left no room in her mind to think about anything else.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Tank and Bobby exchanged a look when Lester and Cal had finally walked off with Stephanie.

"How much do you think she told him?" Tank asked.

Bobby shook his head. "Probably not much. She was too calm for that."

Rubbing a hand across his neck, Tank sighed. The last six months had been one nightmare after another.

His best friend going into a nightmare of a situation that he may never return from. The management of the business falling on his shoulders. His Pops had been diagnosed with brain cancer and wasn't expected to live through next year. The order to back away from Stephanie. The coded messages from Ranger tellling them about a traitor and that Bomber was in danger.

Bomber throwing fit after fit about the 'invasion of her privacy'. Her hurt and confusion when they wouldn't tell her why they backed away from her. Fights with Lester and Bobby as they tried to figure out how to handle everything, hamstrung by the orders Ranger had given them. The investigation into guys he thought of as brothers, feeling almost dirty as they dug deep into their lives to try and figure out which one was willing to stab them all in the back and hurt Steph.

The fear that Ram was who they were looking for, even as he got closer and closer to Bomber at _her_ insistence. Anger that no matter how they approached it, they didn't seem willing to separate. The panic when she had continued to elude their tails, somehow dropping on and off the tracking system no matter how many different bugs were used. Ram being shot and Stephanie going insane.

He was tired.

Lumbering towards the ICU room that Ram was in, nodding at Hal and Binkie, he closed the door while Bobby pulled the curtain three quarters of the way across the glass wall to give them a little privacy. Ram was staring at them, eyes narrowed as he took in the significance of what they were doing.

Wanting to sit down more than almost anything, Tank forced himself to continue standing. This was going to be hard enough without showing weakness.

Watching Ram as Bobby began with the medical shit, he wondered what happened between him and Bomber that she shot out of here earlier. She had been calm by the time she made it to the waiting area, but he recognized her crazy eyes. The note of hysteria in her voice when she had started bitching about her car was a pretty good clue too.

"Ok, so I'm going to heal, but it was close, that's what you're saying?"

Bobby nodded at him and Tank wondered what Ram was thinking about. Bobby started talking again about physical therapy and modified exercising when the pain allowed.

"I'm going to have this sling how long? Seriously? How long until I'm back in the field?" Ram was obviously pissed off, but they hadn't expected anything less. None of the guys liked being down with an injury and he had to be wondering if Steph was going to wait until he was better or if she'd go back into the field without him. She did hate being stuck in the office.

Hell, Tank was wondering that too. He still didn't have any proof that Ram was the traitor, but he didn't have any proof that he wasn't either. On one side of the scale was the way he'd been acting since he came back from his last mission. That mission had involved a man that they had been told was a contact for the mole. On the other side of the scale was the fact that he'd just been shot. It could all be a setup, a shot aimed wrong, but he didn't think so, not after watching the video.

Then there was Stephanie. Her instincts were legendary and she obviously didn't sense any reason to fear Ram. Apparently she trusted him enough that she'd fallen for him, whether she was admitting it or not. He frowned trying to remember something that was niggling at him. Aw shit, he had told her if she got involved with Ram he'd break their partnership up.

It _was_ something he thought was a good idea in a lot of ways, but he had been bluffing that day about it being against the rules. Bomber was the only woman who worked there, other than the very married Ella, and before Ranger left this last time he was pretty sure _no one_ ever thought this situation would occur. He shook his head ruefully. He was pretty sure that making a decision without Stephanie and Ram's input would result in Bomber either shooting him or quitting.

He was glad she was growing into herself, getting more confident and shit, but did it have to happen _**now**_?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie dipped her spoon in the little carton and frowned as she looked down.

Empty. Peachy.

Well not peachy, it was more banana and chunks of chocolate with fudge wrapped around it and some walnuts, but …

Dropping the spoon in and setting them both on the floor of the bathroom, she slid down into the tub a little. Remembering Ram's hot tub she whined under her breath. It was hard to go back to folding her body into something so much smaller. Not that she was excessively tall, but she swore tubs were getting smaller.

Perfectly fine with letting her thoughts drift along inane trails, branching off into absurdity, she was surprised to realize that her face was cold. Lifting a hand, she touched her cheek and rolled her eyes. Using the _dry_ hand she touched her _other_ cheek and sighed.

Yeah, she was crying. Again. Without her permission even.

Fucking Lester. He couldn't have just held on to that? Forever?

He could have at least waited until she wasn't already in the middle of what was promising to be an epic bout of panic, fear, avoidance, and worry. Cause anger and shame was always good to add to that cocktail.

She wanted to be surprised that Ram kept this from her. She wasn't, not even a little, but it would have been nice if she had been wrong. She was sure that sharing this with her probably would have cost him his man card or something. Still, it hurt that he hadn't.

Remembering how on edge he had been, how she had noticed that there was something wrong between him and the guys, she wanted to smack herself for not considering this earlier. Stephanie was very aware that her ass had "Property of Ranger Manoso" stamped on it somewhere. Even Ram had needed to have her relationship with Ranger spelled out.

Still, how could the guys do that? Not only to her, but to him? He was their brother, a comrade in arms. She remembered him saying that she'd never really fit in because she hadn't lived the same kind of life they had. As much as it had pissed her off and hurt a little, she had understood what he was trying to say. That kind of life drew you closer to the people that you need to be able to trust in any situation.

Would it have been better if she had never dug deeper to find out why he was different? If she hadn't pushed and yanked until he was so vulnerable that she could slam her way inside his shields?

Swallowing tightly, she abruptly stood up, water sluicing off of her body. If she was going to try to deal with this shit, she needed to put some comfort clothes on and assume the position in her bed.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Bobby finished answering Ram's last question about how they would be scheduling the PT and they both looked at Tank before Ram spoke up.

"What's going on?"

Tank, Lester and Bobby had discussed it and had agreed to hold the part about there being a traitor back for now. They had promised to tell Stephanie and she had insisted on Ram being there, that was soon enough to tell him. It gave them a few more days to try and rule him out all the way. That was actually what Hector was doing right now. When they had asked him to run the search, his stare almost blistered he was so furious, but he had finally nodded and stalked off muttering.

This shit was fucking with everyone. If Ranger came back from this mission, Tank was asking for a demotion. He didn't want to be in charge ever again.

"How much do you know?" he prevaricated.

Ram rolled his eyes. "Not as much as I should, that's for damn sure. How long has she been in danger?"

"We got the message to watch for it about six weeks before you guys became partners," he admitted slowly.

"Message from whom? Who is after her?"

Tank shook his head. "I can't say and we don't know for sure."

Ram looked frustrated and more than a little pissed off. "You couldn't have warned me so that I could watch out for her? Do you have any idea how often she turned her trackers off? What the hell Tank?"

"Yeah, about that. You knew she was dodging the tails and you thought that was OK?" Tank ground out.

"I didn't think it was 'ok' but I didn't think it was that dangerous either. She asked you if there was something she should be worried about. Why didn't you at least clue **her** in? Yeah she'd have been pissed off, but she might have surprised you and tried to cooperate a little. You didn't even give her a choice."

Bobby raised a hand and broke in when it looked like this argument was going to continue. "Guys, let's focus on what actually happened. I think we can all accept that none of us handled things the way we should have."

Ram looked like he disagreed with that assessment, but clamped his mouth shut. He wanted the rest of the information.

Wishing he could stand up and throw a punch at Tank's stone like face, he finally broke and asked another question. Fucker couldn't just offer the information. "So it's been a few months. You obviously trust the source," his eyes narrowed as he realized it had to be Ranger. "You trust the source and you don't have the whole office in the loop looking for the danger."

Tank and Bobby both held their breath internally, hoping that Ram saw the more obvious reason for that instead of digging deeper.

"The danger was from somewhere else and would come _to_ her. It wasn't something we could neutralize from here."

They both nodded before Bobby offered a little more. "That's one reason we didn't tell her actually. The threat was real, but it was vague, there was no given time frame. She would never have accepted being locked up that long and we didn't want her to live in fear when we didn't know anything for sure. Like I said, if we could do it over …"

Ram nodded absently as he turned the events of the last few months over in his mind. "Ranger ordered you not to tell her, didn't he?" Rolling his eyes when they glanced at each other, he sighed. "One of you would have broken before now otherwise. Lester probably. I'm surprised he didn't anyway."

They were quiet for a few minutes.

"Does she know all of this now?"

Tank nodded. "She put it together when she realized you had been shot by someone other than Klein. Any more details on the shooter?"

He shook his head. "I get flashes sometimes, but I don't think I saw enough of their face to really be any help. They were too far away and the rifle was always blocking my view." Ram paused. "How pissed off was she?"

Bobby licked his lips nervously. "Oh, she's still pissed actually. Let's just say that Bomber hasn't been exactly stable since you went down."

"What do you mean? She seems a little off, but I figured it was because I just woke up."

Tank and Bobby shared another look, with Tank finally shrugging his shoulders. Bobby looked back at Ram, a considering look on his face.

"I'm not trying to pry, but how long have you two been together?"

Ram glared at Bobby, remembering Tank's threat and the shit the guys had been throwing his way the last couple of months. "Technically, we're not together."

"Bullshit," Tank rumbled.

"We were in the middle of a conversation about it when Klein appeared, but we never finished it. So actually, we're not technically together," he stated.

Bobby sat back in his chair, looking up at Tank, and then back at Ram with an incredulous look. "Well I didn't expect you to say that. Steph was a mess Ram. She almost murdered Klein at the scene when the EMT's finally got there. She's barely been home since you've been hurt. We've been forcing her home once a day to change and shower and she'd usually stop by and visit the Bond's office to keep them in the loop, but otherwise, she's been here, in this room."

Ram frowned. He could understand that she'd be here a lot, you would have had to peel him away too if she had been hurt, but it wasn't like her to wear her heart on her sleeve. Did she really feel that strongly for him? Was that why she was running now?

Seeing Ram's confusion, Bobby looked away while he processed a bit. Eyes falling on the laptop they had let Bomber borrow the other day, he wondered if that would help. He felt responsible for some of the shit they'd been put through, knowing that if he had just followed his instincts instead of orders that some of this could have been avoided. Maybe giving them a hand after the fact was too little too late, but it was all he had.

Walking over to it, he turned to Ram and held it up. "The SUV camera, you remember that you guys had that running to capture the Klein takedown?"

Ram nodded.

Bobby spoke over Tank's protest. "The footage is on here. From the time you turned it on until Rangeman cleared the scene and everyone was leaving. You don't have to watch it, and I want to warn you now, it's not fucking easy to watch at all. But if you want to understand, it might help."

"Man, he doesn't need to see her like that. You know she's going to be pissed if she finds out you let him watch it," Tank warned Bobby.

Shrugging, he kept his eyes on Ram's, watching as he made his decision. Bobby wasn't sure if Ram watching it was the best idea, but he had to offer.

"No. She won't want me to see that and I'm not going to watch it without her knowledge. I assume that it's not going to help find who wants to hurt her?"

Bobby nodded, hiding how pleased he was with Ram's decision. He knew that part of what made Ram good for Stephanie was the way he considered her feelings instead of just dealing with her anger after the fact like Ranger did. Ram might do it anyway, but he'd need a damn good reason first.

"Tank, Lester, Hector and I have gone over it repeatedly. This copy was Stephanie's. She watched it to figure out why you stepped in front of her that day."

"Then no, the only reason to watch it is to invade her privacy. If she wants to tell me about that day, she can. Leave the laptop just in case. I'll have her return it if she doesn't want to show me." Ram knew he'd be fighting the desire to watch it until she took it away. Just because he could recognize that he _shouldn't_ watch it didn't mean he didn't want to know.

Setting it down, Bobby nodded and moved over to stand next to Tank. As Tank started to ask if there was anything else, Lester opened the door and came inside.

"Lester? What's wrong?" Bobby asked worriedly. Lester was pale and looked haunted, not a look you saw often on the jester of Rangeman.

Walking to the foot of Ram's bed, he bowed his head a little. Lifting it, he swallowed hard before he opened his mouth. "I'm sorry Ram. All that shit the guys have been putting you through? That was me. I'm so fucking sorry."

Ram stared at him in disbelief, green eyes wide, before he glanced at Tank and Bobby. "What? Why?"

"Damnit, Lester," Tank muttered under his breath. Louder, he said, "We can't get into it just yet, but the decision was made that we should separate you and Bomber. That's why I didn't want you to be partners, why you were both scheduled to be in the office so much. Lester used rumors to try and put pressure on you to back off."

"You can't get into it just yet? What the fuck does that mean? Jesus Tank, you're telling me that you three decided that Steph and I shouldn't be together and what, you worked to make that happen? I know damn well she's not with Ranger and while I may not be good enough for her, I can't be _that_ fucking bad can I?" Ram's voice was loud enough that a nurse tapped on the glass wall.

Eyeing the men in the room, she glared until they all nodded at her.

Shaking his head, he just wanted them to get out. About to order them to do just that, he suddenly paled and stared at Lester, who dropped his head.

He had to know for sure. "You told her. That's why you're here now. You just told her and she kicked you out."

Lester's eyes flickered guiltily as he avoided Ram's eyes. Tank and Bobby stared at him incredulously.

"Jesus Lester, were you dropped on your head as a child?" Tank asked, honestly curious.

"She was trying to forgive me, for hiding the fact that she was in danger and maybe getting Ram shot. You **know** how angry she is about that, if we hadn't already disarmed her, I'd have been worried we were going to get shot when she found out. And then when Ram's mom overheard and went off on her … but she was trying to forgive me," he said pleadingly, hoping they'd understand. He _knew_ he had fucked up, but he hadn't meant to.

"I didn't want her to forgive me only to feel betrayed again when she found this out. I figured if I told her everything now, maybe it would help. I couldn't keep lying to her," he slowly finished.

Ram dropped his head back, noting to himself that he needed to follow up with his mom and find out exactly what happened, before he finally spoke tiredly. "What did she say when you came clean?"

"She didn't. She looked at me and then slammed the door in my face," he said miserably. "But I could hear her crying before I left."

Swallowing, Ram wished he was armed right now. Lester needed at least one more hole in his body for this shit. Picking his head up, he looked each of them in the face before he enunciated his wishes very clearly.

"Get. Out. All of you."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Reassurance, realization and reunion**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 17**

Ram hadn't expected to sleep at all that night, but his still traumatized body had other ideas. Uneasy dreams came filled with a jumble of Colombia, Stephanie, and Klein, he was thankful when the nurse finally offered him a sleeping pill.

Not at all refreshed from his long night, he was in a horrible mood by the time his family arrived. He had spent most of the night before he passed out trying to assemble the pieces of everything he had found out, but there was just too much missing. It was a ridiculous idea, especially knowing what Lester had told her last night, but he had hoped that Stephanie would be here this morning.

They **had** to talk before he went insane.

Angry, irritable, and in pain, his eyes latched onto his mother as soon as she came through the door. Judy looked taken aback for a second by the intensity of his glare and then confused.

"What's wrong Anthony?"

Trying to fight the urge to release some of this rage coursing through his veins verbally, he cursed the fact that he couldn't work out. When Tank, Lester, and Bobby had left last night, he had been shaking with the need to move, to punch or throw something. He had thought he had it under control, at least enough to be around people, but as he took a deep breath, he wondered if that was really the case.

"Someone mentioned something to me last night after Stephanie had already gone home," he said slowly, wanting to be clear that she wasn't the person who had told him. "What did they mean when they said, _'when Ram's mom overheard and went off on her'_, with the "her" being Stephanie?"

Judy Ramsey considered her son carefully. He was paler than yesterday, temper staining his cheeks, and looking generally less well than he had been the last few days. Surely it wasn't because of this?

"I was a little shocked when Jon told me about her, that you were more than partners. I'll admit that I came into the situation with less grace and understanding than I should have. I said some regrettable things, things that I have already apologized to Stephanie for. I'd like to think she's forgiven me," she stated firmly.

Nathan agreed, confused by his attitude. "Yeah man, Stephanie's cool about it. I mean she didn't like it when it happened, but she understood that mom was freaking out about all sorts of things. She's not holding it against anyone."

"What's this really about son?" Henry asked gently. He was a quiet man, but he tended to see deeper into things, his analytical nature making him consider things longer than his wife.

Ram shook his head, still trying to control his temper, not sure how he would even begin to explain the clusterfuck that this had turned into. Lost in thought, he didn't notice his dad ushering everyone back out the door until it snicked closed behind his mother.

"Anthony," he said quietly. "What's wrong?"

Sucking in a breath, emotions rushing through him, Ram exhaled roughly. "God Dad, what isn't wrong?"

"Well … you will recover from this. In a few months you will be up and racing around, worrying your family to death. That is … good. For you anyway," he teased softly.

"True," Ram laughed ruefully.

"Is it your job? I have noticed some tension between Stephanie and Tank, I believe his name is."

"Oh, there's more than _some_ tension there. And I'm betting that if you put Stephanie and Lester in a room together today she'd do her best to cause as much damage as possible."

Henry smiled fondly. "She is a firecracker, that one. I really hope Bobby doesn't attempt to sedate her again, he's barely healed from the last time."

Ram groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. "See and that's part of the problem Dad. I keep hearing this stuff, but I don't understand any of it. And she's not here to explain," he ground out roughly.

"Well, this is second hand of course, but when we arrived here at the hospital they had sedated her. She apparently didn't take it very well when her ex, a cop I believe, followed her here to … actually they never said. It was implied that he deserved it and should have figured out she wasn't in the mood to deal with him when she almost broke his arm at the scene."

Laughing, Ram tried to picture that. Good for her. He hoped that was on the video.

"Bobby assured the other men that she made him work for it and I can tell you that she scratched the hell out of him. His wrist was also sprained. Hector, that man who doesn't seem to speak much English, they said he came up behind her and held her until Bobby could inject the sedative. I didn't see the police officer, but when he showed up at her apartment and we were picking up clothes for her, there was mention of damage to his face."

Henry sat back, pleased. His son had a bit more color now and his mood had shifted. The dangerous vibe had eased into humor thankfully. He hadn't missed that comment about her not being here to explain, but he was unsure if he should address it.

The worry and upset that clouded Anthony's eyes made his decision for him.

"And how is Stephanie?"

"I don't know Dad. I don't think she's doing very well right now."

"No? Why is that? You are awake and doing well, that's cause for celebration," he pointed out.

Half of a smile floated across Ram's face. "It is. Stephanie… " He exhaled harshly. "Stephanie is complicated," he finally said, knowing it didn't even come close to describing the problem.

Henry waited patiently, eyes steady on his face.

"Right now she's getting hit from all sides. Her trust was broken by men who should have known better, she's hurt that a man she considered one of her best friends ordered those men to lie to her, to control some of the things she did. Last night another friend told her that he's deliberately made things difficult for me at work, something I had been trying to conceal. Not because it bothered me really, but because it would hurt her for no reason.

"And then there's me. Stephanie isn't one to wear her heart on her sleeve. She hides behind walls and wears a mask and from what I can tell; the shooting caused her to act out of character. Remind me to tell mom this, but we're not technically together. God how many times have I said that?" he sighed.

"We had been avoiding the conversation, ignoring the tension between us and I screwed up. A few days later she snapped when I was being stupid and took me home and we agreed to talk the next day during our shift since surveillance is so boring. We barely scratched the surface of what we needed to cover when the shooting happened."

Henry nodded. "And now you think she is running?"

"She's not here is she? And I can't chase her or force her to talk to me. I can't comfort her, knowing she's really hurt by what Tank, Lester, and Bobby have done, because I can't go to her. I have to wait for her to come to me. If she does."

"Do you think she will avoid you now? That she won't come?" Henry sighed and leaned back in his chair.

Ram was silent for a minute. "I don't know. I guess I'm worried that even when she does come that she'll have come to conclusions that I won't like or agree with. One of the reasons we work so well is that I don't _let_ her run. Not for long anyway."

"I'm sorry son. I wish there was something I could do to help. You may just need to trust that Stephanie loves you enough to overcome her fears." Henry grinned mischievously. "Oh yes Anthony, that woman loves you as much as you love her. I have seen her without her walls and she loves you fiercely. Keep that in mind as she runs."

Patting his son's hand, Henry saw that there was a nurse and orderly at the door. Leaning down before he went to find the rest of the family and let them know that he was being moved to a regular room, Henry gave him just a bit more hope.

"Ask yourself what Stephanie would do for someone she loves and then ask yourself if you should doubt that she'll return to you."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie had woken slowly, eyes cracking as the salt that was crusted on her eyelashes broke apart. Staring up at the ceiling, she noted indifferently that it felt like she hadn't moved since she had crawled into her bed last night.

Her head felt like it was filled with wet cotton, a grey foggy haze hiding her thoughts. She had spent hours last night going through all of the various things she had learned in the last week or so and was pretty sure she had a handle on what was going on.

Kind of.

She had figured out what they wouldn't tell her. Someone in Rangeman was a suspect and they had thought it was Ram. Turning her head, she snickered softly as she realized that yes; she really did rip one of her pillowcases down the seam last night when she realized it.

Assholes.

Lifting her hands in the air, she framed various blemishes on her ceiling with them until the rage passed again. Absurdity helped somehow. She wasn't going to question it. There was a limit to how many pillowcases she could afford to sacrifice to their stupidity.

Dropping her arms on her head and covering her eyes, she knew she had to get up. Leaving Ram last night may have been something _she_ needed, but it had to have sucked for him. She still wasn't comfortable with the things she had revealed to everyone _but_ him this week. That didn't mean that it was fair to him to hide it now though.

Probably she should just suck it up and grow up.

Rolling her head to one side, she peeked out from under her arm and blinked rapidly as she comprehended what she was seeing. Holy shit. She knew it was around 7 last night when Lester parked, because she had glanced at the clock on the radio trying to avoid his sad lying eyes.

It was now 4:21. Propping herself up on her elbows and rolling her head to the other side, she needlessly confirmed that yes, it was the afternoon. Well if you can call the crappy overhead grey clouds that were probably waiting for her to go outside before they dumped the snow they contained, daylight.

Crap.

Rolling over, she slowly pushed her aching body up on her knees, fighting the urge to crawl back under the covers and go back to sleep. Two nights in a row with barely any sleep and then an emotional storm were apparently her limit.

Picking up her phone, she eyed the number of messages balefully. Deciding it was safer to go through her missed calls, she sighed when she saw all but a few of them were from her mother. It'd probably be best to listen to those now while she was mostly asleep. Stumbling out of the bedroom, letting her voicemails play, she headed for the coffee pot.

She couldn't help but roll her eyes at some of the things her mother said. Her father had done his best to keep her away, but he had obviously lost control sometime in the last day or so. She appreciated the herculean effort anyway. Dad was getting an extra little something in his stocking this year.

Patting the coffee pot affectionately, like some people do their car, she let it start to brew as she headed towards the bathroom, still listening to messages. The next one brought her feet to an abrupt stop.

"Stephanie…" A long pause. "I know that … damnit." Another pause and then his voice came again, softer. "Please don't run, not when I can't chase you. Just … trust me. If you can't come, I've got my cell now. Call me if you can't come. Let me know you're ok. Please."

Simultaneously hit by what felt like her heart breaking into a thousand pieces at the way his voice had sounded and a wave of happiness that he had understood and was trying to balance what they both needed, she saved the message.

What? She could be sentimental.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

When she got to the ICU, it was almost 6pm. Stupid snow. Able to see that his room was empty from the door of the unit, she headed to the nurses desk to get an update.

Standing outside of Room 2012, Stephanie told herself to stop being stupid. Big girl panties, and all of that. She could do this.

Yeah it didn't help.

Hearing footsteps behind her and not wanting to look stupid hovering outside his room, she finally moved forward, more than a little disgusted at what actually made her move. _You'll move ahead because you don't want to look bad, but not because you have courage? I seriously need to reevaluate my priorities._

Tilting her head, she smiled softly. Ram was fast asleep, his cell phone clutched in his hand. He had showered or at least gotten someone to shave him and she approved. Not that a little scruff was a bad thing sometimes, but his had been getting out of control after a week. He was wearing a pair of grey sweats and a soft t-shirt she kind of wanted to pet.

Setting her duffel bag down on the floor, purse on top of it, she sank into the chair next to the bed. Considering waking him up, she finally decided she would just read until he woke naturally. If he didn't wake up until late, well she was planning on still being right here next to him, so it wouldn't matter.

Wrinkling her nose at the smell of the food tray, she texted Ella to see if she would cook him something for tomorrow. Surely you couldn't heal as quickly if that's the only food you were offered. Maybe it was their way of getting people to leave faster so they could eat actual meals?

Curling up in the chair, book on her knee but unopened, she let her eyes trace his face. She had missed this. He was gorgeous regardless, but she definitely preferred him sans beard. Resting her head on the headrest, she was asleep with her book still unopened in her lap in less than an hour.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

She came back.

Relief swept through him. He wished she had woken him up, but that was ok, she had _stayed_. She was _here_.

"Stephanie," he said quietly, wishing she was close enough to touch. If he sat up a little, maybe he could reach, but he didn't want to irritate his shoulder and the healing incisions on his back again. The shower had aggravated his body pretty badly earlier.

She wrinkled her forehead, but fought waking up. Noticing that the dark circles under her eyes were almost gone, he wondered if she had slept the entire day. He felt like an ass, just now considering the fact that she had been almost living in that room with him. There's no way that could have been restful.

Wishing he could let her sleep, he sighed. He wondered what happened to the man who rarely spoke, because the guy he was right _now_ was insisting that he wake her up so they could talk.

"Steph, sweetheart," he called a little louder.

Blue eyes hazy with sleep met his and he smiled as he watched her slowly surface.

"Hi," she said softly, sitting up a little.

"Hi."

"You shaved." She raised her eyebrows a few times with a smile, tossing her book at her bag.

He nodded. "Even took a shower. Best shower of my life," he admitted.

"It didn't hurt?"

"Oh it did, but it felt so good that I didn't even care."

"I'm sorry that I didn't come earlier today. I fell asleep last night and didn't wake up until almost 4:30 this afternoon," she said apologetically.

Ram set his phone down and reached his arm out a little, relaxing when she tangled her fingers with his. "It's ok Steph. I just … I needed to know you were ok."

She eyed the bed before standing up and moving his phone. Carefully easing her hip down next to his ribs, she rested their joined hands in her lap as she faced him.

"I've been better, I'll be honest. I've barely managed to scratch the surface of how upset I am about everything the guys have been doing." Her head popped up and she glared at him. "I swear to god I'll punch you in your shoulder if you tell me they do it because they care," she added quickly, growling a little.

Giving her a sad smile, he sighed. "No, not because I think it's changed, but because I'm having a hard time with it too." He looked at her squarely before he said, "Lester came here last night after he left your apartment."

"Of course he did," she muttered resentfully.

"I wish I could give you a hug, my hugs are pretty awesome. You'd probably feel better." He looked around in a teasing way as if to make sure they were still alone before lowering his voice. "I know I would."

Giggling, she leaned forward, weight on one hand, resting her nose against his neck and sliding a hand along his ribs. Breathing deeply, she kissed him softly on his pulse before starting to lean back. "Better?"

"A little. I'd be better if you gave me a real kiss," he said huskily.

The kiss started out soft and gentle, a reaffirmation of sorts, but it quickly grew beyond that. He used her arm to slide his hand closer to her face, anchoring it in her hair, delving into her mouth when she moaned. Tongues slid slowly across each other, exploring, before she leaned back a little, biting down on his bottom lip.

His eyes darkened immediately and his hand tightened in her hair. "Steph," he panted softly in warning.

Making a note of his reaction and sticking a gold star next to it, she promised herself that she'd come back to that just as soon as he was better. Soothing the bite with a soft swipe of her tongue, she gentled the kiss. Finally, barely brushing his lips on each pass, she pulled back, resting her hand against the side of his face.

"Better?"

"Yeah, I feel great now actually. You should stay here and give me kisses all the time. I bet it will speed my recovery."

"Or I could stand at the door and promise you kisses if you recovered faster … I wonder which one would be more motivating?"

"You are a cruel hard woman Stephanie Michelle Plum."

She wanted to say something about him loving her that way, but she couldn't. Nor could she cover the reaction to what she was thinking.

Watching her eyes dart all around the room was painful. He knew she didn't do well with this stuff, but he wasn't sure how to help her. She had been doing so much better before the shooting.

"How can I help?"

She fluttered her hands, something he just didn't associate with her at all. She glared at him when he choked on his laugh. "I'm not laughing at you really, it was the hand gesture. Sorry."

Shrugging, she looked down at her lap as he threaded their fingers together again. "It was easier when you were unconscious I guess. I don't suppose you remember any of that do you? Cause that'd be great, I wouldn't have to repeat anything."

"No, I really don't remember anything specific, I'm sorry. I do know that you were there, I remember feeling better because I knew you were nearby. That I knew you'd watch out for me, even if I had no clue what was going on."

"I did. Well I tried anyway."

They were silent for a few moments as he watched her struggle. Eyeing the bed, he thought it might work, although it would be tight.

"Hey," he said softly, tugging on her hand, waiting until she looked up. "Come lay next to me. You can rest your head on my shoulder if you promise that you won't molest me."

"I don't want to hurt you," she said, barely hiding the relief she felt at the idea.

"If you hurt me, I'll tell you and we'll adjust. Like we always do," he said, hoping she understood what he was really trying to say.

The next ten minutes were a muddle of limbs and scrunching and some adjusting as different positions were vetted and vetoed. Finally both comfortable, she heaved a big sigh.

"Maybe we should just nap, because that was exhausting!"

He snorted and pinched her hip with the hand he had wrapped around her. "No way woman, you flail at night. I had to hold you down that night we shared the bed."

"Hmm, is that what we're calling it now? Flailing?"

"Well, there were definitely limbs moving uncontrollably. I have a very clear memory of what that looked like," he said huskily. Clearing his throat, he tried to think of something else, because thoughts of how wet and slippery she had been, how her body had twisted against his when she came was not helping. At all.

"I don't know where to start," she finally admitted.

Smoothing his hand down her hip, vaguely pleased that his arm wasn't twitching at him, he nodded against her head. "Okay, well let's go back to where we were when we stopped. I asked about Joe and Ranger. You asked about Nancy."

He paused for her growl before moving on. "I said that there were some obstacles that we'd have to overcome."

"I said something about not being good at this stuff and you said we'd deal with it together. And then the world tilted off course and everything got all screwed up," she finished triumphantly.

He pressed a kiss against her temple. "So we'll work on getting the world back on course, at least ours. Do you want this with me? I guess we should cover that base first. Not just the sex, but all that other stuff that you usually run away from."

The pause almost killed him.

"Yes," her voice was almost a whisper, but he was happy to hear that it was firm. "I don't know when I'll be ready for…" The idea of marriage and babies still made her break out in hives, but she could do dating.

"Hey now, relax and don't work yourself up. Basic stuff here Stephanie. We want to date, to give this a chance, for now that's enough, ok?"

She nodded, trying to peek up at him. She really wished her stomach would unknot. It wasn't helping her convey a sense of relaxed assurance at all.

Probably he knew her better than to believe that anyway.

"You're going to have to trust me and I'm going to try and give you space when you need it. This isn't going to work if we don't communicate. I know I don't always talk a lot, but this is too important to screw up because of misunderstandings." He watched her face as he spoke, wondering if she realized that she had turned and was looking him straight in the face now as they talked.

He was taking that as a good sign.

"I do trust you, the issues I have aren't because of you. I'll try and remember that you won't react like they did, sometimes it's an automatic thing for me, but I'll work on it. And I don't always run you know. Just when I'm unsure. Once I've made a decision, I don't run unless I'm pushed into it." She assured him. Seeing that he looked hesitant to believe that, she tried to elaborate.

"Ok, so say I decided to be with Joe. Then I was with Joe and I was good with Joe. But then Joe would start in on why I didn't want to get married and be a stay at home wife and mother and how I should quit my job and on and on. Joe didn't really love me for me. Joe loved the me he had in his head. So then I'd run to think and usually Ranger happened to be around. Ranger would tell me I could be anything I wanted to be and steal a kiss or five and then send me back to Joe. Literally send me back. So it looked worse from the outside I guess. I had more trouble with ending it and accepting that I wasn't going to get what I needed from either of them than I did with accepting that there were feelings involved."

Stephanie frowned as a thought caught her. "You know, I would probably have ended it with Joe a lot sooner if Ranger hadn't kept sending me back to him. But Ranger didn't want me to break it off with Joe, not really. That would mean he had to actually stop pursuing me, because I'd be catchable, you see?"

"Yeah, I see." He tightened his grip on her, pressing her into his side. He saw how they pushed and pulled at her, shredding her ability to do anything other than really react to the different situations. "Now me, I'm glad you're catchable. Ranger is going to have to find another woman to steal kisses from though … I'm not big on sharing."

Stephanie hid a smile against his body. She was pretty sure he meant for that to come out light and playful, but the thread of steel running through it made it clear that he meant it. Poaching would not be acceptable behavior. A little embarrassed that she had to say this in the first place, she cleared her throat.

"I know it doesn't look like it, but I have a pretty strict moral code when it comes to cheating. I'm not saying I never let Ranger kiss me when Joe and I were together, but I am saying that it's not going to happen again. Even if he wants that." She looked up at him, anxious that he see the honesty in her eyes.

"I trust you," he said softly. "But thank you for saying it. I don't cheat Stephanie, I never have, so please don't ever leap to any conclusions. I can guarantee that there will always be an innocent explanation if you ever see something that upsets you."

"What, I don't jump to conclusions! I don't know what you're talking about!"

He snickered. "Ok sweetheart, whatever you say."

She listened to his heart thudding and sighed softly. "I know there's other stuff, but can we stop for tonight? The most important thing is that we agree that we're together and we'll work the rest out, right? I've just had a really long week and I don't know if I can handle any new problems."

"Yeah, we can do that. My week was probably pretty easy in comparison, huh?"

Her head popped up and she stared at him. "Are you sure you don't remember me talking to you while you were out? Cause I said something like that the first night. I told you that … my day was worse than your day, even though you were the one who had been shot, because you were unconscious through it all."

"Nope, I don't remember that, but I agree. From what I've heard, you've had a pretty shitty week." His eyes strayed to the laptop sitting on a side table and hers automatically followed.

Recognizing it and freezing, her eyes darted back to his. "Did you watch it?" she asked flatly.

"No, I didn't. I wanted your permission," he said softly, watching her carefully.

She swallowed, looking back at the laptop, eyes distant as she remembered what was all on it. Looking back at Ram, she finally took a deep breath and nodded.

"You can watch it if you want. I trust you."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Family bonding and blackmail**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 18**

Feeling like they had pushed far enough for tonight and not really wanting her soft and warm body to move, Ram looked out the window as he felt her breathing deepen into sleep. It was snowing again, a light fluffy drift that reflected the lights of the hospital in the darkness. It felt late, the sounds inside muted with only occasional footsteps from the nursing staff as they did their rounds.

All of the things they hadn't talked about swirled around his head for awhile before he used his training to put them away. She was right; the most important thing was that they decided to deal with it as a couple. It wasn't like they were finding out the answers and then deciding.

He was still having trouble believing that she had said he could watch that video. From the reactions of the people who had seen it, he had assumed that if he ever asked she'd flat out refuse. A soft smile flitting across his face, he tilted his head and pressed his lips against her temple.

Ram had made a career out of accomplishing things in small stages before finally overcoming the enemy. Stephanie may not be his enemy, but the same strategy seemed to be working.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Eyes snapping open wide when she heard footsteps coming towards the door, Stephanie automatically slid the gun that she knew Ram had tucked under his pillow out. Glancing over at him, she saw that he was still sound asleep and tried to remember to tease him about this someday. Still, she knew he had been awake long after she had fallen asleep, so she'd let it slide for now.

She had been surprised last night when she had finally asked where his door guards were. He had called Tank yesterday and told him to pull them, that he didn't need guarding. He had also told him that unless Tank asked Stephanie for permission, Ram had better not see anyone trailing or tracking her. She had skipped Tank's voice mail earlier, which explained the lack of a Rangeman SUV outside her apartment last night. Ram wouldn't tell her how he got Tank to agree, just that he did.

Frowning when whoever it was didn't come right in, the nerves on the back of her neck prickled. Resting the gun on her thigh, she waited somewhat patiently. If it was nothing she didn't want to wake him up, but …

The door suddenly swung open, making her heart race as adrenaline dumped into her system. Quickly lowering the gun and pulling her finger away from the trigger, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply a few times.

Nathan quipped cheekily, "Is that how people in New Jersey always wake up?"

Rolling her eyes and flipping the safety back on, she went to slide the gun back into place and blushed at Ram's grin. He had instantly woken up when she reached for the gun, but recognizing the sounds of his family, he had kept his body still to see what she would do.

"Oh shut up, you were sound asleep when I first heard the footsteps. I can't wait to tell everyone that I was more aware of my surroundings for once …" her voice trailed off as she remembered that she wasn't sure if she'd really be telling the guys at Haywood anything.

Ram grabbed her hand as she sat up and tugged at it until she turned to look at him. "Things will work out somehow. We'll deal with it, ok?" He waited until she nodded grumpily before eyeing her hair. "You have a license for that thing?"

Her automatic reaction was to hit him, but the white of the bandage caught her eye first. Looking at him carefully, she glanced over her shoulder and saw his family quietly talking amongst themselves. Leaning over him propped up on her right arm, she used her body to hide what her left hand was doing.

Fingernails slowly scratching their way from his inner thigh to his groin made him jolt in surprise, eyes desperately flicking behind her to make sure his parents weren't watching. Resting her palm over his hardening dick, she leaned up and whispered, "I can't hit you, but I can still make you miserable. Remember that." Squeezing lightly, she grinned as she pulled the sheet over him to help hide his hard on.

"I hate you," he breathed quietly.

"No you don't."

"No … I don't."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Seriously woman, stop moaning and groaning. A week off and you're suddenly back to being a baby about this?" Sitting on the side of his bed, Ram ignored his family and focused on Stephanie, who was slumped in the chair next to the bed whining.

A pout on her face, Stephanie stamped her foot. "I shouldn't have to until you do. The entire reason I do this is so that I can keep up when we're chasing someone or someone is chasing us. There won't be anyone chasing me because I can outrun you right now and dealing with you will slow them down. See? And I promise to just shoot someone instead of chasing them. I think that's a much easier way of dealing with them."

Ram leaned back on his arm and considered. "You just come up with that or have you been planning this speech since I was shot?"

Blushing, Stephanie looked at the Ramseys. "Hey, your family is here, we should all do something. When are you getting kicked out of here anyway?"

"Tomorrow morning if my scan looks good. You know though, I think we _should_ do something, you're right. Can you help me with my tennis shoes?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Why do you need those?"

"Traction, you wouldn't want me to slip would you? Could set my recovery back …"

Bitching the entire way, she ignored the teasing from Nathan and Henry as she stomped back over with his shoes. "This is a trick. Don't think you're fooling me. We're going to get out that door and somehow I'm going to end up on a damn treadmill or something. You know, most guys know better than to tell their girlfriend that they need to work out more."

Ram laughed, one hand going to hold his shoulder steady as his entire body moved. "Oh sweetheart, most guys don't have girlfriends who regularly get shot at, kidnapped, or have things blown up around them. This is just self preservation on my part, I swear. I figure if you can outrun some of it, I'll age more gracefully."

"Hmph."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Judy smiled at her son, patting him on the hand. "You're good together," she admitted.

Ram looked over to where Stephanie and his father and brothers were playing cards. "We are, I think. For the record Mom, we weren't officially together until last night," he said teasingly.

"Are you coming home for Christmas? It's only a week away now you know. We would stay, but we're hosting your Dad's side of the family this year."

He looked torn. "I hadn't planned on it, I was going to work and let some of the guys take time off. Kind of a way to smooth some things over I guess."

Stephanie's head whipped around and she pinned him with angry blue eyes. "**That** is why you weren't going home?"

"Yes," he said firmly, refusing to look away.

"Damnit Ram," she started.

"Stephanie?"

"What?" Stephanie snarled, irritated at having her rant interrupted.

"Shut up. It was my decision, not yours." He paused while she spluttered. "Now, do you want to come with me to Chicago for Christmas?"

"Oh. Um hmm … my Mother will have kittens."

He waited while she thought about it, his own mother barely able to hold in her laughter at the angry back and forth that resulted in asking her to go home with him.

Biting her lip, she finally shrugged. "Sure, but you have to go with me to tell her. **And** you have to hug Grandma Mazur."

"What! Why?"

"Because I said so. And because you told me to shut up."

Ram leaned his head back against his pillow and growled. He was positive Edna Mazur had more than two hands and he was disabled right now. There was no way he could hold her off alone. He tilted his head to glare at his mother who was laughing uncontrollably now.

"Sure, laugh it up Mom. I'm going to get groped and defiled. Have you met the woman?"

To his surprise Judy nodded. "I have actually. She was by a few times to sit with Stephanie this week. A very interesting woman, I can see a lot of her in Stephanie."

"Please tell me you're joking," he said with a terrified look at his mother.

"They are both strong willed and independent women who refuse to make themselves unhappy to be more 'acceptable' to people. Stephanie is more restrained, but it will be interesting to see what she's like at that age."

Her laughter pealed through the room at her son's pale and horrified face.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Everyone had cleared out to give Ram some time to nap, Stephanie heading home to shower and change. Judy had promised to bring some of the casserole that Ella had left for them, making both Stephanie and Ram very happy. Ram had noticed Stephanie's greedy eyes and looked back at his mother before telling her to just bring a full pan.

For the first time in over a week, Stephanie felt normal. Well as normal as she ever did. She was also starving to death, her appetite roaring back with a vengeance. Speaking of roaring … patting her stomach reassuringly, she walked a little faster towards Room 2012. Maybe if the Ramseys weren't back yet he'd have some snacks.

Stopping short in the doorway, Stephanie drew in a quick gasp of air. Ram was laughing, facing away from the doorway where he was seated on the bed. A beautiful woman was laughing with him, her hands slowly moving over his upper body.

Ready to turn and run, his words from the other night came back to her, gluing her feet to the floor against her will. _He said he doesn't cheat, that no matter what something looked like, it would never be that. Ram doesn't lie to me, he rarely even evades._

Opening her mouth to announce her presence, neither of them seeming to notice her there, her voice caught in her throat when she heard him call the beautiful woman Nancy. _Date Nancy? Why is Date Nancy touching him and why is he letting her? _

Still not sure what she wanted to do, the choice was taken out of her hands when Date Nancy looked up and saw her, her hateful hands still resting on Ram's body. Eyes locked on those hands, she started building up a head of steam before raising her eyes to his when he twisted around.

Ram groaned. This probably didn't look good. Stephanie's pissed off face made it clear she wasn't happy with what she had walked in on. Choosing his words carefully, he pushed Nancy back and stood up, walking over to Stephanie.

"Stephanie, this is a friend and physical therapist. Nancy, this is my girlfriend Stephanie Plum. I told you about her a couple of weeks ago."

Wavering between pissed off and embarrassed, she tried to smile, Burg manners kicking in. "It's nice to meet you Nancy."

Nancy giggled. "Oh it's ok Stephanie, I'd be mad too if I didn't know what was going on. I promise though, just friends. I saw his name on the PT roster for today and grabbed the file before he ended up with someone not entirely professional. He's become a bit of a challenge for some of the women around here since he doesn't look at anyone but you."

"I feel like a piece of meat," Ram muttered, feeling the tension in Stephanie drop away.

"You are," she said, patting his ass. "Unfortunately for them, you're _my_ piece of meat." Her eyes cut to Nancy and she was reassured when Nancy nodded once in acknowledgment. Ram, walking behind her, didn't notice.

Still, the next hour sucked ass. Even knowing it was innocent didn't help after awhile. By the end of it, she was promising herself that if/when she went back to Haywood, she wouldn't let the guys crawl all over her like they always had. Hugs were fine, but Lester's kisses and the casual touching were going to have to stop.

Luckily Judy showed up with food before she said something she'd regret. Ok, before she said something Ram would regret.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"So you're bringing her home for Christmas?" Jon asked, both of them watching Stephanie enjoy the chocolate cake Ella had brought by earlier. Ella had been so pleased that Stephanie's appetite was back that she promised to restock Ram's freezer before he went home tomorrow. Ram had been pleased that even if his company wasn't enough, knowing that there was Ella food in his freezer would draw Stephanie to his place.

"I am," he confirmed. Snickering at Nathan's open mouthed awe as Stephanie cleared away her third piece, he looked over at Jon. "She's used to being around a lot of people at work and her family … well you've met some of them. If we stayed here, it would probably be a very uncomfortable day at the Plum's and then just us. I wanted to give her the opportunity to get away a little."

"And you wanted to bring her home and show her off."

"And I wanted to bring her home and show her off," Ram agreed ruefully.

"It will be good to have you there, we've missed you the last couple of years. Phone calls just aren't the same, you know?"

"Yeah. Are you all off of work until after the holidays?"

Jon shook his head. "Nathan and Mom are of course, but Dad will probably cover a few shifts at the hospital for the guys who helped him this week. I've rescheduled as much as I can and I've been using the hospital's connection here to keep up with some of my patients, but I will be on call for emergencies as soon as we land until the day after Christmas. Dr. Patel was almost indecently pleased that you were shot and I'd have to get someone to cover until I got back. He didn't have enough seniority to get Christmas off."

"Well I'm always happy to help my fellow man," Ram said.

"Nathan not working again?" he asked quietly.

Jon shook his head slightly. "Quit. He hated it anyway, but …"

"Yeah, but …" shaking his head, Ram was quiet for a moment. "You know, Stephanie thinks he has the same problem she does. She hates doing the same job every day, needs more variety. That's why she's so happy with what we do. Well at least when we're not stuck in the office all the time," he amended.

"Nathan was fascinated by the guys you work with, just a warning. Stephanie has dazzled him a little too."

"Think he's rethinking his career choices?"

Jon tilted his head back and forth. "Maybe. Stephanie's been talking to him I think. Mom is going to flip out if he picks something dangerous."

Ram sighed. She would too. "If it makes him happy though," he said lamely.

"Oh, I agree, even if I don't like it either. But you know how Mom is sometimes. Hopefully Nathan will wait awhile so that she doesn't think Stephanie has anything to do with it."

"Shit, I didn't think about that. I'll warn him. If he likes Stephanie, he won't want to put her in Mom's crosshairs, not about something that's his decision. Mom would probably regret it later, but the damage would already be done."

Jon nodded, shaking his head no at his dad when he asked if they wanted to join the game of Rummy they were starting. "Maybe Stephanie can help me find a woman while she's there. I mean if she's fixing Nathan …"

"Hey now. Wait, weren't you planning on asking that resident out?"

"I walked in on her with someone in an on call room," he admitted. When his brother looked sympathetic, he blurted out, "Another woman. Pretty sure I didn't have a chance."

Ram groaned in pain as the full out laugh erupted out of him. Holding his shoulder, his eyes sparkling, he watched the blush deepen on his brother's face.

"I'll ask Stephanie if she has any ideas," he snickered.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Tank knocked on the door of Room 2012, waiting until a voice invited him in. Not expecting to see any of Ram's family here, he forced a smile.

"Ram, Stephanie," he greeted. "Mr. Ramsey."

Stephanie was standing behind Ram, who was seated with his father at the table and facing Tank and an empty chair. "Do you want to sit down Tank?" she offered, gesturing to the chair.

"Do I need to?" he returned, regretting it immediately when her eyes hardened.

Holding his hands out in a calming gesture, he sighed and sat down, moving the chair a little so his back wasn't completely to the door. "You asked to see me Stephanie." It hurt to see her watch him so suspiciously, but he pushed it away.

"I did. I'm going to Chicago with Ram for Christmas," she stated.

His first reaction was to forbid her, but he could tell she was waiting for that. He didn't like the idea _at all_, but he wasn't her father. Hell her own father couldn't stop her when she wanted to do something.

"I take it you have a plan for security or you would have just informed me over the phone," he said carefully.

She nodded, pleased that the other two men in the room were simply watching and supporting her. Ram promised to step in if she needed him and Henry insisted on being here for both of them.

"I want to borrow one of the ID's out of Ranger's safe in his office. He has at least three in different names for me, as well as an envelope of cash. He told me that if I ever needed it to take it. I don't want Stephanie Plum to go to Chicago and use her credit cards. I'm going to go as someone else."

Rubbing his chin, Tank thought it through. "It would make it harder to figure out where you went, but you not being in Trenton is pretty noticeable Bomber. Even during the holidays. Or maybe especially during the holidays. And your mother isn't known for her … discretion."

"Well," she admitted, a blush staining her cheeks, "I have a plan for my Mom."

Ram looked up at her. He hadn't heard this yet.

"Ram and I are going to visit. I'm going to goad my Mom into saying the same shit she always does. When she starts in on Rangeman and Ram, I'm going to get offended and tell her if she feels that way we're not spending Christmas with them and storm out. She'll call. A **lot**. But she won't have anything to really share with the gossip network because she'll think we're just avoiding her. I'll tell my Dad and Grandma so I don't hurt their feelings."

"Can your Grandma keep a secret?" Tank asked unsurely.

Stephanie grinned. "Grandma Mazur is an ace at secret keeping. She can lie straight to your face or lead you completely off the path with some weird story. She's much craftier than you guys seem to give her credit for." Ram nodded in agreement, remembering how Edna would time her comments to distract Helen from ragging on Stephanie.

"Ok, as long as you still have your tracker and panic buttons on you. I'll tell Rangeman Chicago you're there," Tank agreed.

"No."

"I'm sorry?"

"I will keep the tracker slash panic button that Hector programmed for me on my person at all times. You will not say a word to anyone at Rangeman, in **any** city, unless Hector tells you that my panic button has gone off. Then he will help coordinate with Chicago."

"Bomber … Stephanie, I don't know if that's going to work. What if Hector isn't able to monitor you 24/7? Any delay on responding to your panic button could mean the difference between life and death." Trying to scare her so that he didn't end up getting killed if she got hurt, he pressed on. "Ram barely made it last time you pressed it and that was here in Trenton."

Ram pointed a finger at Tank. "Below the belt man, don't pull that kind of shit on her."

Patting Ram's shoulder absently, Stephanie stared at Tank with angry eyes. "It's ok Tony. What Tank hasn't realized is that I had already hung up with 911 when Hector called. Yeah, if the other shooter had stuck around I'd have been in some trouble, but Rangeman wouldn't have gotten there fast enough to do much anyway."

Folding her arms and moving to stand partially in front of Ram, an unconscious protective gesture, she gave Tank a flinty smile. "But the real reason you're not going to tell anyone where I am is that you don't know who the mole inside Rangeman is. It would be a shame if you accidentally told the shooter where I was, wouldn't it?"

Tank ignored Ram's angry growl as he put shit together and concentrated on Stephanie. "You knew?"

"Ranger doesn't pay me for my sparkling smile Tank. The reason I'm good at searches is because I'm good at digging. Once I stopped to wonder why everyone seemed to be pushing us apart, yeah. All sorts of things lined right up. I'm assuming because Ram isn't dead that you figured out it wasn't him?"

Meeting Ram's eyes, Tank noted that the man's blank face was firmly in place. "We haven't been able to prove it one way or another yet actually."

"That where Hector has been?" Ram bit out.

"It is. He's not happy with his assignment. None of us like it and I want you to know we don't really believe it's you, but with Steph's safety on the line …"

"Oh spare me," Stephanie said, disgusted with the whole thing. "How exactly do you prove a negative anyway?"

Henry spoke up for the first time. "Will you keep her whereabouts to yourself as she has requested? She could have just gone. She assured us that she could retrieve the other ID without you. My son actually requested that she tell you so that if you discovered her missing you would not worry. They both agreed that it wouldn't be fair to have people out looking for her during the holidays just because she didn't want to be followed. Will you be as reasonable?"

"You won't ever take off your panic button? You'll be armed if you're not inside the house?"

Rolling her eyes, Stephanie nodded. "I will even take some of the trackers that you guys like to hide in my shit. That way if something happens then Hector can turn them on. I probably don't have a license to carry under the other ID's though."

"Hector can get you one if we give him a name Stephanie," Ram said quietly.

"Fine, then yes, I'll wear my gun unless I'm inside the Ramsey home."

Tank blew out a breath. Ranger would lose his shit if he knew he was going to agree to this.

Stephanie knew exactly what he was thinking. "He's not my husband or my father Tank. He's my boss and he's _supposed_ to be my friend, although I'm going to need to re-evaluate that if he can't learn boundaries. I've let him get away with it too long and this is the price I'm paying, but it's going to end **now**," she stated in a tone that was dark and final. "You either agree to this or I'm gone. And I won't be back."

He sighed roughly before nodding. "Do you want me to grab the ID and have Hector work up the permit or are you going to be stopping by?" he asked.

Knowing that the offer meant he was agreeing with her plan, she shook her head. "No thanks, Ella is picking it up for me. I'll just call Hector with the name first thing in the morning. I need to let him know where I'll be as well. I'll arrange to get the permit and extra trackers from him before we leave on Monday."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Reaching a hand out to rest it on her lower back, Ram felt the tension run out of her body and tugged at her shirt until she sat on his lap. His father had walked Tank out, the perceptive man knowing they needed a few minutes alone.

"You didn't tell me," he said quietly, watching her curiously.

"No, I didn't put it together until that night Lester came by. I knew there was something else they weren't telling me and I had even told them that you had to be at that meeting, even though you were still unconscious at the time.

"I just … everything has been so messy lately. I wanted a few days where I didn't have to think about it, you know? I knew it wasn't you or Hector and I'm not talking to the guys, well except Tank but that's under protest, so I was hoping it wouldn't be an issue until we did talk about it."

He stilled her hand where it was twisting her shirt nervously.

"It's fine Stephanie. I'm hurt that they could think that would ever be possible. My behavior since I've been back though … it _has_ been different. I'm not as close to the guys, I'm quieter at work, and I wasn't sleeping well. So I'm hurt, but I'm not sure I blame them for being nervous."

"You might not, but I do," she hissed.

"I know sweetheart. Maybe you can give me a kiss and make it all better?" he asked, smiling hopefully.

Mood changing like quicksilver, Stephanie turned to straddle his lap in the chair. "I can do kissing. Kissing always makes things better. It's _almost_ as good as cake."

He'd be offended by that if his lips weren't so busy.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Time to get out of town**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: Hector speaks some Spanish this chapter and I'm trying something that a couple people suggested. The Spanish is in "[brackets]" because I use italics way too often to make that an indicator of another language. This way you don't have to find the translation and I didn't have to worry about messing it up.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 19**

Ranger's dark eyes drilled a hole into the man sitting across from him.

"Explain."

Not someone used to being intimidated, especially by assets he was supposed to be in control of, the just a little too old to still be on top and slightly overweight man shifted uneasily.

"We didn't get the notification that a message was passed until it was too late," he admitted.

Ranger flexed unconsciously, his body already preparing for the violence his aura was beginning to emanate.

"Someone took a shot, but she's fine, wasn't hurt at all," the other man babbled, now just hoping to survive the conversation.

Sitting back, Ranger studied his 'contact' with disgust. He wasn't right for this job. Hell he wasn't right for any field job anymore. Too slow, too jaded, and his instincts were shot to hell after so many years. He was what Ranger fought against becoming.

Someone had taken a shot at Stephanie. His Stephanie. Rage boiled in his veins as he contemplated the situation. A traitor in his own company with orders to use Stephanie against him if needed and the only thing resembling real information was a single name that they _thought_ was the mole's contact. Months of the same shit, thinking they were close only to have the group slither past them, invisible.

"My men haven't been able to locate anything else on the guy in my company," he growled, irritated that he had to admit that. What the hell were they doing back home? He knew Tank was aware of how dangerous this was, especially for Stephanie.

Wondering again if he should lift the order to tell her about it, he was drawn back into the conversation.

"You're running out of time Ranger," the man sneered, suddenly feeling a lot more confident. "You only have another couple of months to identify and secure the mole before we step in and pick her up for her own protection. This mission isn't going to be blown because you're worried about some woman back home."

Not dignifying that with a response, he simply got up and walked away. He was very aware of the time ticking away. He had been given six months to take care of the threat against Stephanie before his actual mission began, and he had to fight for every single day he had been granted. A threat of refusing to work _any_ mission had finally allowed negotiations to proceed.

Less than 60 days now before the clause in the agreement kicked in. He had accepted the terms, knowing that the terrorists he was going to assassinate were only going to be accessible for a short window of time. He had just never thought it would take this long.

It was time to send another message to Tank.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Thanks Dad," she said as she helped him heft suitcases out of the trunk of the cab. Ram grumbled next to her as she slapped his hand away from the bags.

"You're welcome. You have a good time and stay safe, alright? Both of you," he said, shaking Ram's hand.

Ram nodded. "Yes sir, we will. We appreciate your help."

Frank, once he had heard more of the story, had been more than willing to help Anthony and his daughter get out of town for awhile. He hadn't mentioned it to them, but he wouldn't mind if they stayed gone until Anthony was healed up and he could protect them a bit better.

Of course, he wasn't stupid enough to stay that out loud. Instead he had offered them transportation and help with the bags on the Trenton end of things. He would miss her on Christmas, but if she was safe, it was worth it. Eyeing the man she was now bickering with, he wondered if she had realized yet that this one was for life.

He thought maybe she had an idea. The woman he raised was stubborn, not stupid.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"I've never been here," Stephanie admitted, looking out the window as the plane moved towards the gate.

Squeezing her hand lightly he hoped that he'd feel up to showing her some things before they had to head back. His surgical incisions were healing and were only tender now. The collarbone was fine unless he tried to do too much, but being bumped around on a crowded Chicago sidewalk while avoiding patches of ice and snow might not be a good idea. Besides, it was safer if they stayed inside, no need to advertise where they were.

He wouldn't be fully healed for a couple months, but hopefully by the time they got back to Trenton he'd be up to convincing her that sex was not only allowed but encouraged. Ok, they'd have to be a little inventive on positioning since he knew he wasn't up to everything, but he _knew_ he was more healed than she seemed to think he was. The last few nights she had stayed at his place, but refused to share the bed because she didn't want to hurt him rolling over.

Ram hadn't bothered to tell her that they'd be sharing tonight whether she liked it or not. He knew how full his parents place got on the holidays that they hosted a side of the family. He also knew if he put her on the spot that her manners would kick in. At least in front of people she didn't know. He hoped.

"Maybe we can come back in the summer sometime," he suggested. "The weather right now will keep us inside, but the summer is nice. I think you'd enjoy Navy Pier."

Lips twitching in a smile, Stephanie realized that the warm ball of something was back in her chest. While he had been hurt and with all of the scrambling and worrying she hadn't noticed that it was absent. No idea what it meant but not worried about it, she contented herself with leaning against his arm until the seatbelt sign went off.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Lester sighed and jiggled his bottle so that the bartender would bring him another. Feeling a body slide into the seat next to his, he resolutely stared ahead. He wasn't in the mood for some chick to try and pick him up. He wanted to stay here and wallow. The spicy scent made him glance over anyway.

"What are you doing here?" he asked irritably.

Hector's dark eyes examined him before he pursed his lips and shook his head slightly in disappointment.

Lester flushed, snagging the new beer and taking a good sized swallow. "She hates me," he finally whispered morosely.

"[No, she doesn't. But she is very angry and very hurt. You fucked up.]" Hector tapped his fingers on the bar as he considered his options. Finally he let out a sigh, the sadness coming from Lester breaking down his resolve to let the man suffer a bit longer. Digging in his coat pocket he slid an envelope in front of Lester.

"What is this?" Lester asked, fingering the white flap. "You got me a fucking Christmas card?" he continued incredulously, looking up at Hector's annoyed face.

"[No you asshole, _I_ didn't.]"

Confused, he opened it to find a standard Christmas card. A Christmas tree, some holly, lots of red and white, a festive looking house. Opening it up, his breath caught.

_Merry Christmas _

_-Stephanie_

He looked up quickly to thank Hector, but the man had already disappeared.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"You're a sneak, you know that right?"

Dropping down on the bed, Ram carefully lay down and grinned before patting the space next to him cheerfully.

Deciding that he was entirely too smug about this, and that he had _obviously_ misunderstood the reason why she wasn't sleeping in the same bed with him, Stephanie dropped the bag she was holding at the foot of the bed. Toeing off her boots, she crawled up his jean clad legs, very slowly, watching his eyes.

Emerald green had darkened to almost black by the time she reached his hips. Realizing that this was a bad idea in more than one way, she started to get up, only to have her hips gripped firmly.

"No, stay," he rasped.

Sitting up straight, staring down at him as his eyes watched her face react to what his hips were doing below her, she couldn't stop her moan. Swallowing hard, she let him guide her hips in a rocking motion, rubbing her against his very hard bulge.

Frustrated, wishing he could roll her over and just strip her down, Ram lifted a hand to her face and traced her lips. She understood what he was asking for, because she leaned down and carefully propped herself up so she didn't press against his upper body. Continuing to rock against his dick, her lips slowly descended.

Unable to take the teasing, his hand knotted in her hair and yanked her down, his tongue immediately sliding into her mouth. Feeling her moan vibrate through his mouth, he shuddered, his dick twitching painfully against his zipper. Sucking on her bottom lip, he concentrated on making her make that sound again and again.

"Fuck," she groaned, tipping her head back.

Immediately capitalizing on her movement, Ram slowly licked and sucked his way over the pale skin of her neck. Biting gently, he growled when she bucked down against him. Feeling her arm start to shake, he reluctantly gave her neck one more open mouthed kiss, feeling her pulse thump madly against his lips.

Sitting up now, pressed tightly against his prone body, they stared at each other with dark eyes. She could feel him throbbing even through two pairs of jeans and her panties had been soaked as soon as his hips moved the first time. One hand cupping a thigh and the other roaming restlessly down her body, his meaning was clear, but she still hesitated.

"I don't know if I can sleep in this bed with you without …"

His lids dropped and she felt his hips start to move before he managed to stop them. Somehow. She would have been ok with it, but she was feeling pretty easy right now. Probably that should embarrass her.

Taking a deep breath, Ram fought for control. Her husky voice admitting that she wanted him that badly was killing him. He absolutely could not strip them both and have sex with her right now. They were expected back out there for visiting and dinner at the very least tonight. Stephanie might not care now, but she'd kill him if she had to go out there with sex hair or if someone overheard.

"Come here," he finally managed to say, tugging her off of him to lie down draped over his good side. His dick moaned unhappily, but he ignored it. He quickly caught her hand when it started to roam his chest and abdomen. That was not helping.

"I've had my collarbone broken before Stephanie. Not this side, but I know the prognosis. There was some concern that the surgical option would make it heal slower, but if anything it feels faster. My last scan and x-ray showed remarkable improvement. I won't be 100% for awhile, but I _am_ well enough for some things.

"I'm not saying that we won't have to take it into consideration, but if sleeping in the same bed leads to that, as long as we're both ok with it, it won't hurt me."

Thinking about that, he frowned a little. "Is it that you're not ready? I know your body is, but …"

She tilted her face up to look at him. "No, I don't think so anyway. I really just don't want to hurt you and make it worse. And now that we're here … um." Her pale skin glowed as her blush started.

"Yeah, there will be a lot of people here. I know. And I don't want you to be quiet when I make you come. I want to earn every moan and scream I pull out of your body," Ram admitted roughly, his eyes dark as he watched her lick her lips.

"That's not helping," she breathed, her eyes dark and heavy lidded.

Rolling a little, dumping her on her back, pleased that he only got a small twinge as he twisted his body, he propped himself up on his good elbow. Looming over her, he bent down and kissed her softly.

"I know. We'll figure something out sweetheart."

Mouth dry, Stephanie nodded. They were going to have to; otherwise she was going to be one of those people who did that spontaneous self-combustion thing.

Closing her eyes, she wiggled closer to his body and rolled them so he was on his back again. Tucking her face into his neck, she desperately tried to think of something else. Something that wasn't how he smelled or felt or how she could still feel her pulse throbbing between her legs.

Still thinking, she drifted off.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Tank sat down hard on his couch, reading the message again. Then he checked to make sure he translated it right.

Shit.

Bomber was going to go ballistic. Fuck, Ram was going to rip Trenton apart if she suddenly disappeared.

Setting up a meeting with Lester, Bobby, and Hector first thing in the morning, Tank wondered what else they could do. He understood that Ranger was getting impatient, but there wasn't anything _there_.

Too many of the guys had been in contact with the name Ranger had passed them. And it wasn't unusual, Pickens was another operative and most of the guys had worked with him before. All it took was a single meeting to set up a secure method of communication. Now that Hector was helping they were able to expand into looking at their internet usage, but that was going to take awhile.

He knew they had spent too much time on Ram. He should have trusted Bomber's instincts and not been so blinded by everything else going on that he allowed them to fixate on the wrong man. Bobby had been upset to realize that Steph put it all together before they could tell her, but Lester had been devastated. He knew that the friendship they all had was gone, that anything they built from here would be drastically different.

Unfortunately if they didn't find the mole before she and Ram got back from Chicago, they were going to have to tell her what Ranger had negotiated. Staring at the order from Ranger that commanded him to keep it to himself he shook his head.

That man was going to be very surprised when he got home and met the new Stephanie. She wasn't going to let him do this shit without full explanations anymore … that was crystal clear. Knowing how stubborn they could both be, Tank just hoped everyone survived the learning period.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Well aren't they just adorable."

Ram cracked an eye open, smiling when he saw that his grandparents were standing in the doorway to his bedroom. Thank god he and Stephanie were fully dressed. Jostling her with the arm he had wrapped around her, he was hoping she wasn't that deeply asleep.

"I hate you," she announced clearly.

"No you don't," he responded brightly.

Opening a single eye and using it to glare him into submission, she huffed when he just continued to smile at her.

"We **have** to talk about how cheerful you are when you wake up. It may be the defining discussion of our relationship, because I have to fight the urge to shoot you every time you smile at me before you hand me coffee," she stated seriously.

Soft laughter brought her head up and spinning towards the door.

"Er … hello," Stephanie stuttered. Turning back to Ram with eyes that were promising death, she sat up.

"Oh sweetie, don't be embarrassed. I hate that about Boyd too. Man insists on trying to talk to me before my coffee even now, 60 years later. I'm Caroline by the way, Henry's mother," the tiny white haired woman with sparkling brown eyes explained.

Boyd grinned at Stephanie. "She never threatened to shoot me, but she may have mentioned a cast iron skillet."

Stephanie considered the couple before turning to Caroline. "Did it work? I don't mind buying one if it did. He can make me breakfast in it while I drink my coffee … it's really a win, win!"

Ram snorted as he held out a hand to pull her to her feet. "You hit me with a skillet and you're having Pop-Tarts for breakfast."

"Mmmm Pop-Tarts," she breathed as he hugged his grandparents, both still grinning at them, before blushing as her stomach roared unhappily.

"C'mon, let's feed that before it attacks someone," he teased.

Eyes a little wide as Caroline linked arms with her, Stephanie relaxed as the small woman started to talk about food. She could do food. Ram wrapped his good arm around his grandfather as they followed the women.

"You ok kiddo? Your parents have been keeping us up to date, but your grandmother and I were mighty worried."

"I'm going to be fine Grandpa B," he said, ignoring his grandfather's jibe about how he must be fine if he was in bed with a pretty lady just a few weeks later.

Grandpa B wasn't wrong after all.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

It was Christmas Eve, and Stephanie had just realized that she wouldn't have presents for anyone. Currently hyperventilating in panic, she was ignoring all of her boyfriend's attempts to calm her down.

Irritated, he finally snapped at her. "Stephanie, stop it. I added your name to the things I got people. This is not a big deal."

"It _is_ a big deal Ram. I should have gotten your family something, but we haven't gone anywhere and I didn't think about it and now it's too late," she wailed dramatically.

Biting his tongue, not at all impressed with her attitude right now, he turned to face the wall to get his temper under control. He wasn't sure why she was making such a big deal out of this, but it was pissing him off.

"What exactly is wrong with giving them a gift from both of us?" He bit out. Honestly confused, he turned back around to catch her wide eyed and silent.

Watching her closely, he realized that was _exactly_ what was wrong with it. It was from both of them.

Disappointed at her reaction to that, he sighed and sat down on the bed, rubbing his face. He had known that her commitment issues went deeper than she had shown him so far, he had just been caught off guard because things were going well.

Feeling her sit down next to him, he forced a smile and picked up her hand to lay a kiss on it. "It's too late now to change it, ok? I won't do it again. I should have asked first."

Needing to escape when her eyes filled with tears, he stood up quickly. "Why don't you take a hot bath to relax sweetheart. I'll be back in a bit."

Shrugging on his coat and managing by some miracle to avoid everyone, he made his way outside to the small wooden gazebo his parents had built a few years ago. His mother said she was celebrating the fact that she no longer had teenagers in the house.

It wasn't freezing outside at least, but the brisk air helped clear his head. Easing down on the picnic table that sat in the middle of the gazebo, he listened to the sounds of happy families. He could make out his brothers arguing with one of their cousins and his aunt laughing hysterically about something. The house that butted up against the back of the yard had a family sitting down to eat a late dinner. The smells of Christmas meals drifted through the air, not only from his parents' house, but from the neighbors as well.

Hearing the crunch of snow, he tilted his head slightly to see Stephanie walking towards him with an odd look on her face. Holding out a hand, he pulled her between his legs, her back to his chest and wrapped his arms around her.

Snuggling his face down into her neck, he kissed her softly but stayed silent. She had something going on and he needed to know she would come to him with things that upset her, not make him chase her every time.

The air between them grew heavy as Stephanie struggled. She wished he would say something, help her get started. Finally, after opening and closing her mouth multiple times, she licked her lips and said, "I'm sorry I freaked out."

He nodded into her neck, not engaging yet.

Looking down and playing with one of his hands as it rubbed slowly up and down her stomach, she reminded herself that this was _Ram … Tony_, not Joe or anyone else. It didn't help much, but it was enough to make sound emerge from her mouth again.

"I know you know it wasn't the gifts itself." He made a small noise that she took as agreement. "I just … a few weeks ago you almost died and now we're here and together and your family is here and everyone is so wonderful and welcoming and then there were gifts with _both_ of our names on them and …"

Ram's arms tightened around her. "And you got scared," he said softly.

"Yeah."

"But not like how you're probably thinking," she admitted, turning in his arms to face him, lip firmly clenched between her teeth.

Using his thumb to softly pry her lip free, he tangled his fingers with hers. "It didn't make you want to run?"

Her eyes dropped to his chest before he tilted her head back up with a finger under her chin. "No, it didn't make me want to run. It scared me because I _wanted_ it. I _liked_ it. Because it _didn't_ make me want to run."

Pulling her closer and letting out a relieved sigh in her hair, he kissed her head. Stephanie felt the sigh and swallowed. She wasn't someone who usually put herself in someone else's place, but she tried to imagine how she would feel if the person she wanted was terrified of commitment.

Wanting to groan, she realized she was Ranger. She was Ram's Ranger.

Well that just wasn't going to happen.

Turning her head so her mouth was near his ear, happy that he was still sitting so she was tall enough for this, she took a deep breath and put all of that practice to use.

"I love you Tony."

Feeling his heart jolt, Ram pulled back abruptly, needing to see her. Her eyes were wide and a little scared, but they were steady on his.

A brilliant smile growing on his face, he cupped her cheek and pulled her close until her lips were hovering against his. "I love you too Stephanie."

Slowly, softly, he pressed forward, trying to pour everything he couldn't say into the kiss. He was never going to be one of those men who were able to pull off the roses and candlelight on anything but a very special occasion, but he knew she was ok with that. Emotions didn't scare him, not like they did her, but he was still a man who preferred action to talk. He had been pushing her to talk so much because he knew that the base of their relationship had to be trust. Her complete trust was hard enough to earn without adding misunderstandings and assumptions to the mix.

Canting his head, rubbing and nibbling at her lips until they were both panting a little, he finally pulled back, dotting them with small kisses as they caught their breath. Tucking her head back into his neck, he pulled her close again.

"If it helps, I want it too. I know it's early in our relationship, but I want it. I will always do my best not to push you faster than you can handle," he said, careful not to say that he would never push her. He knew he'd have to push her someday, but hopefully that wording could prevent a fight down the line. Probably not, but at least it meant he wasn't lying to her.

"But Stephanie, I do want _everything_ with you eventually … and if any part of your fear was because I hadn't made that clear, then I'm sorry."

"I practiced," she whispered.

Ram wrinkled his brow. She what? "I don't understand," he admitted.

Stephanie pulled back a little so he could see her face. "When you were in the coma, I practiced saying I love you at least once a day. So that when you were conscious it wouldn't be so hard." Her smile was rueful.

Chuckling, he stepped forward off of the table. "Now I wish I could remember the things you said when I was out. Anything else you want to confess?"

Linking her arm in his and leaning against his side as they walked back to the house, she considered for a few steps.

"Well, there was that time I gave you a sponge bath," she admitted laughing, darting away when he stopped and stared at her with his mouth open.

"Did you really?"

…

"Stephanie!"

…

"Seriously, did you?"

…

"Want to go practice _that_?"

Her warm laughter floated back to him as she went inside, leaving him standing in the middle of the yard with visions of Stephanie in a very skimpy nurse's outfit, stroking a wet sponge all over his body, dancing in his head.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Christmas night and what really happened in Colombia**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: This is a very difficult chapter. It references violence and rape, but not in detail. Unfortunately if you have a good imagination, it may still be a trigger. I apologize if it is, but this is an incredibly important chapter for Ram and Stephanie. I hope I've managed to do his experience justice, because his story is something that could easily happen and probably has happened in the past.

The information about military marriages is unfortunately true. As a former Navy wife, I dedicate this chapter to all of the spouses. It's a hard and often lonely road.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 20**

Snuggled in front of the fire in an oversized chair, Stephanie and Ram watched the flames dance. Christmas was over, the house quiet and still, but they were both reluctant to end the day.

"Thank you again for my bracelet," she said. Ram had gotten her a charm bracelet, but had the jeweler custom make some of the charms. She had a little Wonder Woman in the classic hands on her hips pose, a four leaf clover, a pair of running shoes, a solid heart, a piece of cake, and a miniature cell phone that doubled as a panic button and tracker. He said he told Hector what he wanted and Hector custom made it himself so that he could put the technology inside it.

"I think it's one of the best presents I've ever gotten," she admitted as she rolled it around her wrist.

"I'm glad you liked it. I decided I'd leave some spots open for the future," he said, brushing his finger across one of the empty links. "You kind of shocked me with the guitar, but I love it."

"I wanted to give you something that meant something. Just because when you were in the Army you couldn't drag a guitar around doesn't mean you can't pick it back up now." She smirked. "Besides, now you can serenade me."

Laughing, he twirled some of her hair around a finger.

"You're still under contract, aren't you?"

The mood suddenly became serious as he went still underneath her.

"Yeah, I am. It's up for renewal next year."

Stephanie nodded her head a little. "Do you know if you're going to renew it?"

"We said we'd work everything else out," he reminded her, warning clear in his voice.

"Together," she replied as she turned to look at him.

His eyes looked black in the dim light as he waited to see where she was going with this.

Looking frustrated, she sighed. "Tony, I want to pat you on the head and send you off with a smile and a kiss and tell you that I'll be there when you get back … and do it happily and with a song in my heart. But I can't. I mean I'll do all of that, but not happily. I just … our lives are already dangerous. I don't know if I could let you go if you came to me like Ranger did this last time, where he was basically telling me goodbye. In his own abbreviated fashion."

He was silent, not sure what to say. He hadn't realized it had been bothering her so much, but he should have anticipated this. It's not like she hasn't watched Ranger and the guys go off again and again. Not all of them returned, or returned whole. He certainly hadn't returned whole the last time.

"I don't want the whole Burg lifestyle, I think you know that."

He nodded, she had been very adamant about that.

"But it would be nice if there was someone there to have a life _with_," she said softly, looking into the fire.

Well if that didn't just sum it up nicely. Shit. "I'll think about it, all of it. I promise not to make any decisions without discussing it with you. We'll figure it out Stephanie."

Stephanie was surprised when he spoke again; she had been dozing off, the twin comforts of the warm fire and his hand rubbing her side lulling her to sleep.

"I may have to go out again before the renewal though. I would be very surprised if I didn't actually."

Swallowing tightly, she nodded. "I assumed that was the case. I'll be here, waiting until you come home. Just because I hate something doesn't mean I won't deal with it."

"I know," he said softly.

"You've been dreaming again," she said equally soft. "Do you need to start your medication?"

There was a long pause, the silence only broken by the crackle of the fire as he considered. "I'd prefer not to. They're not as bad as they used to be, they've changed a little. I'm hoping I can learn to deal with it instead of relying on the meds." His voice hardened with reassurance. "I won't start drinking again."

"Still can't talk about it?" she pressed. Her spidey sense was telling her that if he talked to her it would help, but her common sense was telling her that none of the guys ever shared mission stuff. That they couldn't, not that they didn't want to. Although they probably didn't _want_ to either.

Ram hummed as he thought about his latest dream.

"It's not pretty Stephanie, the stuff in my dreams," he finally said. He smiled when he heard her scoff.

"Do you really believe that I don't have some idea of what you do when you leave? Any of you?"

Moving his shoulder a little to ease the ache, he sighed. "No, I think we all know better. We just like to pretend that things like that can't touch you. Because part of the reason we do those things is so that they _**won't**_ ever touch you."

"But they do, if only because they affect you guys," she argued. "And do you know how much shit I've put up with from Ranger because 'his enemies may want to use me against him'? I do it, as gracefully as I can, but I hate it. I hate that you guys come home, _when_ you come home, with sad eyes and looking just a little bit emptier with each mission. And I hate that the only thing I can do, the only thing any of you will allow me to do is give you a hug."

Stephanie turned slightly in his lap, letting her back rest against the arm of the chair to look at him seriously.

"Be honest with me. Is it the fact that it's classified or that you're afraid what I'll think of you?"

"Why are you pushing me? You've always accepted this," he said, a little angry.

"I have, you're right. No matter what, I've let all of you keep your secrets, because I thought that I was helping you a little. Making it easier."

Reaching out, she turned his chin so he was looking at her instead of the fire. "This secret, whatever it is, is hurting you. It's going to end up getting between us. I think part of the reason you don't want to tell is that it's classified, because you're a man who believes in keeping his word. But I think a bigger part is that you're afraid of how I'll see you once I know what you're hiding."

She sighed as his eyes moved away from hers. Watching him withdraw into himself was painful, but she refused to let him off the hook.

Biting down on her upper lip, feeling her gut twist at the idea, she almost backed down. Telling herself not to be a baby, Stephanie startled Ram when she told him she'd be right back. Hurrying to the bedroom, she came back out with a laptop.

Reseating herself, she leaned back and balanced it on her thighs. "You never watched this," she stated.

"No."

"Why not? I gave you permission," she asked curiously. She had known he hadn't, but not why.

Ram shrugged. "Because I knew that it upset you. I figured it wasn't as important to know as it was to be there for you."

"Thank you," kissing him softly. "But we're going to watch this and I'm going to stop being afraid that you're going to look at me differently afterwards. Because even if you do, I'll be able to know that you love me for me, good and bad."

His fingers gently caressed her arm and she resisted the urge to start touching him in return.

"It's not always that black and white sweetheart," he said quietly.

"No, it's not. The things on here? I did that all on my own. I know it's not the same for you. I know you're proud of most of the things you've done, or at least aren't ashamed of them or you wouldn't be wondering if you should renew that contract or not. You're not proud of what you're hiding. I'm not proud of this," she gestured at the laptop.

"Why not?"

"I don't recognize the person I was that day. She scared me. I swung between total control and feeling like my emotions were ice and completely running off of my instincts and filled with rage. It sounds melodramatic now, but … "

"It's normal to feel like that later."

Stephanie let him comfort her and then slid in the knife while he was distracted.

"You have to tell me Tony. Keep back all of the details that made it classified. Find a way. You talk a lot about me trusting you … you have to trust me on this or it will always sit between us."

He didn't respond, rubbing a finger against the power button on the laptop, staring at the dark keys like they contained the answers to all of his problems. Stephanie was silent, letting her gaze rest on his hand, tracing the bones of his fingers while she let him fight it out in his own head.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Somewhere in South America, there was a dusty room with a man sitting at a rickety table holding a phone.

"Report."

"Another message was just sent; we followed it to a forum about cooking. They lost it before they could track it completely, there were too many security layers and the headers of the message were stripped by the time we chased it down.

"We notified the other end to watch for movement, but we're not hopeful. We're analyzing all of the posts within the last few hours trying to pinpoint the instructions."

A few beats of silence.

Click.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram stroked the plastic key, tumbling what Stephanie had just said around his mind. He recognized the truth of what she was saying.

How many relationships had he seen shatter underneath the stress of what they did? The military had a phenomenal divorce rate, spouses unable to bear with the danger, stress, and frequent absences. He had never heard that any of the Special Forces had a higher incidence rate, but from his own observations he thought maybe they did. The men he knew who had been divorced rarely chose to get remarried while they were still active. There was a reason so many of the men at Rangeman were single.

This kind of situation was at the heart of it. One person hurting, trying to numb the pain or forget and the other wanting to help, to understand and being shut out for one reason or another. The few strong marriages he could recall in his years of service involved two people who were fierce about supporting the other, usually with very strong and loyal personalities.

He knew he could tell Stephanie things that were classified and she'd allow herself to be tortured before she would ever breathe a word of it. He did trust her. Completely.

Did he trust her to love him enough to overlook what had happened or understand his position in it? Not for the first time, he cursed the Michaels case that started all of this. If he hadn't seen …

_'I trust you'_, words she had given him in the hospital. She was willing to open herself up and let him see things she would normally fight against. Even if every single man in Rangeman had seen this, a year ago she would never have offered to let someone watch it. Not voluntarily. His girl was a master at hiding in plain sight.

Tensing, he watched his index finger slowly apply enough pressure to depress the power button.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie almost wished there was sound on this damn thing. It might help distract her mind from the color of the blood and the wildness of her eyes. The complete emptiness in her face as she almost murdered Klein in what would have been cold blood. He hadn't even shot Ram. She would have killed an innocent man.

"Oh sweetheart," Ram said as he watched Hector lead her towards the car. "I'm so sorry."

She was jerked out of her self-recrimination by surprise. "Huh? What are you sorry for?"

He snorted as he moved the laptop, neither of them really watching as it continued playing. Someone who was supposed to be somewhere else suddenly appeared on the screen before slipping back into the crowd with a scowl.

"As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you."

Her head twisted to see him smiling at her, sadness and love shining clearly in his eyes. She was still embarrassed, still wished that she could have had her breakdown in a much less visible area. Hopefully the next one wouldn't be on video. Of course with her luck it would be on live television.

Wrapping her up in his arms, Ram dropped his nose into her hair. He was a lucky man. His breath caught as he realized what she was trying to make him understand earlier when they talked about renewing his contract. Seeing how much the shooting had actually affected her made everything a lot clearer. He had woken up a week later and she had been softer and more emotional, but she'd had time to cover the worst of it up.

He was going to have to think very hard about that renewal before he made a decision.

"I'm honored you know."

"By what?"

"I know you think this shows someone out of control and it upsets you, but all I saw was how much you love. With everything you have."

Stephanie was silent, hoping he'd made the connection on his own. _Yes, I do, which means that you can tell me __**anything**__ and it won't change that._

Resting his chin on her shoulder, Ram finally started to talk, body stiff with tension and fear. Staring into the fire, he stripped out enough so that she wouldn't know anything that could help her identify the actual mission, the only concession he made to his oath.

"I was part of a team of snipers. Our objective was to wait until a specified meeting and then take out the leaders of an organization all at once. It was the only time they would all be in one place and it was crucial that they be taken out before they could leave the 'summit' with agreements and money exchanging hands. There were going to be innocents there, women and children, so we had to be precise.

"We spent days infiltrating the estate, slowly moving until we were in position. I had gotten lucky and there was a small hole in the security, so I was one of the first in position. Not that it mattered; I couldn't do anything but wait. There was a tech assigned for communication, he monitored the bugs we had slipped close, trying to keep on top of any changes."

Ram's throat slammed shut. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, trying to force himself to just finish it, before he felt her hand slip into his where it was wrapped around her waist.

Voice losing all inflection as he pushed all the emotion down, he pressed on.

"The tech notified our team lead that there was a problem inside the house. At least one woman was hurt. He shouldn't have been saying that on the action channel. He was young and fresh, but he would have known better than that. I became curious why he would break protocol and determined that if I moved to my secondary perch that I might be able to put eyes on the situation and still be in position to carry out my objective."

Stephanie felt her body go cold, but tightened her grip on his hand. She wasn't going to tell him it was ok, because they both knew it wasn't. But maybe if he could feel that she wasn't letting go it would help him finish it. His muscles were jerking underneath her from the strain of speaking about it.

The reporting tone suddenly dropped into one that broke her heart. "I wish I hadn't moved. I know that sounds horrible, but I … I wish I hadn't moved. When I looked, there was a girl, maybe sixteen, being raped and tortured, blood everywhere and men laughing. Some of them weren't even paying attention, like it was just something that happened often enough to lose interest. They had her laid out on a fucking dining room table and it looked like she had fought them for a long time. She was tied down to the legs, but she was still alive. I don't know how, but she was … "

Oh Jesus. Stephanie wanted to be sick, bile rising in her throat, his words painting a picture that was entirely too vivid. He was lost in the memory, shudders wracking his frame in reaction.

"I moved to a secure private channel and I asked to intervene. Hell, I pleaded to intervene. There were at least four of the men we were there to take out in that room. I could have probably gotten them all, but they weren't all there and there was a chance I couldn't get all four anyway. My request was denied, repeatedly. I was ordered to wait until the meeting.

"And I did. I wrote that young girl's life off, knowing she wasn't going to survive, that her death was going to be one of the worst possible for a female. I followed my orders and we followed the mission plan. I couldn't even give her the honor of standing witness, to acknowledge her sacrifice, because if I watched one more second of that I was going to be sick or go insane. I made myself forget what was going on in that house. And I let it happen."

The silence that fell was almost worse than the description. Feeling the hitching of his breathing, Stephanie was torn between giving him privacy to feel things she was pretty sure he'd been suppressing and not letting him tear into himself for a second longer. Her need to protect won.

Turning in the chair, fighting his arms when he tried to keep her facing away from him, she ignored the small sound of pain when he used too much pressure for his healing collarbone. Straddling his lap, she put her hands on his face and forced him to look at her.

"I still love you. I still think you're an honorable man. I still think you were in a horrible situation and you did your best."

Smacking her hand over his mouth when he stared at her in disbelief, a rude response almost leaving his lips, she glared at him.

"That girl's life was pretty much over when you saw her Tony. Even if she had survived … her life would never have been the same. I'm pretty sure that she welcomed her death when it finally came. You were _not_ complicit in her rape and murder."

Ram's eyes hardened. "And yet, when we were faced with a similar situation at Michaels, you …"

Stephanie rolled her eyes and sat back a little, looking at him with disgust. "Now you're being stupid," she stated.

"Excuse me?"

"You're being stupid. An idiot. A moron. Someone I suspect was dropped on their head repeatedly."

"Stephanie I remember, very clearly, the shit you said when that happened, and you weren't faking the rage and disgust. Quit trying to whitewash it now because you think it will make me feel better. It's just pissing me off."

Mouth tightening, she tried to grab her temper before it flared too high. A single deep breath and she opened her eyes and looked at him seriously, trying to find the right words.

"There are a lot of differences between the two situations Anthony. The first is that our 'mission' that night was to watch the man. We weren't there to follow a detailed plan that had been prepared and approved by multiple people, all with more information than we had at our fingertips. I forced us to break our 'orders' because there wasn't any good reason _not_ to break them, but there was plenty of reason _to_ break them.

"You had a lot of other people to consider. I had you to consider. I knew they would send someone to help us and what I was mad about was that they would rather have kept _me_ safe than to step in. They weren't even saying 'wait', they were saying no. You weren't worried about your personal safety, you were worried about the fact that if these men weren't taken out all at the same time that some of them would escape and there may not have been another chance.

"I'm not going to ask what the men did or anything like that, but I can't see the government getting a team like that together unless it was critical that those men didn't last another day. One life measured against the harm that they could do?

"Don't interrupt, I'm not done. Even if you don't want to consider future harm, there was the fact that you had a team of fellow soldiers spread around the compound in various states of cover. If there wasn't some kind of security, I'm sure you guys could have just walked up to the house and taken care of shit, which meant that if even _one_ of you were caught that all of you were at risk. You going against orders could have meant their deaths. I have no doubt they were good men who would have stood in front of a bullet for you, but you had a responsibility to them. You spending their lives in order to save her wouldn't have been the right decision and you know it. Not in that situation."

Eyes softening, her hands gentled on his cheeks. Stroking his cheekbones with her thumbs, she tried to will her conviction into him through her touch.

"It was a horrible situation Tony and I understand the nightmares. I understand your fear that I would look at you differently. I get it, I do. But you trusted me enough to tell me about it, so now you have to trust me enough to be honest about my reaction. Don't assign emotions to me and assume you know better than I do about how I feel. I love you. I think you're an honorable man who witnessed something horrific and had to make a terrible choice, a choice that you will probably always feel guilty about."

Ram looked at her for a long time, hope and fear warring in his chest. He knew the situations weren't the same, but it was hard not to transpose what she had felt with Michaels to what he had done.

"What is it?"

He wondered absently why he ever thought it was a good idea to get involved with a woman who had instincts like a wild animal and a brain that never stopped picking at puzzles. She might _let_ him get away with shit, but it wouldn't be because she didn't notice.

"I want to believe you, but every time I try to accept it, I hear what you said after Michaels. Not just to me, but the way you lashed out at the guys. I just …"

Sitting back a little and resting her hands on his ribs, absently petting him, she wasn't sure anything else she had to say would make a difference.

A shrug. "I don't know Tony. I wish you could see inside my head, it may scar you, but you'd see that I don't blame you. We weren't in a combat situation, we were in Trenton. We could act without anyone dying, probably, and even if we just scared the women off or Michaels ran, well he had already shown that he wasn't that hard to find.

"I haven't forgotten the way you almost killed the man either. You never wanted to listen to that order, but I think you were still so traumatized that you just shut down. Maybe part of you thought that if you stepped in this time that it would make the fact that you didn't then worse."

Ignoring the pull in her thighs as the muscles stretched tightly, she leaned forward and tucked her face against his neck. She could feel the emotions running through his body, almost like waves. She might not be willing to let him deal with it alone, but she didn't have to watch. She could grant him that much privacy.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Things escalate back in Trenton**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 21**

The day after Christmas was a busy one at the Ramsey house. Relatives who lived nearby were back to say goodbye to the ones who were leaving later today on various flights. Only the few that had driven farther than a few hours were already gone.

Stephanie had surprised herself by enjoying the holiday so much. Christmas at the Plum home was a mix of guilt, anger, and exasperation. There had still been arguments, but for the most part, this had been her favorite Christmas since the year that Grandma Mazur had brought a set of elderly twin men and told the family that she was going to try two at once since one didn't seem to be enough.

The fact that her mother tippled a bit too much after that pronouncement and ended up with a 'headache' and had to go lay down for most of the day had _nothing_ to do with it. Ok, well not a lot. Really.

She and Ram had finally crawled into bed around 3am, both completely drained. They still hadn't managed to do much more than some heavy petting; the long days, lack of privacy, and the fact that he _was_ still recovering from surgery slowing things down. Last night she had thought they would manage something, at least she had been praying that they did since her hormones were revolting, but neither of them was in the mood for anything other than cuddling after that talk.

Happily, they were both so exhausted that neither of them seemed to dream, which was a blessing.

"Miss Stephanie?"

Setting her coffee cup on the table and looking down, she smiled at Angela. Stephanie wasn't normally a kid person, Mary Lou's boys were perfect examples of why, but this kid had refused to leave her alone.

Letting herself be pushed away from the table and helping to balance Angela as she clambered up into her lap, she looked down into bright blue eyes that were similar in color to her own. Soft baby fine blond hair floated in a cloud around her mischievous face. Her entire outfit was comprised of different shades of pink, but instead of reminding Stephanie of Pepto, she just looked adorable.

Ram's family was doing something weird to her brain. Hopefully going back to Jersey would fix her.

"Good morning Angela."

"I'm leaving you today Miss Stephanie."

"You are. I hear you live in Pennsylvania though."

Angela nodded, her hair flying wildly. Snagging a lock of that hair before it dipped into her coffee, she rubbed Angela's back.

"Well you won't be far from where Tony and I live, so maybe we'll come and visit." Angela's father was a cousin of Tony's and had already extended an invitation for Angela's fifth birthday party in March.

Tiny hands patted her cheeks. "Will you come for my birthday?"

"Maybe," she teased. "Do you want us to come for your birthday?"

"Oh yes! Please!" In an emotional U-turn that only a small child or crazy person could make, Angela was suddenly crying.

"Hey, what's wrong? We're going to come as long as we can get off of work sweetie, we already told your Dad."

Her only response was a sob and a small body hitting her chest as Angela flung her arms around her. Looking up and seeing Ram in the doorway with his own coffee cup, she gave him a 'what do I do now' look and glared when he shrugged.

"Angela, what's wrong?" Well at least he moved over and was rubbing her back too. Maybe she wouldn't castrate him.

"It's so faaaaaaaar."

The adults looked at each other blankly.

"What's too far?" Ram asked her patiently.

"My birthday. It's too far away. You'll forget about me," she wailed.

Ram's lips twitched and Stephanie glared at him; already knowing what he was thinking and daring him to say it out loud. He had made no secret of the fact that he thought Angela was so drawn to her because they were kindred spirits. Their dramatics were just one thing he had alluded to in the last week.

After reassuring the traumatized four year old that they wouldn't forget her and locating Tonya, her mother, they finished saying goodbye. Ram's shoulder was throbbing by the time they were done, but he had insisted on giving hugs to the kids who wanted one. Leaning against a wall, letting Stephanie lean against him as she chatted with his Aunt Jean, he realized that he hadn't been this happy and at peace in a long time.

They had dropped exhausted into bed last night, barely able to change into something more suitable for sleeping. This morning, instead of easing out of bed and getting her a cup of coffee, something he had been teasing her by doing since his grandparents had caught them napping, he had simply lain there and watched her sleep.

He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to convey the sense of relief that her words had given him last night. He had known it was weighing heavily on him, that it was present in almost every serious interaction he had with Stephanie, but he hadn't realized how big it was until it was gone. She had been right. If he had pushed her away, it would have broken them eventually. He would have always worried that if the truth came out that she'd leave him.

Now he felt light, almost free. Jon had passed him in the hallway this morning and had done a double take. His older brother had looked at him closely before smiling at Stephanie who had been trailing behind him a bit. When he glanced back at Stephanie to see what Jon was looking at, her eyes had been warning Jon off asking any questions. Somehow she managed to smile warmly at him at the same time.

Tuning back into the conversation in front of him, he realized that they were discussing traveling plans. They had a flight back to Jersey tomorrow evening, having wanted a little time with just his parents and brothers before they left.

They still hadn't discussed work and how they were going to handle it. He knew she was still furious with the entire office, but she loved her job. Then there was the fact that he couldn't go into the field for awhile. Stephanie hated being stuck in the office.

Overlaying all of that was the shooter. He was still out there. Rangeman still had a problem, a serious problem. What if she chose to go back in the field and she ended up partnered with someone who wanted her dead?

She looked so elegant today. Her hair had been tamed in a French braid instead of thrown up in a ponytail and she was wearing the new sweater his mom had gotten her. It made his hands itch to touch her. He was fixated on her long bare neck when he suddenly felt a finger jab him in the ribs as she turned around. Blushing as he realized he had been caught staring, quite blatantly, he gave her a shrug and rueful smile, noticing absently that Aunt Jean had moved away and they were alone.

"Can you blame me? You're hot."

"Me? Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

He could feel her eyes like a touch, as they traveled up and down his rapidly tightening body. His own eyes darkening a little, he reached out and cupped her hip to pull her closer, making sure his other hand slid under her sweater to touch soft skin when she landed flush against him.

"Playing with fire sweetheart," he whispered into her ear. Relishing the shudder that rolled through her, he glanced around to make sure no one had noticed them yet. "Having you so close and not touching you has been hell this week."

His hips jerked slightly when she bit him, her fingers digging into his waist, but he managed to control himself. Barely. An evil grin lit his lips as he decided to pay her back.

"But I'm going to touch you soon. I'm going to lay you on my bed and I'm going to touch you until you're screaming yourself hoarse." Her soft panting against his neck combined with what he was saying loosened his control enough that he ground his hips against hers as he sucked her earlobe. "God, I can't wait to taste you, to spread your legs wide and bury my tongue inside of you." A low moan broke out of her throat.

"Shhh, you need to be very quiet. Save your voice, because I'm going to wait until you're begging and trembling to slide you slowly down my dick. I'm going to stroke every inch I have into your tight body until we're both insane with the need to come."

Not even caring anymore if anyone was watching, he fought against the urge to rip her clothes off of her where they stood. Both of them were trembling a little, her hands spastically clutching at his sweatshirt. Taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly, he finished what he wanted to say.

"So don't blame me when I stare at you. I'm doing the best I can."

Her head lifted as she pulled back a bit. Her beautiful blue eyes were completely blown, a very thin ring of navy showing. A flush that reminded him of the morning before he was shot covered her face and neck. When her eyes fastened on his lips, he clenched his jaw. If he kissed her right now, he was done. He'd drag her into his childhood bedroom and fuck her until the entire house heard her screaming. Fuck the way he felt right now, they'd probably hear him screaming too.

"Not yet Stephanie … soon, I promise, but we need to be out of this house first. I don't want to share you with my family."

As he had hoped, the reminder that his family was around was enough to break through the gorgeous haze covering her eyes. Even though he knew it was necessary, he really wanted to kick himself when it finally cleared and her flush slowly faded.

Her voice was husky and raw when she finally spoke, and he felt his dick press even harder against his zipper with her promise.

"You _will_ pay for that Anthony. I won't be the only one begging when we do this, I promise you that."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Staring at the results of the third attack on Stephanie in less than a week, Tank shook his head. They hadn't wanted to tell her about the others, knowing that she needed this time off, time away from all of the problems here in Trenton. There wasn't anything she could do about it and she never got attached to her cars anymore anyway.

They _couldn't_ keep this from her.

Fuck. Why couldn't they find this asshole?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Curled up in the corner of the couch, the most comfortable couch she was pretty sure she'd ever sat on, Stephanie snickered as Ram was assaulted by his elderly relatives. They were the last to leave, all living nearby. As they patted his cheeks and fussed over his injury and in general made him as uncomfortable as possible, she avoided every look he sent her to save him.

Jon sat down next to her and glanced over, smiling at his brother's predicament. "I'm pretty sure he wants you to save him," he told her.

Stephanie shrugged. "I thought about it. Then I remembered some of the shit he's pulled on me the last week and changed my mind."

"Uncle Andy?"

"Uncle Andy," she confirmed. The man had at least a dozen hands and they all seemed to gravitate to her ass. She spent a lot of time avoiding him, even voluntarily spending time in the kitchen. In the kitchen. Where there was food preparation going on. That she _helped_ with.

They both gleefully watched the show for a few more minutes before Jon said softly, "Thank you."

He saw her tense out of the corner of his eye, but he needed to say it.

"For what?"

"For helping my brother. For loving him enough to not let him hide and let things eat at him until … well we both know he hasn't been doing well lately. He's been slipping away slowly for years, but I saw my brother again this morning. The one I never thought I'd see again. Thank you."

The struggle didn't show on her face, but her hands twitched a few times before she looked at him. The week they had spent in Trenton had presented a lot of different sides of the complicated woman sitting next to him, but he wasn't sure he had seen this expression before.

A happy and serene Stephanie finally smiled at him and nodded once before going to save his brother. Again.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Stephanie, is there something wrong?" Judy asked, a little concerned. She wasn't treating anyone differently, but she had started acting oddly about an hour ago. Distracted and edgy, she was barely eating dinner now.

Ram frowned. "Stephanie?" Touching her hand to get her attention, he saw her eyes dart to the windows again.

"Hey, are you worried about the … guy?" he asked, trying to soften it for his parents' sake.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong, I just. Something." She flashed an apologetic smile around the table, before looking back at Ram and lowering her voice. "My spidey sense is going off a little."

Opening his mouth to say something, they both frowned when his cell phone went off on the sideboard. Neither Henry nor Judy was eating now, both focused on the couple staring at the phone.

"Answer it. Better to know than not know, right?" Stephanie wasn't exactly sure she agreed with that philosophy, but it sounded good. Ram didn't look like he believed her anyway. Smart man.

"It's Tank."

Her muttered 'of course it is' was almost lost as Ram touched the screen to answer.

She wasn't able to make out what happened, but she saw enough in Ram's face to make her think she wasn't going to like it.

"I'll talk to her and call you back with a decision," he finally said to Tank, green eyes sympathetic as he looked at Stephanie.

"You should have called then, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, give us a few hours."

Eyeing his parents, he looked back at Stephanie as he hung up the phone. He wasn't sure whether or not to talk to her here or pull her back to the bedroom for privacy. Stephanie, of course, read his face even though he was positive he had his blank one on.

"Would we tell them anyway?"

"Probably."

"Then it's fine. What happened?"

"Apparently they're still trying to track down the communication between the guy at Rangeman and whoever is calling the shots, but they have enough to know when there's a message. There was one the day we left town. The next day your apartment was broken into."

She rolled her eyes. "Because that's hard to do. I think I'm the only person who _can't_ do it."

"Well Mrs. Peterson called the cops when she heard something and they found it all torn up. Two days later, your car was firebombed in the Rangeman garage."

Face white, Stephanie frowned as her brain kicked in. "The garage has cameras everywhere. We may not watch them all the time, but Hector can pull up the video anytime from wherever it's saved, right?"

He sighed. "Tank says not. They never bothered to add the extra views down there to the streams they save. The idea was that by sending the most important, the views that covered someone entering from outside the building …"

"But for the first time ever, it was someone who was internal. Shit." Her face flushed as she looked over at Judy and Henry. "Sorry."

They waved her off as Judy said, "I think shit is a pretty good response actually. I'm sorry about your car and apartment dear."

Ram cleared his throat, bringing everyone's attention back to him.

"That wasn't all, was it?"

He shook his head. "Two days after your car, someone set fire to your apartment. Someone who is very good at setting fires apparently, because it managed to almost completely destroy your place while not spreading very far before the fire department got there."

Stephanie felt like a fish, with her mouth opening and closing rapidly. She had nothing. _Oh my god, I __**literally**__ have __**nothing**__. I have the stuff that's here. And Rex, because he's with Mary Lou. And maybe a couple loads of laundry that I left at Ram's. All of my shoes. Oh god, my __**shoes**__._

Hyperventilating, she gasped out, "All of them? Everything?"

Helped along by the fact that she lost control of her filter and said it all out loud, he was able to translate that. "I'm sorry sweetheart; they're all pretty much destroyed. If not by the fire then by the water and smoke damage."

"Why did you listen to me?" she wailed when she managed to slow her breathing to match the strokes of his hand on her back.

"I'm sorry?" His hand paused as he looked at her in confusion.

"You _should_ be. Don't _ever_ listen to me when I tell you it's better to know. It's _not_ better. It's _**never**_ better," she exclaimed hysterically.

It had been a long time since he had felt this out of his depth around Stephanie. She didn't seem like she was ready for sympathy, but he wasn't sure what else to do. He looked gratefully at his mom when she took over, both of them connecting in some weird female way over shoes and clothes. His dad looked as confused as he was.

Her anger and grief running down a little, she looked at Ram who was patiently listening to her and his mom rant. "Was anyone hurt?"

Thankfully he shook his head.

"I should have asked about that first. I'm a horrible person."

"No you're not, you knew I wouldn't have kept that back. You just wanted to be sure."

"Logic has no place at this table right now Anthony," she said with a glare.

Full first name. Okay then.

"Alright, what decision?"

"There's a theory that whoever did all of this was looking for you. That could be why your place was tossed that first day. We'd already been out of contact with most everybody at Rangeman and the Burg for a couple of days at that point. Two days later, they escalated when you never showed up to deal with the break in. Your car burning at Rangeman should have brought you running. If you were in town and someone told you about it anyway. When you still didn't show …"

"Someone burned my place … because if Tank wasn't telling me things, he'd have to tell me about that."

He nodded.

"And they're waiting for me to show up I assume."

"It's a good assumption," he replied.

"Tank doesn't want me to go back," she said.

"Not yet, no. He wants us to take a week off, away from my family, completely out of contact if possible."

"Why?" Suspicion was written all over her face.

"He gave me one reason, but I think there are two." She made an impatient noise and rolled her hands in the air.

"Tank wants time to set up a secure way to get us back in town. My place is too easy to find now and because we don't know who to trust, it limits us on protection. It's the same problem with staying at Haywood."

"And the other?"

"I think he's afraid that if you're in town and the guy strikes again that you'll react without thinking. He made it very clear that there was someone watching your parents' home at all times and that you should absolutely not worry about them. An announcement was made today after they got back from your apartment to the entire team that you and I were out of town on vacation, incommunicado, and wouldn't be back for another week."

"So he's buying us time, explaining to the guy why I'm not reacting. But he doesn't want us here because that's too obvious and someone will check." Her eyes widened.

He shook his head, obviously seeing where she was going. "Once we're gone, Rangeman Chicago will be keeping an eye out. They have a lot of clients in this area so it won't be that obvious."

"And why don't we just go back to Trenton and surprise the guy?" Not doing anything was bothering her. She hated to hide.

"Surprise him how?"

Glaring, she snapped bitchily, "I don't know, but sitting around for a week …"

"I have an idea, if you'd like to consider it." His tone implied that she was being unreasonable.

"Fine. What?"

"Hey, I'm not the enemy here, so drop the attitude."

Irritated green eyes pinned now apologetic blue. She muttered an apology.

"We spend the week working on who the guy could be. I respect the Core Team and Hector is amazing, but you're the only one I know who can look at things and figure out that they're connected from some tiny insignificant detail. We can work on a plan for when we go back to trap the son of a bitch too."

She chewed on her lip, now really feeling like a bitch. That was kind of a good plan.

"They're not going to let us dig through everyone's files though," she pointed out.

He shrugged. "Hector will give us access. The only reason he didn't know about this in the first place is because he wasn't aware he should be looking for it. If we need something that's not available online, he can probably help us out."

"What about Tank?"

"What about him?"

"Do we tell him that we're doing this? He's not going to go for any plan to trap the guy that involves me being bait, you know that."

"I'm not particularly pleased with the idea myself Stephanie," he ground out. "In fact, I hate it with the heat of a thousand suns. I just don't know what else to do. I'd rather wait to try the trap until we have the suspects narrowed down." The thought of her being exposed like that was almost enough to make him grab her and run. Screw Trenton.

"But he's not going to let us do that."

"I'm not planning on giving him the option to refuse. We can't live the rest of our lives worrying about this. It's obviously becoming more dangerous and he'll get lucky eventually."

She was silent for a few minutes, turning it over. Ram glanced at his parents and tried to give them a small reassuring smile. The last week had firmly cemented Stephanie in their affections and they were visibly worried for both of them.

"Can we be near home just in case there's a problem?"

"I'd prefer to be far enough away that we blend in. How about Atlantic City? It's only a couple hours away, but we shouldn't stand out."

"I hate this."

"I know you do."

"I'm going to kill Ranger," she promised darkly. "This is all his fault somehow. I just know it."

He snorted. "You're welcome to try. I promise to hold your purse and watch."

"Ass. Wait, can't they just find your name on the manifest and figure out where we went?"

"Tank promises to have Hector fix it somehow," he shrugged. "I trust Hector."

"Hmm. I'm going to call Hector and make sure he'll help us with the search, so I'll ask about that too. If he says he'll help then I'll cancel our flights and rebook the first flight out of O'Hare to Atlantic City."

She looked at Judy and Henry sadly. "I hate that this is going to cut our visit short. I was looking forward to spending the evening with all of you." Jon was working, but both he and Nathan had been planning on being there later.

"It's fine dear, there will be other visits," Henry said, patting Stephanie's hand. His son wasn't a stupid man after all. She wasn't getting away now that he'd caught her.

Letting Ram lead her back to their room, Stephanie was grateful for the numbness that was spreading over her body. She didn't really have time to fall apart right now. Concentrating on the feel of his warm hand in hers, she was startled when he touched her face with his other hand.

"Hey, you ok?"

She shrugged. "Probably not. But I think that if I think about it too hard that we're not going to leave tonight, so I'm trying not to think about it."

"Do you want to wait?"

"No, I don't want your parents in danger any longer than necessary."

He nodded, that had been a concern of his as well. The sooner they were away, the smaller the target they became. Ram hadn't mentioned it yet, knowing that she was already overloaded, but his house was a big concern. Still, if he had to choose between his house and Stephanie, there wasn't a contest.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Five hours later, they were boarding a plane for Atlantic City.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Alone. In a hotel room. Whatever shall they do?**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: **This is mostly a smut chapter.** For those who aren't interested in that, there isn't a lot of plot, but there are a lot of emotions (and almost a fight and a freak-out). There won't be another chapter completely filled with sex again, but it **will** come up again on a semi-regular basis. On the other hand, it doesn't become one of those stories where once they sleep together all of the plot stops and it becomes a non-stop sex fest. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

You know, way back in Ch 9 when they first started with the naughty touches, I bet you never thought you'd have to wait until Ch 22 to get naked time, did you?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 22**

Stephanie was getting ready to take a shower when it suddenly hit her that they were alone. In a hotel room. And of course she would be emotionally and physically exhausted. She was going to kill this guy for ruining her sex life.

Just as soon as they found him.

Leaning her head against the wall, tears started slipping down her face as the numbness faded away. Her entire life was gone and sure she had insurance, something her life demanded, but her lingerie collection, her shoes, all of her keepsakes… The fact that she didn't _keep_ a lot somehow made the loss of it worse.

She was so lost inside her own head that she barely reacted when a pair of warm arms suddenly pulled her against a hard chest.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, barely heard over the drumming of the water she had turned on.

"For what?" Ram asked, dropping soft kisses on her shoulder.

A sobbing breath. "Everything?"

"Hmm."

"I just … I feel like all I've been doing lately is crying and falling apart. This isn't me Ram."

"Things have been rough lately Steph, there's no shame in reacting honestly."

"But this … " her hands fluttered around before she finally scrubbed at her face angrily. "I feel like everything is changing and now I'm hiding and crying and …" Her anger boiled higher as she started to lose control of her emotions again.

Ram spun her around and backed her against the wall with his body, pressing lightly to make her stay put. Sliding a hand into her hair, he pulled hard enough to bring her eyes up to his.

"Shit changes all the time Steph, nothing stays the same. We're not hiding, we're regrouping and getting intel so that we can plan our attack," he said reasonably.

Stephanie wasn't in the mood to be placated, even if what he was saying was true.

"We're fucking hiding. And all of this is turning me into someone I'm not," she said harshly. "I mean c'mon, is anything I've done lately really me?"

Ram ground his teeth and tried not to flinch. _Don't react to that, you know she's spoiling for a fight. She doesn't mean it, or at least she doesn't mean it the way it came out._ Now fairly sure that tonight was going to end differently than he had imagined, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Don't be a dick Ramsey; she's had a hellacious day._

Leaning forward, he planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "I wish I could do more to help Steph." Pulling back a little, he saw that the light of battle was still present in her face and sighed. Dropping a fast hard kiss on her lips, he took a step away from her.

"I love you. I ordered some sandwiches from room service in case you're hungry."

Stephanie stared at the door that Ram had just shut as he left and wanted to kick it. Or kick him.

Fuck, she was such a bitch.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Eyes downcast and chewing on her thumbnail, Stephanie slowly opened the door of the bathroom, steam billowing out. Tucking the thick white robe tighter around her body, she forced herself to walk into the living area and over to the couch where Ram was watching a movie.

"I'm sorry."

"I know today has been hard Steph."

Dropping down next to him, she sighed. "Yeah it has, but we both know I was picking a fight."

Handing her the plate he had sitting next to him, he took in her red rimmed eyes and pink skin still flush from the heat of the shower. "You were. I've picked a fight or two with you recently myself, remember the night you took me home from the hospital?"

A nonverbal grunt of agreement was about all she could manage, most of her attention had been taken by the best turkey and swiss sandwich she'd ever tasted. _Jesus, what is on this thing? It's like a little bit of heaven for your mouth!_

Snickering quietly at her absorption and obvious pleasure in the food, Ram contented himself with resting a hand on her terry clad thigh and went back to _Die Hard_.

"Hey, isn't that Severus Snape?" Stephanie pointed at the actor on the screen, narrowing her eyes a little.

"I'm pretty sure his mother named him Alan Rickman, but yeah, he played Snape."

Stephanie took another bite and hummed appreciatively. Swallowing, she glanced over at Ram teasingly. "His voice is amaaaazing."

"Is that right?" One of his brows cocked as he considered her.

"Uh huh. It's like plush velvet being rubbed all over you, but it's like a deep black, very dark."

"So either I should never let you listen to him again or I should record it and play it continuously."

Licking her lips, making sure she didn't miss any of that yummy mayo stuff, Stephanie set the plate off to one side and wiped her hands. Turning, she smiled and straddled Ram's lap.

The teasing mood vanished immediately, his eyes darkening as he realized she was naked underneath that robe. He did his best to sit still, but he couldn't stop his hands from resting low on her hips, long fingers pressing lightly against the swell of her ass.

Realizing he wasn't going to take the hint, not that she could blame him with how hot and cold she had been today, her fingers ran up his arms to cup his face. Tilting his face back, she lowered her head and pressed soft kisses to his lips.

"I really am sorry about earlier Tony," she said quietly, her eyes searching his. "I know it sounded…" Her forehead dropped to his before she found the words she wanted. "I'm not going to run. I shouldn't have made it sound like this is changing me in a bad way." Picking a fight was one thing, but she had used his worry that she'd run against him and she had seen the barb land and draw blood, even if he had tried to hide it.

A hand sliding up her back pressed her closer to his body and he buried his face in her neck, slowly sliding his lips to her ear, dragging his teeth against her soft skin. "Thank you for telling me that," he managed, doing his best not to rip the robe off of her body. _Rough day asshole, stop thinking with your dick._

"Ram?"

"Hmmm?" he muttered from where he was mapping out the cord of muscle that ran down her neck.

"Tony…"

A tug on his hair brought his head up to meet her eyes. A tint of pink rose on his cheekbones. "Sorry. Uh. Maybe you could move back to your seat?"

Stephanie shifted her hips a little, making sure she rubbed against the bulge between his legs. Blue eyes watched him smugly as he sucked in a breath and his fingers gripped her ass hard enough to bruise.

"I'm pretty comfortable right here actually," she said. "Unless you _want_ me to move?" Rising slowly she hid the smirk when his hands slammed her back down on him. His eyes were still searching hers and Stephanie was caught between being thankful he was such a gentleman and annoyed that he was such a gentleman.

_Well no one ever said I was a lady._

With that thought, she smiled slowly and still holding his eyes she untied the robe and dropped it on the floor behind her.

"Oh thank you Jesus," she heard him moan before her lips were devoured. Hands buried in his hair, she shuddered against him as he ran callused fingers down her bare back. Unable to stop her hips from rocking against him, her brain short circuited when he slid a hand into her hair and used it to make her arch against his body.

Lips wrapped around one of her nipples and she whined, hands now gripping his knees behind her to hold her up. Each suck made the heat in her belly swirl tighter and she moaned lowly when he bit lightly.

"God Steph, you're gorgeous," he muttered against her skin. He wanted to slow this down, take his time and explore her but the emotions of the last few days were rising up and feeding the heat that always simmered between them.

A twinge from his collarbone reminded him that as much as he wanted to pick her up and slam her down on his dick that he wasn't completely healed. He couldn't afford to be down any longer than he already would be.

The pain and thoughts of the danger they were still facing made his libido back down enough for him to think.

_Slow, I can do slow. I think._

Bringing her face back to his, he smiled at her before kissing her deeply. Sucking on her bottom lip, his eyes closed briefly as her hips bucked against him. Letting her explore his mouth while his hands slowly slid down her ribs, he bit back a whimper when she moved one of his hands between her legs.

_Or I can follow her lead. Slow is overrated._

An inarticulate cry sounded like it was torn out of her chest as his fingers slid easily against her. Licking and sucking his way down her neck, he paused at her clavicle as he eased a single finger inside of her.

"Oh Jesus, you're so fucking tight," he groaned. Her eyes were wild and needy and he realized she was already on the edge. "Lean back on your arms sweetheart."

Almost moaning at the image she was presenting, her head thrown back while her naked body writhed on his lap and his fingers busy between her legs, he used one hand to rub and twist her nipples while his other spread her wide for his view. The light sheen of sweat on her skin made her look like she was glowing in the low light.

The sight of his fingers slowly sinking into her body made his dick thump in his sweats, but he ignored it the best he could. Thrusting carefully, he moaned at how slick and hot she was. Using his thumb to flick her clit, he watched as her body tightened around him.

Eyes darting back up her body to meet hers, he almost lost it when she took his free hand and dragged it up to her mouth. Sucking and biting on his finger, her hips jerked against his hand as he started thrusting in earnest.

"Fuck my hand Steph," he groaned, not sure what he wanted to watch more. Her face as she came or his hand buried deeply inside her pussy. "Show me how you're going to ride me later sweetheart. When it's my cock stretching you."

A scream filled the air as her body suddenly convulsed, her muscles gripping his fingers so tightly he had to stop thrusting. Unwilling to stop completely, he rubbed his fingers against her front wall and groaned when another flood of moisture soaked his hand. Gentling his thumb, circling her clit lightly, just enough to help her ride the wave as long as possible, he forced himself to ignore the pain in his shoulder. He hadn't even thought about it, automatically supporting her when she lost control.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_Why does he still have clothes on?_

Stephanie's brain was coming back online pretty slowly, but she couldn't seem to shake that thought. Licking her lips, she forced her eyes open, jerking when his fingers twisted inside her a little. Grabbing his hand when his thumb started rubbing one side of her clit, she tried to hold it still.

"Tony, stop," she breathed, not even a little surprised when he shook his head no.

"Wanted you too long Steph, I'm not going to last when I'm finally inside you." His eyes were burning and she could feel her body start tightening again.

Groaning and pressing her body lightly against his, she dipped down to capture his lips. "I don't care, I need to touch you. I need to taste you. I need you naked," she demanded.

"After this," he growled. She was about to ask him what that meant when he wrapped his other hand in her hair and took control. Lips nipping and sucking, he used her hair to dominate while the hand buried between her legs started moving roughly. The sexy slides and taunting touches of the last few minutes were forgotten as he abandoned all technique and shocked her body into a fast and explosive orgasm.

Gasping for breath, her ears still ringing a little, she slumped against him. Whining involuntarily when he moved his hand, hers immediately moved between them and wrapped around his dick.

Squeezing lightly, tugging, she decided it was time for a little dominating of her own. Taking a page from his book and using his hair to move him how she wanted, she slid her other hand under his sweatpants, wishing she could rip his shirt off first.

Hot soft steel met her hand and they both moaned. Sucking on his lip, her fingers lightly learned his shape before her thumb swiped over the head and he jerked. Slowly moving her hand up and down, she groaned when he started thrusting up into her fist. His fingers had crept around her body and moved between her legs from the back, a single finger rubbing across her opening.

"You're driving me insane," she panted. "I thought it was my turn."

"Oh it is sweetheart, it is," he assured her. Sucking in a breath as her fingers brushed his balls, he tossed his head back as she used her other hand to roll them lightly.

"Mmm, you like that, don't you?" she whispered in his ear, sucking on the lobe. "Bet you can't wait until I drop to my knees in front of you. Can't you just picture it? Me with my mouth all wet and slippery and you thrusting…"

She hid a grin as he grabbed her hands and ripped them away from his lap.

"Aww, what's wrong?" she teased darkly. Hissing, she yanked his head back. "Now you know how you're making me feel."

Looking down at him, his eyes almost black and his lips swollen, she let her gaze follow the strong lines of his jaw and neck, glaring unhappily at the soft white t-shirt he was still wearing. "I want that off Tony. I want all of it off. I want you in my mouth."

His measuring stare pissed her off. This was not the time to get into a power struggle damnit. Leaning down, she bit down on the cord of muscle in his neck that was begging for her mouth.

"Fuck," he rasped out as his hips jerked against hers. "Let me fuck you first," he begged softly. "I want your pussy wrapped around my dick when I come Steph, please. Let me love you."

Grumbling at his word choice, she kept her hips rocking against him, shuddering as the material of the sweats rubbed lightly against her sensitive flesh. How was she supposed to say no to that?

"Your shoulder," she said, touching it lightly and watching his face for pain.

His eyes shot to the bedroom door and she could almost see him working out a plan. If she hadn't been so turned on she would have teased him about it. Maybe later.

"I want to see your face, but it's going to mean you have to do a lot of the work," he said, a small frown on his face. _Should I be offended that he doesn't want me doing all the work or pleased that he'd like to be the one doing it?_

Deciding to worry about that later, she just smiled and slid off his lap, holding a hand out to help him up. "You promise to say something if it hurts?"

"I promise to tell you if we need to change something, yes."

She didn't miss the rewording of that, but since she was busy helping him ease his t-shirt off, she let it go. As the chest and abs that she'd been drooling over for so long appeared, her mouth went dry. Letting him walk them over to the bed, she focused her attention on what her mouth was doing to his nipples and how his abs kept bunching under her hands as her nails scraped over him.

"God Steph, just like that." Feeling him throb against her stomach, her fingers started their way south, dipping into the waistband and sliding her fingers slowly down the soft trail of hair. Hooking her fingers in his sweats, she distracted him by sliding her tongue around his until his big hands were digging into her ass trying to pull her closer.

Dropping to her knees and pulling his sweats down in one fluid motion, her eyes widened when she finally saw her present. _Oh thank you Lord for your bounty._ She had known he was thick and that he wasn't small, but seeing him in all his proud glory created a flood of moisture between her legs.

Ignoring all of his protestations as she breathed hotly and lightly drew her nose over him, she finally locked eyes with him, feeling him twitch against her cheek. Nails scraped down his legs as she slowly pulled his sweats off the rest of the way, rubbing her cheek against his dick and ignoring the way he was threatening her if she kept going.

Biting his hip in retaliation where the muscle did that thing that seemed to scream sex, she did feel his hand wrap around the back of her neck and force her to her feet as she finally slid her mouth over the tip of his dick.

If she hadn't spent so much time developing her blank face reading skills, she would have thought he was angry at her right now. His eyes were dark and tight, his lips in a thin line and his hands were rough on her body, but she just smiled at him. He was barely holding on right now. She bet it had a lot to do with the fact that he was injured and had to depend on her to help set this up. Poor baby.

"Oh you smile now sweetheart, that's fine. You enjoy teasing me, making me fight to keep control. Because I know I'm going to enjoy doing it to you when my arm is better. I'm going to tease you into unconsciousness for this," he promised. Her eyes glazing over at his words, she let him back her towards the bed and turn her around.

"Pile up the pillows Steph. Give me something to lean against so I have a good view of your body riding mine. I want to see everything."

Not realizing until the last second what leaning over was going to allow him access to; it was too late by the time she reacted. Feeling one of his hands pressing between her shoulder blades, she whined as her head was pressed against the comforter.

"Mmm, you're so wet that it's leaking down your thighs. You're so responsive. I am a lucky man," he growled. Her legs threatened to collapse when she felt his dick slide between her legs, but a warning slap on her ass made her lock them again.

"I'm not going to take you like this sweetheart, not this time, but I think you've got this idea that you're in charge here." His words floated around her head, barely piercing the haze that was sweeping over her mind as he thrust against her. Gasping as he pushed her legs together so that his cock was trapped between her legs, she let everything go except how he felt sliding against her.

Coming back to herself as the blood started flowing to her brain again and her knees began to wobble, she realized he was shaking against her. Forcing her head to twist enough to look back at him, Stephanie caught her breath. His dark eyes were focused where his dick was moving between her legs and his fingers were digging tightly, almost painfully, into her hips. Understanding that he was fighting not to tilt her hips and slide inside her body, she pulled away.

Well she tried to.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram, completely caught up in how slick and hot she was, was fighting for control. When she started to pull away, all he could do was make an agonized sound deep in his chest and tighten his grip.

All he had to do was shift her just a little …

Fuck. He wanted to see her face the first time. Not like this.

But …

"Tony," she said softly, breaking into his thoughts. He raised his eyes to hers, hoping she understood how close to the edge he was. Looking down at her hips when she tried to pull away again, his face paled as he realized how tight he had been holding her.

Letting her go and moving back a step, he brought apologetic eyes full of self-recrimination back to hers. "God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."_ Why didn't she tell me I was hurting her?_

"You didn't hurt me, at least not in a painful way," she told him as she stood back up on shaky legs.

Touching her hips lightly, the red marks telling him that she was going to have some serious bruising, he sighed as her arms came around him. He had taken his frustration over everything going on and let it take him somewhere he didn't want to go with Steph. At least not without paying enough attention to make sure it was ok with her.

He started to apologize again, but stopped in shock when her fingers viciously pinched his ass.

"Stop it. Yeah, I'll probably bruise, but you didn't hurt me." He didn't see any deception in her face when she leaned back, but the way he had been acting and holding her down … his gut rolled a little as memories of Colombia tried to join them. _This isn't the same, right? I stopped as soon as I noticed. She said I didn't hurt her._

Burying his face in her hair, he used her scent and the feel of her body against his to keep in the moment. Feeling her hands slide up and down his back, he shuddered when she used her nails to trace his spine. Taking a cue from her, he copied it and smiled as he kissed her softly behind her ear.

"I love you," she said softly. Looking down at her where she was trailing her lips across his healing collarbone, he wished he could carry this feeling with him all the time. Touching her face gently, cupping her cheek, he brought her lips to his.

Delicately tracing the seam of her lips with his tongue, he delved in as soon as she moaned. Using his tongue to lick at the roof of her mouth, he dropped his hands to softly move over her body. Bringing his hands up from her ribs to allow her full breasts to rest in his palms, he used his thumbs to bring her nipples to full attention.

Both of them needing to breathe, he followed her jaw line down as he made love to her neck with his mouth and her breasts with his hands. "I love you too," he admitted as their breathing got heavier.

"I need you now," she said and led him to the bed where they both adjusted the pillows until he was comfortable. "You'll tell me if something hurts?"

He nodded, watching her intently as she moved over him. Letting her take control, knowing that if he tried he would end up setting his recovery back and she'd probably murder him, Ram moaned into her mouth as she kissed him deeply, her hands sunk deeply into his hair as she moved against his hard body.

Scooting down a little so that he was a bit flatter, he brought his knees up behind her back. Smiling as she leaned back, he tweaked her nipples as she arched, both of them hissing in pleasure as her wetness slid against his hardness.

Words no longer needed, she moved forward a touch and he tilted his hips, both of them watching the others face, as he slid inside her for the first time. Thrusting up a little to help her slide down, feeling her stretch around him, Ram locked his jaw and fisted his hands in the comforter, unwilling to add to her bruising, unwilling to take a chance at hurting her.

Stephanie was lost in a haze of pleasure as her body adjusted and gorged on a feast of sensation after months of famine, but she eventually realized he was holding back. Glaring and slapping at his hands when he didn't immediately let go of the bedding, she finally dragged them to her hips and ass before she leaned down and kissed him fiercely.

"I don't just love you when you're gentle Tony. I love you when you're dirty and rude and forceful too. Stop holding back. Show me how much you love me damnit." She enjoyed gentle as much as the next girl, but she had an idea of what part of the problem was and wasn't willing to let that in their bed.

Her censure seemed to break the wall he had been building and she groaned against his mouth as his hips snapped hard against hers. Feeling his hand snake between them and his fingers start to move against her clit she wondered, before she stopped thinking altogether and just started feeling, if she'd be able to walk tomorrow.

If not, it'd be totally worth it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Tank has to tell Lester and Bobby about the deal and someone else overhears**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: A couple of things before we get started today. First, birth control/safe sex – yes and yes. Because Steph always comes off a bit scatterbrained to me, I mentally put her on the shot so she didn't have to remember to take a pill every day. Also, Rangeman runs a full physical for everyone once a year and they just had one not too long ago (go with me here folks). Being good friends and partners, they've naturally spoken of these things during the long hours stuck in a vehicle during surveillance shifts. So it's covered.

Second … I know the sex scene had some odd undertones. I want to apologize, but I really can't. It was meant to be uneasy and a bit too intense in spots. They've had a lot going on in the last few weeks emotionally and this was one way to help work through that. In addition, this was his first full sexual encounter since he's gotten back from Colombia and the memories are stirred up right now because they just discussed them the other night. He's not dangerous, promise – but he's still damaged and he's still healing and he _is_ a naturally dominant presence in the bedroom. Just because he wants to be better and he talked about it doesn't mean it happens automatically. That won't be how all of the scenes go. Plus, Steph needed to see that side of him and accept it – and he needed to know she accepted it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 23**

The pain woke him. Only many years of experience and training allowed him to stop the groan from rising out of his chest where it rattled. Ignoring it, he dug his nose deeper into the soft warm neck in from of him.

_Mmmm Stephanie._

Last night didn't come rushing back, but only because he wasn't sure he'd ever forget it. They had made love for hours last night, somehow overcoming the extreme exhaustion they were suffering before they even landed in Atlantic City. The last time he had glanced at the clock it had been 4:16am and they could barely keep their eyes open. Still, every time they tried to lie down and actually _sleep_, one of them would start touching or stroking and things would progress from there.

Taking inventory, he winced when he thought about how pissed she was going to be when he told her his collarbone and shoulder area was throbbing. Maybe he could sneak out of the bed and get some ibuprofen and a shower before she asked? Considering how close they were pressed to each other he didn't think that would work, but it was worth a shot.

She wasn't going to be in much better shape, he was proud to say. If his hips, thighs and abs were as sore as they were, she was going to be worse. Fortunately he had discovered a few new positions that allowed him to take more of a lead, but she hadn't rested on her laurels.

They had a lot to do before they could get back home, but he really didn't want to get up. Ghosting a hand along her side, he smiled as her skin reacted and felt the muscles in her back shift minutely. Listening to her breathing change, he rested his hand on her hip and held still, not quite ready to let her go even if he did want to nibble on the golden expanse of skin in front of him.

Well mostly golden. It looked like he may have left a mark here or there. His progressive middle class upbringing fought with his inner caveman about how much he should enjoy the fact that everyone else would know she was his.

Thinking of marks, he winced internally, still careful to keep his body still. He wanted to look down, see how bad it was on her hips. He had always been a physically demanding lover, someone who had no patience for acting coy or allowing passion to be smothered under the blanket of decorum, but he couldn't remember losing control like that before.

She had said he didn't hurt her, not really. He understood the difference between pain given on purpose and accidental pain earned through more pleasurable activities, his shoulder was a great example, but… Was it that he had lost control and things could have gone differently? Would there come a time when he was locked in his head so much that he wouldn't hear her protests?

_Fuck._

No, that wasn't going to be allowed to happen. Maybe it was just the combination of exhaustion, emotional distress from all of the problems they'd been tackling lately and some seriously pent up craving for her body. It felt like an excuse, but that had been the only time last night that he had zoned out, even when she spent almost an hour torturing him with her mouth as she 'explored'.

Closing his eyes when a sharp pain shot through his shoulder, he realized that he was going to have to get up soon whether he liked it or not. Whoever shot him was going to pay for this shit. He hadn't spent a lot of time up until now really worrying about payback, because other than worrying his family and what it did to Steph he hadn't felt that affected. A couple of new scars would be all he had to show for it by this time next year.

But now it was infringing on loving Stephanie and that was just unacceptable. Missionary may sound boring, but when that's one of the things you _can't_ do, it gains a lot more desirability. Feeling his body start to react to his mental images, he smiled against her shoulder when she made a noise of protest.

"Sweetheart, time to wake up," he crooned softly in her ear. Dropping soft kisses on her neck and shoulder, he snorted into her neck at her response.

"Go 'way, no more. Monster."

Deciding to tease her a little, he shifted his hips forward a little. "But you said you could keep up, I clearly remember that. Don't you want me anymore?" he pouted.

"Nope. Welcome wagon closed," she slurred, turning a little and digging her head deeper into the pillow she was cuddling.

Eyeing the bed and his placement on it, he wondered if he could get out of it without help. It was going to be a stretch since rolling over was definitely a no go, but dropping one last kiss on the nape of her neck and enjoying the way the her breath eased out in a small moan, he moved away. Biting back manly whimpers, he managed to scoot himself to the other side of the bed before he had to pause and pant a little to control the pain.

"We overdid it, huh?"

Turning his head, his green eyes laughing at her understatement, he saw that she had rolled over and had one beautiful blue eye surveying him sleepily. In fact that's about all he could see of her between her hair and the pillow she had her face buried in.

"Maybe a little. Worth it though."

"Mmhmm."

"You feel ok?"

Her head nodded before it shook. "Sore," she admitted.

Getting up and digging in his bag, he sat down on her side of the bed and tugged at her to roll over. He snickered when she refused to open her eyes but still managed to glare at him.

"Take these and go back to sleep. I'm going to grab a shower," he commanded. Handing her the bottle of water and ibuprofen, he waited until she was settled before he tucked her back in.

Leaning over her, he used one hand to hold some of her hair away before he captured her lips in a warm kiss. "Good morning sweetheart."

A soft expression, one that Stephanie usually took pains not to show anyone, appeared. Bashful eyes flickered open and one hand came up to cup his cheek. "_**Great**_ morning," she said firmly.

Grinning, he gave her another kiss and made a noise of agreement. Making his way to the shower and closing his eyes in agony as he tried to rotate his shoulder, he sighed. His PT exercises were going to suck ass today.

_I wonder if room service will deliver an ice pack…_

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie eyed Ram, who was seated at the desk in the room, out of the corner of her eye. Stupid man. Ok fine, it had been partly her fault too, but she knew he was overdoing it with that shoulder and he told her it would be fine. She hadn't missed all of the barely hidden winces today and how pale he got when he went to grab something without thinking. It was impossible to miss how his body was doing that whole 'protect the injury' thing by keeping his arm close to his torso when he wasn't paying attention.

Idiotic male. Great in the sack, but idiotic.

Turning her attention back to the files spread all over the floor she sighed.

"They couldn't have given us their notes?" she complained.

Ram's clear green eyes rose from the paper he was reading to meet hers where she sat pouting on the floor. He didn't bother with an answer, having already had this discussion with her twice in the last three hours.

Flopping back on the floor, feeling her abs pull painfully, she dramatically sighed. Yes, she knew that they didn't want their findings influenced by the Core Team's findings, but still. There were a _lot_ more Merry Men than she had thought. Well there were if you included the regular contracted workers, like the electricians who set up the security systems and guys she hadn't even known existed who did things behind the scenes in other locations.

It didn't help that she couldn't seem to concentrate.

They had been surprised around lunchtime when there was a knock on the door. Having already set up when housekeeping would come by, alarm had spread quickly between them. With Ram down to one good arm, he had stood back and let her answer the door, both of them armed just in case.

Hector had taken in the response with a nod of approval. From that she assumed that had they not been pointing guns at him he would have been disappointed. Men.

Instead of using the internet to pass the information to them, something that had bothered her a little too, he had driven down and brought it to them in large file boxes. The boxes held personnel records, including lightly redacted copies of their service files if they had them and the background searches that had been run before they were hired. He also brought two secure laptops that would connect through secure tunnels to a system that Hector set up at Rangeman. He told Ram, who translated for her, that the system wasn't connected to any other Rangeman computers and that if they needed something to request it and he'd have a copy moved to that system for them to look at.

Hector told them that he was still using some specialized search programs to highlight anomalies, but he wasn't getting very far. After assuring him that anything he could give them would help, Stephanie had given him a kiss, wincing when she went on tiptoe.

She was positive that the comments and laughter that came after that had something to do with sex, but neither man was willing to tell her what they said. Her blush and glance at Ram probably hadn't helped dispel the impression.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Daddy?"

Frank Plum quickly pulled over, happy that the cab was empty. "Hey pumpkin, are you ok?" His voice reflected his anxiety.

"You heard," she replied flatly.

He sighed. "Your mother got the news late last night. I was going to call the Ramseys tonight if I hadn't heard from you."

He heard her talking to someone; from the low timber he would guess it was Anthony. "We're not in Chicago anymore Daddy, but you can't tell anyone where we are," she said.

"Are you in danger? What can I do to help?" His daughter had been in scrapes before, but this had a vibe to it that he didn't like. Burning her apartment seemed to be personal.

"Just don't tell anyone where we are. We'll be back after New Years, but we've got some things to look into before we come home."

Frank heard Anthony laughing in the background and his daughter gave an embarrassed huff. "Um we're staying at Caesars in Atlantic City, under Michelle Tanner. Shut up Tony!"

"You won't need picked up at the airport then," he said, ignoring the argument on the other end of the phone.

"No, we'll just rent a car or something. Daddy, someone should be watching the house. Just in case anyone tries to …"

"Use us to get to you?" Frank said thoughtfully. A noise of agreement and a broken sob had his brow furrowing. "Things will be fine. You know how nosy everyone is around here. I already knew about the guys you have watching the house, we heard about that before we heard about your apartment. I had to stop your grandmother from taking them some 'treats'," he added in a long suffering tone.

Soft laughter drifted through the phone. "That's true, I didn't think about that. Tell Grandma that if she distracts them they'll get in trouble and they won't be able to come back. Maybe that will help."

"Doubt it," he snorted. "You and Anthony are safe though?"

"Yes Daddy, as long as no one knows where we are, things will be fine."

"And what happens when you get back?"

"I don't know yet," she admitted. "But we're working on finding out who shot Ram."

He was a little surprised she was sharing so much with him. Usually Stephanie got in trouble and then hid everything about it until it was just a 'funny' story. Then again, Frank usually just watched from a distance and did his best not to worry himself into an early grave. Maybe the changes she had been making the last few months were catching.

"Should we clear out the spare room? I think your grandmother has some kind of 'project' going on in there, but I refuse to look," he asked, a shudder wracking his frame.

A long beat of silence.

"Um. I don't know Daddy. I haven't really thought about it." Her voice was almost disbelieving and in his mind he could see the eyes she had inherited from him wide with shock and concern. "Things have just been moving so fast and then … well I haven't thought about that yet."

Knowing she was distracted, but safe, he nodded. "That's fine, just let me know. I'll let Edna know what's going on and we'll figure out something to tell your mother. She's worried, but I don't think the truth will help."

"No, don't tell Mom please. She'd tell Joe and then everyone in the Burg would know. Love you Daddy."

"Love you too, Pumpkin," he replied. "Tell Anthony I said to keep you safe."

Hanging up, he decided again that Anthony was good for her. She was climbing out of the hole that being married to that Dick and dating Joe had put her in. Helen had tried to keep her in it, thinking it would keep her safer even if she was miserable.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Steph closed the phone and stared at it thoughtfully.

"Steph?"

_Shit, what am I going to do? Not only do I have nothing except the stuff I have here, I have nowhere to live. I am not living with my parents! Dillion isn't going to be able to repair it anytime soon, that's for sure. Even if he can, if the owner allows me to move back in it would be a miracle. He told me the last time I had that small itsy bitsy fire that the owner didn't want me to live there anymore, but..._

"Steph?"

_Insurance will take awhile, and can I really afford another place? I know Dillion worked the paperwork so that I got the same rent controlled price the seniors got. Maybe he could lie and we could put the apartment in a different name? If not I'm going to have to move to a very different part of town. Damnit I don't even have a car!_

"Hey!" Ram said as he crouched down in front of Steph where she was sitting on the couch. Touching her arm, she jerked suddenly before realizing what was going on.

"Where were you?" She had started worrying about something during the phone call, but he couldn't figure out what it was from her end of the conversation. "What's wrong?"

Stephanie bit her lip. Her instincts told her to keep it to herself, that it was something she should deal with alone. She was an adult, she didn't need someone to save her after all, and she could do this. She shook her head a little and forced a smile, hoping he'd let it drop.

Ram narrowed his eyes and took a knee in front of her. He took in the avoidant eyes and body language and sighed. Loudly. Her eyes met his and flinched away at the disappointment visible in his expression. Just because he understood how she had gotten her issues didn't mean he liked them.

Standing back up, he walked away, wishing he could pummel the men she had dated in the past.

"I'm going down to the gym, I'll be back in a bit," he said as he came out of the bathroom in workout clothes. He leaned down and dropped a kiss on the top of her head before grabbing one of the keys off of the desk and heading to the door.

So focused on getting out of the room before he said something he'd regret later, when he wasn't annoyed with her one step forward two steps back dance, he startled a little when a warm hand wrapped around his bicep. He paused, but she didn't say anything, just held him in place.

"Steph, it's fine, I'll be back," he said reassuringly. He didn't want her to tell him because she felt guilty, but he was only human and it hurt when she turned away from him all the time. The fingers dug in and he felt her come and press herself against his back before her arms locked around his waist.

He heard her muttering something, but he couldn't make out any of the words at first. He had a feeling she didn't know she was talking out loud, so he just rubbed a hand along one of her forearms and listened closer.

"He's not Joe, or Ranger, or Dickie, or even my Mom. He's not going to take over or tell me what I have to do or push me into something. All he wants is to know what was bothering me. Why is it so important that I keep that to myself? Especially when I know it hurts his feelings when I do that? I mean if it was something that was really personal, then maybe I could find a reason, but just telling him I'm worried about where I'm going to live? What's wrong with me? And now he's upset and even though I shouldn't care, because I'm allowed to have my own secrets and private crap, I **do** care. Why couldn't he just be like everyone else and not even notice? Or assume that because I didn't share things before that I won't share it now? No, he has to expect me to and open up and let him in. Shit."

Ram let out an imperceptible sigh. She'd be a lot harder to deal with if she didn't have this habit. It was one of the things that helped him walk through the minefield that was a relationship with Stephanie Plum. Actually even with his instincts he was pretty sure he wouldn't have gotten very far with her without it.

However, it didn't cut her any slack out of telling him of her own free will, _knowing_ she was telling him and discussing it like an adult. It did quell his annoyance enough that he could turn around in her grasp and lean down to kiss her.

"Hey," he said quietly as he stroked her jaw line. "I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't hurt when you shut down like that, but I know its habit for you. You're trying, that's enough for now. Let me go work out and when I get back we'll go out for dinner or something. The files can wait until after we get a good meal in."

Watching her abuse her lip in indecision, he gave her a half smile. Not wanting to push her, and if he stayed he would, he squeezed her hand and left.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_You're an idiot. An idiot __**and**__ a coward. Why did you let him walk out that door?_

Glaring at the door, Stephanie stalked over to the couch and flopped down. She winced at the muscles that protested such vigorous movement.

Well she'd just wait until he got back and deal with it then. Maybe.

Twisting and putting her feet up on the other end of the couch, Stephanie put her head back and stared at the ceiling. Part of her wanted to blame him for pushing her, for making her feel bad for this, but that new grown up part of her wouldn't let her. He didn't actually push and he's allowed to be disappointed that she wouldn't share something and yes it's soon in their relationship, but damnit they'd been friends and partners for awhile now. He told her something not even a week ago that was incredibly personal, opened himself up and let her judge him.

What was pissing her off the most was that if they hadn't been involved she wouldn't have hesitated to tell him. Which meant it _was_ her issues, not because she wanted privacy.

The ring of Ram's cell phone brought her sitting up quickly. Hector had done something in the system to make them untraceable, but hearing it ring made her uneasy. Ram said something about rerouting and hacking and she had just nodded and assumed they knew what they were doing.

Unable to ignore a ringing phone, something that must be genetic; she picked it up and read the display before answering it.

"Hey Judy."

"Stephanie! You guys made it ok, good."

A frisson of guilt worked its way through her. "Sorry, we got in late and then slept in this morning and just got busy …"

Judy laughed, a warm sound that made Stephanie want to curl up and bask. "It's fine Stephanie; we thought it was something like that. I just couldn't wait any longer to make sure. Is my son around?"

The guilt doubled and then tripled. Great, so now she had chased him away from talking to his mom, who probably wanted to hear his voice and make sure he was ok.

"He went to work out. I don't know when he'll be back, but I can have him call you when he does."

Proving she was a mother, complete with the instincts that were handed out at childbirth, Judy probed a little. "Is something wrong Stephanie?"

"No, not really. Everything's fine," she babbled. _Sure tell his mom that you hurt his feelings, that'll help her like you._

"Ok …," Judy said hesitantly before obviously deciding not to press. "Well now that I know you guys are ok I think I'll be able to get something done. I've been trying to work on my lesson plans all day and I'm pretty sure my fifth graders wouldn't appreciate the things I've managed to come up with so far! Ask Anthony to call me tomorrow and check in please."

"Of course, sorry again that we didn't call," she apologized again.

"You two stay safe and give my son a kiss for me."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"So wait, my cousin made this deal? Seriously? And he thought that would be ok?" Lester exclaimed, flabbergasted.

Tank rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't like to talk about this stuff in the office, but he needed to meet his family tonight to talk about his Pops. The chemotherapy hadn't been as effective as the doctors had hoped.

"Yes Santos, the boss made a deal. That's why we've been looking for the guy so hard. Not that we wouldn't have anyway, but if we don't find him soon…"

"They'll pick up Bomber for her own protection and to protect the mission," Bobby finished. "That's not going to go over well."

The three men were silent as they all imagined how well that was _**not**_going to go over.

"She's going to flip out Tank," Lester said, his voice soft with the memory of her broken eyes the last time he'd seen her.

Tank didn't bother to respond, he was well aware of Bomber's reactions to Ranger's sometimes highhanded ways of keeping her safe.

"What do we do? How long do we have?" Bobby tried to focus on what was important.

"If we can't lock it down and assure them that she can't be used against him by Valentine's Day, they'll pick her up and hide her until after the job is done."

Lester snorted. "Happy Valentine's Day. I'm pretty sure she'd prefer chocolate over a CIA safe house."

"Then we better fix this shit soon, right?"

Bobby suddenly threw a stress ball that had been sitting on Tank's desk across the room, the thud and sudden violence surprising them all. "Ranger's fucked this all to hell. And because we went along with it, we've fucked shit up too. God damnit!"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Sunk in their own misery, none of the men realized that the conversation had been recorded. A tiny microphone in the weave of a planter saved everything they discussed for the next half hour. When they parted and the sound stopped, the microphone dutifully turned off and waited for fifteen minutes before sending out the recording in a burst transmission to a very interested party. It wouldn't actively start recording anything again until 60 seconds _after_ someone ran another bug sweep.

"So they'll be back on January 2nd. Interesting. And where else will they go but to his house? Not safe here after all. Can't let the CIA get involved, that just wouldn't be a good idea," he said to himself in the empty room.

He had started to hate this mission not long after he got it. When the word came down to eliminate Ram, he had at first refused. His initial orders were to simply kidnap Stephanie at a designated time in order to pull Ranger's attention back to Trenton. The small things that happened were only to keep everyone on edge and make sure that Ranger was aware that the threat was real.

When he was told to eliminate Ram though, things became more personal. Ram was a friend, a brother. He had worked to separate them, hoping that it would change his orders, but it didn't have time to work. He was lucky to have not been eliminated himself when he 'missed' the kill shot. Only the fact that it caused a big splash, helped in a big way by her reaction, and was guaranteed to get back to Ranger saved him.

With what he had just learned though, he was wondering what he was going to do now. He knew what his orders would be, because if the CIA picked her up early it would be disastrous, but he wasn't sure he could do it and not get caught. The timeframe he had been given to take her was still almost six weeks away. Keeping her alive and hidden that long with only a few days to prepare may not be possible. Besides, while he didn't really like her, he couldn't discount her damn luck.

And, he realized, either he killed Ram before he took her or accepted that his risk for a bullet would go up exponentially.

_Shit._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – The CIA starts taking notice of the situation**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 24**

"This makes me feel dirty," Stephanie announced distastefully. "I don't get how people can do this."

Throwing the file down on the floor, she buried her face in her hands. She was so tired of digging in her friend's lives; having to consider men that she loved, even if she was pissed at them, traitors. And instead of letting them tell her these personal things she was snooping. At least that's what it felt like.

Knowing that Bones had his nickname, not because he was a part time medic, like she'd thought, but because he was good at physical torture was _not_ something she wanted to know about her friend. That Cal had that tattoo on his forehead to cover a scar that he got in a drunken driving accident that killed his fiancée should be something _he_ shared with her, not something she read about in a file.

It wasn't that she thought differently of them, or at least she was trying not to, but this felt so wrong. Remembering a conversation she'd once had with Ram about how curious she was about the guys made her stomach wrench. He had been so sure that if the guys were uncomfortable sharing that she'd stop asking questions, but here she was finding out things she knew they'd never share and they were both still reading and _judging_.

She couldn't even hide behind the fact that she was just taking the information in without really considering it. No, she **had** to consider it all and use it to judge them. Does this kind of past make you vulnerable to being a traitor? Did this mission break you? Were you broken another way?

The thing that really distressed her was that she didn't mind doing this for the _**one**_ person who was betraying everyone, but finding them meant she was betraying everyone else's privacy … just like they betrayed hers to protect her.

_And doesn't that thought make the whole thing even more twisted?_

Leaning back against the warm body that was now wrapped around hers, she let Ram's warmth and unspoken support comfort her. She knew he didn't like this either, but he was using some military ninja thing on his emotions and wasn't letting it get to him as much. Or at least he was hiding it a lot better than she was.

Tipping her head to one side to give him better access to the neck he was peppering in kisses, she giggled a little when he latched on with his teeth and growled like a dog.

When he had returned from working out, she had been expecting him to sit her down and talk to her, or at least hold a grudge, but to her surprise and confusion, he had acted like nothing happened. Not like he was avoiding it, like she would be, but like he accepted it and just moved on.

This was unprecedented in a romantic relationship. Even Ranger held a grudge, although his were harder to spot unless you spoke Ranger. Mostly he just avoided her for awhile.

She had spent most of dinner, a lovely surf and turf special that absolutely melted in her mouth, waiting for him to bring it up. She refused to think about it while she ate her triple chocolate cake with fudge frosting and these thin raspberry layers that just thinking about made her want to moan, but as soon as the last bite had been savored and every crumb had been gathered, she had thought for sure he'd ask.

Nada.

Instead they had talked about family and innocuous things and spent an enjoyable after dinner coffee trying to guess what the other diners did for a living. By unspoken agreement they left the investigation upstairs, because what was the point of a break if you took it with you?

Glancing at the clock as he lifted her hair and did this amazing thing with his tongue along the back of her neck, she whimpered. Definitely time for bed. Neither of them had touched each other today with more than light affectionate grazes, both of their bodies needing a break, but suddenly all of her aches and pains seemed to vanish.

Lightly panting as she felt her stomach tighten and a rush of moisture dampen her underwear, she felt his hands come around and cup her breasts, his fingers massaging slowly.

"Oh God Tony," she breathed. Feeling him move behind her, she twisted around a little until she realized he was standing up with a hand held out to her. Taking his hand bemusedly, wondering why they had to move, she was a little surprised as they moved to the bathroom instead of the bedroom.

Her eyes gleaming wickedly, she snagged the bottle of ibuprofen from the counter and gave him two. He grinned, tossed them in his mouth and swallowed.

"Why thank you," he whispered in her ear, the deep rumble of his voice making her core vibrate. Squeezing her legs together, she concentrated on the lazy kisses he was now bestowing on her. Tongues moving slowly, without purpose other than to glide and stroke, she shivered in anticipation as she realized he had been unbuttoning her shirt.

"Tony," she whined unhappily. Why was he moving away? Oh!

Meeting his eyes in the mirror after he started the shower, she sank back against him as he slowly undressed her, hands caressing and his lips always busy on some piece of her skin. Happy that he had stripped off his shirt when he started the shower, she watched his hands come around and cup her breasts. Then his mouth was telling her exactly how beautiful he found her while his body told her how much he wanted her.

When he dropped to his knees behind her and kissed the bruises on her hipbones apologetically, she knew better than to stop him. He didn't seem to be blaming himself, just saying he was sorry. When his hand curved around and slid between her thighs, she widened her stance a little and watched in the mirror as he slowly made his way to the front of her body. Thanking the horny designers for all of the mirrored surfaces in this room, she followed his nonverbal pushes to lean against the counter.

For a long moment, all he did was drop closed mouthed kisses on her stomach and hips as his fingers slowly stroked back and forth, spreading the slickness he found. The first soft touch of his tongue gently poking between her lips was enough to make her grab the counter tightly. The slow lazy swipes of his tongue were a pointed contrast to how rough they had been with each other last night. As his fingers spread her and her head tipped back, she realized she was moaning almost continuously.

Soft lips wrapped themselves around her clit at the same time a single finger traced around her opening. As her hips jerked and another rush of moisture flooded her body, she felt that finger press slowly upwards. The feel of the insistent suction, the rough tongue moving slowly back and forth and that long finger moving just enough to sensitize every nerve ending had her gasping and begging.

Instead of smirking up at her and holding her on the edge like she expected, he surprised her by rolling his eyes up to watch her. Holding her eyes, he crooked that long finger and softly rubbed the area behind her clit. Instead of just lust, which was still present, she saw love in his eyes as she slowly slid over the edge of a quiet but by no means small orgasm.

Knowing he couldn't really catch her, she did her best to stay standing, but wasn't excessively surprised when she realized that she had sort of oozed down and was now straddling him on the floor. Her head was tucked against his neck and his big hands were soft and warm as they slid over her back. Leaning back a bit almost caused her a concussion, but his hand was suddenly between her head and the marble counter just in time.

Feeling bashful for some reason, her cheeks flushed as she looked at him from under her eyelashes. Either that look or the way she shifted in his lap seemed to remind him that she was naked, because she could feel his fingers tighten just a little as they slid down to cup her ass.

Running her hands up his arms, she ghosted over his shoulders and cupped his face in her hands before leaning up to kiss him deeply. A soft grunt escaped him as he pulled her body forward to rock against his erection, still unhappily encased in denim.

"We should take that shower before we don't have any hot water," she said facetiously. They had already proven that the hot water for their room lasted a very, very long time.

He nodded seriously. "Yes, we should. It would be shameful to waste it."

Giggling as they tried to separate without anyone being dumped on the floor or smacking into the vanity behind her, she finally gave up and slid off of him before standing up and holding out a hand. Making him face a mirror, she stood behind him and let him watch her hands slowly skim along his ribs as they made their way down to the button on his jeans.

His size and height made it hard for her to see, but if she leaned over a little she could watch how his eyes tracked her fingers as they moved. Kissing his shoulder blade, she skimmed her fingers along the edge of his jeans and heard his intake of breath. She almost moaned at the sight of his abs clenching in reaction to her touch. Unable to resist, her fingers drew along the ridges of muscle, gliding across his stomach.

Dropping her hands to his thighs, she drew her fingers back up, using enough pressure with her nails to make him groan loudly. Wrapping her hands around his bulge she looked up to see his face contort before his head dropped back as she slowly squeezed. Feeling the tiny jerks of his hips that he couldn't control, she kissed his back reassuringly.

Moving her fingers up to the button, she slowly worked his pants open. Feeling the soft jersey of his underwear, she decided she'd admire that picture later. The way boxer briefs looked on his body was criminal. Hooking her fingers around both, she eased them over his erection, unable to stop her mouth from biting his firm ass cheek as she followed them down.

Standing back up, she let him kick the material from his body and then wrapped her arms around him again. Hands moving smoothly from his chest to his thighs, following the long lean muscles, she could feel his body getting tighter against hers in anticipation. Feeling merciful and unable to wait any longer herself, she wrapped one hand around him and slowly stroked. Both of them watched in the mirror until he finally put a hand over hers and nodded towards the shower.

Holding his hand, she followed him into the shower, amused that they had barely said a word this entire encounter. Well he had been talkative as he undressed her, but every single word had been designed to make her feel beautiful and sexy. She didn't think it would work if she tried that.

Instead she spent a long time working shampoo through his hair. His face was peaceful as she tipped him back and used her fingers to make sure that it was all rinsed out. Feeling him hard and heavy against her belly and the slide of her breasts against his chest was making her breathe a little heavier, but she valiantly attempted to ignore what her body was demanding. For the moment.

She had pulled her hair up into a clip before they got in, so she tried to stay out of the direct spray as she started to soap him up. Her eyes were focused on his torso where her hands were slowly gliding over dips and valleys, so it shocked her to feel the slide of his own soapy hands on her body.

Looking up and catching his eyes, now dark and heavy with lust, her breath stuttered. Feeling the slow heavy strokes as he methodically moved slick hands over her wet skin, she barely realized that she had stopped moving her own hands. Wanting to climb up his body and let him fuck her against the wall, she forced herself to be content with leaning up and sliding her tongue in his mouth.

The growl and sudden tightness of his arms around her told her that the slow teasing they had been doing was about over. Kissing wetly, lips sucking and biting, Stephanie protested when she felt his fingers slide knowingly between her legs.

"No, I want you inside me," she demanded.

He didn't reply, but the flare of lust in his eyes prepared her for being turned and pressed against the shower wall. Resting one foot on the bench where he placed it, she had a brief moment of wondering why they didn't just sit there before it became evident he had something else in mind.

Ram's hard body surged against hers, pressing her firmly to the wall as he bent his knees a little before standing up and sliding into her. His lips attacked her neck as he used his entire body to push inside hers. Slow and deep, his hands holding her thighs open how he wanted them, he pressed and pushed and pulled until she was climbing the wall all on her own.

Feeling his body work behind her was one of the most erotic things she'd experienced. It was like she could feel every muscle move against her, like he was merging them somehow. Their cries had been echoing off of the room for awhile now, but he suddenly let out a deep groan and his fingers tightened almost painfully.

In the next instant things changed again as his strokes became more purposeful. Now instead of a firm and steady push and an almost indecently slow pull, he changed to something a lot more forceful, grinding against her before pulling out and slamming back in.

Her slow climb was suddenly a distant memory as she felt her body tighten almost immediately. His teeth latching onto her shoulder and the slick fingers sliding up to press against her clit threw her over the edge screaming and convulsing. He managed a couple more strokes before he shouted incoherently, pressing her almost painfully into the wall as his body tried to get as close as it could.

Both of them had their heads down as they held still and tried to catch their breath. Feeling her leg start to cramp, a pained whimper broke the silence. Ram, proving he was as in tune with her body as she was with his, used one of those big strong hands to rub her thigh after helping her bring her foot to the floor. Feeling him slip out as they moved around, she squirmed around so her back was resting against the wall and brought his mouth down to hers.

"You got me all dirty," she chastised softly.

A small little boy smile crossed his face and he wiggled his eyebrows. "We could stay in here until you're clean again," he offered.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"I was worried about where I'm going to live when we go home."

Stephanie's soft voice broke the silence that had slowly fallen as they shifted around in bed getting comfortable and talking quietly.

Ram closed his eyes in the darkness, gratitude rushing through him as his breath caught. He was on his back with Stephanie using most of his body for a pillow, so he was sure she felt his reaction, but she didn't acknowledge it. Rubbing her back comfortingly, he debated the offer he knew she knew he was going to make.

Deciding to wait and see how she was going to lead the conversation, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head before speaking.

"I figured it was something like that," he admitted.

He could feel her face scrunch up. Her voice was a little sharp when she spoke next. "Then why did you get mad? And how did you know that?"

Taking the hand she had been resting on his abs that now had her nails digging in a little, he laced their fingers together as a purely defensive maneuver. "I was never mad Steph. I was disappointed that you didn't feel you could share it with me." Evasion was probably best for that second question. "How could you not be worried about it?"

The tension in her body told him that she saw through that, but she let it go.

"I'm sorry," she offered.

He shrugged. "You're not doing it on purpose Steph, I know that. Neither one of us are perfect."

A small growl made him smile into her hair. "I _know_ that, but I felt bad for hurting you. And it was stupid. I was being stupid."

"So don't do it again?"

"Well I didn't do it on purpose this time!" she exclaimed, her irritation coming through clearly.

He tightened his arms as he felt her trying to move away. "I was making a point Steph. You're not doing it on purpose, you admitted that. I know you can't help it right now. I'll probably screw up and push you sometime and hopefully you'll remember that I can't always help that either. Shit happens. I'm not going to start yelling at you or ignoring you or try to get back at you somehow."

"You did leave," she pointed out.

"I did," he agreed. "But I came back, just like I said I would."

There was a long silence that he hoped meant she was thinking about that. He wasn't going to promise that he wasn't going to get pissed off, but hopefully she could see the difference between walking away mad and walking away to get control. God knew it was going to happen on a regular basis with their tempers. He amused himself during the silence by dragging his index finger up and down her spine and counting vertebrae.

"Everything is changing," she finally said.

Not sure if she meant between them and how she related to men or if she was referring to her life in general, he hummed a little. She had to be feeling off balance right now. Between her home and car being gone to a new relationship with someone who almost died to finding out that there's a traitor … and those were just the big things.

"I know it is. I'm sorry, I wish I could slow things down for you," he said softly.

The feel of a hot tear landing on his chest made his heart clench. Gathering her up in his arms, he pulled her into his body and let her cry, trying to shelter her as much as she'd let him.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Sir?"

The supervisory agent looked up to see the man he had charged with overseeing Operation Bluebell in the door to his office.

"Johns, what is it?"

Brian Johns had spent the last twelve hours struggling with his decision. Every time he decided that they should back off and give the men of Rangeman a chance to deal with the problem, a memory stopped him. Because what if they don't? And why had he been told to look into it anyway?

It had only taken him a few hours using back channels to find out that one of the names involved had also been with him in Colombia. He had known it sounded familiar, but not wanting to jump to conclusions, he had contacted a fellow analyst that he went to MIT with.

He had been assigned to this about a week ago, well after it started, but it was clear that it was heating up quickly. No one had any idea of what happened to the initial analyst, he was just abruptly reassigned. The subject of the surveillance was currently out of town, but he had gathered enough to know that she was in extreme danger.

When he had returned from Colombia, he had immediately requested a reassignment. The therapist on staff agreed that he was now ill suited for field work, if he ever had been. His analytical skills combined with his knowledge of technology had given him an edge that prevailed over their initial assessment and he had allowed the allure of fieldwork to overcome his common sense when he pressed for an exception.

Unfortunately he couldn't seem to make the jump back to the assignments that didn't have these kinds of ethical dilemmas. He wondered what it would take to make them realize he didn't have the stomach for it.

"I was wondering if I could ask a few more details about Operation Bluebell sir. Just in case I'm missing something." Sometimes the CIA's way of compartmentalizing everything drove him insane. It was excessively difficult to give advice about the best decision when you didn't have all of the information. Even half would be an improvement.

His boss leaned back in his chair and surveyed him. "Come in and shut the door," he finally said.

Sitting down, his thoughts swirling a little, Brian cleared his throat before starting to delicately dig. "The subject, Ms. Plum, is currently away from Trenton. The men in charge haven't seemed to be worried about this, so although I'm looking for her just to establish a location, I've been mostly directing information gathering to get an idea of the current situation there."

"I don't hear a question Johns."

"No sir, sorry sir. I guess I'd like to know why she's important. Not that everyone isn't important, but why we're specifically interested in Ms. Plum."

Groaning internally when he saw the look he was given, he forced a smile when he was dismissed without an answer. Getting to the door, he took a deep breath and turned around.

"I understand that she's connected to something else I probably don't want to know about, but I'm unsure of the best way to analyze her situation without knowing what I'm supposed to be deciding. Do we need to protect her from harm or is she involved in something we need more information on or is she leverage that we need to keep an eye on? Why isn't the FBI doing this?"

His boss looked thoughtful and waved a hand back towards the seat he had just vacated. "Why are you asking?"

Johns didn't really want to get into that question quite yet. If he said the wrong thing he could be setting off a chain of events and he didn't even know what to avoid.

"My orders are to watch and advise if we need to become involved. Normally that would be enough, but without more detail sir, it leaves it open to all sorts of interpretations."

"Uh huh." The tone clearly indicated disbelief and Johns swallowed heavily. "And _why_ would that be open to interpretation?"

"The subject is not exactly a homemaker sir. She is well known for having a somewhat … calamitous life." He shuffled his feet a little, hoping his boss wouldn't make him spell out that she'd survived just fine so far, why would they get involved now? On the other hand, if she was really in danger, was it safe for him to get the CIA involved or would it just make it worse? He knew that it was entirely possible that just giving a green light could get her killed.

There was a period of silence where Johns felt stripped bare. His current boss had come up through the field and had the ability to see more than those who had come into the agency directly from college. It was disconcerting.

"Ms. Plum is in danger because of another operation and may be used as leverage to affect the outcome."

Oh.

Opening his mouth to immediately recommend that she be protected in some manner, his boss held up a hand. "You said she's out of town right now, correct?"

Johns nodded, still determined to get her help.

"Look Brian," his first name caught him by surprise and he stopped trying to interrupt. "I've read your file, I know what happened in Colombia and I know that it has affected you. I asked for you on this assignment because you know that what we do here has real consequences and that's the kind of analyst I want working with me. The guys who listen and make recommendations and then go home and it never means more to them than a voice on the other end of a headset … those guys don't understand what I'm asking for.

"However, you're going to have a knee jerk response for awhile to err on the side of caution," he smiled a little. "Well once you determine what side is cautious anyway."

Johns couldn't deny that.

"Unless you can tell me that she's in immediate danger, that unless we get involved she won't survive, I want you to take the night and think it over. _Analyze_ your decision. Don't do it because of the women in Colombia, do it because it's right for this situation. Don't make decisions for this Agency when you're emotional, it's dangerous for more than just you."

"She's probably not in immediate danger tonight, no," he admitted.

"Then see me tomorrow and give me your decision."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – A decision is reached and someone backslides into old habits**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 25**

Ram leaned back against the chair and sighed heavily. He had a new appreciation for how hard this search had been for Tank. And Bobby.

He wasn't quite ready to go as easy on Lester, not after he admitted to Steph that part of the reason for that campaign of dickishness was because he was jealous she wasn't with him. Steph hadn't been impressed by Ram's reaction, but he wasn't going to apologize. He wasn't going to put up with the kind of shit that Joe and Ranger did when it came to other guys hanging on her.

_She's mine._

A quiet snort broke the silence.

"What?" Stephanie looked up from her place on the floor. She was adorable … cross legged, surrounded by files and her hair in what he thought started out as a ponytail of some kind. Her unfortunate habit of tugging at the ends of it meant it was now seriously listing to one side.

He shook his head. He wasn't stupid enough to tell her what he was thinking. Steph understood his "alpha male" qualities as she called them, complete with air quotes, but he was sure she wouldn't appreciate the possessiveness inherent in that statement.

Didn't mean it wasn't true, he just didn't want to sleep on the couch or deal with a rampaging Steph.

"Are you getting anywhere?"

She looked at him suspiciously for a few seconds before deciding to let it go. Glaring at the piles around her, she made a sound of frustration.

"No," she admitted.

Ram nodded, stretching a little and noticing that his shoulder was starting to tighten up from sitting at a desk all morning.

"Come on then, up. Let's change and go work out. I need to do PT and you need to get back on a schedule before you undo all of your hard work."

A groan and flop backwards against the floor made him sigh. She had been doing so well.

Moving to the bedroom and digging through his bag, he made a note that they were going to need to do laundry again soon. Changing quickly, he walked back into the other room and grabbed one of the bottles of water from the case they had bought when they arrived.

"I'll be back later," he called as he headed to the door.

Stephanie sat up abruptly. _Wait, what?_

"You're not making me go? Seriously?"

Ram stared hard at the little placard on the back of the door that all hotel rooms seemed to have. Keeping his voice level with an effort, he said, "No Steph, you're an adult. I told you before that it was up to you. The only time I've pushed was when I was in the hospital and you needed to release some tension. It was the only thing I could think of to do that would help."

She was silent. Ram flipped open the manual lock and then paused as he started to open the door. Looking back and seeing the look on her face, he wasn't able to bite back the words that he regretted almost as soon as he said them.

"You do remember who you're with, right? How long am I going to pay for their fucking mistakes?"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie stared at the door as it clicked shut.

_Son of a bitch!_

"What the hell just happened?" she asked the empty room blankly. Rage was quickly building up in her system. Confused and more than a little hurt, she stood up and got away from the files before she did something that she would regret. Maybe.

Like set fire to the entire pile.

New Steph was trying to remind her that he was probably having a hard time with the search and all of the other things and he hadn't been _wrong_ exactly, even if he was being an asshole about it.

Old Steph didn't give a shit if he had a point or how he felt about anything. Old Steph wanted to shove her stun gun up his ass and pull the trigger before she told him to go to hell and left.

Stomping into the bathroom, she growled at her reflection. Yanking at her hair, she did her best to make it look presentable and then glanced at her makeup bag. After Ram had been shot she had gotten out of the habit of hiding behind it. There was no way to keep even waterproof mascara intact with the amount of crying she had done, so she had let it go. Other than when they went out for dinner or something, she had actually been going natural since he seemed to prefer it.

Cheeks red, tears threatening, she let the rage take over. She wasn't going to cry goddamnit. Pulling out her favorites, she quickly fixed her face and started layering mascara on her lashes until she felt more like herself.

_Now what?_

She couldn't stay here. The room was too small and too filled with shit she didn't want to think about right now.

Digging through her suitcase, she changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater. Grabbing her coat and purse, she stopped at the door and growled.

Old Steph wanted to complete the storm out and let him wonder.

New Steph knew that not leaving a note was cruel.

The thought that she'd lose the moral high ground if she didn't leave a note was enough to make her turn around and scribble one. Biting her lip and rolling her eyes she added a postscript.

Being a grown up sucked.

_I need some space – going shopping._

_S_

_PS – I have my gun, trackers, and cell phone for __**emergencies**__**ONLY**_.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Good morning Sir."

"Johns." Acknowledging the man at his door, he motioned him inside. "Have you made a decision?"

"Yes sir," Johns said as he shut the door to the office before sitting down.

Special Supervisory Agent Metcalf contemplated his subordinate. "I'd like to hear your reasoning as well." His decision to use Johns on this assignment had been met with resistance. It was as much an op as it was a test for the young analyst. If he couldn't work past his new blind spot the Agency would need to move him to another area altogether.

Which would be a shame, the man was intuitive and extremely good at his job. His old Delta Force commander had been peripherally involved in that mess in Colombia and the two men had spent more than one evening debating what happened.

The fallout from Johns' decision to notify the snipers of what was going on had repercussions that were still being felt. The CO that had led the team had been forced to resign immediately, although that wasn't unexpected. It would have been the last mission they were sending him on anyway, the man was getting too old. The handlers for a couple of the snipers were indicating that they doubted there would be renewals signed, which meant they had lost some good assets over it.

The ethical debate had raged in the backrooms of the Agency from those 'in the know'. There were more than a few who wanted Johns fired immediately for breaking protocol and endangering the mission. Metcalf was part of the contingent who pointed out that Johns' reaction had actually been more restrained than anyone would expect from a brand new techie. He could have blown the mission in a few different ways, but the man had kept it together long enough for them to complete it.

"I believe we should pick her up and hold her in a safe house until the mission has been completed." Johns stated confidently.

Pursing his lips, Metcalf took a breath. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. "Why?"

"The file I've compiled on the woman shows someone who seems to attract trouble. She's a fugitive apprehension agent, or bounty hunter, with an outfit in Trenton that has a lot of ex-military."

Metcalf nodded, he knew this part very well.

"In the last few years she has been hospitalized numerous times and had her vehicles firebombed or destroyed in some other manner. Her 'adventures' are often publicized in the newspaper. The woman is, to put it bluntly, a terrible risk."

He still wasn't convinced, but at least it didn't sound like Johns was operating blindly. Not quite.

"In the last six months or so, things seem to have quieted down a bit for her. Until a few weeks ago anyway. Her partner was shot and almost killed during a routine pickup. At first it was assumed that the man they were there to collect had shot him. Privately the consensus is now that it was someone internal to the company."

Johns paused and looked back down at his notes.

"Neither Ms. Plum or her partner have been seen since he was released from the hospital. We were able to confirm that Mr. Ramsey, her partner, went home to Chicago for Christmas, but we're only speculating that she accompanied him. If she did, she didn't go under her own name. However, in the last week or so there has been a rash of problems involving Ms. Plum."

"I thought no one had seen her."

"The police were called to her apartment after a neighbor called and said that there was a break in. A few days ago it burned down. The fire department hasn't completed their investigation, but there's little doubt that it was arson. This is speculation, but there was another fire at Rangeman headquarters a couple of days before that I think was also arson. It's listed as a small car fire, but the police report indicates that it was Ms. Plum's personal vehicle."

"So whoever it is, they're escalating things," Metcalf mused.

"That's my conclusion as well. I believe that we should place Ms. Plum in protective custody. If the other mission hinges on her safety, I can't see how we can ignore this."

Tapping a finger against his lips, Metcalf leaned back in his chair. "Is she actually in danger though?"

"Sir?"

"She hasn't been touched at all Johns. Things are happening _around_ her, but there has been no harm to her physically."

"Well yes, that's true sir, but can we guarantee that when she returns to work?"

Ah, there's the blind spot. "No, but we can never guarantee someone's safety Johns. If they actually kill her, her use to them as a way to influence our operative is gone. And our operative being who he is will spend the rest of his life looking for them. He is not a man you anger lightly. Since the other operation is on a rigid time table and the go-no go date is over a month away, what would it gain them to hurt her now?"

He looked back over at Johns, who was looking a little angry at his line of thought. Metcalf sighed silently.

"If you can convince me that the opposition could gain something from killing her now, I'll consider picking her up Johns. Otherwise, I'd like you to keep abreast of the situation. Please keep in mind that we do have a green light from our operative to pick her up in less than 60 days anyway."

"Yes sir," Johns ground out.

"Dismissed. Oh, and Johns, _find_ her. I don't like that we don't know where she is. Just in case."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram let the weights clink as he released the bar. Glancing up at the clock, he wondered if he had given Stephanie enough time to calm down yet.

_You're a fucking moron Ramsey. _

When he had closed the door behind him earlier, he had known he fucked up. Yeah, he was irritated at her seeming inability to adjust to the fact that he wasn't treating her like they did, but he had _known_ it was going to be that way and he went ahead anyway.

Was it the culmination of everything that's been happening? He had no clue, but even though he knew logically that he overreacted and hurt her, he was still a little pissed off about it. After all of these months, she couldn't see that he respected her enough to let her make her own decisions?

_You knew it wasn't going to be easy asshole. Is she not worth it now? Has anything really changed or are you just taking your bad mood out on her?_

Moving to the leg press, he let the repetitive motion do its part to soothe his temper. They needed out of that room more and they needed a little space from each other. He loved her, but they had been living pretty close the last couple of weeks. For two people used to being independent and being in a new relationship that they were still adjusting to, it was a bit much.

When he looked up next, he was startled to see that he'd been down here almost two hours. At least he was back to feeling mellow and in control. Hopefully she would be willing to talk now. About the only thing he did right earlier was leave immediately before they started a full blown fight.

Heading back to the room, he took a deep breath before sliding the keycard into the lock. Opening the door, he noticed that everything was still about where it was when he left. Letting the door swing shut, he frowned as it registered that the suite felt empty.

_She knows better. She wouldn't._

Anger starting to simmer low in his chest even as worry knotted his stomach; he calmly walked through the bedroom and bathroom, verifying that Stephanie wasn't there. Refusing to panic, he walked over to his phone hoping that she was just getting something to eat. Hopefully something chocolate.

Staring at the note laying innocently on the table, the anger that was simmering suddenly flared wildly.

_I'm going to fucking kill her._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Arriving back at the hotel, Stephanie was feeling much better. Thanking the cabbie and handing him some cash, she gathered up all of her purchases and smiled happily.

She'd have to pay Ranger back, since everything wouldn't fit on her credit card, but it would at least give her some more options. She was trying to consider the fire a chance to update her wardrobe, but it wasn't really working. Updating her wardrobe meant that she'd still have her favorites. Still, she was pleased with the stuff she'd gotten.

About the only thing she hadn't started replacing were the outfits she had specifically for distractions. If they asked her to do one, she'd just have to buy something. Being forced to shop would be such a hardship. Hah!

Not setting anything down in the elevator, because she wasn't sure if she could get it all picked back up before the doors closed again, she managed to get within a few feet of the door before her arms gave out. Shaking them to get the blood moving, she dug for her key.

The door was suddenly yanked open and her very tall and very pissed off boyfriend was suddenly in front of her, arms crossed over his broad chest and a glower on his face.

Taking a single involuntary step back, Stephanie stiffened her spine and glared back at him.

"Hold the door for me please," she finally said. If they were going to fight she may as well get everything inside first. Dragging everything through, she didn't bother looking at him as she carried it straight into the bedroom and shut the door with a firm snick.

Defaulting to what she'd always done, she decided to ignore him. In her opinion he owed her an apology. She didn't do anything wrong. If he wanted to act like an asshole, it didn't matter to her.

_Liar._

_Shut up._

Almost an hour later, she felt him come to the door of the room, but she continued removing things from the bags. The few things she had picked up for him sitting off to one side, she started using her teeth to remove tags.

A knife was silently held out and she debated if she should even acknowledge it. Quickly glancing at his face, she was caught by the conflicting emotions she saw in his eyes. Looking away, she took the knife without looking, but let the pair of jeans she had been struggling with drop into her lap.

The bed moved as he sat down near her, although she noticed that he left some space between them. She was willing to bet he wished he hadn't handed her that knife now. When he didn't speak, she clenched her jaw and started working on tags again.

_If he's waiting for me to apologize, he's going to be waiting awhile._

When he suddenly got up and walked back to the living area, she gaped after him. Ok, he left the bedroom door open, but still. What the hell?

Too curious not to look, she finally peeked out the door and felt her heart drop when she saw him watching television calmly, like nothing was wrong. Stepping back, she firmly slammed and locked the door. Not that the lock was going to keep him out but she was making a point here.

Lost in thought, Stephanie sniffed loudly once before getting it under control. She refused to cry over this. She didn't do anything wrong, not this time. Ok fine, she probably shouldn't have left the hotel and she knew that, but the danger was minimal and the escape was necessary for her sanity.

Pushing the new clothes to the end of the bed she decided to take a nap. Hugging his pillow close to her chest with her phone on the bed next to her, she finally fell into an uneasy sleep.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

On the couch, Ram was wondering what the hell he was doing. He knew letting this go was just making it worse, but every time he started to open his mouth he got pissed off again. He had hoped some more space would help and he had started watching a movie, but all it was doing was giving him too much time to think. Hearing her slam and lock the door had set him back to ground zero.

_Christ, can't they make movies that are interesting anymore? Are all of the good ideas taken? Must be why they keep doing remakes._

He felt his stomach growl and looked at the clock. If he was hungry, she had to be starving. No matter how pissed off she was he didn't think she'd skip a meal. Rubbing a hand briskly over his face he quietly picked the lock.

Opening it quietly, he saw Stephanie curled up on the bed with dark streaks on her cheeks. _Her mascara must have run … damnit. Good job, you made her cry. Because she doesn't have enough shit going on right now._

Feeling his anger finally seep away he lay down carefully. When the motion of the bed made her move a little, he used it to urge her closer until she was curled up against his side. His hand made soothing passes over her back as he coaxed her towards consciousness.

The hitch in her breathing and her body tensing told him that she was awake enough to realize what was going on.

"I'm sorry I said that Stephanie. I was frustrated and hurt, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you," he offered quietly.

"I'm still pissed off at you."

"I'm not particularly thrilled with you either. But I _am_ sorry for snapping at you," he retorted.

They were both quiet for a few minutes. His hand continued to make long sweeps and her fingers were knotted in his t-shirt, worrying the fabric.

"I don't know how to have a fight like this," she said.

He tilted his head to look at her, but her eyes were firmly fixed on his shirt where her fingers were twisting. "Like what?"

A shrug. "I know you don't want me to compare us with …"

Interrupting, he corrected her. "No, that's not exactly what I mean Steph. You're going to make comparisons, everyone does. What I don't want you to do is assume that because they did certain things that I'm going to do it too. I don't expect a blank slate, but give me some room to make my own mistakes. At least attempt to trust me."

She seemed to be mulling that over. "I do trust you. If I think about it, I know you don't lie to me. It's when I don't take the time to think that I guess I start assuming or something. I don't know what to do about it. You just told me _last night _that you knew it wasn't my fault. Now you're mad about the same thing."

"And I apologized for saying that. I know it will take time. I'm not perfect Stephanie. I get mad and frustrated just like anyone else."

"I don't know how to be pissed off at you and … well I don't know how to have this kind of fight. When Joe and I fought we'd yell. A lot. Very, very loudly. Eventually one of us would storm away and the other would show up in a few days with a pizza and beer and everything was fine again. Ranger and I don't fight. I yell, he stares at me and then walks away. By the time I see him again it's not an issue. Dickie and I … well it's not even worth going into."

"So what you're telling me is that you left a secure hotel room without telling me exactly where you'd be because you only know how to yell or leave when you're having a fight?" he bit out, trying to temper his tone and failing miserably.

Her body tensed again when the accusation landed. "I left you a note," she said defensively.

"That said you were _shopping_. This is a fairly large city Stephanie. Exactly where should I have started looking if there was a problem?"

Sitting up, she glared at him. "I took my trackers and cell phone. I had my gun. It was fine!"

Temper starting to slip, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. And then another one.

Eyes still closed, he tried to explain. "If something happened to you, the first thing the guy would do is strip you of your weapon and cell phone. This guy works for Rangeman Steph; he _knows_ where we put your damn trackers. He _knows_ what we use to track you. You didn't even give me a starting location. I would have been completely in the dark."

Opening his eyes, he saw her chewing her lip. He was willing to take the blame for starting the fight, but she _had_ to see how stupid it was to leave like that.

Of course her stubborn streak kicked in right about then. "No one knows where we are, it was fine. I left you a note and I had all of the stuff I'm supposed to carry. I needed to get away from this room for awhile. By myself. I don't do cages. Maybe you're the one who forgot who they're with," she said as she got off the bed and slammed into the bathroom.

Wishing he had something more substantial than a pillow to throw, Ram tried to content himself with glaring holes in the ceiling. This habit of hers of slamming doors and walking away was getting old really fast. Getting some space so you can approach things rationally is one thing, but this was just … irritating and childish.

"Get back out here Stephanie."

"Why?" Her face appeared in the crack as she opened the door a little.

"Because we're not done talking. Because I'm not going to chase you around like we're teenagers who don't know any better. Because we're not going to get in the habit of ignoring shit and hoping it goes away. Because we're both wrong and we're both right and unless we talk we're not going to find a middle ground."

"I'm not really in the mood to talk right now," she said before closing the door again. At least it wasn't slammed.

Closing his eyes and praying for patience, he raised his voice enough so that she could hear him. "Fine, but please stop shutting me out. I'm not in the mood to go out for dinner, so I'm getting room service. If you want something, you need to tell me. If you want to watch a movie or talk, I'll be in the living room."

Ram made his way back to the living room, pointedly leaving the bedroom door open. Remembering that housekeeping was coming by in the morning, he started to gather the files scattered around the room. He doubted they were going to get anything more done on this tonight.

Hearing Steph stop at the door to the bedroom his body tensed. If she shut that door they were going to have a serious problem.

"Can you get me the chicken marsala and something for dessert?" Stephanie stepped away from the door before turning around again. "Um, don't forget to call your mom too."

Turning around and meeting her eyes, he examined her carefully. She had washed her makeup off and changed into lounging clothes. He nodded and gave her a small smile.

Fifteen minutes later dinner had been ordered and he was hanging up with his mother. Steph had her hands hidden in her long sleeves and her arms crossed when she shuffled over to where he was sitting on the couch. Sitting down on the cushion next to his, he watched with hidden amusement as she tried to figure out what to say.

"Can I pick the movie?"

"Only if you give me a bite of the cake I ordered for you," he responded with a straight face. Lifting his arm and tugging her into his side, he pressed a kiss into her hair and handed her the remote as she argued that if he wanted cake he should have ordered some.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – An epiphany**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: Hopefully this chapter will appease some of you who thought that maybe Steph and Ram were fighting a lot. They're under a lot of stress right now … one of them has PTSD and was almost killed recently while the other one has had their car/apartment burned and are in danger. Toss that together with a new level to their relationship and stuff them together in a hotel suite and make them pry into their friend's private lives (those are just the things I came up with on the fly; there are more stressors I didn't mention). Honestly I'm not sure how they can't argue occasionally. I love my husband dearly, but he'd be dead about now if that was us.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 26**

Stephanie had a lot on her mind when she went to sleep. It wasn't surprising that it was uneasy and full of dreams that she didn't have to be a psychologist to analyze. Apparently her subconscious agreed with Ram and didn't think she should suppress and avoid.

Pfft.

Sliding carefully out of bed, careful not to wake Ram, she made her way into the living room. Spotting his sweatshirt hanging on the back of the desk chair, she tugged it over her head before going to sit on the couch. Propping her feet up on the coffee table, she let her mind sift through all of the shit that was bothering her.

She got off track a little when her mind finished toting up all of the things that were going on. Her life felt like a comedy of errors at the moment. When her mind wandered off, again, she didn't bother to try and force herself to concentrate. Things had always worked out, one way or another. Why was she suddenly worrying about it all now?

Well that was a stupid question. Like the answer wasn't blaringly obvious, lit in neon and flashing.

The reason appeared next to her like a ghost. If she hadn't spent so much time working on her startle reflex because of the guys at work she would have screamed. Ass.

Letting him rearrange them so that he was leaning against the corner of the couch and she was tucked into his lap, Stephanie sighed and snuggled into his neck. She had always envied women who were tiny and petite. Ram was just big enough that he managed to make her feel that way when he cuddled her like this.

His low rumble broke the silence. "Everything ok?"

She shook her head without saying anything.

Instead of continuing to question her he just hugged her and threaded his fingers through hers. She tried very hard to ignore the little melty sensation that caused in her heart.

"What time is it?"

"It was 2 when I noticed you weren't in bed."

"Sorry. I didn't want to wake you up."

Shivering from the kiss he placed on her neck, her brain struggled to pay attention to the fact that he was talking. Talking was overrated.

"I don't mind. I wasn't sleeping very well either. Maybe tomorrow we could go for a walk outside or something, might help with how stir crazy we've been. I need to get some clothes or send some out for cleaning too."

_God, how are his lips so soft and yet rough enough that when he drags them like that I can feel every tiny sensation?_

"Oh! I … um. I got you a few things when I went out today," she said hesitatingly, not wanting to start another fight.

"Thank you for thinking of me."

"Welcome. It's nothing big. I just thought since our trip was extended that it might help. Until we get home anyway."

There was a long moment of silence that made Stephanie tense up a little.

"Speaking of home … you know you're always welcome at the house."

"I'm not sure that's a great idea Tony."

"Why?"

"Well the most obvious reason is that we're in the middle of a fight!" Realizing how ridiculous that sounded she went on. "At least we're in the middle of something. Maybe not a fight because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be sitting on your lap if we were actively fighting, but it's still something."

"And? I guess I don't understand."

Her head twisted a little to see his face. He looked genuinely confused. How was that possible? Was it a male thing?

"Shouldn't we be getting along better if we're discussing even a short term living arrangement?"

He laughed and the feel of his scruff against her neck tickled. "Stephanie, we've been partners now for awhile and in that time we've argued on a regular basis. Now that we're dating it will probably get worse for awhile until we find a new balance. Just because I love you it doesn't mean that I have to love everything about you. I have faith we'll work it out."

"I don't know Tony. When I kind of sort of lived with Joe I kept my apartment for a reason. And I used it on a regular basis."

"That's because Joe was an idiot," he stated.

"Not that I disagree, but huh?"

"He let you run."

Her independence reared its head. "He didn't _let_ me do a damn thing," she growled.

"Ok, I could have phrased that better. Sorry."

"Is that why you're so mad about yesterday?" she asked without thinking about it. Her body froze as she realized that her comfortable chair was probably going to dump her on her ass now.

"No. I told you exactly what upset me about it."

Well at least his voice was fairly calm. Her internal Ram sensors told her that he was being honest so she went out on the limb a little farther.

"I know what you said, but… The danger that something would happen in a couple hours while I was at the mall just didn't seem that high."

He was quiet for a minute so she kept her mouth shut.

"The things that happen when the danger seems low can be disastrous Steph. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I'd rather have too much information than too little."

Sucking on her top lip, she bit down and considered that. He wasn't asking for that much and it's not like he wanted to know her every move in Trenton. It still irritated her though.

"I left a note," she repeated her defense.

"You keep saying that but I don't understand. Was that a big deal?"

A flush rose at his tone. "Well. Yeah kind of. I'm not used to answering to anyone unless we're at work. And we both know how well I do it there. I thought I was doing the right thing."

He hummed and she felt his head move against hers. "And then I'm yelling about what you didn't say in it and you got mad."

She shrugged, feeling a little childish now. She probably could have handled all of that better.

"I appreciate the note. I would have gone insane without a note, so I **really** appreciate it. I didn't realize that it was out of the norm for you to do that. If maybe next time you could just add a general idea of where you're going to ease my overprotective mothering tendencies that would be great."

Snickering, she twisted her head to look at him. "You look nothing like my mother."

"And thank god for that."

"You remind me more of my grandmother," she said seriously. Laughter glinted in her eyes as she watched that land and then squealed as his fingers dug into her ribs and tickled.

"Stop, you're going to make me hurt you! That's what we need, me to re-break your collarbone by slamming my head into it."

She sighed as his arms wrapped back around her torso. So comfie.

"I hate the word compromise. It usually means I'm getting screwed somehow."

He snorted crudely at her word choice.

"Shut up. You're such a man sometimes." Ignoring the offended muttering that was muffled by her neck she went on. "And you're not really giving anything up so can I even call it a compromise?"

"Maybe you should actually tell me what you're thinking about. I missed whatever thread you picked up between telling me I look like Edna and getting screwed."

"Well I was going to say that I can start leaving messages that give you more information at least until we catch the guy, but doesn't a compromise mean you give up something too? See and you aren't which is why I say I'm always getting screwed in these situations!"

"Maybe not on this particular issue," he admitted. "But I'm sure there are going to be things that work the other way around. If you're the only person making changes this won't work either."

"You're too mature and reasonable. Seriously, did your parents put you through some kind of course or something? It's unnatural."

Another one of those spine tingling kisses was dropped on her neck. "No, but my parents and both sets of my grandparents have all been together for a very long time. I grew up with some great examples and none of them were shy about sharing what they felt us boys should know."

"Still, you're a little unnatural, you know that, right?"

"If you say so dear," he intoned.

She rolled her eyes in the darkness. Another thought streaked across her mind and she frowned. "You weren't asking me to move in permanently though, right?"

"No Steph, I don't think we're ready for that just yet. I think we should concentrate on dating once things settle down. But for a short term solution, I think it's your best option until you can find another place."

Simultaneously relieved and disappointed she nodded. Apparently he sensed that or maybe he felt the same way, because he murmured softly in her ear.

"We'll get there sweetheart … when we're both ready. Because when you do move in to stay, you will _not_ be keeping your apartment as a bolt hole."

Stephanie licked her lips nervously. Well when you put it like that, she could wait. Definitely.

His voice broke the silence a bit later. "What are we going to do about work?"

"I have absolutely no idea," she said with brutal honestly. "I've been avoiding even thinking about it because I don't know where to start." She turned a little and caught his eyes in the dim light. "What do you think?"

He huffed out a breath and tilted his head as he contemplated it. "Leaving the issue of the search and all of the shit that has come from it off the table, I still like my job."

"Can we leave that off the table though?" She turned in his lap and straddled him so she could see his face without twisting around all the time. It was giving her a crick in her neck.

"Well _I_ can. I don't know if you can."

"How can you? I don't get that. They betrayed you too."

His face was somber as he lifted a hand and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "Remember that conversation we had at my place once where I said you'd never really be one of them? Not because of your skills but because of experiences?"

She nodded still frowning.

"I think this is one of those situations. I know that most of it was to protect you. It makes it easier for me. I'm pissed that it took them so long to focus on someone else, but objectively I can see how tempting I looked as a suspect. You know I still have a few issues with Santos, but that doesn't really apply here. The rest of the guys and I will be fine."

Feeling his fingers tug her bottom lip out of her teeth she flashed him a thankful smile. Her blank face was never going to happen if she couldn't control that habit.

"I don't think it's going to be that simple for me."

"No, it's probably not."

"I can still work there though I think. Unless they try and reassign one of us. I'm not partnering with anyone else."

"So if Tank follows through on his threat you're going to quit?"

She huffed out a breath. "I don't know. I'd want to, but groceries and rent doesn't pay for itself. I guess I'm just going to have to hope he doesn't. That he'll feel so guilty…" she trailed off hopefully.

Ignoring his snort of laughter, she leaned forward and tucked her head in his neck and took a deep breath. "You always smell so good," she murmured, trying to change the subject.

"What else was on your mind," he asked, causing her head to pop back up.

Her mouth fell open in shock before she snapped it closed and glared at him. "Well aren't you sneaky!"

A flash of white teeth appeared as he smiled at her. "Not on purpose at first, but I will admit I was steering the conversation a little as we talked."

"Sneak," she muttered.

He shrugged unrepentantly.

She gave in to the inevitable with ill grace. "The Benedict Arnold."

"You nicknamed him?"

"Well I got tired of calling him the traitor or mole or whatever in my head. Now I call him Benny but I figured I'd give you the whole thing so you didn't think I was nuts."

He nodded solemnly. "Yes, because that will make the difference, definitely."

"Shut up." A glare. "Do you want to hear this or not?"

"Yes, sorry. What's bothering you about it, other than the obvious?"

"I don't know exactly."

"Do you know inexactly?"

"Seriously?"

His lips nibbled on her shoulder where his sweatshirt had slipped down. "I vote we go back to bed and maybe it will come to you." His hand slipped under the hem to start stroking her stomach.

Feeling her mind go hazy, she decided that was acceptable. Her last thought as they stumbled back to bed was that she couldn't wait until his damn collarbone was healed. She wouldn't mind being carried.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie's eyes flew open as she sat bolt upright in bed.

"We're morons. Imbeciles. God we've wasted so much time. Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Ram forced his eyes open. Slowly. Turning his head he swallowed a groan at the time. 5:12am was much too early. At least it was when you slept as poorly and as little as they had.

Listening to Stephanie rant he put his hands over his face and rubbed briskly trying to wake up. Forcing himself to a seated position, he grabbed for one of her flailing hands before she smacked him in the face. The Italian in her never seemed far from the surface when she was worked up.

Focusing, because Stephanie didn't get up this early without a damn good reason, he blinked a few times. Grabbing the water bottle he took a drink and then cleared his throat.

"What's going on?"

Handing her the bottle, he waited patiently as she took a drink. Suddenly her eyes narrowed and she capped the bottle, tossed it at him and then scooted off the bed to run out to the living room.

"One second, I need paper!"

Leaning against the headboard he rotated his shoulder a few times. It was definitely healing. Even the residual strain from their first night together was gone.

Stephanie skidded back into the room with a legal pad and pen, clambering back up into the bed and sitting cross legged facing him. Grabbing her pillow, she made a makeshift desk.

"First, we're idiots. All of us," she stated seriously. Since that statement was part of what woke him up he just raised an eyebrow.

She glared at it jealously for a second before her eyes snapped back down to his. "We've been going about this stupid search all wrong."

"Ok, why?"

"Well we're doing what Tank and Bobby and Lester did … with the whole background thing and looking for things that stand out."

Smothering a yawn he nodded.

"However," she held up one finger. "We have something they do not and we didn't even bother looking at it from that angle."

"What's that?"

"Someone shot you."

His brain was still asleep obviously. "They did… and that means?"

Her eyes rolled as she leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed a ponytail holder. Yanking her hair back she said, "It means that we can look for them that way. Who knew where we'd be is the first and most obvious question."

"Because we hadn't decided to do that until the day before," he said as he woke up completely.

She pointed at him and he fought down a smile at how cute she was right now. "Exactly!"

"So who knew we were going to be there? We weren't there _that_ long. If someone had tailed us they got extremely lucky that they found a way up on top of that building."

"True, but you put it on our schedule the day before so whoever it was had time to look into it."

Her grin and sparkling eyes excited him. It meant that things were falling into place for her.

"So we can take the roster and anyone who was off that day can be removed from the suspect list. Also anyone we can confirm wasn't in the office."

"Anyone the day of the shooting that had a scheduled assignment that can be confirmed can be cleared too," he added.

"Good point. Ok, so that won't get us the name, but it will get us a lot closer. Reading just those files may be more useful. Or maybe we'll come up with some more stuff that will help us mark people off."

Tugging her arm, he pulled her down and underneath him and kissed her until they were both breathless.

"Oh wow, what was that for?"

"Your brain turns me on," he said as he dropped another kiss on her soft lips. Looking back as he went into the bathroom he smiled as he saw her staring after him.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"We're down to ten names," she said disbelievingly. They were sitting at the small table going over schedules after a long shower where she had paid him back for kissing her stupid.

"Really?"

Stephanie looked back down at the legal pad. She had copied all of the names and next to them listed the reason why they were cleared. There were ten without anything written next to them.

"Well none of it has been double checked, but yeah on the first pass."

She passed the list to him and watched his face.

"Cal, Bones, Tiny, Deke, Manuel, Hector, Lester, Mitch, Sanders, Jones," he said softly.

"I really don't think its Hector, Lester, Cal or Bones," she admitted.

He shook his head. "No, I don't either. Definitely not Lester or Hector."

She ignored the fact that he didn't say anything about Cal or Bones. She was pretty sure it wasn't them either, but he probably wouldn't go with _'it just doesn't feel right'_ as a reason to clear them.

"I don't know the other guys very well. Actually I'm not sure I know who Sanders and Jones are at all."

He rubbed his mouth. "Sanders and Jones are fairly new. One came out of the Seals, Sanders I think. I can't remember if Jones was Marines or Army. They were only part time until like six months ago."

"Oh, they definitely stay on the list."

He nodded. "Who else don't you recognize?"

"Well I kind of know Tiny and Deke. I think Manuel has nodded at me a few times, but he's another Spanish speaker who doesn't really talk to me. I clearly need to learn Spanish. Mitch … I can't picture him right now. I've never partnered with any of them."

"Manuel is a cousin of Hector's I think. I'll check on that, but if he is I doubt he'll be our man."

"Actually that brings up another question."

Ram was still absorbed in the list so she got a distracted hum.

"Is there anyone on that list who hasn't had contact with that guy? The go between, Pickens? Because wasn't one of the things that made this hard was that so many of the guys had met him?"

"Well that would actually remove Manuel because he came from the streets and not the service. We'll have to look at the rest of them." He turned the page and jotted down the things they needed to verify so far.

"Give me that." Stephanie tugged the pad out of his hands. Ripping out the first list and stapling it together, she put the ten names on a new list and titled it on top with how they were chosen. Ram watched silently.

"There, now if anyone on this list," she waved the big one in the air, "doesn't check out, we just add their name to the new list. So one of us can do confirmations and the other can start going through the service records to see who doesn't know our Stansbury."

"Stansbury?" he asked, confused.

"He was the guy that Benedict Arnold used to communicate, his go between. I saw it on one of those History channel biographies when I couldn't find my remote last month." She glanced over at him and scowled at his amused expression. "Shut up. Which do you want, the service records or confirmations?"

"I'll take the service records and reviewing the guys on the smaller list." He paused and they both looked down at her stomach as it roared in displeasure. "After we eat."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The ringing of a phone brought both of their heads up that afternoon. A frown was exchanged as they realized it was the house phone.

Ram was closer. "Yes? Alright, thank you."

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"We have some kind of mail downstairs. It's addressed to your alias."

"Does that mean it's from someone we know?"

He eyed her. "My ability to read the return sender from here is inhibited by a few things. Like walls. How about we look at it when we go down to dinner?"

Stephanie looked back down at the file in front of her, muttering about sarcastic jerks and honest questions.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"My eyes are bleeding," she complained.

Ram looked at the clock and decided it was well past time for a break. "Let's stop for today or at least until tonight if we feel like coming back to it. We still have a few days and I don't want to miss something because we were too tired to see it."

Stephanie completely agreed with this plan. Besides, she was hungry and dying to know what was in that package downstairs.

An hour later they were standing at the front desk and frowning at the FedEx envelope she had been handed. Letting him move them over to a seating area, she sank down and ripped it open. The return sender wasn't someone either of them recognized.

Pressing on the sides so it popped open, she carefully peeked in and got a laugh.

"It's not going to blow up Steph."

"It could, you never know. Things do that around me you know."

"Oh yes, I do know. It's a regular feature of my nightmares actually."

At his semi-serious tone, her eyes rose from where she had been considering the paper inside the envelope. "Really?"

"Have you had any dreams about me getting shot again?"

She could feel the flush rise on her cheeks. "Maybe a few."

"So what is it?" He nodded towards the envelope.

Tipping it over into her lap, another envelope fell out. This one was made of a heavy cream stock and looked expensive. The front had Anthony and Stephanie written on it in flowing script.

Ram smiled and held out a hand to help her up. "It's from my mom. Let's grab our table before they give our reservation to someone else. We can look at it there."

Barely suppressing her impatience to tear it open, Stephanie glared when he took it out of her hands and tucked it back in the FedEx envelope.

"I'll give it back when we sit down, I promise."

Pointedly paying no attention at all to his amusement at her expense, she snatched the envelope back out of his hand when they sat down. Letting him order their drinks, she made short work of getting it open.

"Oh my god," she breathed, so softly he almost didn't hear her. He wouldn't have if he hadn't been watching for a clue about what his mom sent them.

"Steph?" Soft blue eyes were shining with tears when they finally met his. "Hey, what's wrong?"

She shook her head and handed him the things she had taken out of the envelope.

_Dear Anthony and Stephanie,_

_We very much enjoyed your visit and can't wait to see you both again. The news of Stephanie's loss back in Trenton was something that touched us all. We've included a few things that will hopefully help. This is not only from us, but also from Jonathon, Nathan, Boyd and Caroline. They insisted on contributing. Caroline told me to mention to Stephanie that she would be happy to send her a cast iron skillet when she has a new home. Your grandpa laughed and said to keep smiling Anthony._

_As a belated birthday gift for Stephanie and an early one for you Anthony, since we know you have so many other things on your mind, we decided you needed a night out to forget everything. Your father suggested New Year's Eve, so we purchased you tickets to the masked ball being held in your hotel that night. A lovely young lady at the concierge desk was able to confirm that you would be able to find clothing appropriate for the ball in one of the shops downstairs and arranged to have it billed to our account._

_We're well aware that you're both independent people and that you will probably find this to be too much, but we'd really like it if you'd let us do this. All we ask is that you forget your problems for the night and send us a picture._

_You're both loved, very much.  
Mom_

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – A night to remember**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 27**

"Yes?"

"The situation has been escalated. Take a team and watch her, be ready for pickup. You should have the information for the safe house already. She's staying at Caesars in Atlantic City under the name Michelle Tanner."

"Yes sir. The approval code?"

"Will be sent when the order to pick her up has been given."

"Yes sir."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"What other lists do we have still?"

Stephanie dug through the pile in the middle of the table to find the list of lists. "Confirmations aren't completely done. You're in charge of the one that reviews how good they are with a rifle. I'm working on who has been on a mission in the last year and came back different according to Bobby's notes. By the way, that list is much too long," she said grumpily.

"Probably," he agreed. "But someone has to do it."

"I don't see why it has to be my man and my friends. Surely they can find another group to pick on."

"Steph…"

"I know, I know. Sorry."

"I promise that when this is all over we'll sit down and talk about my renewal. That's the best I can offer."

She got up and hugged him from behind. "I know. Just ignore me, I'm grumpy. Really tired of this room and believe it or not, I'm tired of eating out. I want to go home and I want my life back."

Tilting his head and getting a kiss in return he pulled her around to sit in his lap. "I'm right there with you. I'd even take a monitor shift just for something different."

"That's practically major depression right there," she diagnosed. "Come on, let's go play dress up."

Rolling his eyes, Ram groaned.

"Hey, we agreed that we'd go. Your family was nice enough to think of us and make these arrangements. _**You**_ told me that it would hurt their feelings if we didn't. I refuse to hurt their feelings," she declared stoutly.

He clarified his reaction before she started swinging. "I just don't want to go shopping. Not really a shopping kind of guy Steph."

Nibbling on her lip she considered that. "Ok how about this. We go downstairs and you arrange for a tux of some kind and then go for a walk on the boardwalk or something physical outside. Not in the gym, get out of the hotel. I'll play Julia Roberts and meet you somewhere when I'm done. Hell you could even go to a casino, it's not like there aren't five million to choose from."

"That might work," he admitted. "What if it's too cold out?"

She stared at him incredulously. "Well for one, weren't you a Ranger? Aren't you guys incapable of noticing temperature differences? For two, what am I, your tour guide? Figure it out," she exclaimed throwing her hands in the air.

"Yes ma'am." He tightened his arms when she tried to stand up.

Taking a deep breath for patience, she wondered how they went from her being grumpy to him being childish and petulant. "If we go now, I'll have time to find something special to go under that gown," she hinted.

A slow smile spread over his face before he helped her up. "I don't know that you can improve on perfection, sweetheart. But feel free to try."

Damn sweet talker.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

A few hours later, freshly showered and sporting a hell of a glow, they walked through the shopping concourse.

"Wait, don't I have to match something to your dress?"

Stephanie stopped and stared at him. "You do realize this isn't Prom, right?"

"I had to do it with the last few weddings too," he said defensively.

"Just go with black, it goes with everything. Are you _sure_ you don't want me to help you pick something out?"

Envisioning how much longer it would take to find something, he shook his head and gave her a smile. Suspecting what he was thinking, Stephanie narrowed her eyes at him and snickered when he leaned down to kiss her cheek before striding away.

Eyeing the shops in front of her she debated for a few seconds before avoiding the bigger names. His family was being awfully generous, but there was no way she was buying something in there and sending them the bill. Her desire not to bankrupt them overrode her desire not to hurt their feelings.

Browsing and wishing that one of her girlfriends was here, Stephanie suddenly felt like someone was watching her. As the hair on the back of her neck crawled, she scanned the area surreptitiously but didn't see anyone that made her suspicious. Keeping an eye out as she shopped, she finally decided that she must be more nervous than she thought.

Maybe it was the fact that they were so much closer to finding out who was playing Benny. It was equally exciting, frustrating, and scary. She wanted this over and done with so they could get back to their lives but at the same time she didn't want it to be someone she considered a friend. It was frustrating because even with all of this work they may not be able to figure it out. Maybe due to some weird quirk the guy would never appear on any of the suspect lists.

Still, it felt like they were close which made it hard to put it down and do other things. Last night they had gone back to it after dinner and worked on it until late. This morning they had contacted Hector and gave him an update on their search and how they were approaching it. Hector had immediately asked how he could help.

She had requested a copy of the fleet's GPS check-ins for the day before and the day of the shooting. Until someone had started following her all the time, she hadn't really known much about that system. She had made it a point to learn exactly how it worked at Rangeman when Hector helped her learn how to be sneaky. According to Hector, every time the engine was turned on or off a signal was sent to Rangeman and stored with the current location. The phone call she had been making was to turn off the recording of that signal using something that Hector set up special for her.

Hector had explained that he would have to get into a special system to copy the data and someone would need to cross reference who signed out what vehicle as well since the files weren't compatible at all. Her only other request was to look closer into the guys they had on the shorter lists. As expected he cleared Manuel, but he said he'd look at the computer usage for the rest of them.

Ram had broken in then and requested that Hector get a list from Tank of the guys who supposedly knew Pickens. He explained that he didn't want to use their research, but he did want to compare it and make sure he had everyone. They may know things that he didn't have access to. That set her off on a rant about how they'd better have shared all of the information they had.

Running her fingers across a deceptively demure dress, she paused. Sapphire blue with a chiffon overlay, it was cut low in the back and had a halter neck. Pulling it off the rack she smiled as she saw the thigh high slit. Touching the fabric she approved of the give, it must have some spandex of some kind in it.

Turning to examine it in the mirror after trying it on, she was pleased. She looked damn good in this. It was sexy, but not slutty. She was pretty sure Ram was going to swallow his tongue. On the other hand, she wasn't going to be wearing anything under _this_ dress at all. It wrapped so tightly around her hips that any panty would be obvious. Stretching out one leg and watching the fabric part fluidly up to her thigh she realized the real problem was going to be keeping his hands from wandering.

He was much less inhibited than she was and probably wouldn't see anything wrong with pressing her into a dark corner and sliding his hand under her dress. Feeling a flush of heat and catching her breath at the image in her head she swallowed. Ok her body thought that sounded like a fine idea too.

At least in theory.

Finding a simple mask that would work with the dress wasn't that difficult. The stores apparently anticipated needing them in a variety of shades. She had refused to consider anything elaborate and stared in horror at some of the other choices.

That dark corner was sounding better and better now that she remembered that they would both be masked until midnight.

Dealing with the bill, she arranged to have the dress sent to her room so she could keep looking around. There was a shoe store down here somewhere, she was positive she had seen one. _That_ purchase was all hers. The theme from Pretty Woman in her head, she saw the entrance for a day spa and decided to take a chance. Walking out ten minutes later with an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, she had a brief chill when she thought about good karma.

No, not this time. Bad things have already happened. This was a reward for that. Everything was fine.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_To: Johns, Brian [ .a2174 .gov]  
From: Metcalf, Aaron [ .r514 .gov]  
Encryption Code: T83M7  
Subject: OBB_

_Johns – _

_I'm out of town on vacation the next few days. I need an update on Bluebell before I go. Remember, __no action unless approved__. If there is imminent danger, go to Jackson, he has the codes._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_To: Metcalf, Aaron [ .r514 .gov]  
From: Johns, Brian [ .a2174 .gov]  
Encryption Code: T83M7  
Subject: Re: OBB_

_Sir,_

_I've located Miss Plum. The report detailing the tracking has been attached to this email and filed in the appropriate locations. The abridged version is that she used a personal credit card in Atlantic City. I had to track the travel of her companion, Mr. Ramsey, to determine her alias. Of course, we're not the only ones who probably know where she is now._

_I am continuing to monitor the situation and should have confirmation of her location at any time. Please reconsider the urgency of the situation._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"This is odd," Stephanie said as she wrinkled her brow.

Ram looked up from where he had been deep in Bones' service record. He had known, in a vague sort of way that Bones had done some pretty hardcore shit, but seeing some of the names of the missions gave him a new level of respect for the man. Not because he was involved, but because he was still sane.

"What's odd?" Watching her facial expressions as her mind worked through what she wanted to say, he smiled internally. _I'm a lucky sonofabitch._

"Well I went back to finish the confirmations and … I cleared most of them, but …" she growled and dug through the lists to find what she was looking for. "Ok, so I'm clearing teams right now, the ones who were on the days we're looking at. I just ran the last name and without reviewing the information that Hector is sending tomorrow, I ended up with two more names that weren't where they should have been."

"Who?"

"Junior and Gary."

"They're not partners."

"No, they're not. Junior was supposed to be with Rube and according to the surveillance logs, Rube was there but Junior wasn't there his full shift and he'd been out the previous day."

"What about Gary?"

"Log shows that Lester covered for him and partnered with Krill, but they only noted it on the internal report which is why we still had Lester on the other list." Watching her search for a pen, he bit back a smile as he leaned over and plucked it from her hair and handed it to her.

"Junior has been around a long time, a lot longer than I have," he mused. "Could have been sick, I'll have to see if Bobby has anything in his file."

"I guess I just didn't expect to have any sets of partners that were split up and not have it noted somewhere. Ranger would blow a gasket if he saw that."

"Yeah he would. Things are slipping through the cracks." Looking at the clock he grabbed her arm and tugged her off her chair and around to his. "I'll add the names and look over the files and see if anything pops out at me," he murmured into her hair.

Her lips nipped at his neck and his fingers tightened on her hip and thigh. "And what am I going to be doing?"

Pursing his lips, tempted to start something and send her off all hot and bothered, he restrained himself. Barely. "Thought you had an appointment downstairs this afternoon?"

Her muttered epithets trailed behind her as she rushed to the bedroom to shower and change. Snickering softly to himself, he picked up the list that they were focusing on and frowned.

They had crossed off one name and added two more. Actually three more … writing Lester's whereabouts next to his name on the smallest list and adding Rube, Junior, and Gary he went back to the master list and circled those three to indicate that they were moved.

Sitting back and looking over the list, he reread the names again, hoping something would pop out at him. They had cleared Hector, Lester, and Manuel almost immediately, but he was able to add Mitch to that after going through his file. Mitch wasn't Special Forces so the odds that he had ever encountered Pickens were slim. It was nice to have confirmation on Lester, but neither of them had ever thought he or Hector could ever turn on them.

"That leaves Cal, Bones, Tiny, Deke, Sanders, Jones, Rube, Junior, and Gary." Tapping a finger on the table, he mentally crossed off Cal and Bones. He'd still keep them on the list, but Steph had been fairly clear that she didn't think it was either of them. It would be stupid to start doubting her feelings now.

Tugging his laptop over, he shot Hector a quick message asking if he could give them access to the job that Rube and Junior had been on. About to press send, he went back and added a request to ask Lester why Gary had needed him to cover and whether or not the Core Team knew why Junior hadn't worked his scheduled shifts.

Before he could hit send, Stephanie reappeared. Standing up as she dug around in her purse, he steered her towards the door before she was late, slipping a keycard into her pocket. Getting a hasty kiss in thanks, he was about to shut the door behind her when her hand slapped it.

"Wha…"

Fingers slid through his hair as her hands tugged his head down and soft lips slid against his. When he lifted his head a minute later so that they could breathe, he wasn't surprised that his arms were wrapped tightly around her, even if he didn't remember doing it.

Looking down at her face, a delicate flush on her cheeks and swollen lips that were slightly wet, he swallowed. She probably wouldn't appreciate it if he yanked her back into the room. Forcing himself to let her go, he dipped down and stole a last kiss before he pushed her away.

"If you want to go, you should probably leave now," he growled out.

Her smile as he watched her walk away was blinding. _I can't wait until all of this shit is over. She should smile like that all the time._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Have you heard from them recently?" Cal asked Lester quietly. "Has anyone?"

Lester shook his head sadly as he went inside the house. He was pretty sure that Hector was in contact with them, but he refused to discuss their location with anyone. Lester, Cal, and Bones had been doing shifts at Ram's house and making sure that nothing happened to it. So far there hadn't been any trouble … not that they were expecting any. Not after they made sure to spread it around Rangeman what they were doing.

It didn't make up for how he had treated Ram the last couple of months, but it was the only thing he could do to help right now. He had no idea how to even start with Beautiful.

Cal gathered up his bag and stood looking at him for a second. "You sure you want to do this tonight? Lots of parties out there, guaranteed drunken women."

He shook his head. He had offered to take tonight as a type of penance, not that Steph or Ram would probably care or even know about it, but maybe it would help him feel better. The last thing he felt like right now was partying in some club.

"Alright man, the schedule is on the kitchen counter. Think Sanders offered to be back up for tonight."

"Drive safe, wrap it up tight tonight!" Lester called out as Cal headed out the door.

Moving into the kitchen, he pulled the newest schedule towards him and read it. Only the three of them plus Bobby, Tank and Hector were allowed to actually go _in_ the house, but since most of them were on call almost all of the time, they had set up a schedule in case they got called in and someone else had to cover.

Frowning as he read through the names, he wondered who was approving the volunteers. Sanders, Manuel, Junior, Rube, and Hal were all listed for various times. It looked like Sanders was scheduled as backup until tomorrow morning and then Rube and Manuel split New Years Day. Sanders took another night shift with Junior and Hal rounding out the last day. Knowing they were supposed to be back on the second, the schedule stopped then, but there was a notation off to one side of other names that were willing to do backup or cover shifts.

This is the type of pulling together that they should have been doing from the start. This whole investigation had torn the leaders of Rangeman apart and it had trickled down into the ranks. Lester had a few words he wanted to have with his cousin when he returned. It wasn't all Rangers fault, but his orders started it.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he grumbled a little. Bones had been in charge of grabbing the supplies and he liked shitty beer. Tasted like horse piss. Slumping down in front of the television and making himself comfortable on the couch, Lester prepared to spent the first New Years Eve since he had hit puberty alone.

Hopefully Ram would take Beautiful out; she was probably going stir crazy by now.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Buffed, polished, waxed, and massaged, Stephanie curled up on the couch waiting for Ram to finish in the bathroom. She had his tux hanging in the bedroom, but he probably wouldn't change for another hour or so. Men had it easy.

Much more relaxed than she had been earlier today, she moved over to the table to see if he had been able to cross anyone else off. Her intuition was twitching, telling her that she had the answer now; she just needed a clue to point her to it. Reading the names sadly, her blue eyes clouded. After the initial pain of doing the search, they had both been trying to treat it like any other case and keep all emotions out of it.

Running her finger across the names and heaving a sigh, she could feel her chest starting to ache. One of these men, who she mostly knew, was planning on hurting her. **Had** hurt Ram. Had almost killed him. Her rage at that fact was only surpassed by the betrayal she felt.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Tucking a few strands of hair that were trying to escape from her twist back into position, Stephanie took one last look in the mirror before nodding. Stepping out of the bathroom, she slid her feet into her new FMP's and strode out into the living room to meet Ram.

"Holy fuck…"

Stephanie would have replied, but she was much too busy looking at him in a tuxedo. And drooling. A smug smile slowly lit her face as she realized that he was all hers. Raising her eyes to his face, she fought down a blush at the naked appreciation in his eyes.

Spinning in a circle, she danced out of reach, already knowing that if he got his hands on her before they left the room that they wouldn't be leaving it. And she didn't just spend over an hour getting ready for him to mess it up before there was dancing. "I'm glad you approve. Now, we should really go before we're late," she teased. "Besides, I'm hungry!"

With that, the sexual tension that had been mounting rapidly was broken as he laughed.

"Of course you are."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Green was sitting next to his partner in the ballroom, facing the doors. Thankful that they had seen Ms. Plum purchase her gown, he coughed lightly as he saw her enter with her escort.

Vicks glanced at the doors and glared at him in acknowledgment. She had spent most of her day sitting near the spa and wasn't in the best mood. The approval to pick up the target had come late in the day as they were getting ready to go off shift. Since the plan required both teams, her intentions to relax tonight had been canceled.

Making small talk with the other people seated at their table as they waited for dinner to start, Green shrugged internally. She'd get over it and they would have plenty of time to relax in the next few weeks while they had everyone locked down in the safe house.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Feeling the slide of his fingers against her hip, his thumb rubbing her side, Stephanie shivered. Again. She may have gotten out of their room without his hands on her, but as soon as they shut the door he had started teasing her. In the elevator he had pulled her against him when he leaned against the back wall. While he lightly rubbed his very impressive erection against her ass and he kissed her neck, she had struggled to not make a sound or move.

She was pretty sure the other two couples in the elevator had known what she was trying to hide, if the smiles they had tried to hide were any indication. And then when she had glared at him as they exited the elevator he had grinned at her. Bastard.

Swaying lightly, the dappled lights flickering through the semi darkness, Stephanie tilted her head up a little to press soft kisses to his neck as they danced. Feeling his groan through her lips and chest, even if she couldn't hear it, she snuck her tongue out and flicked it across his skin, relishing the slightly salty taste.

His body was rigid against hers. As they completed a turn, she peeked at the clock and decided it was time to up the ante. Letting her steps slowly move them into a darker area, she distracted him with licks and nibbles on his neck. One of her hands slid nails against the sensitive nape of his neck while her hips twisted against him.

She felt his body jolt the second he realized what she was doing. Tipping her head back to see his face, she started to smile before the dark look in his eyes sent heat racing through her system. His face was strained, the skin stretched tight over his cheekbones. His lips parted as he stared down at her and she felt his hands tighten on her hips.

Unable to look away, Stephanie gasped in surprise as her back hit a wall. His hands came up and bracketed her face as he devoured her mouth, the heels she was wearing bringing their bodies into almost perfect alignment as he pressed and she rocked. Shuddering as one of his legs slipped between hers and the slit in her dress parted over her thigh, she tore her mouth from his and dropped her head against the wall, breathing heavily.

The heat in her stomach was making her throb and she rubbed against his rock hard thigh, easing the ache a little but not enough. His fingers were suddenly on her nipple, twisting and pulling, his thumb flicking the hardened flesh as his body blocked what was happening.

"Please," she breathed out.

Pressing that thigh hard against her, he leaned down. "How long have you been thinking of this?"

Blushing because she had been caught, she looked up at him through her eyelashes. Taking his hand and kissing the fingers on it slowly, one by one, she held his eyes as she ran it down her body to the slit in her dress. "Since I bought this dress," she admitted throatily.

Proving that he was a quick study, his fingers slid up her inner thigh and stopped just a millimeter from her swollen and needy flesh. His glorious, evil, wonderful fingers slowly stroked the skin at the juncture of her leg and pelvis. Eyes locked together, she felt her arousal kick up another notch as he watched her face respond to what he was doing.

From almost nothing to overwhelming, his hand suddenly moved upwards. Two fingers surged inside her, his thumb came down on her clit, and he leaned down to cover her mouth with his. Almost sobbing against his mouth as he rubbed and stroked and flicked, she came with barely a sound as her entire body tightened up and shattered.

Panting softly, she realized he was breathing heavily as he rested his head against her shoulder. Pulling back from where she had been leaning bonelessly against his chest, she lifted still hazy eyes to see him looking heatedly at her. He took a half step away as he finally brought his body under control.

"God, I love you," he said softly, lips brushing her ear.

"Mmm. Love you too. Time is it?" she asked, starting to twist around to look.

"We've got about 20 minutes before midnight."

"Think I can use the restroom and get back out here before the ball drops?"

His eyes cut over to the hallway where the bathrooms were. Not seeing much traffic, he nodded. "I should probably wash my hands," he said, eyes twinkling in the dark room.

Glad that the darkness mostly hid her blush when he licked his finger, she grinned and led them to the bathrooms, pleased to see that the woman's was mostly empty and there wasn't a line. _Must be because no one wants to miss the ball drop._

Happy that her dress wasn't excessively hard to maneuver in, she managed to use the toilet without a lot of trouble. Stepping out of the stall, she started towards the sink, mind still focused on Ram and how she was planning on thanking him for being such a perfect date tonight. Since she rarely actually went out on dates, she wanted to make sure she knew how much she appreciated his efforts.

Hearing a noise, the little hairs all over her body stood straight up in alarm and adrenaline started to flood her system a split second before she felt the entirely too familiar feeling of being stunned. The prick of a needle a few seconds after that brought an end to her internal rant about karma.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram leaned against the wall and glanced at his watch. There were only a couple of minutes until midnight. A frown started to etch its way on his face as he realized that she'd been in there quite a bit longer than he would have expected. He knew she wanted to do the kiss at midnight.

Feeling his skin start to prickle with unease, he strode towards the door to the women's bathroom. Knocking hard, he called out for Stephanie.

As the seconds ticked by without a response, his gut twisted. Almost tearing the door off the hinge as he yanked it open, the first thing he saw was Steph's tiny purse laying in the middle of the floor.

_No…no…no. _

_**Please**__, no._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – A lot of scrambling and a really pissed off Ram**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 28**

_Blinding rage. _

_Helpless fear. _

Ram wasn't sure how he made it back upstairs to their room, Steph's small purse clutched in his large fist. He remembered clearing the bathroom and finding the other door … a door that led to a staff hallway that had an exit to the outside less than 10 feet away.

She was gone before he even thought to check on her.

His emotions were threatening to choke him, rising up in his throat and clawing to be free, but he shoved them back down before he lost control. Again. He glanced at the fist sized hole in the wall for a second before trying to force his brain into action.

Hector had confirmed what he had already known; Steph didn't have any of her trackers with her. Her cell phone was in her purse and her gun was in the room. The speed and silence of her abduction told him that her gun wouldn't have helped anyway.

_Fuck. I will kill them._

Pacing the room, he looked at his watch again. Whoever Hector sent to pick him up wouldn't be here for another hour at least. Spinning around, he caught sight of the file laden table and was striding towards it before he had even really contemplated what he was going to do until they arrived.

_Whoever has Steph is in this pile._

They had been determined to find the guy before, but Ram was discovering just how much more motivated he was with clear cold rage running through his body. Looking at the smallest list, he considered a few things they hadn't looked for and then got to work.

An hour and a half later, he heard the knock on the door. Gun in hand he cautiously checked the peephole and eyed the man standing on the other side. Glancing back at the files, he hurriedly tossed everything but a laptop into the banker boxes sitting next to the table and carried them into the bedroom, his collarbone twanging angrily.

Opening the door and closing it behind him, he stepped out of the room with the smaller bag he had packed and nodded to the man waiting in the hall.

"That it?"

Ram took a second to push the rage and grief down again before answering. "No, but someone is going to have to come and get the rest. I want to get back to Trenton **now**."

"Alright man, no problem. Nothing new on Bomber?"

Dialing the phone, he spared a glare. "Hector. You saw the latest? You know anything I don't?" Ram walked, frowning, to the elevator. Both men dodged the numerous drunks who were slowly heading towards their rooms. "No, I didn't, can you … thanks. My phone is on; call me if you hear _anything_."

Answering the nonverbal question from his companion, Ram shook his head. "Nothing."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Tank looked up as Lester walked into his office. "Hey."

"What the fuck is going on? Does that fuck have her?" Lester looked over at Bobby and saw the same fear he knew was on his own face.

"We don't know. Ram said they were at a New Years thing and they both went to the restroom. She never came back out; they took her out through another exit."

Bobby picked up the narrative. "Hector says she doesn't have any trackers on. Ram is on his way to Haywood."

The sharp ring of a telephone was cut off almost immediately as Tank's large hand slammed down to pick it up.

"Yeah?" Large shoulders tensed in anticipation slumped suddenly as it fizzled away. "Yeah, send Manuel. Thanks man."

Hanging up the phone, he rubbed his face. "Ram didn't take all of the files and shit with him, asked us to send someone who was already cleared to pick it up. Whose idea was it to send Rube to pick him up?"

Lester frowned. "Mine, why? He was on the list to cover Ram's house in the morning, so I knew he'd be sober tonight."

"Huh." Tank shook his head a little. "Nothing, just he's on the short list that Ram and Steph have worked up."

"Who else is on it?" Bobby asked.

"Hector didn't say," Tank admitted.

Dialing Hector's cell, Lester watched Tank carefully. He looked so fucking tired. His skin was almost ashy instead of the deep black it normally was. And he was nowhere near as sharp as he needed to be if they were going to get Beautiful back in one piece.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Michelle Vicks looked at the unconscious woman in the back of the van, handcuffed to a ring on the floor and scoffed quietly. She saw no reason at all that this woman was so important. Green had told them after they had her that she was supposed to be in danger, but she certainly hadn't seen any sign of that over the last day or two. She had seen her shopping and going to a spa and practically having sex in public, but nothing that screamed danger at all. Typical spoiled brat in her opinion.

This was ridiculous.

She had hoped that by joining the CIA instead of the FBI or Homeland Security that her skills wouldn't be used in such mundane ways. Since the CIA was supposed to be prohibited from operating inside the borders of the United States, she had seen her undercover work as something a lot more glamorous. Instead, she had ended up in a lot of scut jobs. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, her cover was usually a maid!

Now this. Initially the idea of working in the States had appeal, it was sure to be more dangerous since it was illegal, something to pit her skills against. Instead she had ended up in Atlantic City pretending to be a bored housewife married to Peter Green.

Joy.

Flipping her long blonde hair, she glared at the back of Green's head where he was sitting in the passenger seat talking quietly to Jane who was driving them to the safe house. Hearing a soft snore, she huffed. The fourth member of their little band, Kyle Sanders, was fast asleep, head resting against the side of the van.

_I need a new job._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Frowning as he recognized the vibration on his hip as a notification that there was a new recording to review, the man now known as Benny looked around. He had gone out with a bunch of guys to celebrate New Year's and the bar was full of Rangeman employees. Who would be in the office tonight?

Looking closer, he realized that there wasn't a single member of the management team with them tonight. Tapping one finger against his cell phone in thought, he wondered if something had happened or if the recorder was picking something else up. It had occurred a couple of times; cleaning people or telephones ringing in the middle of the night would kick the chip off and send a worthless recording.

But tonight?

Glancing at his watch as he drained his beer, still joking and smiling with his coworkers, he decided to check it out. It was late anyway and he wasn't really in the mood for dealing with some drunken bitch that would probably be a lousy fuck anyway.

Clapping Deke on the shoulder, he waved to the rest of the boys and walked out with Bones. Bumping fists with him as they separated, he ambled towards his truck.

_I can't wait until this is over._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram was running through the information that they had almost obsessively. He had ignored all of the leading questions that Rube had asked until the man had finally gone silent. His phone was clutched in one large hand as he tried to think, to make sense of this.

He knew that Haywood was winding up, that people were being called in to help with the search, but they would be on a skeleton crew because of the holiday. Hector was reviewing all of the GPS movements for the last 12 hours, hoping to see something unusual. Ram had just shaken his head when Hector admitted that he had put trackers on as many private vehicles as he could over the last week or so. Ram agreed with him that they should keep that to themselves. Unless they found something anyway.

_Please let him find something. God Steph, I'm sorry, I should have … I should have done something. I promised to protect you, to keep you safe. Be ok, please be ok._

"Haywood, right?" Rube asked quietly as the sign for their exit came up.

"Where else?"

"Didn't know if you'd want to stop at your house," he replied.

Ram came to attention slowly. He didn't talk about his house with anyone and the way he said that… "What do you know about my house?"

Rube shot him a glance out of the corner of his eye before looking back at the road. "Lester, Cal, and Bones have been taking turns staying there. Making sure that nothing happens to it, like Bomber's apartment."

"Huh." Ram thought that over a little. Maybe he wouldn't beat Lester as badly as he had planned once his collarbone was healed. "So how'd you hear about it though?"

A shrug. "There's a schedule. Since they could get called out, there's backup. I'm one of them."

"That's … thanks."

"Hey, we all love Bomber. And some of us feel pretty shitty for the way we've been treating you … figured we owed you some time."

"What was up with that anyway? I mean I expected some heat for what happened, but …"

Rube's sigh was loud in the SUV. "I don't even know really. I mean you'd think we were a bunch of women the way gossip was flying. Looking back it's fuckin embarrassing."

"Yeah, I know Lester was stirring the shit pretty hard."

"Him and Junior, yeah," Rube agreed.

Ram frowned, lines appearing on his forehead as he stared out into the darkness. "Junior? He have a thing for Steph?"

"Probably. Who doesn't? He wasn't saying anything different than a lot of us though," Rube admitted. "I'm sorry."

"I appreciate the apology man, so will Steph."

"She knows what was going on?"

"She figured it out, yeah."

"Fuck."

"Yep."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Pulling up to the safe house, Vicks was pleased that her dosage had been just about perfect. The woman was just starting to stir. Following Green and Sanders into the bedroom, she curled her lip in distaste for the next part of the job.

Exchanging a look with Jane, they ushered the men out and started to strip the woman. Between the two of them, they managed to remove all jewelry and conduct a search for any other tracking devices before redressing her in some flannel pajamas. The groans and facial expressions were becoming more frequent, so it wouldn't be long before she came to.

Jane looked at the other agent and internally growled at the repulsed expression on her face while forcing a smile to her own face. There was no reason for her to be so rough with Miss Plum.

"Hey Michelle, why don't you head to bed? I know you were on all day. You've got to be tired. I can handle things here," she offered.

Vicks looked up. "Really? You sure?" She had been looking forward to pushing the woman's buttons a little, but she **was** pretty tired. And it's not like she wouldn't be around for awhile. Seeing Jane's nod, she nodded. "Thanks. See you tomorrow, good luck with Sleeping Beauty," she finished snidely.

Jane Coogan locked the door behind her and dropped down into the armchair in the corner of the room, smothering a yawn. At least from the noises, the woman wouldn't be out much longer and she could explain what was going on.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"It's about time," Brian Johns snapped as he heard Peter Green's voice.

"We're at the safe house."

"Good. Is she conscious? Do you need anything?"

"It went smoothly. She's coming around now. The women will explain what's going on since they're less threatening."

"Tell them to be careful, she's combat trained," Johns warned.

"She's still handcuffed, it will be fine."

"Did you go to the alternate safe house?"

The voice on the other end of the phone was starting to show some annoyance at the second guessing and double checking.

"Yes sir. We'll start doing a weekly check-in from this point on unless there is a problem … per our orders."

Responding to the warning tone in that sentence, Johns forced himself to drop it. They were professionals, everything was fine.

"I'll talk to you on Sunday then. Good job."

Hanging up the phone after the curt response, Brian Johns sank down on his couch and groaned. How did this even happen? What the hell had he been thinking?

The response that Metcalf had sent him after Brian had requested that Metcalf reconsider had pissed him off. The man was convinced that he was seeing things because of what happened in Colombia. He wasn't.

He knew that if the woman went back to her hometown that she was going to be in danger. The information he had gathered indicated that she would be returning on January 2, which didn't leave him any time at all to get Metcalf to change his mind. He had briefly considered notifying Ramsey quietly, but the man may not do anything and just make it harder for them to pull her out later, so he had shelved that idea.

It hadn't been difficult to find the codes in Jackson's computer. Not that he had thought it would be. Jackson wasn't lazy exactly, but he wasn't as security conscious as he should be either. The email that Metcalf had sent him had been easy to print out while Jackson was in the can.

Reading it had made him burn. Metcalf clearly felt that this was some kind of test or something. Well he wasn't going to put a woman's life in danger because they wanted to play games. His reservations for making the call and using the codes had been obliterated in a haze of anger and indignation.

Now that he was calmer and the point of no return had been passed a few times over, Brian found himself nervous. He was definitely going to get fired if his vague plan to cover this up didn't work. Grabbing a notebook and pen he started mapping out decision trees … just in case.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie groaned, closing her eyes tightly against the headache that was threatening to make her sick. Seriously, how much did she have to drink last night? Bringing her hand to her forehead automatically, she caught her breath when she realized that she was handcuffed.

_What the hell?_

Taking a deep breath, still not completely alert, but pushing closer to it, she froze when the smells in the room were completely different than they should have been. Instead of the lingering traces of perfume and cologne, of hotel cleansers and stale air that indicated a mostly closed system she could smell fabric softener and … was that paint?

_Did we go back to Trenton?_

_Wait. Handcuffs. _

Exasperated with her inability to work out what was happening, she tried to open one eye and cried out as the knives stabbed her brain. _Holy Mother of God._ Tears slid down one side of her face as she tried to catch her breath through the pain. _Ow ow ow._

A rustle of fabric nearby broke into her internal chanting. _Who is there? Why aren't they saying anything? What the fuck is going on? Where am I? Oh god, does Benny have me? Fuck, where is Ram? Is he ok?_

"My name is Jane," a woman's voice said softly. "You're safe."

Stephanie formulated a response, politely appropriate to the situation. What actually came out was much different. "What the fuck is going on? Why am I handcuffed?" She had more to say, but her voice suddenly trailed off as the pain in her throat became clear. She felt like she hadn't had water in weeks. _How long have I been here?_

Shifting her arms again, she was even more alarmed when she realized that she wasn't wearing the gown she remembered having on the last time she was conscious. Forcing her eyes to cooperate, she peeled one open and tried to endure the initial pain the light brought. _It'll get better, just wait._

A fuzzy outline of a dark haired person sitting across the room became clear as she fought past the pain. She was in a bedroom. In clothing that wasn't hers. With a stranger. Who was at least female, but _still_. Handcuffed. Apparently drugged, because there was no way a couple of glasses of champagne brought on this bad of a hangover.

"You're in a CIA safe house," she heard the woman say. She kept talking, but Stephanie was stuck on that first sentence.

"Wait, I'm what? I'm WHAT?" The volume and shrill tone of voice caused her pain in various ways, but she couldn't help it. "What the hell? WHY?"

"That's not important right now."

"How the hell can you say that's not important?" In her outrage, Stephanie didn't even realize she had opened both eyes and was sitting up on the bed.

Blue eyes blinked in a plain face. A familiar face. Stephanie wrinkled her forehead trying to remember where she had seen her before.

"It's classified. You're safe though and you will be released as soon as we get the orders, I promise."

"Well if you promise, then of course that's ok. Oh wait, no, it isn't. You can't kidnap me and then not tell me why! I don't give a shit if it's classified, because obviously I need to know!"

Growling at the blank face she was given, her memory kicked in. "You were watching me. At the hotel, while I was shopping."

A nod.

_Ok, calm down. Betty Boop obviously isn't going to give you any more information. Classified, CIA, safe house … sonofabitch. Ranger. He's a dead man. What's next, he really sends me to a third world country?_

Taking stock of her surroundings, she saw that she was in a middle sized bedroom. It was definitely sparse. Other than the bed that she was on and the armchair the other woman was sitting in, the only other furniture in the room was a small dresser. All of the furniture was wood and looked really sturdy. A set of accordion doors indicated a closet, which meant that she probably had an en suite bathroom through the door that didn't have serious looking deadbolts installed on it. There was a single window, but looking closer, in addition to the grate installed on this side of the frame the glass seemed wavy. _Bulletproof glass. They're not taking any chances are they?_

"I want these handcuffs off," she demanded. She was pretty sure the woman was telling the truth and she didn't feel threatened … exactly. Uncomfortable, angry, and confused yes. Threatened no.

The woman didn't move, but a flicker of an expression passed over her face too fast for Stephanie to interpret. "When you've calmed down, I'd be happy to remove them."

A death glare didn't get her anything other than a barely imperceptible settling back into the armchair. _Bitch._

"How long will I be here? Did you tell anyone? Ram? Did you hurt him?" The questions were machine gunning out the faster her brain began to spin, panic now overtaking her as she wondered what happened to Ram.

"You were removed without incident. Your … friend … wasn't involved and should be fine. We aren't permitted to contact anyone else, but I'm sure the appropriate parties have been notified. The time is dependent on outside factors that I have no knowledge of. Longer than a week."

Exhaustion suddenly swamped Stephanie. Hitching breaths started deep in her chest as her aches and pains came back to her and the emotional impact of her situation started to make itself known. Remembering how she felt when Ram was shot, her body vibrated with horror at how he must be feeling.

Slumping back on the bed, she stared at the ceiling and ignored the tears that were tracing a path over her temples and sliding into her hair. She didn't make a sound, other than the hitching breaths that she was still trying to control as her chest attempted to tear itself apart in sympathy. _He has to be going nuts. Unless they told Rangeman that they took me. They would tell them, right? She said the parties had been notified, so maybe he knows. Or will know. Still …_

The woman suddenly appeared in her peripheral vision, standing next to the bed, but Stephanie didn't react. Feeling warm hands adjust her wrists and the snick of handcuffs being removed, a sob broke out.

"I'm sorry this is difficult for you Miss Plum. I've left you some bottles of water; I know that you must be thirsty. It's a side effect of the drug. As a safety measure there will be someone outside your door for tonight so if you have any problems or need anything, just let Kyle know. You have a television and some books in here, but I'm afraid other than meals you'll need to stay in your room."

Turning away and facing the wall, Stephanie ignored her and buried her face in the pillow. Telling herself that she was just giving the woman, Jane, time to leave the room before she started to explore and find a way out of the house, Stephanie slid into sleep.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_Motherfucking sonofabitch. The CIA must have picked her up. Goddamnit. Fuck my luck. All I needed was two more days and I'd have had her._

_This isn't going to go over well. _

Coding an emergency message to Pickens, his lips tightened as he remembered that **he** was on the list as the inside guy. With Stephanie gone, they were going to push that angle hard and he wasn't sure that his cover would hold up under that kind of scrutiny.

Wondering if it was almost time to leave town, the man that Stephanie had nicknamed Benny scowled in frustration. They were blaming **him** for taking her. _I wish._ He made a mental note to stay in the company of others as much as possible for awhile so that he slipped a few rungs in suspicion. It might even be worthwhile to find a few things that would make them consider one of the other guys on the list.

Adding a suggestion to his message that the CIA connection should be pushed, he hoped it had the effect he wanted. With any luck it would turn the attention from him and force the CIA to acknowledge that they had her. There might even be enough information that **he** could locate and take her.

It would be fucking hilarious if he took her from the safe house and they were still blamed for her disappearance.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

A storm of emotional energy almost visibly whirling around him, Ram stalked through Haywood until he got to Tank's office. He gave the door a single perfunctory knock before he opened the door and walked in. Tank was seated at his desk and Lester and Bobby were sitting on the couch with laptops in their laps, all three of them now looking in his direction.

"Anything new?"

Tank sighed heavily. "No, nothing."

Ram nodded and then glared balefully at the three of them. He had thought hard about how to go about this on the way here. He just had to keep his temper.

"This is fucking bullshit. There have been so many half truths, secrets, and entirely too damn many fingers in the pot since this shit started. I suggest we all go down to Hector's conference room and start from the beginning. It doesn't do us any good to investigate if we're not aware of all of the information," he said with a strained patience that was evident. He wanted to yell, needed to yell, but he forced it down and away.

Having already decided that they should never have gone along with keeping it secret in the first place, Ram received subdued nods in return. As he walked back downstairs, he noticed for the first time how many Rangeman employees were there. Spotting a few that were on the list, his brows drew together. How sure were they that there was only one guy?

_It's time to get to the bottom of this shit. Stay strong sweetheart._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Stephanie has a plan**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 29**

_They were swaying, the strains of an Eric Clapton song wrapping around them. Dipping his head and placing a soft kiss on her neck, he smiled at her hum of pleasure._

"_You do, you know," he said huskily. "You look wonderful tonight."_

_He could feel her sigh against his chest before she tightened her arm around his neck, her nails scratching lightly. One of his hands slowly stroked up and down her smooth back, his body delighting in the shiver of muscle under velvet skin. Their connected hands were pressed against his chest, his heart beating a slow and steady rhythm. _

_A screech of sound from the music system made him look up with a frown. The dance floor, which moments before had been cluttered with other people, was now empty. Silence blanketed the large room, a dim spotlight shining down on them. His eyes darted around, looking for danger, as unease skittered up his spine._

"_Something's wrong," he murmured, moving so that Stephanie was behind him a little. She didn't answer._

_Starting to move away, he reached back and wrapped a hand around her smaller one. "Come on, we need to get out of here."_

_Taking a second step, he stopped abruptly when she didn't move. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he slowly spun in place to see what was wrong._

_Blood was everywhere. Her dress was saturated with it, a wound gaping open on her neck as her sad blue eyes stared at him._

"_Why didn't you save me?" she asked plaintively. He stared at her in horror, his mouth opening and closing rapidly as his mind clouded with confusion and shock._

_She sighed, blood still trickling from the wound before she held out a hand to someone off to one side of them. Stepping slowly into the light that still shown over them, a young Hispanic girl took her hand and they both faced him._

"_I should have known you wouldn't save me. You didn't save her either, did you?" Stephanie said as she brought the young girl closer to her. The accusation in their eyes brought him to his knees._

_Reaching out a hand, not sure why, he gasped as he saw the blood covering it. Holding up his other hand, he shuddered when he saw the other hand was just as bloody. Staring at them in anguish, he missed seeing the two girls slowly turn and start to walk away from him._

_A harsh discordant noise brought his head snapping up, brow creased in confusion as he tried to locate the source of the sound._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

A week had passed.

Sitting up in one of the transient apartments on the fourth floor, Ram blew out a deep breath. Unable to help it, he stared down at his hands as his gut churned. Staring at the floor moodily, he tried to convince himself that everything was going to be fine. She had gotten out of tougher situations. Except that they were running out of ideas.

Looking at his cell phone as it rang, realizing what had brought him out of his nightmare, his hand slowly reached out to answer. The exhaustion and barely muted desperation was palpable in his voice. Pulling himself to his feet, he hung up the phone and tucked it into his pocket as he walked down a couple floors for another day of what was beginning to feel like a fruitless search.

The phone rang again as he shut the door, not bothering to lock it. He didn't have anything personal in there other than a duffel bag of clothes anyway. Seeing the number on the phone, he sighed.

"Morning Frank."

"Anthony … anything?" Frank's voice was threaded with the same exhaustion and worry that his contained.

"I'm sorry."

"I know. We'll just have to keep looking and have faith in her ability to get out of things."

The conversation hadn't really changed much from the first one where Ram notified him that she was missing. He was avoiding phone calls from his own family, just saying that they were in the middle of something and wouldn't be available for a bit. It was close enough to the truth that it didn't sound like a lie.

_Where are you, sweetheart?_

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Brian Johns had been busy the last few days. When he had ordered the team to pick up Miss Plum and later realized how much trouble he was in, he had fine tuned a plan. His analytical mind had covered various responses to the situation and chosen the ones most likely to occur.

So far he had been spot on.

He had been pleased when a communication was picked up from the guy inside Rangeman to Pickens. It was only the work of a few keystrokes to delete it, leaving Pickens in the dark and scuppering the plan that had been proposed. After all, the last thing he wanted was for anyone to be looking in the CIA's direction. It was best that they work harder on uncovering the problem in their own nest anyway.

Brian's reports about her disappearance had been sprinkled with censure that his concerns hadn't been acknowledged and acted upon. He could have done without the apology from Metcalf. The sincerity in the other man's face made his burn in shame. Luckily it had been mistaken for anger.

Still, things were progressing on schedule. He simply needed Rangeman to locate their mole and he would be able to 'save' her from the safe house she was being held in. Then he'd have a new team pick her up from the safe house and take her to a new one. With a bit of acting, the scene should be set fairly well. Especially if they drugged her. His biggest concern had been that she could find out that she was being held by the CIA, but he had worked around that at the last minute.

It had been very lucky that Michelle Vicks had randomly been given this assignment. He had given her strict instructions to pass along to the team when he realized he was going to have to cover his ass. They had gone through some training together a few years ago and spent some time together talking about field work. He knew the promise of more exciting assignments would be enough to get her to do what he needed.

Kicking his feet up on his bottom desk drawer and leaning back in his chair, he smiled to himself. He would never have wanted this situation to come about, but he was enjoying the more hands on role he had taken. It was a marked difference from analyzing intelligence and writing a report. He was giving _orders_ and they were being _followed_.

_Yes, things were going quite well._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Hector's conference room had become the de facto war room. While the regular business of Rangeman limped along upstairs, the search for Stephanie had been very, very focused.

That initial conversation hadn't gone well. Hector and Bobby had actually needed to get between Ram and Tank when he discovered that the CIA was involved in this mess as well. Most of the team was in agreement that because the CIA had given them a deadline to find the guy that it meant that they weren't involved in Steph's kidnapping, but Ram privately wondered if that wasn't taking the easy way out.

Then again, a week ago there had been a lot more avenues to search than there were today.

First they had tried to discover how anyone even found them. Hector insisted that he hadn't been followed, looking furiously offended and homicidal when Lester insisted that he must have been. The discovery that Stephanie had used her credit card had floored all of them. She knew better than that.

Bobby had frowned and argued that a single credit card purchase at a mall, nowhere near their hotel, wasn't really _that_ traceable. Hector glared and found the hotel room in less than an hour from that single purchase.

At least that meant that there probably weren't any leaks in Trenton. He had been concerned that someone in one of their families had told someone or that his parents' gift had backfired. Ram was sure they'd never forgive themselves if they were the ones who gave away their location. It would have made him suspicious of the guys at the table with him as well, which wouldn't have helped anyone.

He had shared their research and explained how each name had come to be on the list, giving Stephanie credit since it had been all her idea. His heart had clenched harshly, an empty ache in the middle of his chest, as he remembered how beautiful she had looked when she woke up with her epiphany.

For the last week they had gone over the lists and used as many qualifiers as they could find in order to narrow it down. Just when they would think they had it down to just a couple people, something else would come up.

Staring at the big screen where Hector had placed the master list for easy reference, Ram clenched his jaw. There was no one who couldn't be eliminated in some way. There were some who had markedly smaller reasons for disqualification, but everyone who worked full or part time for Rangeman had been crossed off.

_It just isn't possible. We're missing something. We've got bad information somewhere or we're using something as criteria that we shouldn't be._

It was horribly ironic that the best person at searching was the person they were searching for.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie shifted a few more times, listening closely to the sounds beyond her small world. Picking up her salvation, she twisted her wrist a few times hoping to stretch out some of the ache before sliding under her bed again. Her "luck" had really kicked in that first day.

_Blearily opening her eyes and looking around, Stephanie had at first been confused. Where was she? This was not …_

_And then it all came rushing back. Laying her head back down and staring at the ceiling, she might have stayed there for hours if her bladder hadn't made itself known. Sitting up, she snagged a bottle of water and broke the seal before chugging it all on the way to the partially open door off to her left. She briefly choked on it as the thought that it could be drugged occurred and then shrugged it off. If they wanted her drugged, they were going to drug her, not much she could do about it; may as well not be thirsty if it happens._

_Sighing in relief as the danger of wetting herself ended, she looked over the almost clinically clean bathroom. There had to be a way out of here. It would be easiest if she could escape from her own rooms and not using the rest of the house. The agents would have to be brain dead or incompetent not to notice otherwise. Unfortunately they seemed annoyingly professional._

_She vaguely missed the days when amateurs abducted her. _

_Ignoring her growling stomach, she opened the cabinet under the sink since it was the only thing that could possibly be interesting in this room. Opening it she saw some toiletries set off to one side, and there it was._

_A screwdriver. _

_A big one, one of those that you could bean someone with and it would hurt. With the flat head top like a chisel, not the starry one. Blithely laying there on top of some towels, she stared at it in awe for almost a minute as the chorus of joyful hallelujahs rang through her mind before she realized that someone could come to check on her at any time._

_Rolling her eyes at the cliché, she hid her new best friend under her mattress before looking in the drawers and closet for something else to wear. Not that these pajamas weren't comfortable. They were. Warm too. Skin crawling as she remembered that someone undressed her while she was unconscious, she wasn't even surprised that all of the clothing in the drawers and closet were in her size._

_Grabbing a few things, she headed back to the shower. It was time to consider how best to use that screwdriver, because she doubted that she would find anything else anywhere near as useful. It had obviously been forgotten and her only hope was that they wouldn't be able to remember exactly where they had used it last._

Holding her hand over her eyes as drywall dust exploded in her face … again … Stephanie coughed lightly. How this was the best plan was beyond her, but she had spent a full day considering different escape routes, including a few where she used the screwdriver as a weapon. Remembering that they were professionally trained to fight, had guns, and that there were four of them to her one had ended that line of thought pretty fast. She wasn't quite that desperate yet.

Ducking her head out into the room to get a breath that wasn't full of itty bitty pieces of drywall, she snuck a peek up at the window. She had no real way to tell time without looking at the TV, but she had been trying to use the shower about the same time every morning. Unfortunately she could only work on her project very late at night and before her shower. Thank God the television in here covered the noise she was making.

Groaning as the screwdriver got stuck … again … she panted lightly before starting the energy draining exercise of yanking it out of the wall again. Someone couldn't have misplaced some kind of saw?

_Going over the idea again, sitting cross legged on her bed after eating a very boring grilled chicken dinner all by her lonesome at the dining room table, Stephanie hoped that this was going to work. The lack of chocolate and sugar in her diet was causing her some withdrawal symptoms, but with luck it wasn't affecting her planning capability._

_There were two exits to this house. Both locked from the inside with deadbolts. Her lock picking abilities weren't nearly good enough to try and get out that way, plus she had noticed that there was some kind of electronic thing on her bedroom door that seemed to tattle on her when she opened it. There was always someone there before she got more than a few steps out of the door. It was actually quite irritating._

_All of the windows that she had seen had the same set up as the window in her room. Grates and bulletproof glass. She had definitely upgraded kidnappers, they weren't fooling around._

_She had been pissed off and annoyed and all kinds of frustrated when she kicked the wall. With no shoes on, she had hopped around cussing and crying for at least five minutes before finally sinking down on the floor. Lying flat on the floor, she had glared at the wall, upset that it didn't even seem dented when her foot was throbbing._

_Then she had remembered something that Ram had told her while they were working on his house one weekend. There had been some windows that had to be replaced due to water damage or something and he had needed to rip out a section of an exterior wall in a guest bedroom. She hadn't ever really thought about how walls were constructed, but for some reason she hadn't expected them to be so simple._

_Once she had verified that the outside of the house was some kind of siding, because brickwork would suck, she spent the next hour using the tap test to find the studs in her walls. Realizing that she couldn't do it all in one night and that she would need some kind of cover, she made a show of rearranging her furniture and glaring at the agent who came to check on the noise. _

_Surreptitiously checking to make sure she was getting the bed where she wanted it, she had finally flopped face down on the bed and tried to hide her smile. Ram had told her that in older houses the studs were up to 24 inches apart, but even if these were only 16, she was pretty sure it would still work. Remembering how the window fit in between them with an extra board underneath it, she had moved her bed a little to the right of the window. There had to be a stud thingy near it._

_She was going to make her __**own**__ exit. She would start tonight while everyone was asleep. _

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ranger read the message again before a flash of emotion lit his eyes, pinning his contact to his seat.

"Do you know what this says?" he asked with a dangerous note in his voice.

"No, but it's probably telling you the same thing I was going to tell you."

"Explain."

"Ms. Plum was abducted on New Year's Eve."

All emotion completely locked away, although on the inside he was a seething mess, Ranger just stared at the man blankly before saying, "That was a week ago. That's it? That's all we know? Ransom?"

Lips tightening, his field handler looked away.

"They don't have _anything_ else?" Ranger asked again, the expectation that he would get a verbal response clear.

"Not that we know of," the handler replied, trying to regain control of the conversation.

"Get me a phone." Watching the man shake his head, Ranger stood up and loomed over the table. "You will get me a phone. **Now.**"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram watched Tank end the call with shaking hands. He had stayed silent through the two minute phone call, but had listened intently to the conversation on speakerphone. Ranger wanted answers and hadn't been pleased they didn't have any to give him. Ram was doing his best not to snarl at Ranger's possessive attitude over Stephanie's safety.

Vaguely aware that the rest of the team was talking and making plans, Ram let his eyes drift over the lists again.

_We're missing something._

Unable to face looking at another file full of dry facts that never seemed to **help**; he stood up and walked around the room. Coming to a stop in front of the laptop that Steph had used to show him what happened the day he was shot, he sighed. He had only watched the video once and he had been unable to look away from Stephanie's reactions when he did watch it.

Knowing that his experience may see something she had missed, he picked it up and carried it back to his seat. Swallowing tightly, he put a wall between his mind and heart and pressed play.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

A feral grin lit Stephanie's face as she made the last cut into the drywall. Digging her fingers into the gap she had created along the top of her 'door', she started to pull. Wincing as her fingernails started ripping; she grit her teeth and dug harder.

With a subdued crack, there was suddenly a large piece of drywall in her hands. She knew this was only the first step and that she still had to pull out the rest of the drywall and then the hard part would start, but it was measurable progress that made her want to dance.

The giddy feeling bubbling up inside made her eyes dance with glee and lent strength to her arms as she yanked another piece out of her new door. She had stopped early this morning even though she was close, knowing she wouldn't be able to hide her excitement from the sharp eyes of her guard. It had been a long day.

Finally finished removing the bigger pieces, she chipped around the edges to smooth it out and then carefully pulled the insulation out the hole. Setting it off to the side so that it could be replaced and she didn't create a draft that would need to be investigated; she stared at the plywood and sighed.

This was the part she wasn't sure about. Ram had used an electric saw on the stuff he put up in his house, but he had used a saw for drywall too and she had been able to get through it. She was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to use her hands to break it up, but if she could weaken it enough, maybe she could kick it out?

_Well at least the messy part is over. I can spend a lot more time working on this part since I don't have to worry about keeping clean, only about keeping quiet. It's not like I have a lot of choices._

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram had just started watching the video when Hector made a sound that brought his head up. Pressing stop, he pushed the laptop away and closed the lid to give him his full attention.

Ten minutes later, they all stared at the message that he had put up on the overhead.

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Lester said slowly. "Hector hacked into Pickens' computer, but not really his computer, something about the pipeline that controls the flow of information." He waved that away as unimportant because really, who other than Hector understood it?

Bobby picked up the narration with a narrow look at the message. "He's had some program running all of the information that goes in and out and found this encoded in it. The program flagged it because it was deleted later by a third party that he then traced to what he is pretty sure is Langley."

"And that is what he thinks it says," Tank finished as he tipped his head to one side and rubbed his neck, gesturing to the short message.

Ram said what they were all thinking. "And according to that message, Pickens doesn't have Stephanie." He shared a worried look with Hector.

"Yeah ok, so if they don't, then who does? And do we keep working on the guy on the inside or do we start chasing this down too? Because I don't know if we have enough people to do both," Lester said, frustrated. "Which is going to find us Beautiful first?"

"I think we need to make sure that the CIA doesn't have her," Ram suggested firmly. "I know they gave us a deadline, but we all know that sometimes the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. And if the guy who deleted this really came from Langley …"

Tank looked around and saw agreement. "Ok, I'll call and get in touch with our man. Do we send a message to Ranger?" He himself had mixed feelings about letting Ranger know where they were in the investigation. On one hand Ranger might be able to get more information from the CIA than they would. On the other hand, he was volatile enough right now that the entire mission could get blown if he reacted and they were wrong.

Seeing the same thoughts on the other faces sitting around the table he sighed. "Ok, we'll wait to see what they say before we get Ranger involved."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

She missed Tony. Lying on her bed, staring up at the blue sky beyond the grillwork on the only window in her room, Stephanie sucked in a breath that was bordering on a sob.

So far she had managed to be strong, at least mostly. She had been so focused on her escape that she hadn't really let her mind think about it much. Rolling over on her side and dropping her gaze to the bedspread, she stroked the nubby fabric with one finger.

Grimacing at the ragged nails and scrapes that she had gotten last night, she opened her hand and stared at the blisters that were forming on her palms. Wrestling with the screwdriver before was hard, but now that she was basically using the point as a knife, an incredibly dull knife, the drag of the plastic grip against her hands was obvious. She had even tried using some drywall dust to help, kind of like those gymnasts did when they did events at the Olympics.

Tucking her hands between her knees, she closed her eyes and pictured Tony lying next to her, barely awake, green eyes peeking out from beneath long dark lashes. Hot tears slipped out from beneath her own eyelashes, but she ignored them in favor of recalling how his eyes had looked at her, how tender his voice had been, how his warm hands had touched her.

Lost in happy memories she was floating softly. Hearing her door open, her eyes flew open to stare at the wall, her back tensing in reaction while her ears strained for any information.

"Miss Plum?"

It was one of the men. The older one she was pretty sure.

"Miss Plum, dinner is ready."

Brows snapping together, she swiped a hand over her eyes as she made a noise of acknowledgement. Listening as he left, she wondered how long she had lain there lost in thought. Wincing as she pressed her hands against the bed to scoot over to the edge and stand up, she went into the bathroom to splash water on her face.

Staring at her unhappy eyes in the unbreakable mirror, she swallowed hard and whispered encouragement to herself.

"You can do this. If they ask about your hands, tell them you were upset and were tearing at a towel when you were crying. They won't ask though, they don't really look at you, it will be fine. It will take at least another full night of working on the outline before you have to figure out how you're going to get the wood out of the way. You can do this."

Closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, filling her lungs and exhaling slowly, she nodded once to the woman in the mirror before going to dinner.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

SSA Aaron Metcalf spun his chair around and locked his eyes on the small perpetual motion device on the credenza behind his desk. Reaching one finger out and starting the rocking motion, he let his mind drift and tried to make sense of the information he had just been given.

A request for confirmation had been sent; confirmation that Operation Bluebell hadn't moved beyond surveillance and into protection. His first reaction had been to reply that the status hadn't changed and they were also looking for her. As he was typing out the email though, his fingers had slowly stopped on their own.

There was only one organization that would ask, Rangeman. And if they were asking, _why_ were they asking? Would they have more information or were they just checking all of the bases? And why was his intuition telling him that there was more to this?

Tapping a finger against his lips as he leaned back in his executive chair, his eyes tracked the swinging ball as it moved. Johns' behavior from the last week, coupled with these new questions made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. The man was a technical analyst, not an agent, and while he may have thought he was hiding something all he really did was peak Metcalf's curiosity.

Spinning around in the chair he got up and closed the door to his office firmly after taking a quick glance around. Sitting back down and opening the Bluebell file, he reached for his phone.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Things come to a head**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

A/N: Finding the screwdriver is never addressed, but in my head, it was a divine accident. Probably by the bitchy CIA chick because she seems like a slacker in some ways. The house had just been 'Steph proofed', so I went with someone just forgetting where they laid it. The keys that occasionally show up in my freezer will tell you that it is entirely possible.

It is also possible to escape in this way. Not that I made a hole in my house, because that's taking realism a tad too far … in my husband's opinion anyway … but I did test it. It takes a lot of energy and some blisters and more than a little patience, but you _can_ score plywood enough to break through. I was a bit appalled at how little material there actually is between my cozy living room and the nasty Midwestern snow.

There were some dramatic things I could have done to end this and believe me; I fought myself on whether or not to use them. The thing is, my Steph probably wouldn't make as many mistakes as it seems to take for one of those to occur, not all in a row anyway. So I went with something more in tune to the rest of the story and tried to steer away from clichés. Even if I really wanted an awesome explosion and a really big fight scene. *sigh*

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 30**

Stephanie froze, listening intently over the sound of the television playing in her room, every cell in her body poised on a cliff of indecision.

Fight or flight?

Breath shuddering out in relief at the silence beyond the door, she tried to calm down before she made a mistake. She was too close to escaping to screw this up now.

Her hands were burning where the blisters had perforated and she spared a glance down at them. Thinking quickly, she wiggled out from under the bed and snagged a brand new pair of socks from the drawer. Getting back into position, she tugged them over her hands. Pressing her feet against the plywood she grabbed hold of the studs she had exposed.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly increased pressure against the wood by straightening her legs, making sure to keep her feet centered between the deep gouges she had made. Kicking would be so much easier. It would also bring her jailers running. Not even the Transformers movie she had playing in the background would cover _that_.

Sparing a thought for how pissed off she was that she had to do this at all, she closed her eyes and let her feet guide the pressure until she suddenly felt something give.

Eyes popping open excitedly, she looked between her upraised knees to see that there was now a piece of plywood mostly popped out of the groove and only held in place by the siding on the outside of the house.

Dropping her head back down on the floor, she grinned up at the box spring above her. Who would have thought that it was harder to cut through drywall than it was plywood? Under and around all of her other thoughts crowded a fizzy champagne feeling of satisfaction.

_Now, do I keep going or do I put everything back in place and leave tomorrow night?_

Her euphoria drained away as she considered. She had been working on this for a couple of hours after she had turned her light off. Did she have time to get everything ready and then move the siding and still be able to get away in the dark?

_I don't even know where I am. I don't have any money and I'm going to have to call Rangeman or Tony somehow. I could be discovered at any time. But what if my alterations to the room are discovered tomorrow? What if tomorrow is when they have to move me or something?_

Abruptly coming to a decision she took a deep breath and wiggled back out from under the bed.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Putting the phone down softly, Metcalf frowned at the far wall. He was not at all pleased with what he had learned, but now he had to make a decision.

He had finally contacted Rangeman earlier that night, which led to a steady stream of other calls that were carefully placed and worded. Alarmed didn't even come close to describing it. Either someone else in the Agency was playing games or he had a problem in his department. A massive possibly career ending problem.

Now, should he tell them that he was fairly sure the Agency had her … or should he play dumb, knowing that there was still an operation out there that was contingent on her safety? They had already given Rangeman time to find the mole and they didn't seem to be any closer than they were when they learned about it. Would it be better to have her contained now only to have to pick her up later or should they just keep her?

Shaking his head, he told himself not to get too far ahead. First he had to figure out who in the Agency had her, because he was sure they did. His thoughts swam towards Johns again and he swallowed hard. That message could probably be interpreted differently if you stretched it or there could be yet another player, but years of experience were telling him differently.

Locking his door, briefcase in hand to go home for the night, he let his eyes casually float over the room. Johns. If this was his department, Johns was behind it. Knowing that it would end the man's career added another layer of complexity to the issue.

What was better … to know and have to act in some way or to not know and allow events to play out as they will?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram couldn't sleep. Bobby had convinced him to lie down for awhile, had gotten Hector to do the same, while he and Tank went home for the night, but Ram couldn't settle.

Instead he spent most of the night walking the halls of Rangeman, floor by floor. As he headed up the stairs to the roof, the conversation with the CIA guy, Metcalf, was running through his mind. Metcalf and Tank had fenced verbally, both unwilling to give up information even as they tried to get answers to their own questions. Ram had tired of that quickly. Steph's life was not something to be fucking bargained over.

Jesus.

Opening the door to the roof, he ignored the bite in the wintery air and looked over Trenton as it started heading to work in the dark. He didn't know what else he could do. He needed a target, that's how he worked. This amorphous mess of more questions that teased him with answers but never delivered was killing him.

Eyeing the horizon, he could just see the faintest light. His eyes were pulled from the incipient sunrise by a vibration against his hip.

Glancing at the number before he opened the text message, his brows drew together in confusion. Who did he know in the 856 area code?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie was not happy. At all. She was cold and wet and she didn't have shoes and now it was snowing. Heavy wet snow. Because that's her life.

Glaring fiercely at the thick flakes floating heavily towards the ground, she wrapped her arms tighter around her hunched body as she walked.

"Oh no, they couldn't have left real shoes for you to wear or maybe a coat or hat. It wouldn't look odd at all if you were to wear wet snow-caked slippers into a public place. And all sorts of people don't wear winter coats in a blizzard. None of that screams 'look at me, something is wrong'," she bitched to herself.

Most of her plan had been centered on how to get out of the house. She had neglected the parts that came after, like how she was going to contact someone to come get her or if she should avoid the cops or other people who might call the cops.

Not that Jersey folk were always concerned with contacting the cops, but she had no clue where she was either. She might not even be in Jersey. The television stations hadn't had local affiliate channels. That would be too easy.

Of course none of that had occurred to her until after she had left the room. Actually it hadn't occurred to her until she was doing a little victory dance in the dark in the snow outside of the house. At least she had realized that she would need to be wearing more layers and had tossed some extra clothing through the hole before she wiggled through. She had maneuvered the only chair in the room under the door handle and tried to arrange the siding back into some kind of half assed order, but she had concentrated on getting as far away as possible before the sun rose. She could plan on the run.

Also, if she was going to be doing this very often, she needed to lose some weight. There had been a brief moment of panic when she had breathed too deeply and she thought she was stuck.

When you don't have a way to tell time, the night feels like it lasts forever.

It took her five mailboxes to find one that had some mail in it so she had some kind of clue where she was. Camden wasn't far from Trenton … if you were in a car. On foot without actual shoes in the middle of winter during a snowstorm without a winter coat it was suicide.

So as she ran she looked for a phone booth. Of course Ma Bell didn't think that phone booths were real moneymakers anymore since everyone had cell phones. The last thing she wanted was for the cops to get involved in this, not knowing if they would just hand her right back to the CIA, so she needed to be careful how she did this.

No she needed her boys. She needed Ram.

Now she just had to figure out how to get a message to them without freezing to death in the meantime. Almost hypothermic and very close to bursting into hysterical tears, she trudged into the edges of the city. Spotting a homeless shelter or food bank ten minutes later, easily recognized by the long line of people dressed only slightly better than she was, she almost cried. If nothing else she could get warm for a little while.

Talking a shelter volunteer into letting her make a free phone call was impossible, but she managed to convince one into letting her send a text message. She had to leave so many details out of her story she was surprised they trusted her to do that much … not that he didn't stand over her while she was typing and snatch it back as soon as she pressed send.

_Camden Homeless Shelter. Keep it quiet and hurry. - Steph_

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Stephanie forced a smile for the guy behind the counter who kept eyeing her. She had spun a story about being locked out of her house in the middle of the night, but she knew it was weak. Weak was actually too strong for what it was. Glancing at the clock for the thousandth time in the last hour, she was unsurprised to see that only another minute had passed.

_Come on. Drive faster!_

She refused to believe that he wouldn't get the message right away. He had to. Unless she was willing to go through 'intake', which did not sound appealing at all, she was going to have to leave soon. But she couldn't leave, because she told him to come there, so she'd have to hang around. And if she hung around outside, they would eventually try to shoo her away, probably by having a cop car swing by.

So she just knew he was on the way. He had to be.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Her time was up, she could tell from their expressions. The guy who had been manning the counter had made a call and now there was a lady in a cheap suit and another guy standing with the first guy talking quietly. The glances in her direction made her stomach tighten and frustrated tears started filming her eyes.

She had just started trying to talk them into more time when the door behind her flew open and she knew. Eyes closing in relief, tears already starting to fall, she spun mid-word and locked eyes with Tony.

Vaguely aware that Bobby and Hector were with him, Stephanie flung herself into his arms, trusting him to catch her.

"You're here," she breathed into his chest. "You came."

His arms came around and crushed her against him before he pulled back and looked into her face. "Are you ok? Are you hurt at all?" His hands were moving frantically over her body looking for wounds.

Refusing to look away in case she was hallucinating and she was really outside in the snow freezing to death, she shook her head, hot tears still spilling down her face. Watching him struggle with his emotions, she swallowed hard before a brilliant smile bloomed across her face.

"You know … I never got my New Years kiss …"

The laughter was probably a little desperate, but it had broken the spell. Feeling the guys yank at her, she smiled and let go of Tony for a minute. Tank and Lester had come in at some point and she was passed around for hugs. Muttered apologies and expressions of relief made her throat tighten, but she kept herself together with an effort.

Pressed back against Tony, she felt like herself for the first time in days as she listened to Tank and Bobby thank the people behind the counter for letting her stay. She decided not to mention that they were getting ready to kick her out.

"What do you have on your feet?" Lester asked with a smirk.

Stephanie looked down and sighed. "I didn't exactly have a lot of options," she grumbled.

Squeaking when she was suddenly swept off her feet, she quickly wrapped an arm around Tony's neck. "What about your collarbone?" she fretted.

He had reverted back into that tight silence though, just shaking his head for her not to worry about it. Eyes sad, but understanding that he couldn't deal with it yet, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his neck before laying her head against his shoulder.

She _meant_ to start talking, to reassure Tony who was as locked down as she had ever seen him, that she was ok and safe now, to get the guys on the case of why the hell the CIA had kidnapped her, to ask if they figured out who the Benny was.

What she _did_ was curl up in his lap and go to sleep. It had been a long ass night.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram couldn't look away. She was ok.

He had stared at that text message for almost a full minute before his mind processed what he was seeing. It had taken him less than five minutes to notify the other guys. In less than fifteen they were on the road. Every delay, every traffic jam because of the weather or time of day made him want to strangle someone, but he choked it all down, refusing to allow anything to show.

Pressing her closer into his chest and tucking the blanket over them tighter around her, he listened hazily as they planned how to sneak Steph into the building. She hadn't said who had her or how she had gotten away and until they knew the danger had passed, she was going to be protected as much as possible, whether she liked it or not. You can't get more protected than no one knowing you're there.

Catching Hector's sympathetic eyes in the rearview, he dropped his head down to rest on top of Stephanie's.

She was ok. And the son of a bitch who took her was going to pay.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Brian Johns absentmindedly picked up his ringing phone, deeply engrossed in the report he was reading.

"Johns," he said, still reading.

"This is Greene. She's gone," a very unwelcome voice stated.

Johns froze for a long second. When he did speak, his voice squeaked in a higher octave than it normally was as his shock made itself known. "What do you mean, _she's gone_?"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

"Sweetheart," Ram whispered, a single finger brushing down her cheekbone. "I know you're tired but you have to wake up. We need to know what happened."

Stephanie grumbled and tried to burrow deeper in the firm chest she was being held against. _Mmmm Tony._ "Where is?" she mumbled.

She felt his smile against her forehead as he pulled her close again. "We're in Hector's bedroom. You've slept for a few hours, but we need to go over what happened so we know what to plan for." There was a pause before he added, "Hector had subs from Pino's delivered and there's plenty of hot water for a shower."

Cracking open a single eye to gauge his honesty, she asked the question she deemed most important.

"Meatball subs?"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Listening to the guys rage and argue about how to handle the CIA after her story had been told, Stephanie let her gaze wander over the room. She was furious too, but she couldn't seem to work up a good head of steam yet. Maybe after another nap. Snagging half of Ram's sub while he argued, she grinned at him when he gave her a shocked look. _He should know better by now._

Reading over some of the research they had been doing, she frowned.

"Hey, what's this?" she asked as she pointed at some kind of message that looked like it was in code of some kind.

Lester moved next to her. "That's a message that someone sent Pickens." He scrawled a few lines underneath it. "Hector is pretty sure that's what it means," he explained.

Knowing she was missing something but not sure what it was, she looked at the lists they had been working on.

"Huh. And we still don't know who the guy is," she murmured.

"Sorry Bomber, we're doing our best," Bobby said, the table now quiet and watching her read through their research.

Tapping a finger on the message, she cocked her head to one side. "Were there any other messages like this wherever you got this? I'm sure you guys focused on this once you had it. Maybe there's a pattern?"

Hector frowned and sat down in front of a single terminal. Ten minutes later he printed something off and handed it to her. Reading down the series of messages she sighed. Nothing that gave her a clue, not really. Passing it to Tank she leaned against Ram's arm and snuggled closer when he lifted it over her shoulder. She wasn't up for being professional Stephanie just yet.

"Son of a bitch!" Tank exclaimed, standing up and banging one large meaty fist on the table. "This message, this one right here," he said, stabbing a thick finger at one near the bottom. "That was sent the day after I held a meeting on it – _in my office_."

Stephanie might be running a little slow still, but that was pretty plain. "So either someone in this room talked or your office is bugged somehow." She shot an apologetic look at Hector who looked ready to spit nails.

An idea slowly started to form, but as she glanced at Ram, she winced. Reaching out to hold his hand, she kept eye contact as she slowly outlined a plan.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The next day "Benny" watched as Ram strode into Tank's office and shut the door firmly. After a few minutes, muffled yelling could be heard through the door, causing more than one head to turn. Those same heads swung away as Ram came back through the door and went straight to the stairs, visibly upset.

Knowing that the bug wouldn't transmit until the office had been silent for fifteen minutes and desperate to find out if they had found Stephanie, he wondered how he could lure Tank out of his office for a bit. Just having the team upstairs meant that something had changed.

Now he just had to find out what.

The day passed slowly, but eventually he shut down his computer, flipped the light on his desk off and bumped fists with a few of the guys who were heading out for a drink. Using a headache for an excuse, he begged off, anxious to get downstairs and find out what was going on.

Twenty minutes later he threw a coffee cup against the wall. Pickens was backing him into a corner, saying that the deal had changed and she had to be dead. Soon. Very soon.

Well at least he would know how to find her tomorrow. Then he could make a decision.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The elegance of the plan was in its simplicity.

Stephanie and Hector watched the monitors intently as the bait was taken; Ram's vehicle was now emitting a signal that they didn't place. Her face reflected sadness while Hector's rage was a little frightening. She knew that this had become very personal for him. Not only did it involve her, but someone had managed to bug Rangeman. His professional pride was on the line now.

It hadn't taken her long to realize that if she got them to try this that she would have to convince them that she didn't want to be involved. That she would be fine watching from Haywood. Months ago she would have forced her way in, never thinking about how it would affect them, determined to prove that she could stand on her own two feet and didn't need protection. She wasn't happy staying back, not at all, but she could admit that no one would be comfortable with her in a position of risk just yet and she would be a distraction. Ram had been just a little too enthusiastic agreeing with her, but that was a fight for another day.

A fake message from Pickens was posted, now that they had the encoding schema, adding just a little more pressure to the fucker. Ram and Tank had a masterful performance in Tank's office where Ram demanded to know where Stephanie was being held by the CIA. Tank managed to talk him into waiting until the next morning to visit so that he could get clearance, since it all had to go through Langley.

This morning Ram had swung by the office to get a piece of paper that had the address on it. They figured that if they said it out loud that it would seem too obvious and then they wouldn't be able to control the capture. Well the guys said that, Stephanie had found a hidden package of Fig Newton's to commune with.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Scared out of her mind, but somehow managing to be bored at the same time, Stephanie paced around Hector's control room. Today. They'd find out who it was today.

Bile rose before being forced down. Her trust in the men of Rangeman had been seriously fractured. Her only hope was that it was someone she rarely spoke to, someone who wouldn't be a friend. She kept swinging from being sad to furious, betrayed to numb. The only emotion that was always present was worry.

She had protested this part of the plan, for all the good it did her. Tony had taken her aside and gone through it with her logically. She knew that it was unlikely that anyone would try to hurt him before they arrived at the 'safe house'. She knew that. She did.

But there was always a chance, and karma had really been shitty to her lately and well …

Wrapping her arms around her waist, she glared at the back of Hector's head. He was annoyingly calm. Her mind tried to veer off and remind her exactly what Tony looked like when he had been shot and bleeding and so pale before she managed to yank it back.

It would be fine. It would all be fine.

"Estefania," Hector snapped.

She hurried over, ignoring his annoyed tone. "Are they there?"

Ignoring the softly spoken stream of Spanish that she was pretty sure had to do with her fidgeting and ticks and the worry that was almost rising from her like steam, she focused on the only English word he uttered. Close.

They're close.

Sinking down into a chair, eyes glued to a monitor that was showing an outdoor scene, Stephanie winced as the nail she had started to chew on reminded her that it hadn't been that long ago that she had used it to tear drywall apart. She sat on her hands instead and never noticed how her legs were jittering up and down, catching her breath as Ram's SUV pulled into a driveway.

Hector glanced at her before pressing a button on the console and the sound of the channel the guys were using for communication came to life.

Now the hard part came. The real waiting. They had no idea when things would start to happen. Or how. Anyone at the house was in danger now. The guy could come in shooting or plant a bomb. After all, Pickens supposedly wanted her dead now, not just kept as insurance.

_Oh God, why did I have to work that out __**now**__? I couldn't have brought that up when we were putting this together? We should have made it seem like he still wanted me alive! Ok fine, this makes it more urgent, but now a lethal man, because all of Rangeman is lethal, is focused on the house where some of my closest friends and Ram … TONY … is practically defenseless. Sure they have guns, but they have to have something to shoot at first. What if the guy does the sniper thing again? _

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

An hour later Stephanie had been told to find something else to do. She protested, wanting to help, wanting to watch, wanting to be close, just in case, but the dark look in Hector's eyes had snapped her mouth shut before she got farther than, "But …"

Grabbing a bag of chips and settling herself on one of the tall stools, Stephanie leaned against a wall and closed her eyes. The corny taste of Fritos almost made her gag as it curled down her throat. Struggling to swallow and clear her mind, she tossed the bag on the table, watching as it came to rest against a laptop sitting on the table.

A tendril of memory floated by, almost slipping past before she noticed it. There was something … Mind churning, trying to remember what she could suddenly swear was vitally important, she used the techniques Tony had taught her to calm down so she could think.

Something sparked that memory. The memory that wasn't even a memory, just a thought that she missed something important. Going over her actions in the last few minutes, she let her mind linger on each one. Hector snapping at her … moving around the room … a stool … Fritos … hitting the laptop …

The laptop?

Most of her research on all of this had been paper based, since Rangeman was run by men who would rather hold a piece of paper than have it in digital format where it couldn't be as protected. Not that Hector wasn't awesome, but even he would admit that no one could cover every possible weakness.

Pushing herself back on track, stopping the internal ramble that was about to start, she wasn't aware that she was talking to herself softly and that Hector had turned around and was watching her. So there was something about the laptop or …

A tiny voice in the back of her mind started telling her how it was no use, that she was going to miss the information and Tony was going to be hurt, again, because of her. That this time some sniper may kill him.

Breath hitching, her eyes widened and she froze. The video. There was something about the video that she was forgetting, that she had forgotten in the rush of the shock and emotional turmoil while he was in the hospital or …

She wasn't sure how long she stood there, frozen and not breathing, caught in a tide of self recrimination for not seeing it before, but then she snapped forward and jabbed at the power button on the laptop. Tapping her nonexistent nails on the table, she waited impatiently for the computer to do all of the things computers do when they start.

Things that seemed to take forever.

Vaguely aware that Hector was speaking softly to the guys at the house and that they were responding, she swallowed hard and navigated through the files until she found the one she had hoped never to see again. Telling it to play, she watched with critical eyes, trying to figure out what she was missing.

It wasn't until she was watching it for the third time, starting to convince herself that she had been mistaken, that she was overreacting to her instincts because she was scared and wanted to help and that she had been reaching for anything that she saw him.

Slapping her hand down on the spacebar to pause the video, Stephanie's eyes welled up with tears. She had been the person who cross checked everyone. Who made sure they were where they said they were. And she had determined that he … well he wasn't supposed to be anywhere near there. And the expression on his face was just a little wrong. Not enough to notice unless you were looking, but …

"I found him."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Next up – Benny is revealed**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Chapter 31**

Things had moved quickly after she had breathed out her statement. The guys in the house had been called back; there was no need to have anyone in danger now that they could just scoop him up. Once they had a name to focus on, suddenly there were all sorts of indicators and actions that in hindsight should have clued them in.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram took a deep breath. Letting it out slowly, he reached out and put his hand on the doorknob. He had watched the interrogation behind the glass, knew that every scrap of information they could possibly desire had been wrung out of him, but he … he had to ask.

Pushing the door open, he closed it quietly behind him. No one had said a word when he walked towards the door and no one would stop him if he let loose the rage that was still threatening to choke him. He wasn't sure if they'd even stop him if he killed him.

Looking at the man he had once called a friend, now handcuffed to a table, his face swelling and crusty with blood where some of the men had taken out their own rage and betrayal using the pretense of loosening his tongue, Ram clenched his hands around the top of a chair so that he didn't reach out and add to the damage … because if he started he wouldn't stop. And he wasn't sure he could touch Steph with hands that he had used to beat someone to death, not when the other person was restrained and helpless, no matter what they had done. No, best to just hold the chair.

Junior's dark brown eyes slowly rose from the table where they had been focused and settled on his face. Ram saw the regret slide through them before they were carefully blanked again. He knew his question was stupid. He knew there wasn't going to be a real answer, not something that would satisfy him, that would satisfy the roiling emotions he was barely controlling. It didn't mean he could let it go and not ask.

"Why?"

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

A little over a year after her Bob Vila escape, as the guys at work had dubbed it, Stephanie pushed her hair off of her sweaty face and sank down onto the floor of her apartment. Dropping her head back onto the wall behind her, she managed to find the energy to yawn. Listening to the small sounds echo around the empty rooms, she smiled and closed her eyes.

The last year had been both wonderful and horrible. Junior's betrayal had damaged some of what made Rangeman so wonderful. There was a layer of tension there now, even a year later. She and Tony had continued to partner for another couple of months, but Ranger had forced them apart when he returned.

Ranger. Unable to stop the eyeroll or the snort she let her mind drift over the fights they had gotten into when he returned. She had unloaded with everything she had been saving since he had gone in the wind … actually she had unloaded with everything she had ever pent up. She called him an emotional coward, told him that he had lost the right to take a possessive stance over her life. At least that's mostly what it boiled down to.

It took him three months to get used to how things had changed. The first month he had fought like a tiger, a really big snarly tiger, to make things go back to how they had been. He had kept her and Tony from working with each other, had tried to catch her in confined areas so he could turn on the charm and maybe steal a kiss, had made life hell for both of them. The next two months weren't really any better, just different.

The assault at work had made things difficult at home. Since the owner was rehabbing her apartment, she had moved in with Tony for awhile, just like they had talked about. The stress of needing to completely rebuild her life and wardrobe added to the stress at work and the subtle itch she had when she realized she was living with him and had nowhere to go if they fought, all cumulatively made for some pretty spectacular fights.

Fights that they managed to get through, if not always maturely, at least together … eventually. Her illusion that he was perfect at the whole relationship thing shattered pretty spectacularly early on. It had been a much needed step back when her place was ready. Of course her moving then meant that Ranger thought they were having problems. Which they were, kind of. But not really. That had not helped the fighting or gotten Ranger to back off any faster.

Tony managed to convince her that no matter how much they fought that as long as they were able to work through it that they'd be ok. That steps like moving in together and the stuff past that would come when they were both ready for it. It wouldn't be something that they fell into because of some asshole torching her apartment.

She finally managed to get perspective and grow up when he left for his last mission. She had been spitting bullets that they expected him to go out again even when they had kidnapped her, but her protests had hit deaf ears. The knowledge that the CIA guy had been fired hadn't been enough for her. Shouldn't they have gotten more than a stupid apology? Apparently not, unless she wanted to take it public, which would train entirely too much attention on Rangeman.

The six weeks he was gone were lonely, but they gave her time. Time to think, to plan, to decide. To really decide if this is what she wanted. She had spent the time observing her life, her friendships, her work. She had reassured his family when they called to see if she knew if he was ok. She had visited with Lula and Connie and Mary Lou, spent time with her Grandma and Dad and did her best to avoid her Mom, Joe, and Ranger.

It came to her, as so many things did, in the middle of the night. She wanted him. She really did. It wasn't something she had fallen into because of the isolation or because he was hurt and she felt guilty or any reason other than the fact that she loved him. All of the extra shit, the things that drove her crazy, the annoying buzz from Ranger and her mother who kept trying to create doubt, the over supportive remarks from the guys who felt guilty for how they had treated Ram before … it all faded away.

It was better when he came back. Not perfect, but better. The fights still happened, and she still yelled while he was annoyingly reasonable and she had to fight the urge to run a lot when he did stupid shit, but over time, they slowly tapered off as they worked out how to be with each other, to have one life together. A life that included Ranger and her Merry Men as friends and Joe as a pain in the ass that would probably never completely go away and a mother and sister who drove her insane while her Grandma and Dad did their best to mediate. They kept in close contact with his family and had just gotten back from visiting them for New Years since her mother had threatened to never make her cake, _any cake_, again if she missed Christmas again this year.

And today, she was moving in to Tony's house. She was proud of how _not_ scared she was about it. Now if he would just get back here with the pizza, life would be good.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Ram's eyes crinkled in a smile as he watched Steph inhale the last piece of pizza. Her eating habits had changed a lot in the last eighteen months, mostly for the better, but when she splurged on what he wisely refrained from calling crap, she went all out.

Watching her tongue snake out to make sure she didn't miss any, he stifled a groan. The only thing that had remained steady over the last year was that they were very, very compatible in bed and that they loved each other. During those long nights when they were fighting and it seemed like they would never be able to meet in the middle he had held tight to those two facts. Some nights he almost strangled them in order to keep going.

His eyes were focused intently on her fingers, where each digit was slowly being cleaned by her pink tongue. Catching a small twitch of her lips, his eyes flicked up to hers and read the mischief she had been trying to hide.

"Little tease," he said as he crawled towards her and bracketed her body with his.

Happy blue eyes twinkled up at him as she licked her lips one last time and affected an innocent look. "What? You didn't grab enough napkins and I already packed –"

Firm lips cut her off, tongues immediately tangling as he wrapped one big hand around her neck. Grinning proudly at the deep moan that far surpassed the ones she made when she was eating, he pulled back a little. Nipping at her lips and watching her eyes, he felt the tension in his body ratchet up a level when he saw the smoky haze covering hers.

"You know, we should say goodbye," he said with a smirk.

Stephanie shook her head a little to dispel some of the sex, sex, sex, demand happening in her body. What was he talking about? "Goodbye? To this place?"

"Mmhmm," Ram hummed as he somehow switched their positions without seeming to move at all. She really wanted to know how he did that. Later. Cause his lips were currently tracing their favorite path down her neck and that was much more important. So important.

Pleased with her inability to speak coherently, he bit down lightly and her mutterings suddenly stopped as her body jerked forward against his. Listening to her breathing, he used lips and hands to slowly work her into a frenzy as she straddled his thighs, her hands anchored in his hair as she twitched and rubbed and in general made it almost impossible to concentrate.

Tired of the teasing, Stephanie yanked the old worn t-shirt she had been wearing over her head and tossed it aside. Arching her back when his hands and lips immediately took possession of the newly uncovered skin, she managed to fight through the urge to start grinding down on him. Unhooking her bra and letting him pull it off, she wanted to smile at how this had backfired on him, but couldn't because it had also backfired on her and all she wanted now was him inside her.

Tiny whimpers and moans echoed down the back of her throat as she ripped his shirt off and let her own hands go exploring. A soft sheen of sweat slowly gathered where they were pressed together, her pelvis now trying to rock against the hard bulge in his jeans as he pushed up against her and held her tightly with one arm.

Over the last year they had spent a lot of time exploring each other. She knew, for instance, that running her nails across his shoulders made him shudder and that there was a muscle that ticked in his jaw when he was struggling to hold back. He was using everything he knew against her, but keeping her anchored against his body so she couldn't respond, couldn't do much more than hold on and let it happen.

Seeing what he wanted in her eyes, Ram suddenly wrapped her legs around his waist and stood up, not exactly smoothly because Steph wasn't holding still, but he managed to get on his feet. Bracing her back against the wall, he ignored her gasp when her heated back hit the cool surface and concentrated on getting her jeans and panties off.

He had planned on worshipping her, making sure she knew how much he appreciated her, that he knew moving out was hard and that he loved her for fighting through her own issues to live with him, but suddenly he couldn't think past the urgency. Feeling her hands scramble at the button on his jeans and almost coming in her hand when she forced it down to wrap around him, he used one hand to unzip and push his jeans down and the other one to pick her up. Pulling her legs around his waist and supporting her fabulous ass, he tilted her pelvis a little and pressed forward, crushing her against the wall.

The litany of 'oh gods' and pants in his ear barely registered. His entire being was concentrated on the feel of her, soft and oh so wet, hot and tight around him. Using his forearms to spread her legs a little as she balanced against him, he pulled back and looked down to where they were barely connected. Her head slammed against the wall as she whined at him, blue eyes hot and pleading. Twitching his hips a little, just dipping inside before he pulled back, he admired the picture she presented.

Taking pity on them both, he resettled her against him and held her tightly to him as he pushed into her. He knew she would probably be bruised later, especially on her back, but when he couldn't detect any discomfort in her face he let it go. Harsh breathing filled the empty apartment, echoing against the walls along with the sharp slaps of flesh. Sweat started to make his hold on her slippery and he growled. He wasn't done yet.

Except he was. She suddenly arched against him, his lips falling away from her neck where he had been sucking gently even as their hips slammed together almost violently. Everything suddenly tilted as he fell over a peak he hadn't seen coming. Grinding up into her, he groaned as he felt her inner muscles continuing to spasm, both of them drawing it out as long as they could.

Stumbling a little as the strength in his body seemed to drain away, Ram turned and slid down the wall, both of them laughing a little in exhaustion and more than a little high on endorphins as he rearranged them. Smiling softly into her hair as she cuddled close, he felt her lips moving against his neck as she spoke.

"Well … ok then. That was …"

"Yeah … it was."

Fighting a smile as she groaned suddenly and reached over for the napkins she had been pretending not to see earlier, and because he wasn't stupid, he nodded and agreed with all of her complaints about how much messier sex was like this as she got up and went into the bathroom to clean up. He knew he should move, should get dressed so they could take the last load to the truck and go home, but …

Ram closed his eyes and rested, listening to Steph moving around her apartment for the last time. He heard the rustle of clothing near him, but kept his eyes closed until he felt her body come to rest on top of him. Opening satisfied eyes to see her straddling him wearing her t-shirt and panties he gave her a dopey smile. She had come so far. They had both come so far.

Kissing lazily, hands moving in soothing patterns as they rested against each other, they lost track of time. It didn't matter. They'd move forward when they were ready for it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**My last excessively long author's note for this story. *sniffle***

Writing a mystery/suspense story was hard – a lot harder than I thought it would be. I have a gajillion times more respect for people who do this for a living. The fact that only a couple of you sent me the identity of Benny was amazing. Riding the line between enough clues and too many clues is rough … especially when you need a piece of paper and a pencil just to watch the movie Clue. And yes, that has really happened. Shut up.

I've discovered that my stories seem to have a running theme, even if I'm not aware of it when I'm writing them. My first story had a thing with private and public personas. How the many sides of a person make up a complete whole. This story was more about decisions and the consequences of those decisions. No one in this story was 'bad' per se. Well ok, Junior wasn't awesome, but he wasn't an evil psychopath either. Some people made good decisions and some people made really shitty ones and some people didn't make one at all, which is a decision in and of itself.

As I've said before, I'm hoping to write another story in this fandom – but I need an awesome plot that makes me want to write it down first. I _can_ say that other than any outtakes that may follow, there will not be a sequel to this story. Ram and Steph have gone as far as I want to take them. There are probably places I could take it, but it would feel like I was forcing it and that would ruin it.

I've loved all of your reviews and if I could reach through the computer and give you an inappropriate hug (because I don't know you, not because I'm planning on groping you), I would. The withdrawal will be fierce this time, because you guys have been kick ass in responding to every chapter and have given me so much encouragement and validation.

Thank you so much,  
MidwestJen


	32. Outtake - Why?

**Disclaimer: I do not own or possess any copyrights in relation to this story, nor am I being compensated in any way … unless you count warm fuzzies from reviews. Sadly my bank does not accept those as currency. **

**Fair warning: There will be violence, mature language, and sex in this story, so read at your own risk ... be prepared for MA/NC-17 content. **

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**Outtake – "Why?" **

Slumped and handcuffed to a metal table, deep in the lower levels of Rangeman, Michael Rosario Jr. rolled his shoulders a little to ease the building ache. The movement didn't really help, but it was like a loose tooth you can't stop wiggling. Stifling the cough that was building up suddenly took all of his focus. Coughing made his cracked ribs erupt and the bruising on his kidneys would send spasms of pain through him. He would definitely be pissing blood after today. If he survived today.

The room was soundproofed, with a large viewing mirror in it for observation purposes. He ignored the mirror, knowing someone was behind it watching him. _What were they waiting for?_ Junior had expected something to have happened by now. Either they'd kill him or they'd turn him over to the CIA, but he had been sitting here alone for at least an hour by his count.

Another hour passed.

Acutely attuned to the almost overwhelming silence in the room, his head jerked up when the doorknob turned. _Fuck me._ Ram slid through the opening with the grace of a panther on the prowl before he shut the door behind him. Watching his friend, his brother, try to find words, Junior flashed through all of the good times they'd had together. They'd been in the same division in basic, had run into each other occasionally on missions and after they both started working here, they had spent more than a few nights hanging out and picking up women or having a few beers.

"Why?"

That was a damn good question. It was also a question he wasn't sure how to answer. How _did_ things get so out of control?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

_**Five months earlier**_

Fuck he loved missions in Rio. Nothing beat hot women on vacation who want to let loose. Throw in a little Latin dancing and you could practically have them mounting you on the dance floor.

Looking around to get an idea of what he had to work with tonight, he scowled as he caught sight of his handler. Asshole. You'd think Pickens had never been young the way he acted most of the time. And fine, Junior hadn't been cleared to come to this nightclub, but the bar he had been told was 'safe' was just that … a bar. Junior wanted hot sweaty women to rub up on him, not sit around a dirty bar with a bunch of other men banging down beer and arguing about the latest call in football. Brazilians were serious about their sports.

Feeling the beat of the music in his bones, he tipped up his beer and took a long swallow. As his eyes swept over the crowd again, he let a ghost of a smile cross his lips as he found her. She was tiny, only a little over five feet, with long black hair and copper skin. Dark eyes met his and her red lips curved up in a smile as she raised her arms and swayed to the heavy beat.

Setting his beer down on the bar, he moved forward to meet tonight's destiny.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Long hair slithered over his chest as she moved in her sleep, the strands tickling him awake. Looking blearily at the clock he dropped his head back on the pillow and rested a big hand on her back. He wasn't sure he'd ever get tired of the satin texture of her skin.

Staring up at the ceiling fan spinning lazily above the bed, he wondered what he was going to do when he left. The night he met Anna Valdes had changed his life for the better. She had swept him up into something he hadn't even known he was missing. Pickens had a fit, but had finally relented after doing some background work on her.

But now, a month after that fateful night, he was watching his return date to the States speed towards them. He couldn't take her with him. They both knew that. But he wanted to. God he wanted to.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Back in the States now, Junior hoarded his relationship with Anna. He didn't want to share her with anyone, so he kept it to himself. They met on Skype when they could and sent emails and had long phone calls. He bit back the words to ask her to come to him every time he spoke to her. She would smile knowingly at him on Skype as she watched before gently reminding him that she couldn't leave her sick mother.

Yesterday Ranger had called a meeting and let everyone know that he had a high risk assignment and would be gone awhile. He had asked everyone to keep an eye out for Stephanie. Junior snorted and rolled his eyes. Like that would help keep her safe? More like get someone else hurt. He unconsciously flexed his calf where he had been shot the last time he had gotten involved with her. She was a fucking menace. If she wanted to play with the big boys, the least she could do was pretend to be serious about it. Her fucking lackadaisical approach to something the rest of them trained hard for was an insult. And then they were expected to save her dumb ass.

Booting up his laptop and checking his watch, he leaned back on his couch. He really needed the talk with Anna tonight to relax, today had been a bitch. Hearing the sound indicating a new call, he moved forward eagerly and hit accept.

"Hi baby," he said as her beautiful face appeared. Looking closer he was concerned. Had she been crying? "Everything ok?"

Her face scrunched up and a tear leaked out of one eye before she covered her face with her hands.

"Anna please, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Michael … dios. I …" He watched with almost frantic eyes as she tried to take some deep breaths. "I'm pregnant," she finally blurted out, watching his face.

He could feel his eyes widening and his mouth falling open in shock as the words battered around inside his skull, bouncing from place to place and gleefully turning his muscles to water. He took a shuddering breath, closed his mouth and then took another. Swallowing hard, he tried to figure out how to ask in the least offensive way possible.

She read it in his face and snapped out, "Yes it's yours. I haven't been with anyone but you for the last six months."

He nodded dumbly, still trying to wrap his mind around it. "But we used …"

"I think probably it was that first night … in the shower."

A faint grin appeared on his face as he remembered that shower. That was a fucking awesome shower.

That apparently created a child. His child.

Fuck.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

He had been walking around in a daze for the last two days, trying to figure out what he was going to do now. He loved her and he was coming around to the idea of a kid, but she still refused to leave Rio, telling him that her mama would have no one to take care of her then. Maybe he could get her mama to come too?

He tapped on Ranger's door and opened it when the man responded.

"What do you need Junior?" Ranger was almost hidden behind his pre-mission paperwork. He knew Ranger did as much as he could before he left to lessen the load on Tank. Not that it really helped. Tank was not an office person.

"I'd like to take a week off starting next week. Got a friend who needs a hand taking care of some things." He had thought about telling Ranger the whole story, but from the way he had made it sound during that last briefing, Ranger had enough on his mind without hearing his sob story.

Ranger stared at him with that smooth blank expression. "You need help?"

"No, that's ok. Nothing like that, personal shit," he responded, smiling as naturally as possible.

"Hmm. You have the request?"

Handing it over, he watched with hidden relief when Ranger signed off on it.

"Thanks boss."

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

She still refused to leave. Actually her mother refused to leave, which meant she refused to leave. He begged, something he had sworn he would never do for a woman, but the only thing it did was make them both miserable.

The last day of his vacation arrived and he was still no closer to getting them to Jersey than he had been the day he arrived. He wasn't sure how he was going to be able to handle going back without her … and his child. It didn't seem real yet, although she had given him a sonogram. He still wasn't sure which blob on it was the baby, but he stared at it enough to have the entire thing memorized.

He had considered staying. His parents were already dead and he didn't have any close family. There wasn't much tying him to his life. But she didn't want him to give up everything just because she was pregnant. Something about he'd come to resent her or something equally stupid.

Walking to pick them up some breakfast, Junior frowned and missed a step when he caught sight of Pickens.

The fuck was he doing here?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The deal he was offered, or rather forced into taking, wasn't a bad one. It bothered him that it was so generous actually. In exchange for planting some bugs in Rangeman and sending out the information collected, Anna would be protected and given a large monthly stipend to help cover her costs. Her mother would also get a nurse/companion if Anna wasn't able to take care of her once her pregnancy progressed.

All of that in exchange for a little information?

He was suspicious, but not sure what else he could do. They had approached her at the same time and she was urging him to take it. The bugs would be easy to plant and all he had to do was skim the tapes and send out a few paragraphs a week.

It niggled though. How had they found out she was even pregnant?

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

The first time he listened to the tapes he struggled with himself. He wasn't always a great guy, but he had thought himself an honorable one. Was anything worth betraying that? His deadline for sending the information came and went and he still struggled.

Then Anna called. Apparently on her way home from work someone had tried to snatch her, but someone else saved her. The guy who saved her told her that he was one of her shadows and that it was probably just a random kidnapping attempt. It wasn't an unusual thing in Rio, but Junior wondered why they would pick a native instead of a white woman on vacation. That was where the money was.

Still, the protection had saved their lives and suddenly the cost of _not_ sending the information seemed too high. He had some money saved up, but nowhere near enough to keep a guard on her. Of course if she would just fucking move none of this would be necessary, but she was as stubborn as he was.

So he sent the information.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Soon it was just another part of his weekly routine. He and Anna still talked every day and her stomach was developing a curve that her tight tank tops showed off. She complained of being tired and sick all the time, but he never noticed anything but glowing beauty. Other than the slight swell of her stomach she didn't look a bit different than the day they met.

It had been too long since they had been together though. He was trying to get her to come visit him, to let the nurse watch her mother, but she kept making excuses. He was just sitting down on his couch to send his weekly report before their Skype call when he received a message from Pickens.

_I knew it was too good to be true._

He was in deep enough now that simply backing out wasn't an option. They had men around Anna, 'watching' her for her own safety, for fucks sake. They didn't explicitly state that they could just as easily hurt her instead, but it was implied all over the damn place.

He argued of course. He didn't like Stephanie, but he didn't think he could kidnap her. That never seemed to work out well for anyone else who tried it. When he realized he'd be fucking up Ranger's mission he had almost thrown himself on Tank's mercy, but the memory of the gentle curve of Anna's stomach stopped him.

He couldn't risk it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

A week later he got another message, another order, and actually made it to the stairs before he stopped himself. Ram was too close to her, was going to get in the way when it came time to pick her up. He should never have passed on the information about how close they were, but it was too late to take it back now. If he would have just thought about what it meant first!

The first order had been to eliminate Ram, but he had balked. There were things he wasn't prepared to do, not even for his child. How could he hold his baby with hands that had killed a good man in cold blood?

Instead he had made a counter-suggestion. He knew Lester was jealous as hell of what was going on with Stephanie and Ram, the tapes were full of it and you could see it all over his face. He had been instigating some shit, but Junior thought maybe he could help. When the next order came he almost kissed his computer in relief.

Separate her from Ram. Get close to the Core Team and help them with it.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Of course that didn't work. He should have known that when you push Stephanie, or Ram for that matter, they dig in their heels and make it their mission in life to spite you. It's just the way they were wired. He had hoped that making Ram's life miserable would make him see she wasn't worth it, that she was dragging him down.

The order came again: Eliminate Ram.

They sent him a picture this time, Anna in tears with a gun to her head. He was assured that she was still safe, simply being held in case he got cold feet again. There was no need to worry.

_Yeah, because assurances from them meant so much._

He didn't have a lot of time to make something happen. He still couldn't make himself kill Ram, but maybe if he could manage this in just the right way it would all be ok. Maybe.

The schedule gave him an opening; a quick recon session gave him a viable plan. There were problems with it, so many holes, but it was the best he could do on such short notice. Telling Rube that he had eaten some bad burritos had made it fairly easy to get out of surveillance. They covered for each other occasionally, so it wasn't a big deal.

He hardened his heart to the reality of what he was doing and took the shot.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

Anna had been released, but not without threats. She was hysterical when she finally spoke to him, blaming him for everything. Pickens had been furious with him and Junior knew that if the man had another asset inside Rangeman that he would probably be dead.

Still, now that he understood the 'mission', that he was supposed to distract Ranger with Stephanie's safety, he thought he had done well. Underneath the callous mask he was sporting these days, the guilt was eating him alive, but he pushed it away.

It wasn't just about the baby anymore. He had come too far, done too much, to back out now.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

They had played him perfectly. In retrospect, he could see it clearly. How could he have been so stupid? So fucking naïve?

He held tight to the fact that all he had to do was pick up Stephanie and hold her hostage. Then he could disappear without a trace. But he needed time and money to do that. Now that he knew it was all a lie, a farce, they had changed their tune a little.

Was Anna's name even Anna? Was anything she had said true? The day on Skype when she had stretched and shown off a padded prosthetic under her shirt he had almost passed out. Before he could censor himself or think about what he was saying he had exploded in rage and accusation.

Giving up every single advantage the slip had given him. He was a fucking moron.

Pickens had been on the phone with him not even fifteen minutes later. Now that threats to his nonexistent child wouldn't work, something he couldn't even deal with right now, they had simply reminded him of what he had _already_ done … things that would have him in prison, with absolutely no support from anyone – or dead, depending on who got a hold of him at Rangeman.

He had been led by the dick into a trap that he should have seen coming a mile away. He could have gone straight to Ranger or Tank and explained the whole situation and he knew they would have helped him. But he let his fear over the baby … fuck. Something deep inside him broke as he considered just how badly he had screwed up.

There would be no recovering from this. The best he could do was to disappear and start over somewhere. They were offering him hard money now that there wasn't any other incentive, well other than staying alive or out of prison. He wondered sometimes just what Ranger's mission was, how it could be important enough to go to this much trouble and expense, but he didn't really want to know. He'd give his left nut to go back to being blissfully ignorant about _everything_ if it were possible.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

He wasn't sure how they caught him, how they figured it out. It didn't really matter. He went quietly after he realized he wasn't going to get away. The level of rage coming from his brothers made his intestines shiver in fear, but he stayed stoic. He took the hits they dished out and answered what questions he could.

But now Ram, his friend, was here and asking why.

And he had no idea what to say.

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-**

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed hearing from Benny and how he got sucked into this whole thing. He's just a man, not evil, only flawed like the rest of us. One bad decision isn't the end, but you have to recognize it and fix it - not continue to make more bad decisions. I think I pity him more than anything.


End file.
